Hitting

[Lynden]

Logan (2) has starting hitting - me in particular! Bit of a PITA I know this can be a fairly normal toddler phase, but not sure how to discourage it when his understanding is so limited.

 

Have tried the usual stuff I used with his NT sister Leona, putting him down, saying no sharply, ignoring him etc but its not working!!

 

Any advice? Obviously this is one behaviour I'd like to nip in the bud pretty quick.

 

Lynne

[smallworld]

Sorry Lynne,

have only just read your post, but we are going through the exact same thing with our son, although he is 5. His school asked me yesterday how we dealt with this at home. I have just stuck to saying, quite calmly (!?!) 'NO HITTING' and moving his hand away. It's taken a couple of months but we are gradually seeing results, it's a much more half-hearted smack these days.

Is you're son doing this when he's told No, you can't do A or B ? This is what we have, aswell as the odd totally unexpected slap !

His asd specialist teacher suggested that he had a time-out chair, but I can see my son deliberatlely hitting out so he can sit on the chair and escape whatever it was he didn't want to do !!

School are going to continue with my method for now. It's difficult with strategies cos you never really now how long you''ll have to try something for before seeing any result.

It sounds to me as though you're already doing the right things, it might just take some time....

sorry, not much help,

 

wac

[call me jaded]

What about a social story?

 

Some photos and a few words saying it hurts when you hit me, I don't like it, it makes me feel sad, we're (mum, dad, teacher) all very proud of you when you don't hit. If you're really certain that your child likes going to school you could say that s/he will not be able to go to school if s/he hits.

[phasmid]

Time out is a good idea - we still use it at 15, 13 (x2) and 10. But, after calming down they STILL have to do whatever it was that caused the blow out. Consequnce to the action (time out) and reinforcement of the request/instruction (job/homework etc still needs doing).

[Malika]

Hi

I had some issue like this with my son hitting me and his sister bitting, and spitting every time I kept saying no 3 times then warning him of punishment then doing it(no tv or no treat after school) it took 3 months for the spiting bit but 3 years for the hitting bit with consistancy you will get there but somehow they need much more time than any other children , the good part of it is when he is so happy with himself because much more in controle. Keep saying no for 10 years if you have to. It is for their own good.

 

Malika.

[BusyLizzie100]

I got some advice from the NAS Helpline on this; the advisor suggested not saying the word 'no', as in 'no hitting', but something like 'hands down/off' while you gently move the offending fist away. It seems to make a bit of difference - 'no' just seems to make him worse - with my son (ASD; five years old), although he still has to seek instant vengeance if he feels he's been offended in any way.

 

Time out? That never worked for us. It just fired him up and made him worse. He'd come out like a cannonball, arms and legs flying. We tried 'holding' for a time, on the advice of a child psychologist; that just fired him up too. He seems to have a huge capacity for holding on to his revenge until he can let fly!

 

I am totally fed up with being a punchbag. Some nice psychologist chaps are coming to the house next week to observe and hopefully help us all out.

 

And do you know what makes it worse? He NEVER hits anyone or anywhere else, just us, his loved ones. He has the face of an angel and everyone at school thinks he is the cutest thing ever. I'm glad that behaviour is not an issue at school, but most people just don't believe me when I tell them what he's like at home.

 

Importantly, I think different things will work with different children. You may need professional advice on what suits your child best.

 

All the best.

Lizzie

[nellie]

Children with ASD don't like the word NO. I think it's always better to tell them what to do rather than what not to do. As Lizzie said 'hands down' rather than 'no hitting'. Diverting their attention to something positive helps.

 

Nellie xx

[smallworld]

Why didn't I remember this from Earlybird ? !!! I will now try 'hands off ' instead of 'no hitting ' although I'll probably have to merge the two for a while. I did remember about remaining fairly monotone, though firm when saying this, and taking the hand away, and also the distraction idea. Why, Oh, why did I forget the 'don't do 'NO' words bit ? !!!!!!!

Am in need of a refresher course, but right now am off on a family holiday (there's an oxymoron !) Will try to implement the 'hands down' whilst away !

 

 

wac

[something vague]

Hi everyone,

 

I'm a teaching assistant with children with autism and severe learning disabilities - have I told you that before? Probably Some of our children hit, pinch or pull hair.

 

I think that its very important to step back and try and work out the reason for hitting and what result the child achieves. Often with non verbal children it can be a way of initiating communication, or a means of gaining and keeping and adults attention. Even a negetive reaction from an adult can be reassuring for our children - I'm not sure I'm making sense here. I think that there is a danger that some children will hit out because that results in a strong reaction from an adult. For children who have difficulty understanding our behaviour, this strong emotion is more interesting and has more of an impact on them than say a smile when they are being good. It is easy for our children to build up a predictable routine of hitting which results in a predictable response from us. It may also result in an adult staying close by (to supervise the child).

 

Some of our children do it when they are feeling particularly anxious - maybe when a routine has been changed or a new experience is being introduced. In these cases we try to ensure that our pupils are well prepared for change and have and stress busters that work for them available. We use picture timetables so that our children can see what is planned and PECS symbols are available for those who can use them to ask for basic needs.

 

Some of our children hit out due to frustration because they are unable to express themselves and tell us their mood. At school, we do our best to observe our children and create a consistant individual approach to each child's behaviour.

 

For the children that appear to hit out as an attempt to initiate communication, we usually have a very short time out (sitting away from the group) then an adult will ask for 'kind hands' and encourage the child to touch our hand gently - heaps of praise is given for this response. During the course of each day, the child will be encouraged to give kind hands and rewarded with praise for doing so. Some of our children have responded well to this and will gently touch us to gain attention. To achieve this everyone must be aware that praise or other reward is given for this behaviour. Sometimes the problem behaviour has been ignored (if mild) but staff have been aware of child's behaviour and immediately responded to any positive behaviour afterwards.

 

On the issue of what to say. We usually try 'No' first - if this is not seeming to work or is creating a more negetive exchange we will say things like 'go to you table' or 'sit on the bench' also as BuzzyLizzie suggests 'hands down'. I find that our children respond much better when people speak in a firm but calm manner. Using a cross voice can often have a very negetive effect. Either the child becomes more anxious and confused or in some cases more excited by the response.

 

I might be rambling here. I know its different at home where obviously there is less structure (most of our problem behaviour occurs when we're off timetable.) sorry if my suggestions are not appropriate for your situation. I just thought I'd mention a few ideas

 

SV

[LizK]

Read this thread with interest as having some issues with my 4 year old hurting his younger brother. Probably will post about it separately when I have time as it's really getting me down , worried I've got a developing psychopath on my hands

 

the advisor suggested not saying the word 'no', as in 'no hitting', but something like 'hands down/off' while you gently move the offending fist away.

 

Interesting! We tend to say 'No hitting/poking/squeezing' etc or 'Hitting hurts' but will try that approach instead. Didn't realise the NAS has a helpline as feeling fairly isolated in getting help for some of DSs beahvioural issues.

 

although he still has to seek instant vengeance if he feels he's been offended in any way.

 

Same with my DS too! Also if he's angry about something he'll go and pinch his brother as a way of dealing with that. Really need to teach him some ways of appropriately channelling his anger. Any ideas anyone?

 

Lynne, one thing useful I have been told is that with kids like ours any behavioural methood or change often takes longer to work than with an NT child. I often forget this, give up hope and get despondent when maybe I need to be more patient and catastrophise less

 

Liz x

[Lynden]

Thanks Liz - feel free to email me if you ever need a rant btw - I know I probably can't help because you guys are one step ahead of us but I can listen and actually know what you mean!

 

Lynne x

[niki]

(((((((lizzie)))))) we always hurt the ones we love?

I always used to hold my sons fist and say "dont hit" he too is not a fan of the no word and used to get more riled up be patient though they get there in the end.

One of his biggest problems was grabbing his class mates by the throat when they invaded his personal space, the only way we could solve this was teaching the other kids to only get close when invited! (we had a very sympathetic head)

good luck

[Brook]

I always find it best to use the word STOP, as it gives a clear instruction.

 

I'm with 'something vague' on this one, I think its important to look at the reasons 'why' a behaviour may be occuring.

 

Brook

[Malika]

Hi

Just read somethig of interest in this matter an Adult with AS saying that his main break through was when he started to understand his own emotion like getting scared or upset because people around him were getting too close, then from this he started to work out that other people have emotions too and explain that sometimes people or children with autism do thing which they find funny because it's generate a reaction in other (sometimes is to establish a relation ) and it is only when he understood that others were experiencing fear, pain and distress like himself that he could stop completly his unapropriate behaviour.

 

This seems to explain why my son stop hitting his sister and me (or other) when I manage to get through to him explaining that we get hurt just like him and what he was doing could really not only hurt (mind and body) but could make one day a serious injury and make us having to go to a doctor or hospital.

 

Personnaly my son do not react too much to the word "no" if I do not put anger in my voice I notice that wether I say "no" or "stop" does not make too much difference what's make the difference is the anger in my voice if I controle the anger and just speak fermly he seems alright with it ( to a certain extend ) but the main result were obtain only when I manage to make him understand others upsetting and pain and eventual consequence of it all.

 

I notice as well that he is always trying to have the last word so if I say stop he will continue his behaviour for a little while at this point I do not comment any more and just look at him in this way he feels that he can stop as there are no verbal instructions to conforme to. Since our big upset in August he is deffinitly much more in controle and proud of it.

 

Malika .

[BusyLizzie100]

I tried explaining to my son (five) that hitting hurts, saying something like 'that hurts!' His answer is 'no it doesn't'. Hmmm. He's right, it doesn't hurt him when he hits us and he can't yet put together that other people can feel hurt. Woe betide anyone that hurts him! I guess (hope!) it's something that will come with time.

 

I agree that keeping anger out of your voice is best, although often requires superhuman strength. My lovely lad belted me in the face 15 minutes ago because I was reading his bedtime story too loud. But if I were to stay 'stop', he really wouldn't get what I wanted him to stop. Stop listening? Stop lying in bed? Surely not stop belting Mummy - that's just too instinctive to stop.

 

I also agree that hitting or whatever is often a reaction to something they just can't handle, like noise or a busy place or general overstimulation - seems to be true of my son. Also he'll hit me as he comes out of school- letting it all go after trying to hard to conform, I guess.

 

I really am considering buying him his own punch bag for Christmas! Any ideas, anyone? We used to have a blow-up Homer Simpson the boys could belt, sadly he got one too many punctures...

 

Lizzie

Edited October 21, 2005 by BusyLizzie100

[something vague]

BizzyLizzie,

 

Its interesting that your son says 'no it doesn't' when you say that hurts. One of our boys occasionally nips another person but then looks at his own hand closely and appears confused that he isnt feeling any pain. We had asked an expert about this issue and others and she suggested that our boy still saw the world as an extension of his own body. She suggested that we provide activities that helped him become more aware of his own body and recognise that other people were different and had separate feelings. She didnt really give us any clues about how to do this. We're still busy planning activities.

 

It's sometimes very hard to understand how people with autism have such an uneven developmental profile. It makes it so easy for people to either underestimate or overestimate their understanding and abilities.

 

I really feel for you parents who get this behaviour at home. I choose to work with the most challenging children, I really love my job (and come home bruiesd and scratched daily) but I know it must be very hard to cope with your own child hurting you. As niki says, we always hurt the ones we love.

 

SV