Clinginess

[Lynden]

Logan (2 and a bit) has been really clingy to me since he was around 14 months. Its always been a okay, although tiring, especially because he's not walking yet so it means carrying him everywhere but generally its only been in strange places, in our own house or my parents he's been okay. (I work from home so my Mum keeps him for a few hours two days a week)

 

However, its getting worse at the moment though to the point if I go out of his sight he has a bit of a meltdown. As soon as we turn the car into my parents drive he starts screaming because he knows that he's being left - and I wouldn't mind but he loves it there, very familiar, all his favourite toys etc and my Mum is one of his chosen few! Even at home, if I leave the room, or leave his line of sight he's getting really distressed.

 

I keep getting the - oh clinginess is normal at that age - but there's clingy and then there's *clingy*.

 

Any advice on how to lessen the distress for him because obviously I can't be physically with him 24/7.

 

Lynne x

[bid]

Hi Lynne,

 

Only an idea...has there been any change to Logan's normal routine recently?

 

The increased clingyness may be down to stress...and stress for our kids can often be traced back to some change.

 

Sorry I can't offer any more advice. If it was me, I think I would be there for him as much as I could, even if it is a bit Instinctively I think that would be better than trying to make him more independent until he is maybe less stressed??

 

Sorry if none of this is helpful...

 

Good luck <'>

 

Bid

[oracle]

I was told by Matthew Speech Therapist that when our children are little when we leave the room we leave them. She went on to explain that they have no understanding that we will return even if we tell them we will. Out of sight for them can simply mean gone for ever in their minds. This may sound very OTT but I believe that she was right. I never had this problem with Matthew because whenever I left him it was like I never existed. He would not even look for me or ask for me. But with my eldest it was just a total nightmare until he was 4 years old. Whenever I left the room even for a few seconds he went into meltdown. It did get better eventually although even at 18 he still needs to know where I am

 

Carole

[DaisyProudfoot]

Hi Lynne,

 

You're going to hate me for saying this but clingyness is normal at this age, especially so for children with social difficulties which makes it all the harder because what would be a normal tantrum for an NT toddler can become a full scale meltdown for an Autistic child.

 

At the age of 2 children suddenly become aware that people are going but are not yet aware that people are coming back. They have no concept of time so that a minute dashing upstairs for something for you could feel like a day behind the stairgate for him which is why they get so distressed.

 

As Carole said they think you are gone forever and although he will grow out of this eventually it will rear its head again when he starts school and he will probably always want to be aware of where you are, what you're doing because he will feel safer this way.

 

All you can do is prepare him in advance: if you need to leave the room tell him you will only be a little while, it won't make any difference but eventually it will sink in that you haven't gone forever.

 

Sorry, but even AS toddlers are still toddlers (and worse at that!)

 

Daisy

[Lynden]

Actually Bid you may have something there. My hubby works in London during the week and has done for the past 18 months, but a fortnight ago he was home during the week as he had mumps, and that weekend I had an exhibition for three days so only saw him a few hours, rest of the time he was with his Dad. The extra clinginess does fit in with that. I knew it had upset him at the time because he was cranky all weekend but never thought of the ongoing consequences.

 

Thanks Carole also. Before, Logan wouldn't have noticed if I'd left him either, its just been recently that he's been upset at my leaving - so it would probably fit in with the upset in his routine.

 

Thanks Daisy. Logan did have what I would call a normal clingy phase at around 18 months. I actually dont mind clingy - but he's been going beyond that lately! This is where Logans communication problems become more apparent too - because he wouldn't understand at all even if I tried to explain to him.

 

Lynne x

[board]

Logan (2 and a bit) has been really clingy to me since he was around 14 months. Its always been a okay, although tiring, especially because he's not walking yet so it means carrying him everywhere but generally its only been in strange places, in our own house or my parents he's been okay. (I work from home so my Mum keeps him for a few hours two days a week)

 

However, its getting worse at the moment though to the point if I go out of his sight he has a bit of a meltdown. As soon as we turn the car into my parents drive he starts screaming because he knows that he's being left - and I wouldn't mind but he loves it there, very familiar, all his favourite toys etc and my Mum is one of his chosen few! Even at home, if I leave the room, or leave his line of sight he's getting really distressed.

 

I keep getting the - oh clinginess is normal at that age - but there's clingy and then there's *clingy*.

 

Any advice on how to lessen the distress for him because obviously I can't be physically with him 24/7.

 

Lynne x

hello my daugther was like that relly bad coulded go to bed would just cry and screem it was relly bad and when she sart school i thought it would get better but it didnt but now shes 6 she is getting better she got to do the same thing evey day before she goes to school and she is all right but i all so put on a film and she watchs that with here big brother and i say to her when the film finchs i will be back and that works becouse she knows i will be back you could try it with your little one just put something on and tell him i be back when it frinhs and just go out of the room hope this helps jill

[mum22boys]

Hi,

 

I know what this is like. my youngest is two and a bit and he is constantly next to me. I can't leave the room without him going into a panic and screaming as if the world has ended. It has been going on for months and months, can't even remember when it started.

My SEN health visitor suggested the problem with R is down to his lack of speech making him frustrated if I (the only one who he feels he can communicate with) leaves the room or goes out of sight. I think she may be right.

 

Big <'> <'> because how know how demanding it can be.

 

mum22boys