My Story...

[Hidden Gem]

I recently discovered that for the past year a close relative of mine had been posting to this forum. Of course it was about myself and Aspergers, to find someone posting about yourself, with no knowledge and therefore no right of reply was shocking, to be honest the sense of betrayal has broke my heart, why? Because the way I was written about was not only untrue, but also an abuse, because of much was personal conversations, not stuff to be splashed across an Internet forum for sympathy. One of those posts went along the lines of ?Let me Introduce to my brother who has Aspergers that is not an exact quote but the meaning is there. So I am forced, somewhat reluctantly and because I?m a stubborn sod to post, also I actually like to have my voice.

 

So first question is do I have Aspergers?

 

Well I could, God knows, its a murky issue and it is possible, but let?s ask another question. Are you able to see me for who I am and with that I return to the earlier paragraph, ?Let me introduce my brother who has Aspergers?? Because therein lies the point, whatever is wrong with people, they should not be defined by condition but by who they are. If you like, we all have a soul, a personality, we all have an identity. If you had someone close in a wheelchair, you wouldn't meet people and say, here is wheelchair and in it is....

 

Up until recently I had only ever seen people as, well, people. Sure I can be as judgemental as the next person, but to my life has always been about diversity. All different beliefs, shapes, sizes, colours, different is good. I have never met anyone in my life and immediately thought, well what is wrong with you. I might have been puzzled, I might have been alarmed, but I have always been keen to find the person, not the ailment. I don?t look for what is wrong. I have a very close friend who fits the bill for Aspergers, all those wonderful website with their little checklists, I have a friend who fits perfectly. But do we treat him any different; do we think he is odd or weird, no, why? Because we have the common decency to treat people as individuals and human beings. Now I am not suggesting that everyone here or anywhere adopts that approach. But the tendency to label before knowing the person only serves to highlight how narrow minded the person applying the label is.

 

Likewise, I cannot say that I have not anyone in my life who could be consider ?normal? and not in some way odd and there it is, that magic word.

 

The magic word? Why ?normal?, it?s a lovely word, as hard to define as quality. It?s a dangerous word, if it was a firework it would be a dangerous rocket waiting to explode in your face. It seems so harmless, yet ?normal? is one of the most dangerous words there is, why? Because when you are applying it you draw a line, and you put people on either side. Unsurprisingly some people have a strong desire to be normal, so much that they are insecure and fear being on the outside or not part of something. Defining normality and making sure they are on the normal side of the line, normalises themselves and serves and as self-comfort, convincing them selves that they are not to blame. This can swing the other way, some people want to be odd, it makes them different, different gives them attention and an acceptance they crave. Being part of a small group or any group means you are part of a family.

 

Me? Well I guess I am odd, but let me just dip my toe in the difficult waters of nature/nurture. I come from an unstable background, a product of an unstable environment, of abuse, or neglect, abandonment and no self worth. The end result of that childhood is not hard to see. Indeed when I studied basic psychology at GCSE level I saw myself in quite a few examples. Many of the traits of Aspergers could be found in any of the above.

 

My big issue has always been eye contact, don?t know why, were always painfully shy as a child and felt worthless. Didn?t quite know what was going on. Had huge glasses, big eyes, never happy with my appearance. Always felt sensitive and somehow looking at people got lost. I got used to looking away from many things and feeling shame. I have found though that it does not bother me to have eye contact. In fact, just to show what a paranoid soul I am, since I have started my new job I have made eye contact relatives I meet, I?m not bothered, I don?t freak, I don?t feel uncomfortable. You?ll also read on here that I am a loner and that my time is the most important thing to me. Well I like my own time, I am comfortable in my own skin, it?s not good for me though, I am thinker, and a balance of people in my life is imperative.

 

The above paragraph really is the rub, because look at me, a grown man justifying my life. If someone claims to love you or care for you, having to justify your life should not be the first thing you do.

 

You?ll also here mentions of Aspergers in relation to my Dad. I was interested to read the link between AS and Alcoholism. The assumption that AS people suffer with a lack of emotions and therefore drink, this childish form of deduction is laughable. My father had huge emotional problems, mental issues, personality disorders, bullying. He drunk to hide his emotions, emotions in the sense he lacked them or did not show them were not the issue. In fact drinking was just the cherry on top of a very complex cake. You can?t diagnose my father with AS when you know nothing about him, especially not if you discount his childhood, which by all accounts for whatever reasons had a huge impact on him.

 

As for myself, well I went through school with no issues, okay I was ambidextrous, hated bible class when I was 6 and my reading age was four years ahead of my actual age. I suspect this had more to do with my mum teaching me to read and write before I went to school, again not some apsergic super skill. I was painfully screwed up though by my teens, my parents own collapse on themselves drove me to a mild breakdown at 15. I was very ill for a long time, so much so that I got to a stage where I had gone through the pain barrier and realised that I had pick myself up, go out there and embrace the world. By 17 I had discovered, friends, girls and cheap cider, though not always in that order.

 

I had gone on a camping trip when I was 16 and discovered whilst on a camping trip that I wasn?t the shitbag I had come to believe about myself. I discovered people liked me, that I could be funny, good company. At that moment I discovered people. I had never seen myself as sociable, but I found I really enjoyed company and people.

 

At 16 I also discovered music and realised that I had a voice and the things I was feeling were not that unusual. Then when I discovered the joy of Marc Bolan, I decided that the world was my oyster and that I should embrace.

 

In all I have led a remarkable life but not that remarkable. As for obsessions, well I love to write, but I don?t go through a series of fads.

 

As a final note I noticed on here I have difficulties, well that is what it says. That?s funny, because again it is how you look at people. If I am not very good at something I just think, oh I am not very good at that. It never goes through my mind that it is a difficulty and that I am failing. We, as human beings are many things; we are good at some things, not others. I would not say I struggle with anyone thing. I know through my job in Social Services in a Hospital that I have certain skills, such as empathy, understanding. My job requires me to deal with people in complex and emotional situations; I have never found that I struggle.

 

So yep, I could have Aspergers, but I could also be many things. One thing I am sure of, is that I am me.

 

Aspergers is a serious condition, but to deny the person is tragic, I have not read much here about personality disorders, some, for example ?attention seeking bullying? shows the same symptoms as some forms of Autism. What I am saying is that you need to have a bite of the nutty Nature/Nurture debate.

 

So I am not quite the Aspergic defective human being painted, and I doubt if anyone cares, but for my own sanity I thought I would put the record straight.

 

Aware that this is a slightly obsessive post, which is a trait, oh but I am so angry.

 

Edited November 29, 2005 by Hidden Gem

[arnya]

Well done little gem. Let's not put people into boxs, after all life's a gift and hopefully we have opened are's

[ceecee]

I am Hidden Gem's sister and i hope there are people on here that can give him advice, help and support.Thanks

[madmooch]

Great post little gem

[ceecee]

It's a really well written post.Hidden gem is a very talented writer which hopefully you will all be able to see if he continues to post on here.

[DaisyProudfoot]

Hi Hidden Gem,

 

You're welcome to vent here anytime You do not have to justify yourself!

 

Having read your post, and those previously, you obviously feel betrayed. I'm certain your sister was not aiming to upset you, only to understand you better, to feel closer to you as an adult, in a way that perhaps, she didn't as a child.

 

Whether you have AS or not isn't the issue, but interestingly enough having spent some time on the forum have you read things which made you think: "Wow, that was me when I was a kid!"

 

If you do have AS then it's lovely to see you have met the right people, got a good job etc as it gives me a lot of confidence for my own son's future as an adult (who is 9 and knows I post on this site as he quite often reads them )

 

Please remember that this may be a public forum, but it is also very private. As I said last time I replied to you on a previous thread. I do not know you, I do not know your sister, I do not know your dad - none of us do.

 

You have identified you, but only you. The reason many people come onto this forum is for support - coping 24/7 with an autistic child is fun, delightful, informative but downright difficult at times - and for parents it can be very distressing when we see our children coping with the stress of socialisation problems and behaviour difficulties.

 

I hope what I've said is okay, if not tell the mods and nellie will give me a good dressing down

 

 

Daisy

[ceecee]

Daisy Proudfoot

 

Thank you so much.Your post nearly made me cry!!!Thanks for understanding.

[Brook]

WoW Hidden Gem,

 

That was some post.

 

I would imagine that helped to release some of the anger you are feeling,

thank you for sharing all that with us, and giving us some food for thought.

 

Brook <'>

[tsmom]

Hidden Gem,

You do write beautifully and im sure you have many talents that should be appluded.I agree that normal is an awfull word when used to discribe a person.

i dont know you or your sister so i cant and would never dream of saying you have aspergers.i think a dx should be made by profesionals not by family or friends.That saID RIGHTLY OR WRONGLY you sister is conserned about you,im sure that consern is out of love.She may have upset you by posting on here i do understand your feelings about that,but after you are over your anger think how much she cares about you to make her post here this forum is not to judge its for support.I have a 10yr old daughter who has aspergers that doesnt make her inaducate shes a wonderful amazing girl who has overcome so much.Much more that any NT child of that age that i know.My daughter knows she has aspergers and that i post on here.I also post on two other forums my daughter and i have met a few people face to face from these forums.Those people are now our friends true honest friends who also have aspergers.

It sounds from yr post that you have had problems with yr family in yr childhood but it also sounds to me that yr sister loves you dearly.

Tsmom

[Hidden Gem]

Yes of course I have thought about it.

 

If you come from a background like mine you do, in fact it was me who alerted my sister with an e mail. If you come fram a crappy background, you look for reasons, answers, that is only natural. I personally stopped looking a long time ago. I'd take the answer if it was there and if it was offered. I certainly spent a long time looking, but I was sidetrakced by life, becuase that is what matters.

 

The difference is I don't have the traditonal As symptons, coming from my background I feel I am more likely to suffer from personality disorders than genetics. (Self Centred - Egotism - )

 

I don't need support or help. I think in life if you have coped and you continue to cope then fine, without going into details I do an a very difficult and complex job that requires a whole spectrum of skills, that any serious condition would not allow me to do. There are many people here and in the wider community who require support. My sister thinks I need help and suppport becuase it gives her a role, a position, she's a giving person by nature and she feels guilty. by acting as a carer/giver for me she lessens her own guilt. Whilst this is touching it is not needed, becuase she has nothing to be guilty about.

 

But yes, undoubtably you think about these things. Curiously I went on a Demntia training course for my job, a study showed that those who wear galsses from a young age, like me, have been shown to suffer from isolation, strange world. I think in my early years it was isolation.

 

Of course my sister is trying to understand, I understand that, but without wishing to go any further, becuase this is not the place, I cannot give her what she needs, what she deserves. She wants answers, as I would in her position, she feels AS is the answer, well she maybe right, problem is in searching for answers the cost can be vast.

 

If I had come from a background like she had, I would be looking at for answers. I am certainly not in a position to trust her, that's deeply sad, but what I have read here shows I have to put that on hold. If I can't have a simple conversation about Out of Body Experiences without it turning into Aspergers, I fell kind of doomed. On a selfish level I have to preserve my own sanity and my own life, sometime people are just no good for you, their own issues become yours. I am not capable of solving problems, if they do not admit them. Which is very similar to the situation I faced with my father.

 

I don't mind having AS, I don't mind having Umbo Bongo disease if you please. short of bad eye contact and a love of puns (another sympton!) I am okay, I'm a sensitive soul, but no more and no less.

Edited November 29, 2005 by Hidden Gem

[call me jaded]

Hi Hidden Gem. I think we are all here because we actually care deeply about issues affecting people close to us and ourselves. In my own experience it has been extremely therapeutic and healing to be able to write about things that have upset me greatly.

 

I hope you continue to post. I didn't speak to my brother for a year because of something he once said. We got over it.

[call me jaded]

a love of puns

 

I am dooooooommmed.

[ceecee]

I love my brother deeply just as i love my sister .I have been so worried about him which is why I came here.In doing so i and my husband have realised that I have as.This forum has been a god send to me and i thank you all for your support.Hidden gem is a great person with so much to give.

[Hidden Gem]

I kid you not,

 

One site said a love of puns was a triat,

 

Damn those Carry On films.

 

In fact without wishing to belittle the information network out there, some of the sites seem to be clutching at straws.

[arnya]

Hi again little gem (hiddin) i myslf have lived with and still living with AS or something of that kind of thing. I think before they found a name for it long ago i would say in older gentleman. I think they called it male chuvinist with quirks.

[call me jaded]

You sound just my type HG. Sensitive, caring, bad puns. What more could a girl want? Mr Jaded better keep on his toes.

[ceecee]

Hidden gem's puns are great.He's actually really funny and like he has all ready said really good company.Mr Jaded has some competion then!!!!

[Hidden Gem]

 

thanks,

 

not much I can say to that.

 

I don't really have a place here, I am only contributing in order for my own needs here, though I am happy to share my life experience (on my terms!)

 

I think that is what I can give.

 

I have never found people or situations difficult.

 

Job Interviews and making a decent Toad in the Hole, yes.

 

 

I am angry and what I am doing here is working through my anger and trying to understand.

 

A key problem in life for all of us is we think we are hidden, that no one sees us for who we are, when in truth we are all painfully on display.

 

Self honesty is the only answer.

 

If life is a mountain, then self honesty is your climbing gear.

[ceecee]

Keep posting if this is helping you.This is a brilliant website, the best one of it's kind and the people on here are really knowledgeable, sensitive and open minded.(perhaps excluding me!!!!!)

[DaisyProudfoot]

A key problem in life for all of us is we think we are hidden, that no one sees us for who we are, when in truth we are all painfully on display.

 

You mean like people who pick their noses in cars? - yukky, yukky

 

Sorry, that wasn't very tactful was it.

Edited November 29, 2005 by DaisyProudfoot

[Hidden Gem]

Yes,

 

 

 

My anger calmed after Saturday, did not sleep well Friday. When I found out my on Friday I was angry, though when I showed someone at work some of the things written about me their response was, 'I would have jumped in my car drove to where they were with a bit of wood and beaten them whilst swearing'.

 

Luckily I am not angry.

 

I am also looking to take control of my sweating problem, which was nicely posted here.

 

Rest assured I have joined a self help group called 'S.W.E.A.T' (Sometimes We Excrete A Torrent)

 

After much discussing we came to the startling and mind blowing conclusion that maybe we sweat too much becuase we are overweight!

 

Yeah, can you imagine, I can tell you there were a few shocked faces.

Edited November 29, 2005 by Hidden Gem

[ceecee]

Guess I need to eat a few less chocolate bars then or stop nicking the kids!!! :

[phasmid]

If life is a mountain, then self honesty is your climbing gear.

 

What a lovely way of putting it. I'll hang on to that one.

 

Please, don't let this drive a wedge between you. I have not remembered (or read) all of ceecee's posts. But just from what the two of you have writen on this thread it is clear you care for each other very much. Hang on to that thought while you work through this. Use it in a constructive way, I am sure no harm was intended. If there is one thing I am sure of about Krism, on this forum no-one on here is quick to judge others, our children with AS/ASDs face that to much for us to do it to others (the same goes I am sure for the adults on here with AS/ASDs too).

 

We are here to be moaned at, raged at and help as and when required. We laugh and cry with each other as well. No matter who you are or in what way ASDs touch your lfe. We care for each other because we have gone through it (are going thrugh it) too.

 

I hope you can both reach a resolution over this and still be there for one another.

[ceecee]

I hope so too.My husband tells me I am a nice person but I dont feel it at the moment.I said to him if i didn't have as I would be different to which he replied but your as makes you you.I wouldn't want you to be any different.Bless him!!!

 

Yes I care for my brother very much and would do anything for him but it might not help much now!!

[Hidden Gem]

If you want my honest reply,

 

I am not able to care, I want to but you go round and round and then you give up.

 

It is certainly not all Ceecee's fault, not by a long shot. But unless someone faces their problems and deals with their own pyschology then it remains impossible.

 

Much of what posted here by her is harmless, the point is it all relates to AS. Whatever I did related to AS. I was no longer my name or my being, it was all Aspergers, everything turned around and around endlessly.

 

You'll see that even my friends, my partner every aspect of my life is questioned. The desire for me to have AS or somethign wrong far outweighs the rationality.

 

Living like that with someone is impossible, if you don't feel that you can have a conversation in confidence or based upon trust then it becomes impossible.

 

There's lots of issues in all of us, we are all of us screwed up in some way. But you have to be honest with yourself.

 

It's not fair of me to discuss Ceecee's life, but knowing it to some degree it is easy to see that abandoment issues, a need for attnetion are paramount. I can't deal with those issues, the pressure they place on me and in turn my family make it impossible, it is probably the cowards way out but letting go is the only way to preserve my sanity.

 

Do I think Ceecee has AS? Want my honest answer no, I think her porblems/condition/syndrome stems from childhood and a lack of social interaction. That's my blunt answer, I think all the social skills, all the emotional issues would have become apparent had she had more social interaction growing up. it is not possible for me, as the person I am to have a relationship with her, I don't doubt there are many out there who could. the need for attention here is apparent, again I don't criticise that. I notice that Ceecee is always quick to point out that her AS is mild, this interesting side note, shows an inner truth. My own belief is if you self diagnose you have to follow through with it. Though that is a slightly insensitive becuase I know many here sturggle with self diagnosis and can't get the support or help and that self diagnosis is forced upon them, so appologies if that offends anyone.

 

I have met many people like Ceecee and they all display similar triats, it really depends what side of the fence you stand on when it comes to nature/nurture.

 

The problem in having any kind of relationship is when she does something wrong, like something offensive or rude, or something doesn't happen it is down to AS. Yet the AS is not bad enough to have an assessment. As is like this excuse tap turned on and off as needed. It is not possible to be close to someone like that, becuase self honesty and self responsibility is completely missing. A classic example on here was a post about OCD and Aspergers - immediately OCD was something you were compelled to do and Aspergers was obsessions you wanted to do. Again the idea of self responsibility is completely lost, when this is lost then any behaviour has the tendancy to become inappropiate. If you don't belive you have any self action any cause and effect then you won't be responsible for your actions. The point is that Ceecee denies have Aspergers obsessions all hers are OCD - why? Becuase OCD are not in her control. Ceecee is not one of those people who has any ability to accept personal responsibility - she is one those lucky people for whom strnagely life happens to, she does not cuase anything and nothing is her responsbility. Things just happen - this reaccuring theme is littered through the posts, the OCD typifies, again if that sense of responsibility was in place, as it for most people then it regulate behavioural issues. What's the incentive to behave appropiately when you don't belive you have any effect? why the lack of self responsibility, well blame and guilt probably for her past, who knows.

 

 

I hope she continues to explore thoughts and feelings here, I really believe coming to terms with the world and her will provide a peace, that would be my hope anyway.

Edited November 29, 2005 by Hidden Gem

[Guest flutter]

you two have some really deep stuff that needs sorting i think

keep going,

((hugs))

C x

[call me jaded]

I am also looking to take control of my sweating problem, which was nicely posted here.

 

Mr Jaded's looking a bit more attractive.

 

I hope you both are talking in RL.

[ceecee]

No we are not talking in real life, sadly.Hidden Gem has said he doesn't want anything more to do with me .He has also said I make up conditions to gain attention and to gain sympathy.I wish this were true.As many of you will know my daughter had autistic encephalitus for six months following her mmr but for personal family reasons nothing to do with me or hidden gem, we didn't know each other then.We have only been in contact for two years, which kind of makes this all the more sadder.

 

I was asked by hidden gem if I thought he had aspergers.He suspected he had because he had seen bits on the t.v. and thought that was just like him.Because of my daughter I answered yes I think you might have and basically he has never forgiven me since.Through knowing Hidden Gem I began to suspect i too had AS.The reason I stated it was mild is because many of the traits I dont have.But I do have problems in communication, social interraction and emotions.I also have OCD which I had always known about.

 

From things Hidden Gem has said about our Father and things that my mum has told me I would suspect that a lot of his problems stem from AS but I could be wrong.

 

To be honest it makes absolutely no difference to me if Hidden Gem has As or not.I just needed to find out answers to why my father does not want to know me and to find answers why Hidden Gem was behaving in certain ways.

 

 

I don't want to change Hidden Gem in any way even though I find it hard sometimes.He is just my brother and I love and care for him regardless.Even if we have no further contact which looks likely my feelings remain the same.

[tsmom]

I hope you can both work through this.From what you say it sounds as though even though you are brother and sister you need to get to know each other as brother and sister.I have two sisters and id be a liar if i said we never upset each other,but iv seen my mom and her family fall out and never talk again(12yrs ago) i dont want to ever lose my sisters.Iv seen the pain in my husbands eyes because his only brother doesnt keep in touch.I understand yr lifes have not been easy and the past is hard to put behind us.

Keep talking to each other with luck you can help each other put the past behind you and have a better future together.

I havent read CeeCees other posts and i wont because i dont want to judge anyone.

[ceecee]

I hope so tto but I have my doubts.I personally would like to draw a line under the discussing if hidden Gem has aspergers or not.I would be happy never to discuss it again either face to face or on the forum.I think it is the only way forward.I have all ready suggested this that i keep my posts on the forum general or about me and aspergers or my father and aspergers.

 

Trouble is Hidden Gem doesn't want to let it go and I can understand this.But I do feel it is destructive to our relationship.I feel there is no point in continually discussing something there may never be a conclusion to.

[Noetic]

Hidden Gem -

 

I was one of the people who brought up personality disorders when your sister mentioned some of the things she believed were typical of AS in relation to your family.

 

Problem is, things are far more interconnected than any diagnostic manual will admit - there are definite genetic links in personality disorders (at least in some), as are in autism and AS. There are also physical results of abuse or neglect that can cause personality disorders (or at least tendencies to them) - in particular a diminished corpus callosum from neglect and abuse. This very same neurological difference is also linked with autism and similar problems (the man on whom 'Rain Man' was modelled was born without this part of the brain).

 

Abuse can cause problems. Problems (psychological, stress etc.) can cause abuse and violence. Growing up with a parent who has a personality disorder and/or a substance abuse problem is going to mess with your head, but at the same time, a disproportionate amount of relatives of people with Autism or AS have personality disorders, mood disorders or substance abuse problems. Bit of a chicken and egg situation, really.

 

In my experience, many with mild, and in particular with atypical (i.e. only affected in a few areas) and subclinical (i.e. no diagnostician would diagnose them, but there's traits there) manifestations of AS, can get through life without a problem, happy with themselves, and with their lot in life.

 

But in some cases, life's adversities - bullying, abuse, depression, anxiety etc. - as well as additional problems like depression or certain personality traits can excarbate their mild AS traits to such a degree that they often end up 'lower functioning' than many more severely affected people, especially if they are tempted to use AS as an excuse for either a) not trying to improve the things in their life that bother them or being really rude to others while demanding total respect.

 

Do I think you have AS? No, perhaps not. One of the points in diagnosing AS is that a person needs to have a certain degree of difficulty resulting from the AS symptoms (not from bullying, from past trauma etc, but actually from the symptoms that make up AS), and I do not get the impression that you have these difficulties outside of your very obviously difficult and understandably strained family relations.

 

Do I think you have AS traits? Quite possibly. You certainly seem very similar to me in the way you think and see things (people are people etc.), I have been diagnosed with AS/HFA a few years ago, although I am coping very well at the moment with the help of antidepressants and a heck of a lot of introspection.

 

Does - possibly - having AS traits or mild AS mean you have a problem? No, I do not.

 

You are you, you are obviously happy with yourself and your life, coping well and outside of your family relations don't seem to have any problems. If people can't accept you for who you are, and only treat you as a label they desire to diagnose you with, then frankly that is their problem, not yours.

Edited November 29, 2005 by Noetic

[Hidden Gem]

I would pretty much agree with your post.

 

I do show some triats, I mean can't argus with the info. Although I have never suffered from depression to a severe degree.

 

Having watched 3 people and one in particular suffer from mental illenss, the one in particualr collapsed in on herself and lost everything, including her family.

 

Having watched this and the traits of mental illness I am mindful that there are those out there who struggle and who slip through the system.

 

Aspergers or whatever, or anything has never had any impact on my life. Any mistakes I have made in life ar edown to me and often to my stupidity.

 

I am certainly aware that my mind is different, I used to say I had a dyslexic imagination!

 

I also suffer from a sleep condition passed down from my mum. Basically when I am really tired I can take myself, or part out of my body, or it is taken from my body, complicated!

 

I call it an out of body experience, I am able to move around the bed, look at my partner sleeping next to me and come back again.

 

Obviously some part of my brain is working unusually, it runs through my mums side of the family.

 

Being me has never held me back and I have never needed medication or suppport. Perhaps I should have had it when I was younger, becuase a large part of my life 18-22 was spent putting myself back together.

 

As I said, having witness mental illness, my Dad, one stepdad, and two close friends it makes me grateful for who I am, although I know that mental illness is always close, I can't deny that. I am introspective, but I have a job which mentally sobers me up, I also cut back on the writing, although looking at it that does not seem the case. Again one of my friends, a very creative person was told to cut back on writing after his breakdown. I was lucky, in a wierd way, becuas eI had to emotionally look after myself from a young age, although this did its damage, I was able to learn about myself and learn to regulate myself.

 

I am lucky that have a bounce back personality. I certainly don't get down, i have a friend who suffers terriably from depression and I fully understand how awful it is.

 

As I siad, interesting post, which I enjoyed. i don't want this to ppear as a 'I am better than you post' so I appologise if it comes across that way.

Edited November 29, 2005 by Hidden Gem

[Noetic]

Hidden Gem - Just to let you know, AS is not a mental illness by itself, it is an autism spectrum condition. Although of course genetically, mental illnesses and mood disorders seem more frequent in families where ASDs are common, and the stress of living with AS can also cause depression and anxiety.

 

I am a "bounce back personality" too, which I am very thankful for.

 

On another note Re: personality disorders and family situations, if you look at biographies by people with AS, a LOT of them seem to have at least one parent with alcohol problems, and many family members with aspects of personality disorders. And a LOT of them have 'bounce back personalities', too.

 

There's loads of different ways in which AS and AS traits can manifest, and it is well possible that you and your sister have different combinations of AS and personality traits, which mean that you both clash in some areas while at the same time being quite similar. My mother and myself were like that, which was partly why we have to enjoy each other 'in small doses' these days

Edited November 29, 2005 by Noetic

[ceecee]

Hidden gem

 

Noetic knows her stuff and her posts are always really informative and useful.I certainly have learnt things from her.I would also say that you are fine as you are.You do not need help and support but some people do.No not me!I would also agree with Noetic and say that if you have As it is fairly mild.

[ceecee]

Noetic

 

I love the quote at the bottom of your posts ''I am not a people person.I am a one person at a time person' I'll second that! Forgot to add thanks for trying to help my brother.I appreciate it.I have learnt so much from you about myself.I have suffered from depression.Not sure if my AS makes me more prone to it though my daughter was seriously ill with autistic encephalius, so guess that doesn't help.

[Noetic]

I love the quote at the bottom of your posts ''I am not a people person.I am a one person at a time person' I'll second that! Forgot to add thanks for trying to help my brother.I appreciate it.I have learnt so much from you about myself.I have suffered from depression.Not sure if my AS makes me more prone to it though my daughter was seriously ill with autistic encephalius, so guess that doesn't help.

Thank you, you're making me blush here!

 

It's really tricky with the depression/anxiety thing - I am sure you are right that your daughter's problem could have contributed.

 

I guess there's different ways in which these things are linked - stress, rejection, having to 'pretend to be normal' etc. can often contribute to depression and anxiety. But there's also aspects of depression etc. that are down to neurochemistry, and sometimes it's probably a bit of both, too.

[ceecee]

Noetic

 

I cant thank you enough.I owe you big time.What you are saying is exactly right.We do clash and we are very alike and we do have traits that manifest themselves in different ways.

 

Thanks so much and I really mean it.

[Hidden Gem]

Sorry,

 

I did not mean AS was a mental illness, what I meant was that in the wider sense I am aware how fragile we all are.

 

Yes I am aware of alcoholics - personalities - why drink, not an expert!

 

When you come from a background emotional problems, you are always over cautious.

 

I've always just got on with life, I've been lucky.

 

Just to add (wish she would not interupt) I don't need help, can you see how difficult it is, she means well, but I'm fine

 

I by and large only read biography, much for that reason, as a learning experience.

 

 

Hopefully the clues will be picked up and she'll move beyond help and AS!

 

On a wider note, yes we all need help in life from time to time, but really if needed help I would not be able to do my job, trust me.

Edited November 29, 2005 by Hidden Gem

[ceecee]

Hidden Gem

 

I dont mean help in that sense.You don't need help.I've all ready said it.I just meant a fresh pair of ears to listen(Noetic's in this case!)and someone elses view point in this case Noetics other than my viewpoint.But we seem to be all agreeing.

Me you and Noetic I mean that you could have mild aspergers.Are we reaching some kind of conclusion yet because I have the champgne on ice!!!!! I think we are moving a little closer to some sort of understanding.Are we?Please say we are!!!

[Hidden Gem]

You have to get to know the person.

 

No, and if you think showing the triats means you have something then that is crazy.

 

The esteemed other half shows traits as well, as do several people I work with, some of my friends, and possibly at least one of the bin men who do our rubbish on Tuesday.

 

I have possibly two traits! I don't struggle, I am normal human being! Ahhhhhhhh

 

Okay this will be my last post, you're absolutely bonkers.

 

The truth about AS and many conditions is that thye become hijacked by people, the waters get muddied, the turth is lost and those who need help get pushed to the back.

 

your concern about AS, would be put to better use in the form of articles, self help groups - in other words trying to reach out to those who need it.

 

As a test, I have completed several online tests and I have the triats of several personality disorders, in fact trawling round the net it appears I am as mad as a hatter.

 

Experience of people in life, in all capacities will teach you that these triats are evident in most people.

 

I am settling from bongo congo disease and will shortly launching my own forum.

 

The symptons are,

 

You have to be a human being

You have to be born

You have to die

You have to breathe

 

This is a serious condition and if you match the above criteria, then please join my forum where we can help.

Edited November 30, 2005 by Hidden Gem