Don't ask ,just tell

[E=mc2]

Hello, to all you fantastic parents.

 

To say I was dropped in at the deep end is an under statement, when you have to choose between you partner and your child (with ADHD/ASD) which do you choose...mmm choices are hard, but in my my case I had both to consider (as you all have too)

So Let me start by saying I am new to this ,even though my wife has been fightng hard from day1,( she is the fighter and the other reason for this post) I have been a bit well shall I post ...Will I look the fool ,will they say it is from me /your side off the family you all know the pathetic little quotes.

Since Tuesday of last week....

 

sorry Admin got a bit to much and I would like to ressume this post but tears are flowing.

[bid]

Welcome to the forum, E=mc2

 

Just take your time...we have all felt overwhelmed, too <'>

 

You have found the right place for help and support. There are plenty of parents here who have AS qualities themselves, and some have a diagnosis of AS, so you are not alone.

 

Keep posting.

 

Bid

[KarenT]

Hi there, E=mc2, and welcome aboard. Don't worry, we've all been there and/or are still there, going through the motions and finding our feet. I take it you've just had a diagnosis? It's tough to deal with but you'll get there. The first step is finding this board and now you've done that you're off and running. Loads of great advice on here, lots of support and friendly people to help you along. Keep your pecker up.

 

Karen

x

[jools]

<'> <'> <'>

[littlenemo]

relativity is a tough subject and we all have our problems getting the right help and information to work this stuff out - you are definitely not the only one to find yourself in this sort of situation and we've all needed to ask some pretty 'dumb' questions but those are often the most valuable questions to ask.

 

ask away - we'll give you what answers we can and try point you in the right direction if we can't

 

take care

 

<'>

 

Zemanski

[phasmid]

Hi, when you're ready to talk we're here to listen.

[Viper]

Hi E=mc2

 

You are amongst the most understanding bunch of great people here. The forum has been a lifeline to me.

Take your time and post when you feel able.

 

Best wishes, thinking of you.

 

Viper.

[E=mc2]

Hi again as I try to say earlier , My wife posts on here as Clair and she has had a big set back, So I have had to take over for the time being.

I took our son back to school on monday and asked to speak to the headmaster as I was unhappy about his informal exclusion from school and the problems that it had cause at home and told him that my son will stay in school all day and if the had a problem that they were to telephone me.

 

I arrived back at the school at 3.00 to collect him and went to see his teacher (who at the time was balling another child down) to see how his day had been,to which she told me he had been good all day,so I thanked her for understanding about what had happended in the prior week and asked if he could go for a full day tomorrow to which she agreed.

 

I spent the following day chasing up child development center for any news on his appointment (the one we have been waiting for ages for) and all the others that are there to help ie Social services, Parent partnership. I started by asking what was going on and then it hit me "why am I being so polite to them",they know about our son and his problems they have know for 4 years now.This is the point where I started telling them if I dont hear from you I will just keep telephoning them till they are sick of the sound of me. Then to my amazement I had phone call after phone call to say we are looking into it ,to which I replied No!! "this needs sorting now" this is causing major problems at school and at home and I want answers now.

Later the same day I received a phone call from CDC to say they had looked at his reports but it could be some time before they could see my son or give an appointment date,Well I hit the roof and my tone of voice changed,(some where from inside it came) I said this is c**p and the system is wrong and how the hell do all the other parents in this situation cope with this bulls**t ,I then asked why it takes so long for the appointment to get made and why they had been sitting on his file for so long .I said to them he was getting to the stage where he was being kicked out of school for agressive behavior and he was getting more unrulely at home and that if I was to get angry with him and smack him they would soon get something done about it(Not that I would smack him) I then cut the phone call short.

4 o'clock the same day they rang me again to say they had looked at his file again and had felt that he neede an "Urgent appointment"

 

The lady from the parent partnership rang me also to say she will be giving their full support at a meeting on the 27th of this month.They also said that they were in contact with the social services and LEA to assist us with any help we need.

 

So I feel that by asking for help only allows them more time to get their act together but by telling the too sort it sometimes makes them move a little quicker, I am not saying this will work in all cases but it has shown it works.

 

Regards to all who have read this and commented

[Viper]

E,

 

I know how you feel, we are having similar prblems at the moment and it is getting to the point of me losing my cool.

Sorry to hear clair is suffering under the strain give her our best wishes.

 

Viper.

[Zemanski]

Wow - wish I could storm like that, would get a lot more done much more quickly

 

I'm quite good at writing strong letters to the right people now though - an 8 pager to the chair of governors, copied to the head and LEA has worked wonders this term

 

stay strong

 

Zemanski

[annie]

Hi E=mc2,

 

Sorry I'm a bit late, but welcome to the forum. I can only echo what everybody else has said about the way you are feeling and the great people here.

 

Something else that you wrote that got the alarm bells ringing for me is 'informal exclusion'. It sounds like your son is how my was when he wasn't coping in school......with agression.

 

My son was 'offically' excluded 9 times and unofficially many more. Exclusion does not 'teach' our children how to behave.........the right support does, besides my son was more than happy not to go to school, he hated it there, it wasn't the right place for him.

 

Is your son Statemented?

 

Either way it may be worth calling http://www.ipsea.org.uk/ regarding the school and exclusion because they cannot just informally exclude your son at will.

 

Please tell Clair we are here for her when she' feels ready.

 

Annie

<'>

Edited September 21, 2005 by annie

[annie]

sorry, my post came up 3 times.

 

Annie

X

Edited September 21, 2005 by annie

[annie]

I'll just delete this one too.

 

Annie

X

Edited September 21, 2005 by annie

[E=mc2]

Thanks viper ,Clair is finding this all damm hard and so as I have said it has fallen on to me more(and so it should)to sort the school out and the CDC.

 

I have just sat and re read the letter the school has sent us (at my request) as to why our son was formally excluded (formally being the operative word) and neither me or Clair have agreed to this arangment of half a day at school or shorten days ,but the school feel that this is the way it is going to happen.....Uh NO .I have just typed a letter to the school to tell them that he will attend full-time classes as of today and until a meeting with all concern has taken place I will be bringing him in.

 

What has P**ded me off about this is I intructed the school 3 weeks ago to ring me on my home telephone or mobile phone to discuss any problems with my son before taking any action(which the school secretary has tried and it worked).If the schools can not understand simple instrutions then no parent or child stands a chance to try and make things work.

 

Clair says thank-you too you

[phasmid]

 

This is the way to deal with reluctant schools, LEAs and the like. Take a stand. Make it clear enough is enough and,...Kick Ass (as my American brother-in-law is fond of saying).

 

I think you have shown them you will no longer accept lame excuses any longer. Whatever you do now, do not back down! You are in the right. Go for it

 

[mel]

WAY TO GO E,

 

 

mel x

[E=mc2]

To All of you fantastic people who have read my post and you have given me the strenghth to fight on.I will not back down as I feel that if the schools accept your child and then later they try to say "well we did not realise how bad they where" or "they have more problems than we thought" , yes these are lame excuses and if this happening all over the UK ,then I think that the Heads of these schools need to themselves return to be re-educated on a new level.

 

When I challanged my son headmaster yesterday he started to give me some DAMM silly excuses,to which I asked him to stop and think about this :-

 

1. He choose to accept my son into his school.

2. He has been allocated funding to assist my son's education>(I had to remind him this was for my son and not the school)

3.He had the right to refuse him into a main stream school.

 

It was when I pointed the third one out to him his reply was " I could not refuse him,the LEA would not allow that" to which I said if he had looked more closely at his previous school reports he would of had a better insite to his needs.

 

All I can say now is "LET THE BATTLE COMMENCE"

 

Regards to you all E=mc2

[E=mc2]

Anne ,yes he is statemented and the school has been allocated the funds.

[mossgrove]

All I can say now is "LET THE BATTLE COMMENCE

 

One thing I love about this mesage board is seeing people who were previously relatively deferential to authority realise that they are being B*llsh*tted and decide that enough is enough.

 

I am glad to see that the awkward squad has a new member. Welcome aboard and long may it continue!

 

Simon

[annie]

Hi E=mc2,

 

It would definately be worth getting onto IPSEA. We involved them in our problems and NEVER looked back

 

Annie

<'>

 

PS Following on from Simon's post, welcome to the awkward squad from me too.

 

From a 'fully paid up member'

[mrs q]

Welcome to the forum and good luck with your fight....