Time stress

[Mannify]

This has probably been done to oblivion already, but a lot of my eldest son's stress relates to time. For example, he won't go to the cinema, not because of sensory issues, but because it has a starting time. It wouldn't matter if we started getting ready 3 hours early, he'd just stress and stress about the fact that we had to get there on time. He says categorically that he won't go to the cinema, not even autism-friendly cinema for that reason. On the train recently he was stressed out because we were getting off at a mid-station rather than the terminus. He begged me for the entire 40 minute journey to carry on to the terminus and then get a bus home (there was no way we could do that), because he was so stressed about getting off quickly enough at the mid-station.

 

The thing that's really giving us a headache right now is tooth-brushing, because it takes 2 minutes. He stresses for half an hour and gets into a tearful tizz because of how long it takes to brush his teeth. We've tried strategies such as giving him a timer, or just being relaxed about how long it takes so long as they're cleaned well. Still, every night just before bedtime he gets really stressed out about it, and unfortunately we can't just let it pass because he's inherited my tendency for cavities. Any suggestions gratefully accepted

[trekster]

"time management for busy people" is a book about time which contains small chunks of information. It encourages planning and might help him to organise and understand his time.

[Mannify]

He's 9, so would it be age-appropriate? He is bright and loves reading, but interest might be an issue.

[trekster]

Unsure but I think it's worth a try because the book empathises with your sons situation, I have a copy myself and once I managed to create timetables so I knew what was happening when.

 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Time-Management-People-Roberta-Roesch/dp/0070534063

[Mannify]

Thanks, Trekster, I'll look into it. Even if he doesn't read it himself right now, we could get ideas from it for him.

[trekster]

Manify NP I was thinking that as well, only 1p on amazon. It is americanised just to warn you but is generally speaking a good book.

Another book ive also got from that series is 'stress management for busy people'.

 

ive had quite severe time obsessions associated with being uncertain of what is going to happen next and other anxieties.

 

If you think it is an OCD type behaviour then 'breaking free from OCD' is another idea but that's aimed at young people.

[smileyK]

I get same I'm always so early for everything including work all time incase I'm late feels like I'm forever clock watching makes me so anxious stressed nervous even if minute out I'm still fretting worrying I think due to organistation around time management is difficult awakard males it harder task

[Isobel]

I get stressed if I need to be somewhere on time, especially if it looks like I'm going to be late. New places are more stressful, familiar places are not so bad.

[Linnet]

I think perhaps your son has the same problems with time as I do. I cannot judge how long things take. If I have to be somewhere for a certain time it causes me a lot of stress because I cannot judge how long it will take me to get there. I have to set off for work at the same time everyday even on days when I don't need to because I need to do the same things at the same time each day. I time myself cleaning my teeth but for other things I rely on the radio as I know what I need to do before the news or before the traffic etc.Like your son, I would have gone on to the terminus rather than get off at a mid-station. I also won't go on any journeys where I have to change trains or use more than one mode of transport. Realise this is not very helpful but it may help you to understand what is causing his stress

[Special_talent123]

Sounds like change in routine of times distresses him. I am like that if a bus doesnt come on time or a train then I automatically panic, its the same if the journey has changed and I am unaware of the changes whilst results in taken 3 hours not 2

[Mannify]

Thanks for all your replies. We really need a good 'thank you' emoticon, don't we? It's interesting you would have done the same about the train, Linnet. If you simply had to get off mid-station, what would you do to reduce the stress, or would it always be a case of avoidance?

[Special_talent123]

<'> what about this as a thank u

[oxgirl]

What about using an electric toothbrush. The one I have has a timer in it so that after two minutes it makes a kind of jump so you know you've done enough.

 

~ Mel ~

[Mannify]

We've tried electric toothbrushes and timers, but not both together. Anything's worth a shot. Thanks

[darkshine]

I find that the more I focus on time, the more stressed I get... this is unavoidable at times, like for public transport or appointments or events or whatever (unavoidable in the sense that a bus will leave at a set time) but I'd have thought that if time was stressing me out, the last thing that would help is having a massive ticking timer there pointing out even more that the time exists.

 

As for brushing teeth... is it that it takes him 2 minutes to do it and he's super aware of exactly how long 2 minutes is without a watch or clock?

 

Or is it because a dentist has said that he should brush his teeth for 2 minutes and that can seem a long time to be brushing teeth?

 

Because it might help to forget the time it takes and do it in a methodical and fun way, cuz you gotta brush every bit don't you, and that's more important than the time it takes - some people might need 3 minutes, others 90 seconds...

[smileyK]

I hate it when bus running late feel constantly running against time get so worked up! Doesn't help my anxiety levels! They rise fast!

[Mannify]

Again, thanks all. The two minute thing is more self-imposed than anything. He's heard somewhere that it should be 2 minutes and requested a timer himself, but it didn't work. He'd still get stressy for half an hour over having to brush his teeth for two minutes. It doesn't seem to matter how relaxed we are or how much we go with his obsession with 2 minutes, the result remains very similar.

 

Actually he can be a bit like it with school work. He gets stressed that once he starts writing something it'll take ages to complete, so he puts off getting started. Last school year he ended up fizzing tearfully and hitting his head with a ruler repeatedly on occasion when the teacher pressurized him to get on with it (and this was actually a lovely laid-back teacher who lets him fiddle and get up and walk about sometimes, and use a keyboard because of his handwriting stress).

 

He's like it with other tasks, too, like putting his shoes on. His teacher last year said that sometimes he took the whole of playtime tying his shoelaces right, so I suppose it's little wonder he dreads getting into the whole palaver in the first place.

Edited September 18, 2012 by Mannify

[Linnet]

Thanks for all your replies. We really need a good 'thank you' emoticon, don't we? It's interesting you would have done the same about the train, Linnet. If you simply had to get off mid-station, what would you do to reduce the stress, or would it always be a case of avoidance?

 

I don't even like the thought of having to get of mid - station. If at all possible I would always avoid such a situation. If I do have to do something which causes me stress I pretend I'm dreaming and distance myself from everything going on around me. I've learnt how to do this as I've got older and it helps in lots of situations. Good luck with your son

[darkshine]

I find time a difficult thing, and I've gone from counting every minute of every day and getting really anxious and angry with it - and then I've gone to the other extreme and thrown out all clocks and got so I could roughly estimate time by light or the sun.... (to within 15 minutes).

 

It's annoying trying to find balance with stuff when controlling impulses get in the way... not to mention perfectionism and stress...

 

I find distraction techniques help - but at the same time if I distract myself too much then things don't get done!

 

That's about it from me cuz what I'm saying isn't really that useful

[Mike_GX101]

They say that those with Asperger's love routine but I think there comes a time when a routine becomes a little too restrictive. I know this only too well working in places where one has to be there on the dot, they then have 10 min breaks every now and then (you can't refuse), the lunch time is a very set time too and hardly gives time to run to the bakery and eat - it's enough to melt down anyone even those who love routine!

 

Time stress? Yes I can definitely identify with that. Of course we need patterns of work, etc but some times it's over done to the point you want to scream!