diagnosis

[jayandcee]

My son, age 35 has had trouble all his life dealing with social interaction, jobs and people in general. In the last few days learning the term "Aspergers" on a Law and Order TV show prompted me to research more about Aspergers The behavoir described definitely fits my son.

 

To a casual acquaintence, no one would think he has a problem. He is able to communicate reasonably. It is only when someone gets to know him or spend time near him that they notice that something may not be right. He holds a job, is married, and has a son. There is a impending divorce that is not related to his mental health, but probably a contributing factor. His wife has mental issues all her own, namely OCD hoarding and Munchusens. (Yeah, it was a match made in heaven), but enough about that.

 

After many years of empty nest, my son is now living with us until his situation improves. Back come all the memories of his inability to "be aware" of others, including his mother and I and himself. He has no conscious awareness that his words, actions or manerisms are annoying. He get's extremely defensive if i try to suggest he focus on something, make a plan or commit to something other than his obsessive computer fixation. If given the choice between cleaning up his car, cleaning the area where his computer is or cleaning up his room, he will play with the cat and have no understanding as to why his mother or I are upset.

 

Ok, enough with the negatives. On the other hand, he is extremely bright, well read and articulate. He does understand the mental issues that affect his wife and has done a fair amount of research on his own.

 

My question: How do I bring the subject of Aspergers up? How do I suggest that it might aflict him? (even mildly?) Are there people out there that recognize thier own symptoms and seek help? I'd love to hear from anyone. Please feel free to email me also.

Edited July 26, 2005 by jayandcee

[Flora]

I have an 11 year old son with Aspergers Syndrome. He was diagnosed just before his 9th birthday and shortly afterwards I explained it all to him. He was so relieved to know of his diagnosis because he'd always felt different and had lost all his confidence because he thought his 'difference' meant he was stupid.

 

A couple of years ago I went on a conference about ASD, and there was a speaker there who was retired! He'd only been diagnosed the year of his retirement and said that he was so relieve at getting the diagnosis as it helped him to cope with his retirement, and was the missing piece of a jigsaw when he looked back on his whole life. He was prompted to seek diagnosis when he began to have panic attacks leading up to the life changes that his retirement would make. He was however in the fortunat posisiton of working in a university which had a autism reserch unit... so he merely went to talk to some of his colleagues; thus seeking his diagnosis that way.

 

I'm telling you this story to show that most undiagnosed adults with AS are often tremendously relieved by discovering their AS rather than being disturbed by it.

 

Good luck.

 

Lauren

[Canopus]

The feeling I had when I found out about AS is the same as when a policeman solves a crime that took place 20 so so years ago, but the criminal has died in the meantime.

[nellie]

Hi and welcome to the forum,

 

I have two sons, the eldest (26) was diagnosed with autism at 19, my youngest (24) was diagnosis with AS last month. My husband was diagnosed with AS at 52.

 

My husband is very happy to be an Aspie and wouldn't want to be any other way, although it took some time for him to accept he had Asperger syndrome.

 

I think everyone is different, some people have difficulty accepting it, others are only too pleased to have a reason for being the way they are.

 

This is a link to Tony Attwood?s website, it has lots of useful information including Books To Help Explain The Diagnosis. (scroll down you will find it on the left).

http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/

 

Good luck

 

Nellie xx

[Elanor]

Hi

 

It sounds rather delicate to me - the risk of raising the subject, only to have your son perhaps roundly dismissing the possibility.

 

On the other hand, my parents learned about my son's diagnosis, and promptly decided that my Dad has it (which is probable). He's happy to claim the diagnosis, and so's my Mum, and it has explained an awful lot of Dad's behaviour over the years. And then there's grandad, my brother, my cousin, my other cousin's son - I could go on.

 

Does the diagnosis fit anyone else in the family? I'd suggest a little light reading on the subject - eg Tony Attwood. As to how to mention it to your son, I wouldn't dare to advise. It would be good to hear from Lucas or Gordie on this.

 

 

Elanor

[Suze]

Welcome to the forum jayandcee , after my sons dx it raised big issues for me since then I,ve concluded I,m on the spectrum somewhere.Many parents on here are also the same.I always felt uncomfortable about myself and reading about AS was a help.There are also some good adult sites/forums for AS/ASD which you could look at.

[florrie]

I can tell you my experience and how I realised I was on the autistic spectrum if that helps, When my son was diagnosed at age 9, 8 years ago it was a relief after many years of wondering what was wrong. The first book we bought was the one by Tony Atwood, when my partner read it he said this is just like you, my response at first was don't be ridiculous, but when I read it again with myself in mind, I began to see that I also had the same things ,obsessional interests, need for routines, anxiety and excessive shyness bordering on social phobia, I had to revaluate everything, but it was also a huge relief and everything that had been previously confusing suddenly made sense. It may also be a relief to your son in the end if knows although it may be difficult at first for him to accept.

[TuX]

AS has varying degrees of functioning within itself,from mild to severe-the person might notice their difficulties,or they might not think anything is different about them at all due to the years of trying to fit in with NT society.

 

Don't say to him,you think he has aspergers,as he probably thinks you are saying there is something 'wrong' with him.

Pre diagnosis,people have always said there was something different and wrong with me,which undermines self confidence-would anyone want to be told they have something 'wrong' with them?

 

Try buying some books based on autism (in particular higher functioning autism if possible) and leave them lying around the house in easily accessible areas.

Or if oneself has a printer,print out the information instead of buying books.

http://www.amazon.co.uk has a lot of good autism books-new and used,just type autism in amazons' search.

 

You can speak to him about successful people who have AS without saying you think he has it,one of the richest people in the world,if not-the richest? Bill Gates,and Steven Spielberg is alleged to have AS.

 

 

If you give him the information,and space to think it through,he might realise it seems similar to him,and want to find out more-whether by more information or seeing a pyschologist,or he might not want to.

Edited July 27, 2005 by TuX