Why does she stop talking

[DAS999]

Does any one else have a problem that during meltdown their son / daughter / partner stops talking sometimes for nearly 24 hours? How should I communicate with her during this? It happens one to three times a week she spends more time not talking than talking. Someone said I should try PECS or REBUS but I don't know what these are?

 

I am sorry for all the questions I promise I will calm down after this one.

[Malika]

Hi DAS

 

Well if you want answer you have to ask question don't worry about it.

 

Yes ASD people tend to get stuck with their anger and stop talking and refuse to cooperate or do things my son does that all the time when he is upset but never as long beside I don't leave him for too long in that state.

The first thing is to leave them for sometimes not to pressurised them to talk (they can't) then may be you can try to distract them with something they like music, food, TV, if this does not work just sit near and try to relax, eventualy what I do with my son I give him a massage or a hug <'> putting lot of pressure on his body usualy this allows him to relax and he can talk again most of the time when he is able to talk he just forget about it.

Of course it depends if your girl friend can accept a hug some ASD people cannot when they are in that state. I found as well that my son react very positively in cuddling our cat.

Sometimes by asking yes and no questions H manages to shake is head and little by little start to communicate again.

You have to go by trial and error but eventualy you will find strategy to help her out of it.

Sorry I don't know what is pec or rebus.

 

Hope this will help.

 

Take care.

 

Malika.

[Guest hallyscomet]

Hi,

 

I just ignore the behaviour go away for 10mins or so as first you have to help yourself first, "say to yourself over and over" when they behave like this- GIVE THEM A NO REACTION, REACTION." IT WORKS... then when you have calmed down do something positive like say - I love you, or find something to compliment them with. My son goes like Jello and quickly apologises, - he knows that I know he cannot help it. It's like saying they are a piece of tarnished silver, everynow and then you need to polish them, and gee they shine brightly. I always forget his bad behaviour in the heat of the moment, but give them some space too, this also helps. Someone said they walk around with a walkman when someones having a meltdown, so it doesn't affect them.

 

Persist with this as an expert in this field gave me these words of advise, they do work, hope it works for you, if not come back and well have another try.

 

 

Hailey

Edited November 11, 2005 by hallyscomet

[DaisyProudfoot]

I remove the source of the meltdown - often one of my other children, although not always, could be homework, computer problems, food, sometimes it seems like its nothing.

 

Then I leave him for ten minutes or so, maybe more when he's real bad. Unfortunately this is a bit more awkward when we are not in the house but I just don't react and try to use distraction and I try to get the other kids to ignore it too.

 

Ten minutes later I return to the room, wander around, tidy up or whatever and don't look at him directly while talking about something completely different that he's interested in like his computer games, guitar or RobotBoy and don't mention the incident again.

 

I don't try to hug him because he can't cope with that when he's suffering meltdown. Pretty soon after a few monosylabic comments he'll come full flow again. It's like he just can't stop when it's an interest!

 

Daisy

[mel_jayne]

When kyle's calming down we don't get much out of him.If we ask him a question he just snaps and grunts at us with a simple yes or no.

I've found that if i leave him alone after a while he will come and ask me something .Although if one of my other kids try and talk to him it starts it all off again.Trying to get a 5 & 4 year old to leave him alone is a battle in its self

[loulou]

Hi,

 

I do what Daisy does, leave the room for a bit, then come back in and pretend to get something or tidy up. This is a good way to check he's ok. I usually try to talk about something completely diferent. If he's not ready, i leave him a bit longer.

 

Loulou x

[nellie]

John,

 

My husband was diagnosed a few years ago with AS. I don't think he's ever had a meltdown in his life, he reacted to stress and anxiety in a different way. He would withdraw, sometimes not speaking for days. At the time I probably made matters worse by trying to interact with him to find out what the problem was. Now he is diagnosed and we both have a better understanding he very rarely withdraws, maybe for the odd hour when his wife is being more of a pain than usual!

 

He explained that he was overwhelmed by change, pressure of life, sensory problems, work etc. and could no longer cope. Now he can communicate these difficulties it is much easier.

 

It may be your girl friend is unable to communicate her difficulties at this time, maybe you need to wait until she is calm before discussing any problems.

 

Your sound like a terrific guy doing his level best. It's a learning curve, very steep and never ending.

 

Nellie <'>

[lil_me]

I can't really add much to the sound advice which has been offered apart from - not everything works the same for everyone, you may need to try a few things, but you'll get there, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

And I think its brilliant that you show an interest and ask questions when you feel you need to as you genuinely care and want to understand. Your girlfriend is very lucky to have someone who cares so much <'>

[Kathryn]

Hi John,

 

For reasons related to anxiety but which I still don't fully understand, my daughter stopped speaking for three months. During this time we communicated by simple signs which I invented (fingers pointing up for yes, down for no etc). For more complex interactions she spelt out words using a sheet with the letters of the alphabet - we took this with us everywhere. She would occasionally write a word down or type something on the computer.

 

She speaks now and varies from extremely articulate, usually when she is relaxed and talking about a favourite interest to completely non verbal when she is extremely distressed. She will then just use noises and gestures to express herself. I try to to give her some space until she is ready to talk - she cannot process speech at this time and too many questions just add to the confusion and stress. Most common is a kind of in between state where she sounds like someone who is learning English, with short sentences with all the little grammatical bits missing eg "Which time go out?" (What time are you going out?)

She sometimes seems to be searching for a word and stammers a little in trying to express herself, especially if the subject is a complex one.

 

She says that she finds talking an effort all the time, she does not think in words and she once said, "when under stress I revert to my native language." She has said that signing is easier than speaking, especially when stressed. She has actually just started to learn British sign language and she thinks that it will help her as it will give her an alternative means of communication when she needs it. Perhaps learning a signing system, or even devising your own between you might help in the situations you describe?

 

I don't know if any of this has helped. Way back when I was trying to understand what was going on with my daughter I remember there was an excellent thread on communication and not speaking. There were insights from autistic members of this forum which I found really interesting and helpful - I'll see if I can dig it up for you.

 

By the way, you're doing a great job

 

 

K

[baddad]

I am sorry for all the questions I promise I will calm down after this one.

Hi Das -

Have no first hand experience of the behaviour you address in your question, so I'll let other's better able to do so answer that one, but i did want to echo Malika's sentiment that if you want answers you have to ask questions!

Keep bunging 'em in there, mate, 'cos we ALL learn from the stuff that comes back.

L&P

BD