Christmas

[ceecee]

Hi All

Thought i would start a new topic with this one it came up briefly on another thread.I am interested on everyone else's views.Do christmas and aspergers go together.

 

I am an adult with mild aspergers and I have to say I don't like christmas.I dont like it because of the change of routine, the extreme emotions that are often on show and the pressure to be sociable at xmas parties and or to the inevitable guests visiting the house.I also hate the mess.I have ocd too.

 

I suspect my father to have as We are no longer in contact from when i was very small but my mum has told me these things.

 

1. he refused to have any christmas decorations up.

2.he refused to visit anyone over christmas or go to any parties including her own mothers.

3.He didn't want anyone visiting.

4.He hated the disrruption and mess and just wanted to go to work as normal!!!

 

I would be interested on anyone elses thoughts on this particularly adults with as.It's something I have been thinking about for a while.Many thanks.

[Kathryn]

Hi ceecee,

 

In our case - yes!

 

My daughter, aged 16, who has ASD doesn't like parties and changes in routine generally, but she enjoys Christmas for different reasons. She loves all the lights and decorations- especially tinsel, the sparklier the better!

 

Also I think without realising it, we have always had the kind of Christmases that suit her: we don't have a large family so there is not too much bustle, and we always do exactly the same thing every year: ie. spend a few days with the grandparents who have a well ordered, uncluttered house and keep to the same traditions and routines year after year so she knows exactly what to expect, right down to the timing of the meal, present opening, etc. They don't do it for her benefit - it's just the way they have always been. When being with everyone becomes too much she knows she can retreat to a quiet room upstairs.

 

I like going to parties but I don't like hosting them - I get very anxious, so my daughter has never had to put up with hoardes of guests coming round.

[oracle]

My two don't do Christmas. Well they do not do the busy shopping centres the build up and the hype. It makes them both very stressed. Both have been quite ill on Christmas Day in the past. Neither ever eat anything and they find the coming and going and giving and opening just too much for them.

 

However they both like the house to be decorated.

 

This year we are doing Christmas like we have never done it before. We are NOT having a traditional Christmas Dinner. We are eating Italian because that is what Matthew has chosen. He is so excited that we will not have to have the ritual of Christmas Day Lunch When David (he is 18) heard about our plans he took the plunge and asked his Dad to do like wise. My eldest two always have lunch with their Dad on Christmas Day. It works because Matthew and David both get some 'me' time alone. This year they are going to be eating Curry . My ex is learning (at last) and said he would cook whatever made David happy We will be having my Mum to lunch but that is something that Matthew is used to and so it's not a big issue. I never force either of the boys to open any gifts until they are ready. David needs to know what he is getting in advance - worked that one out years ago - and so he knows that there will be nothing that he is not expecting. Matthew likes surprises - well he does at the moment, but he needs to know what his main gift will be. He will open that first and will probably still bve opening gifts on New Years Day. That is fine by me.

 

This year I am hoping that we will not be having any other visitors until Boxing Day because once we have collected Rob and David from their Dad's house then Matthew likes to spend time with them and does not like the house to be busy. Of course things rarely go according to plan - but we can pray

 

Carole

Edited November 23, 2005 by carole

[madmooch]

Well, H has major meltdowns on xmas day All the strange toys invading his home, This year is going to be harder as my daughter is now aware of xmas so i have to wrap her pressies up otherwise i would have left them all open

I usually give H his pressies 1 at a time over a period of time, less stressful for him but the change of routine on xmas day is harder to change, the rubbish on the tv for one & my hubby loves his xmas dinner and my mam & dad come over with pressies for them.

If it were up to me I'd cancel xmas! ( bah humbug! )

[sue1957]

I'm self employed and December until the middle of January is a write off for business. Starting from September the supermarket starts moving everything so I can't find my usual stuff. I can't bear the thought of Xmas shopping in town myself, let alone take anyone with me. (I'm doing most of my shopping on line this year). But with the hype, and the expense, by the beginning of December I will be gritting my teeth.

 

For the last 2 years we have meant to but not got round to sending any Xmas cards. Everyone is still speaking to us, so this year we aren't planning to send any. One less stress. I don't like tinsel and baubles, but would be happy with a bit of greenery and candles. My husband's the same, the baubles and tinsel stuff is for the kids and goes up late and comes down early. A week is more than enough.

 

I used to get really stressed about Christmas Day lunch, but for the last couple of years have decided it is a glorified Sunday lunch, which as I do that for the rest of the year, I try not to get stressed about it so much.

 

And if the relatives don't like it, well they can always invite us all to their house for Christmas lunch next year.

 

Roll on January!!

[littlenemo]

Com loves Christmas, parties, fetes, fairs, lights, decorations, special events of any kind (except in school) .......

 

and he especially loves other people appreciating the presents he gives them

 

but only as long as there is prepartion and a pre-arranged escape route - he needs to feel in control of it, and needs to feel he can get away if he needs to.

When we go to a party we all go together and he knows that one of us will bring him home the minute he asks, even if we all have to leave. Most of our friends understand this so it isn't really a problem.

 

we use a lot of ritual at christmas - the way we give out presents is very precise, the timing is relaxed but everything is always in the same order so he knows what to expect next.

[lynyona]

Kieran really loves xmas even at 19 but xmas day is a nightmare me and my sisiter take it in turns having my mum since dad died and we have to invite dads brother as well as he s no family only ours.Two weeks before xmas kier gets really hyper and excited but present opening s a nightmare being as he hasnt got the heart of saying thank you very much for presents even if he doesnt like it he just says so "i didnt ask for that" "what do i want that for" ground open up and swallow me but they all understand and dont take it personally my xmas buying for him is a complete nightmare but he s the first one up xmas morning about 6 and then he has to get the rest up becuase i dont do presents without the others being up. lynn

[tinminer]

Christmas - Arrrgh!!!!

 

Nightmare for me, and my family - we all have AS, so dislike changes to routine.

 

This is compounded by the fact I am a retail manager, and Christmas is always a manic time.

 

Why can't we have little celebrations every week, spread througout the year?

 

Make every week go better, and no nasty credit card bills in January!

 

Also make my job MUCH easier

[smallworld]

We have been invited to xmas lunch at my parents (my other two sisters have alternative arrangements !!) I have really upset my mum by turning the invite down. I told her it would be too stressful for them and us, and they should accept a previous invitation to my elder sisters (which includes her MIL, need I say more ?)

I feel really bad, but if we were last choice..... ? I know it's a bad idea, the kids can't handle being there on a normal day, too many ornaments, too many pale carpets and pristine walls. I can already picture my mum's 'stressed cos it's xmas face'.....

At home, my other half cooks a fabulous xmas dinner (not lunch !) and the kids can just do whatever all day

And all I have to is assemble toys and clear up the devastation in the kitchen (that can wait til boxing day !)

 

wac ( the black sheep, I need an avatar !!)

[Canopus]

What I want to know is why do people celebrate Christmas? Is it anything to do with Britain being one of the few countries in the world not to have a national day?

[Kathryn]

Umm.. something to do with the birth of Jesus I think, although this seems to take second place to the retail frenzy (which has already begun in earnest where we are..)

 

At the entrance of our local Wilkinson's there is a life size Santa which gyrates rather obscenely and sings continuously"We Wish you a Merry Christmas". One of the checkout operators was threatening to shoot it. I don't blame her. It was driving me mad too and I only had to put up with it for three minutes.

[smallworld]

I have been in toysrus today and was driven mad by the noise of a hundred different electronic gizmos, I had to get out

back to online shopping for me,

 

wac

[ksasnic]

Ha made the mistake of taking Nick with me and my friend round the really large asda near my friends place.. the aisles were cramped and he ran on ahead to the open space at the top of each aisle, I didn't think why but then when he came up to me looking down and clutched my hand saying that he was feeling uncomfortable then I realised that the shop was actually very busy and he was having a hard time with it.. I get him to look down when it gets a bit too busy or his eyes go on overload... when he gets like this its easier for him to sit in the trolley.. which he did even when my friend was loading things around him. he didn't even bat an eyelid when she placed a very lovely pink teddy and knicker set in..

 

I must admit I am beginning to understand what he feels by all these crowds.. ba humbug this bit of christmas I hate.

[lindy-lou]

im not sure what india will make of christmas yet,but my sisters boy who has aspergers finds it really difficult,like any social gathering its too much for him and his behaviour becomes very erratic,were all on edge knowing he can have a meltdown at any moment and tend to spend the time trying to diffuse potential situations,although he attended my mum and dads wedding vow renewal last week and coped perfectly well,it seems to affect him more in his own enviroment,where hes extremely territorial.