other siblings birthdays

[rainbow queen]

hi guys

its my other sons 3rd birthday next sunday-and im dreading it as my 4 year old can not handle him getting presents and attention[hence we now do not do partys in my house-ever]

feel sorry for my younger son,

i tryed showing 4 year old the pressys before hand and including him in wrapping them up-he managed a book -then total fell out with me-

feeling very low at moment-everythings a struggle and feel heartbroken over us never going be able to do the norm stuff.

i go for great periods feeling strong and battle on,then every so often it all comes too much and i break down.

autistic therapist saw him at school last week and calling at home next week-still awaiting camhs appointment.

its never ending is it???

[lisann]

Hi

What about wrapping some very small gifts up for your 4 year old to open at the same time his brother opens his.We find this help Char when it's Beths birthday.

 

Everthing is a struggle but it makes us better people and it makes the stuff we achieve even more pleasurable.

As for normal it just a different sort of normal it's finding the best way to cope.Remember we are all here for you.

 

Lisa x

Edited November 20, 2005 by lisann

[oracle]

Madmooch where are you? Can't speak from experience on this one myself, - both of mine would rather not do birthdays,Christmas etc or at least know well in advance what they are going to be getting. But I know someone here who can share with you. I don't know that she has any answers for you but I know for sure that she will understand.

 

Off to pm her now.

 

Carole

[Malika]

Hi rainbow queen,

 

I think Lisann is right wraping some small gifts to open at the same time should work, and will keep everybody quiet. It is probably because your little one does not understand why he does not get anything, as well if you put candels on the cake may be get some candels for your 4 years old to blow as well may be on a little apple pie or something like that.

 

Hope you feel better by now. <'> <'>

 

Take care. <'>

 

Malika.

[Guest hallyscomet]

Hi,

This is very common with all children at this age, myself and my friends said they all had to buy something small also for the other child as they don't understand. They just want something to unwrap as well. Doesn't have to be much.

Sibling rivalry at its best. As they get older they understand and eventually you won't have to do this.

 

Cheers

Hailey <'> <'>

[sarahjane]

Hi

i have the same problem with mine,and when it was my younger (nt) fourth birthday a few weeks ago he had a party but i arranged for a freind to look after H for a few hours, it helped give my younger a good time and H went to someone he likes so everyone was happy. Their were problems with the rest of the day but generally it worked well! It seemed awful that we could not celebrate this as a family but sometimes you have to comprimise.

[lil_me]

Both of my sons usually get a gift on each others birthdays, makes present opening much less stressful.

[mossgrove]

We always do 'un-birthday' presents for the other children so they don't feel left out. We will probably stop doing it when they are older but while they are still young (2,4,5,8) it adds to the cost a little but makes things far less stressful!

 

Simon

[rainbow queen]

thanks everyone for advice

[madmooch]

Hi Rainbow Queen,

I have a 4 yr old severe asd son and 2 yr old daughter, my son doesn't really understand birthdays, xmas etc. so my daughters toys are his toys Luckily my daughter will let him play with her toys

Why not ask your 3 yr old if his brother can open some pressies for him? This is what i do with mine, try to get them to share, at the moment it's all one sided with my daughter doing all the sharing

As for things really getting you down, I have been there more times than not My son is a real Handful and is going for his sister all of the time Sometimes i wish we could just do " normal" things once in a while, but our lives have to take our sons needs into account and he is reacting to the slightest change very badly at the moment he was up at 4am scratching my daughters face because we took him to the dentist yesterday

He did the same on saturday night because we took my daughter to see santa on saturday and naturally my son came in with us

If you ever want to talk, whinge, moan, scream whatever, you know where i am <'>

 

Madmooch

[loulou]

Hi,

 

I think this must be a common for all young children, but even more so for children with ASD.

 

I only have one child (7), but i know that if i had any more there would be trouble!

 

Kai's school are sending christmas presents to children in developing countries. You have to wrap a shoe box in christmas paper and fill it with little gifts. I thought it would be a nice thing to do together. Not! Kai got really upset about it all, and wanted everything that i put in the box. I tried to explain why we were doing it, but he still wanted everything (even the box!) .

 

I ended up doing it myself when he was at school and sneaking it in to the secretary when he wasn't looking .

 

He doesn't even like me sending birthday cards to people because he always likes the picture on the cards.

 

Loulou x

[jomarie]

We always do 'un-birthday' presents for the other children so they don't feel left out. We will probably stop doing it when they are older but while they are still young (2,4,5,8) it adds to the cost a little but makes things far less stressful!

 

Simon

we do the 'un-birthday' presents too!! & I agree that its something that affects ALL children, this started for us because its a tradition from my other halves family!!