Possesions

[lynyona]

I am just sat here wondering how to approach the move of last years christmas gifts upstairs without world war 3 . Then i had a thought and i wonder how many of your children and adolecents are the same. Kieran has lots of things he likes things but doesnt use them he s got two dvds he bought about 3 months ago still in cellophane in the bags on his pile of things in their place hence the christmas presents two not ecen out the box is a typical trait of autism or aspergers?

[Lyndalou]

It's definitely typical to 'collect' things, put things in order and like the 'look' of things. I quite like certain things to look 'new'. My son has toys in his room that are not really 'played' with as such but every now and again he takes them down and has a look at them - to be honest they are simply ornaments to make his room look nice.

 

The way I approach things now though is not to buy too many things which my son may not have any interest in. There are also things which I have now given to his sister or things I ask them to share. Magically sometimes, if his sister plays with things he has had little interest in before then this encourages him to both develop some play skills and practice sharing. More often than not though, he is more than happy to just play or engage with the things that interest him which are quite limited.

 

I personally feel that children should be taught the value of things and that if things are not used then they should be used be someone who will appreciate them (I am in no way denigrating a child receiving a gift with best intentions as I myself received many toys as a child which I never or seldom played with). There is nothing wrong with your son having a few possessions which are not used 'typically' but also it can't be allowed to get out of control.

Edited December 2, 2012 by Lyndalou

[Noskcaj86]

My NT 9yr old son is like this, he keeps things in boxes and has some things that he was given 2 or 3 years ago that have never been opened. I remember wanting to keep things "New" when i was younger, so playing with them wasnt aloud otherwise they would get ruined lol, shame really as it means the enjoyment from just looking at them is not the same as if you can play with them! Also my 9yr old hates to through anything away... hes a bit of a hoarder and gets upset if i try to get rid of his "junk"

[LancsLad]

As an adult with AS recieving gifts is really difficult. I have my world ordered and sorted to a very large degree. If I need something for a project I am working on then I will consider its merits and purchase it. When things come into my life which I have not planned for and don't need then what is the point of them? Christmas is a really difficult time of year for me and I suspect many others in this respect.

 

My partner asked me last night what do I want for Christmas. My answer was I don't need anything so I haqve a blank list. A couple of weeks back I decided I needed some new winter cycling gloves because my old ones are no longer waterproof and I was loosing feeling in my hands as the weather got colder, so I researched the area and bought myself a very good pair. My suggestion was you can call them a christmas present if you want, but you can't wrap them because I will need them tomorrow and the day after etc... Last year the compromise was the fact I had a pair of running shoes still boxed on top of a wardrobe which my son was not aware of in wait for my then current pair to become a bit dead and get relegated to walking and a driving pair. On Christmas Eve we put some wrapping paper on it to go under the tree so I had a present.

 

I have got a shed load of presents still sat unopened from last year and the year before. I have a watch but I already have a favorite one so why change it. There are DVD's unopened but I have seen the content on TV, there is chocholate and sweets unopened past its best before date etc... the list goes on.

 

In an ideal world I would simply prefare credit notes and when stuff comes up I need I would cash them in. People know this and some give me store cards I have a few next to my computer from last year still not used. I know this is not getting into the spirit of Christmas but I have been like this since being a kid in many ways. When I was 7 I went into a local sports shop and put a deposit down for a tennis racket and gave it to my parents to pay off the rest for a birthday present. I can remember thinking that was a great idea because I knew what I would be getting and I didn't have to pretend to be excited over something which didn't interest me.

 

The question I might ask kids who have stuff unopened is do you really like them or are you just being polite to the adults who gave them to you?

[Sa Skimrande]

Lancs Lad,

 

You sound a lot like me where it has been at xmas time when I was doing the family thing I had no need for anything and what I got really was what I didn't need as I like you when I need I research and weigh up options and buy what is best based on what criteria I have selected whereas others don't know the degree of fussiness I go to for what I need but hasten to say everything I have got that I deem important to me is well thought out and genuinely needed.

 

And there I was today driving back from a weekend away where the usual haunts; what if my home is no longer there, something has gone wrong and place has become subject to fire, something not helped by the fact I have a propane cylinder in my kitchen and couple of gallons of paraffin under sink, but I wondered about what I was carrying and though I had most needed possessions with me, so I wasn't that bothered really, as no matter how much junk I accumulate there is a core of things that are precious to me and they always follow the same pattern as they have always done.

 

But stuff when I get it any packaging gets binned straight away, I don't want packaging and like to condense my stuff down into a smaller area as possible. As it is when I shop and get the familiar would you like a bag, I say no as I always carry a shoulder bag, as if I get a bag they will accumulate as I am loathe to throw stuff away except packaging which has no use and fills bins anyway.

 

But gifts for others are always difficult for one really has to think what someone would like and in the past I have been weird with what I get people and got stuff they would never even thought of and they have been winners, for I have been told what I gave them was so weird it was a fascination. One year I had an obsession with restoring old Roll Razors, I collected a few of each type until I had my fill of them and gave them all away for xmas presents and have found most of those people I gave them to actually use them often, so that's less wate in the environment. This year it old Empire Made spirit hand warmers from the 1930's based on the idea it is going to be cold this winter and as one who suffers badly in the winter due to cold i am using my feelings to buy for others. But most often I make stuff for xmas presents and recently found one who was going to get one of these products saw one I had as work in progress, asked how much I would sell them for to which I said about £140 each and they said they wanted to buy one off me, so a dilemma do I go with my original plan and give one as a gift or do I sell it to the person as the cash would be useful ?

 

You see, I think this is where the autistic mind works well in that the way the autistic mind thinks, they do their best to tune in to the recipient and really think what they might like given how the person comes across. But when I give, it is only one thing I have really thought about as I believe extra gifts are almost like consolation gifts to make up for the case something is not liked which I personally see as failure on my part.

 

But I try to avoid receiving gifts because I can't easily hide disappointment or not wanting and I am very aware how feelings can be hurt and that does bother me- hurting other's feelings, because it hurts me and then cycles the usual negative stuff.

 

But a saying from my childhood ;

 

How to do you gift someone that has everything they need ?

[lynyona]

Thank you for your your replys it makes complete sense what you say as i thought it would.I maybe should have put in my post is that kieran is 26 so any thing he buys he buys it himself.which makes it even more difficult to get him presents .I do actually stop him buying anything in november if i can.Thats easier because he does not got out himself he is a bit agrophobic and doesnt like the outside world .He loves christmas and the whole present giving but once the presents have been opened its like an anti climax for him as if there is something else not in present form but something.Because he is is what shall i say behind in his development for his actual age i usually try to get him things to do with his current obsessions we ve got angry birds at the minute or the olympics.he still likes his thomas the tank engine and Fi Fi flower tots of all things and toy story but he likes what he likes.The good thing is the people who buy him presents they usually ask what to get him know that because he doesnt know how to react when given a gift they dont take offence when there is no thank you or wow just what i wanted he justs place it on the pile with the rest.And as mentioned he doesnt part with anything we ve got games magazines from ages ago and car magazines why he s not going to read them again.

[robert7111a]

I'm difficult to buy for because I normally buy what I need for myself so kinda "have it already". For example I might buy a lens for a specific purpose but use it only once or many hundreds of times. I collect model trains which are not cheap but I don't "play" with them as I haven't put up a layout. So they're still in their original boxes. I buy books as and when I need them but rarely throw any away as I use them for reference (many are work-related text books and therefore expensive). My wife has a standing joke with me of having "two of everything"...sometimes it's "10", "50" or "200" of everything. For example I might have 300 model trains each representing a specific era (steam diesel, livery variations etc that I grew up with) but my wife just sees it as "a train". I have a few photographic lenses - one or two I might only ever have used once...but "it's there in case I need it". I have about 4 digital cameras but only use one as my workhorse (only if it fails then I have backups to choose from). I have over 20 watches that I've collected over the years - many are probably "junk" but some are fine gents watches that I won't part with.

 

But if I had to buy for someone else...I'd be flummoxed...

[lynyona]

I must say kieran is the same with his steam trains he has quite a few now and the same as yourself he doesnt play with them (i got told off by my mums neighbour who is in his sixties when i said you play with steam trains lol) If we had the space for a lay out he would use it on a regular basis but unfortunately we havent so his are in the original boxes in a large plastic box under the stairs along with the scalextric and cars that he doesnt use either due to lack of room we could find the room but by the time we get it out and set up he s fed up of waiting he doesnt have a lot of patience he wants things doing like yesterday .He is pretty good at knowing what to buy people usually but this year he s stumped so i just decided what i think theyd like and get the money off him otherwise they wouldnt get anything it all

[Sa Skimrande]

One yeah I remember I was asked what I wanted for Xmas and I said an oscilloscope, that got the minds boggling I can tell you and they eventually refused even when I had pointed out a source of second hand ex lab machines, but I ended up having to change that idea and ended up with a microscope.

 

But cameras a few years ago I used to collect, dead digitals off of ebay where I used to repair them for the fun of it then give them away, all Canon S series and Ricoh Caplio series compacts. I still have a Canon S 70 as my more pocketable back up camera because it shoots in RAW and takes CF cards, otherwise it's the monster, the Nikon D70 and lenses to carry around, where I have developed a harness system for carrying that lot when I go hill walking.

 

And more recently it was Silva induction damped compasses, but nothing in the last few months due to being skint.

Edited December 3, 2012 by Sa Skimrande

[robert7111a]

Ah when my 5D gives up the ghost Sa Skimrande, I know who to come to :lol:

[Sa Skimrande]

Honestly from experience when DSLR's die, it is usually pretty terminal as they only tend to give up the ghost when they have truly had it and more's the pity as I got given a dead Fuji S3 to have a go at, but it was totalled where I at least tracked the fault to the main circuit board which costs a fortune as a spare.

[LancsLad]

I had a compact Nikon once and it was brilliant and I used to take it caving. Caving one day I dropped a tackle bag 90m with a pile of rope in it down the shaft of a cave, knowing no one was below by the way, before abseiling down the pitch. A few seconds later I realised as I heard it hit the bottom that in fact I had forgotten to take out a smaller bag inside it which had my butties an orange and my Nikon. When I got down the pitch I was anoyed that the main bag was lying in water and though the orange was fine everything else was a bit wrecked. The camera looked ok but it didn't work.

 

I dried it out at home and took it back to the camera shop after drying it out in the airing cupboard for a week, and said it was still under guarantee and it had got wet whilst out in the Three Peaks on a day out. I didn't lie but didn't exactly tell the truth if you get what I mean. They sent it back to Nikon and a few weeks later I got a report back to say whilst the camera was under guarantee that didn't include dropping it for a minimum distanc of over 50m and leaving it submerged under water for at least 5 minutes. The owner of the camera shop was a bit disapointed because he thought I had damaged it walking, to which all I could respond with was how the hell did they know?

 

They didn't replace it but gave me a voucher for £50 which was not its full value, and told me to be more carefull with cameras in future. I was grateful for the voucher because I suspect it was pretty terminal in that instance.

[robert7111a]

Honestly from experience when DSLR's die, it is usually pretty terminal as they only tend to give up the ghost when they have truly had it and more's the pity as I got given a dead Fuji S3 to have a go at, but it was totalled where I at least tracked the fault to the main circuit board which costs a fortune as a spare.

 

Ah well perhaps I was a bit over-optimistic (and my 5D hasn't died...yet). But going back to possessions/hoarding etc, I refuse to give up my OM cameras as these are tough workhorses, don't have sensors to keep clean, and don't require power (except for the internal lightmeter). Glad I got these serviced a few years ago before placing them into semi-retirement.

[darkshine]

I have a habit for not using things I am given, sometimes because I don't want to ruin something, but other times because the gifts were unwanted in the first place, this year I am being really annoying (in other people's opinions) because I'm listing affordable options of things I actually want or need (like a spare battery for my camera which a couple of people can chip into) rather than people spending the same amount (or more!!) on a load of stuff that clutters the place and takes forever for me to try to find useful ways of disposal.

 

They sent it back to Nikon and a few weeks later I got a report back to say whilst the camera was under guarantee that didn't include dropping it for a minimum distanc of over 50m and leaving it submerged under water for at least 5 minutes. The owner of the camera shop was a bit disapointed because he thought I had damaged it walking, to which all I could respond with was how the hell did they know?

 

They didn't replace it but gave me a voucher for £50 which was not its full value, and told me to be more carefull with cameras in future. I was grateful for the voucher because I suspect it was pretty terminal in that instance.

 

That's what you get for dropping it that far and it landing in water - after bending the truth you were lucky to get the 50 quid voucher

 

I don't think I'd do that with my camera but you never know, there are moments where such things get forgotten....

[watergirl]

Lancs lad wrote:

As an adult with AS recieving gifts is really difficult. I have my world ordered and sorted to a very large degree. If I need something for a project I am working on then I will consider its merits and purchase it. When things come into my life which I have not planned for and don't need then what is the point of them? Christmas is a really difficult time of year for me and I suspect many others in this respect.

.

 

Christmas, birthdays etc are the worst times for me...........I think it is the same for many Aspie folk from what I can make out. I hate having to "act" and pretend I'm pleased with something that isn't really what I want....I don't like having anything more than I really need, and I never know what to buy anyone, as I always think they will feel the same thing.....somehow they don't though....or they are better actors than I am. There is no logic to buying gifts, as we could all just buy something for ourselves instead ...assuming we need something.

The other aspect of this is the fact that I feel obliged to keep the gift for ever to avoid hurting the feelings of the person who gave it to me........so what they have really given me is either the responsibility of looking after the item, or the guilt of disposing of the item..............you just can't win! So a couple of years ago I decided to tell everyone how I felt.........they didn't understand..........However, since my DX, and me explaining again in more detail, people are more understanding........or appear to be anyway.

 

Lynyona...........I get the "keeping things new", I think......if I have something I really treasure, or look forward to using, I don't want to break the spell and use it.......just knowing it is available is enough sometimes........it's complicated, and something I've been thinking about recently.

[Linnet]

I always tell my family what I want and it's almost always things I would have to buy myself eg shower gel, body lotion, calendar, socks. If I think someone will want to buy me a present without asking me I try and steer them towards chocolates ( I can take them to work after Christmas and they're soon gone). I have a workable system for unwanted gifts - I keep them until the following Christmas and then donate them to the local community centre for their Christmas Fayre. I can't bear having too much useless stuff.

[Sa Skimrande]

Ah well perhaps I was a bit over-optimistic (and my 5D hasn't died...yet). But going back to possessions/hoarding etc, I refuse to give up my OM cameras as these are tough workhorses, don't have sensors to keep clean, and don't require power (except for the internal lightmeter). Glad I got these serviced a few years ago before placing them into semi-retirement.

 

I used to have Pentax's a couple of fully manual MX's, a ME super and a MEF ( the first autofocus SLR) and whole rake of Asahi lenses, plus a one degree spotmeter as I used to do zone system photography, but I gave it all away a few years ago to a BA photography student at the art college I was at, who now I understand has created a stereo camera out of the two MX's, but the stuff is still in regular use which is good and better than what I could have done with it.

 

But one of my digital Zoom lenses is going to have to come apart as I have discovered fungus in the lens, enough to cause a problem in the image and it is proving difficult and very time consuming to 'heal' the affected image area in Photoshop, so something has to be done as I cannot afford a replacement lens.

[Willow-Tree]

When I lived at home and had everything all in my one bedroom, I used to 'collect' things more than anything else. I had DVD's still wrapped up and other things. I even bought things specifically to put them on a shelf still in their packaging. I'm not so bad now that I live with my partner, we have several rooms to spread our belongings through and now I mostly buy practical things that need to be used.

[robert7111a]

Sa Skimrande

 

What lens have you got that has fungus?. This clearly is not a good thing.