bid Report post Posted September 9, 2005 Hi all, My youngest is 4, and waiting for his assessment by the Communication Disorder Clinic. He is very quiet, self-contained and quite passive around other children. My problem is that he's now refusing to go to Nursery, with loads of tears and upsets This had started a little at the end of last term. He's been in for two sessions since the new term began, and now we have this outright refusal to go. Now, I just won't drag a crying, screaming child into Nursery, but he even gets terribly upset when I explain that I need to talk to the Nursery teacher about why he's so upset He says another child has pushed him, and I did talk this through with both him and the Nursery staff last term. The child in question is very 'bouncey', but my son won't/can't tell the staff when anything happens... He is due to start Reception in January, and I have enough concerns about that It probably sounds trivial, but I'm really at my wits end. He becomes sooo distressed, and won't/can't talk about Nursery. It's only a personal opinion, but I don't agree with leaving a distressed child at Nursery. He still wouldn't go, even when I said I'd come in and stay with him. This may sound as though I'm 'giving in', but my eldest son (AS, etc) was 'made' to go into mainstream school until he eventually had a complete breakdown, and I should have listened to what he was trying to tell me sooner Help!! Bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted September 9, 2005 Well, he's just agreed to play outside with his sister after school while I talk to the staff. One of our 'difficulties' is the fact that he doesn't 'seem' to have any 'problems'!! To the staff he's just a good little boy who's no trouble. They don't really understand about his difficulties with social interaction, or his communication difficulties (a lot of very 'sophisticated' echolalia...). Bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tez Report post Posted September 9, 2005 Bid, I'm so sorry, things have got easier with Auriel only for you to have to start all over again. I think that in your heart you know what you want to do and I think that you should follow your instincts. I hope it all works out well for you, whatever you decide. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oracle Report post Posted September 9, 2005 Hi Bid I have to go out soon but I wanted to give a quick reply. I agree with you 100%. I watched David actually have a breakdown aged 4 so I know that it can happen. I was told by a Ed Psy to take David out for a few months which I did. Sadly he did not see the AS at that time. It depends of how flexible the Nursery and School are going to be with you? I attended school every day for a full year with David - REALLY - because I would not leave him distressed and by this time vomiting. It's a hard nut to crack and I feel for you <'> Please feel free to PM me if you wish. I wil say that my point of very on tis is very rigid because I firmly believe that a child is disabled from learning while they are distressed and that constant distress takes it's toll on their mental health. Carole Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nellie Report post Posted September 9, 2005 Bid <'> You have my sympathy. My biggest regret in life is sending my son to school at the age of 5, he was distraught and cried, not for days, weeks or months, but for years. I didn't think I had a choice, children went to school at 5. I was pressured by teaching staff to be tough and help him 'grow up'. It didn't help him at all, he suffered long term damage. I now realise if I had followed my instincts, I would not have let him go to school until I thought he was ready and not before. That was 22 years ago, I can still hear his painful cry in my ears. I have said in an earlier post, how do you know when enough is enough, how do you decide what is best for a child? I don't have the answers. 22 years on, better diagnosis and better understanding in schools should have made a difference, but has it? I don't know. Bid, my heart goes out to you and all parents with this dilemma. Without the benefit of hindsight, how do make a decision? Whatever you decide I hope it works out. Nellie <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
loulou Report post Posted September 9, 2005 Oh Bid <'> <'> <'> <'> I nearly cried when i read your post. It really wrenched at my heart because i know exactly how you're feeling, having been there with Kai. All i can offer you is lots of big <'> , as i don't really know what else to say. Did you manage to talk to the staff today? What did they suggest? Loulou x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mossgrove Report post Posted September 9, 2005 Bid We have has exactly this dilemmawith our 5 year old, who never settled at all at his mainstream school last year and had major stresses when we forst sent him to his special school last week. Deciding how long to persist before deciding that it isn't working is heart-rendingly difficult. H was better for a few days this week and we though he may have turned the corner, but he was back to resistance this morning, se we are still not sure if it's going to work out in the end. All you can do is go with your instincts. Good luck with whatever you decide. Simon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted September 9, 2005 Thank you everyone <'> I talked to the Nursery teacher, who is happy for me to come in with him to see if this helps. She was surprised, because 'he seemed fine and quite happy'!! Now, this may or may not be the case... But last term she told us that he had being having a lovely chat with the other children round the activity table. When we talked to him, it turned out he was actually begging them to stop doing Dalek impressions because he was scared It's all so difficult! Thanks again for all your support...makes me feel I'm not really going quite, quite mad!! Bid Simon...I'm so sorry things haven't gone too smoothly for your lad <'> I really hope things settle down for you all. How has your elder lad found his new school?? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
barefoot wend Report post Posted September 9, 2005 Bid I think you've done just the right thing. It will be good for both of you if you go in. It will give you a much clearer insight into the problems and so a much better idea of the way forward. Good luck! Barefoot Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted September 9, 2005 Bid, <'> <'> It's such a lonely place to be when people don't understand your concerns. I'm glad the staff are willing to cooperate and I really do hope it gets easier soon. Love K Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Viper Report post Posted September 9, 2005 Bid, I had the same things happen with Ben and withdrew him. I was treated like a bad mother by the powers that be (all good mothers should send kids to pre school) but all my instincts told me not to send him. I stuck to my guns and now, even though I have had doubts this past week, I am glad I did. He does have problems at school but he dosen't come out saying "I'm never going there again" like he did about play school. I think you should follow your instincts and do what you know is right. Good luck and I will be thinking of you and your son. <'> <'> <'> <'> Viper. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
