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      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

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jenny1969

obsessions

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:) hi my daughter dx asd who is 6 has become obsessed with one child at school a little boy he is the only one she will play with but when he says or does something my daughter doesnt like or understand she is upset all day(he called her a clown one morning and the teacher said she was so upest all day and then spends all day asking for her mummy)this upsets me i try to talk to her about it but its hard for her to understand the teacher has tried everything to get her to mix and play with other children but she will not the teacher said if she carnt play with this little boy she would rarther play on her own no matter what they try she is having non of it has anyone else had this with their child at school and should i be concerned could their be problems thanks jenny

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ceecee   

Hi

 

From my experience I have learnt that as people can and do become obsessed with people.i think it is a bit of a misconception that it is only things they become obsessed with.This is generally the rule and people they are not bothered about I know this doesn't help much but I think this has been discussed on here before so someone else might be able to shed some more light on this

Edited by ceecee

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Brook   

Hi Jenny,

 

My son aged 7yrs (ASD), became very obsessed with a little boy in his class when he was at school, (now home ed).

 

A few examples: He wanted to sit next to him all the time, became upset if this little boy spoke to anyone else, one day this boy had nuggets in his lunchbox and when I went to pick my son up the LSA said that he had been very screamy all afternoon because he wanted the nuggets, to be like this boy. This boy had Sainsburys crisps (I shop at Tesco) my son worked himself up into a right state one day because he wanted me to shop at Sainsburys so he could have the same crisps.

 

He even started to say call me 'Tom' (the boys name). I was so pleased that he had a friend I invited him around for tea a couple of times, this is when I really could see there was a problem. As they ate their tea my son watched Toms every mouthful and he would be in sinc with his eating.

 

When we took this little boy home, there was a milk crate outside his door, my son started shouting 'I want a milk crate like Toms', he also had a red front door and you guessed it my son wanted one too, but the reaction went on for days and days, sudden outbursts about this boy.

 

It was almost as if my son wanted to be him, maybe because this kid could play and socialise so easy, maybe my son saw qualities in this kid that he wished would come easy to him and literally tried to be him.

 

My son was very in his face, but we put this down to his difficulties with social relating, he wanted to get in there and have a friend but did not understand the social boundaries and I think this kid got quite rightly suffocated by it all.

 

In the end the school mentioned it as well, so we agreed to put a few things into place to try and relieve the situation, they sat them seperate for a couple of lessons per day, I went in on a few playtimes and included a wider group of peers and played games with them, also I point blank refused to go to Sainsburys :blink: I told my son that his name is ***** and he gets his lunch from Tescos.

 

The obsession actually seemed to just wear off and in fact in the end my son wasn't that keen on this kid and I really believe it was because he had a realisation that this obsession actually drained him, I truly do believe that.

 

We still see this little boy at the park, he also came to my sons party a couple of weeks ago and it was so ironic but, this kid wanted to sit next to my son, and my son wasn't bothered in the slightest who sat next to him.

 

Sorry have gone on a bit, but wanted to let you know that you are not alone with this.

 

Brook >:D<<'>

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Hi Jenny,

 

My daughter is 5 with no dx, but our 9 year old son has AS and statemented. Our daughter shows many traits of AS, but is coping so well, we are not going to push for a dx at present.

 

Well what I was going to say was. Our daughter was totally transfixed with one boy for the whole of last year to the total exculsion of others!... The boy is small for his age and very quiet(just like her!). She spent all her time talking about him, writing to him and asking him round to play!

 

Although, I don't think it caused any harm, my husband and I decided that we really ought to widen her group of friends to above 1...

 

This year, we began to invite other children round to play, we started with one girl. Our daughter was not that impressed...but we kept it up and low and behold its working, she will now play and look forward to seeing and playing with the girl. We also had a halloween party, so she had to invite other children.

 

she still wants to mainly play with the particular little boy, but at least she's got others to talk and play with now.

 

Although, I don't mind her only wanting to play with one person, I feel that later on this could lead to her being isolated from the whole peer group,and that by widening her group of friends, this shouldn't happen!

 

I think, if you want to widen her group of friends, you are going to have to be active in bringing it about!

 

Regards, tizz

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Hi

 

I had a similar problem with H (now 7) 18 months ago. We went on holiday and he met 2 boys who were 9 and 12 who he became obssessed with, had to be with them every minute of the day, was very distressed if we would not let him go and wake them up in morning etc. They left 2 days before us and for H you would have thought the world had come to an end. Even now he still talks of them as his best freinds and asks if we can go and see them - they live 400 miles away and I haven't kept in touch!

The other day he I treid to get him to make freinds with a boy in the park and he said " whats the point I will never see them again just like * and *" :(

I think in a way we were lucky that we were on holiday and therefore left but he still does not understand why.

I think I would gradually try to introduce other freinds like others have said, try not to go "cold turkey" as he probably won't understand.

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Malika   

Hi Jenny :)

 

In september my son 8 started to have an obsession for a little girl in year 5 he would talk about her every day after school :wub: , I was worried because one mum told me that last year her son had been expelled from school because he became so obsessed with a little girl that he would not allowed anybody to approach her or talk to her and became very agressive :angry: with any friend she may have at the end the parents little girl complained and he was expelled but just to be transfered to a school with a special autism unit, the mother now is very happy as she finally got what she wanted and her son is getting now the help he needs and is well settle in his new school. B)

As for my son it came to a point that the little girl would ask him for a hug and a kiss >:D<<'> he told me he refused because he felt worried and embarasse :oops: well she eventually kissed somebody else and H is unforgiving since, and does not want to be her friend, well last week he said hello but told me that he rather like to be friend with boys as they don't ask him for any cuddles...!!!! :shame:

 

I think as well it was quite easy because they are not in the same class and he has been the one who decided to stop to be friend.

This afternoon after school two friend came home I think he is becoming quite clever as when he invites two friends he doesn't have to make so much effort to socialised.... and he is not so much under pressure. ;)

 

May be you should try to ask the teacher to encourage your daughter to play with other children B) or even to organise some frienship group were this little boy would not be in ,just a suggestion, I think this obsession feature is due as well to the fact that our children do not like change, changing social relation may be even more difficult for them .

I am a bit late with this thread hope things are better already.

 

Take care. >:D<<'>

 

Malika.

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