School Nativity.

[Suze]

He has been rehearsing for weeks, and knew his lines, but at 10.00 this morning he was going nuts , would,nt get dressed in his costume, refusing to come out of his room. Got him to the venue but with a huge scowl on his face , the time came for his lines............he tried but mumbled his way through, .......I was holding it together but it was hard ....................a room full of 300 people and my son stood staring while everyone else sang and did the actions...............then parents had the oppurtunity to take photos at the end...............the cast all smiling and my boy bless him looking very much the odd one out...........I should have seen this coming.I feel awful......... the school thought they were doing him a favour, giving him this opportunity to perhaps shine and feel good about himself.Got it wrong I think and I should have seen it coming, had no inkling till this morning though ,the rehearsals went well. I think I,m feeling sorry for myself, everyone elses kids did it smiled and enjoyed it, I was watching his ASD in him come right to the fore and it was really hard, just wanted to scoop him up and take him home.You know that feeling when you just want to protect them.............sorry bit of a waffle here................

[madmooch]

Awww Suze poor little chap

I really feel for you both

I know what you mean about wanting to scoop him up and take him home, I have felt like that many times.

Here's some great big hugs <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

 

Madmooch

[Tensing]

Oh, poor little mite.

[neda]

Hi Suze

 

Hope your feeling a bit better now and your wee fella isn't traumatised by it.

 

I've got wee man's nativity play this week. Additional Needs teacher has said that as long as they don't take him while things are being set up and he isn't in the hustle and bustle while they are organising things he seems okay. They wait until everything is set up in rehearsals before taking him along and he seems to sit okay. My worry is that this is fine in nursery but when all the parents are there in the hall my wee one won't want to be there. I don't want him to be excluded but I'm not seeing much point in him being there and am thinking of asking them if it is okay for me not to take him in that afternoon.

[Zemanski]

hope you've both recovered a bit - at least you know for next time and can try something different or make sure he has an escape route.

 

Zemanski

[Suze]

Thankyou guys, <'> ...............Feel like he was paraded a bit today and all those parents who have complained about him got the chance to have a good gawp at his difficulties. He looked so uncomfortable and out of place, like a statue when all the other kids were dancing and singing .............

[oracle]

<'> Suze,

 

I am one of those parents who gets really wound up about these things. I just can't see the point, especially if it puts a spot light onto the child's difficulties. Just making them join in and go through the motions does not make them like all of the other kids

 

It brings me right back to our children being 'made' to fit in and join in. Oh don't get me started. I live for the day when people with autism are allowed to be themselves and not what society thinks they should be 'made' to be

 

Poor little lamb and poor you <'> I would be hitting the tonight if I were you.

 

Carole

[Suze]

<'> ............thanks Carole, I feel bad cos I blame myself, should have told the school getting him to perform in a long dress and crown was a bad idea...........he,d coped o.k in rehearsals but of course there was,nt an audience then.He,s never done anything like this before, never been in the spotlight, I so hoped he could manage it, thought it might give his moral a boost, I,ve learnt a valuable lesson today and I,ll know better in future.

[oracle]

Suze did he know what to expect today? With a lot of thought and planning - I know I know that's asking too much - but it may have been different. When Terry and I got married we did a trial run three times. OK it's not the same but we made sure that both David and Matthew knew what to expect and what was coming.

 

Don't beat yourself with a big stick woman - it only hurts and it solves nothing - been there and done that. I used to go with the flow and get carried along with the tide, but not anymore.

 

Anyway you can prepare to join me with a glass or two of the hard stuff on Thursday. Matthew is having his official 'Welcome' service at St John's Ambulance Brigade. Now Matthew loves the Brigade BUT on Thursday he has to wear the uniform. Now he does not do wolly jumpers. The woman in charge just could not get this on Thursday. Wash it she said If only it were that easy. Now Matthew REALLY wants to be in the Brigade but he does not want to wear the uniform - well the jumper. It is all going to depend on just how much 'he' wants to do this on Thursday. Watch this space

 

Carole

[Suze]

................Carole................................. .............whats a Wolly jumper....................?..............don,t blame him I don,t like the sound of that either .................good luck for thurs

[phasmid]

Suggest to them that next time it might be better for him to be given a 'backstage role'. This could be taking care of the props or doing the lighting if your school hat this facility. That way he gets to take a full and active part without the trauma of being on stage

[Tally]

I was an angel once in the school nativity play. My mum has all these photos of all these cute little girls posing for the camera, and in the middle is this horrid, scowling thing, refusing to look at the camera . . . that's me! I managed to avoid being on stage since then, and it's probably for the best.

[sparkly]

Matthew is having his official 'Welcome' service at St John's Ambulance Brigade. Now Matthew loves the Brigade BUT on Thursday he has to wear the uniform. Now he does not do wolly jumpers.

I'm new here so please treat me gently!

I don't know if it helps any but you can get 100% acrylic versions of the jumpers (for cadets and adults at least) as well as the wool ones - I have to have one cos I'm allergic to wool Though if it's the style of the jumper that's the problem then that's not really much help!

[oracle]

St John's provide the uniform and the jumpers come in 100% wool (so they are wooly not wolly ( WE NEED A SPELL CHECKER - for idiots like me ) That means that Matthew has no choice but to wear 'their' jumper - it comes complete with badges etc. I will ask about the acrylic versionm but that wont stop Thursday from arriving complete with wooly jumper

 

To be totally honest Matthew just hates anything on his arms. Even in the depth of winter he wears a T Shirt. We have just managed to get him to wear a T Shirt with long sleves when he goes out. Now all we need to do is to get him to wear his coat on top of the T - Shirt

 

Carole

[Sallya]

Suze, I know how you feel....my little girl was an angel....she looked so pretty....but she couldn't cope with the tinsel on her head, or the audience, or sitting still...she had TA sitting with her...and she was getting a cuddle.... no, the ta was practically sitting on her to keep her sitting on her chair... I wanted to whisk her away...I would have done....but she was so proud of being an angel...her friend was a sheep...she would have been cross with me for not letting her have her moment......hate it when everything comes so easily to other kids and I have to watch mine struggle...hate it when other parents take things like Nativity plays for granted, because they can.

<'>

s

xxx

[Kathryn]

Hi sparkly, welcome.

 

Sympathies to all of you going through the nativity thing right now. Boy does it bring back memories.

 

Going back 10 years, but still able to recall it in all its awful technicolour detail...

 

L, then 6 years old, has an obsession with all things sparkly. She wants to be a "Christmas decoration" in her school play. She doesn't get picked to be a Christmas decoration. She is to be an elf. L goes into a major Olympic size sulk lasting about a month. She does not want to be an elf. She wants to be a Christmas decoration and wear tinsel and sequins.

 

The big day arrives - standing room only at the back of the hall. Proud mum and dad beaming in anticipation. L arrives on stage, face like thunder, clearly wound up like a spring already, elbowing people out of the way who are invading her space, refusing to sing. We sense trouble. L looks across the hall, fixes on mum and dad clearly as we are standing up at the back. Interprets our proud encouraging smiles as sneers of derision and screams across the hall at us "IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!!

 

200 heads swivel round to look.

 

I don't know how we got out of that hall.

 

Afterwards the teacher, bless her, just praised L and later did what thousands wouldn't have: gave her a star part in the next gig, letting her choose exactly what she wanted to be. (Wonderful woman - only a year out of college and the best teacher my daughter has ever had).

[smiley]

Suze - sorry to hear things didn't go well for you little one.

 

First nativity (at pre-school) - my little monkey spent most of it telling the narator to be quiet

 

Second nativity....... shouted 'im bored now mummy' halfway through 'We wish you a merry christmas'......

 

Third nativity - He was the child who stood out like a sore thumb -

 

This year he has so far refused to even put on his polar bear outfit - hasn't practised at all - and it's tomorrow!

 

Wish me (and him) luck! - get the feeling im going to hide at the back, very near the door......

[elaine1]

i know that one well. when my daughter was 4 she was in the nursery nativity i knew something was wrong the moment she stepped out, she was sweating bricks.

they got to her line and she turned her back to the audience and said her lines.

Of course all the paerents laughed cos they thought it was cute but i could have died for her.

I just wanted to grab her and run.

 

poor soul, my eyes are filling with tears just thinking of it.

 

In contrast my son who has AS was allowed to paint the backdrop for his play he felt he had taken part, and then he could just melt into the background afterwards.

[elaine1]

carole, that sounds just like Tom. Even in the depth of winter he wears only pants to bed he wont put on pyjamas at all. he walks round the house in his pants too even if we have guests, i have to force him to put on thin bottoms when my mom comes lol.

 

i remember when he was small as soon as we entered the front door off came everything except his nappy, he trailed shoes, socks jumpers and trousers along the hall as he went stripping his way to his bedroom. lol

 

mind you the minute i hit the house i take off my shoes and socks cant bear anything on my feet

[Suze]

Thanks guys, <'> .............I know what you mean Sally when all the other kids seem to manage it with ease, if this sort of situation ever arises again I shall suggest he has a back stage job .He goes to High school in sept, so thats the last nativity .In past years he,s just sung with the rest of the school.But the year 6 always put on a show and this year was his classes turn.

[lindy-lou]

ive got my little ones nativity on the 19th,so we shall see how it goes,im not filled with confidence,she had a pure meltdown last night over putting the xmas tree up so i think xmas is just going to be too much for her

[baileyj]

Hiya, I know exactly how you feel. Last year at Max's playgroup nativity, it was a nightmare, at that time he couldn't communicate or understand so it had been virtually impossible to prepare or warn him what was to come, he had been fine at rehearsals, then on the day he was horrified, his nice safe playgroup hall had transformed to rows of seats, and lots of strangers, he came on stage with the other children, having refused to wear his costume, sat on his 1:1s lap, and just rocked and barked like a dog. I got into such a state, the tension I felt in me was awful, all those proud parents sitting their, and me just dieing inside seeing my little boy so scared and confused. I jumped up, walked quietly to the stage, plucked him from his 1:1s, lap and sat him down with me, craddling him in my arms, and telling him what a good brave boy he was. I then felt so guilt wracked that I had put him through that, I was quite ill with it all and ended up having a month off work.

 

From then on I said I'd never do it again, I didn't make him attend any XMas parties or anything. His safe world around him had transformed, with strange lights appearing everywhere on the roads, strange parcels, with surprises inside (to Max this was very scarey), and this big bloke in a red suit shouting ho-ho-ho.

 

Yet, here we are, 1 year on, and yes, its his nativity on Thursday afternoon, he's been fine in rehearsals, and happily singing his sheep song all week, one of his classmates is going to take his hand when they all sing the song, he is seated by the computer room door in the big hall, so if its too much, his 1:1, can just take him quietly out..........am I doing the right thing, I don't know, he can now communicate well, he understands whats going to happen, and is prepared, and so am I............at least thats what I'm hoping/

 

I am very nervous as I swore I'd not let him do this again, I still don't know if its the right thing to do, I'll let you all know on Friday.

 

Please try not to be too upset by this, this I think is the hardest time of year for us. Max got over it quickly last year, as soon as we were home with his videos he was fine, it was just me that wasn't.

 

Keep your chin up.

 

Jo

[smiley]

Bailey <'> <'> Have everything crossed for thursday <'>

Edited December 12, 2005 by smileymab

[Suze]

Bailey, good luck for thurs, things seem better prepared this time, if his 1:1 gets the slightest inkling he is getting upset, she can quickly take him out no fuss.It,s awful I know I still feel bad, my son is 10 and a big lad, to see him lose it yesterday was really hard, he looked like a terrible 2 having a tantrum during the performance, of course I knew he was trying to cope.

[baileyj]

Guess what............Max is ill, burning up, 3 week cough got alot worse, in our bed, so after all that, no nativity or sheep song today, if hes OK tomorrow we may try, but probably not. Thanks for support.

 

Merry XMas all.

 

Jo

[elaine1]

aww hope yr son is well soon, Tom has the same hes in bed at the moment.

[lancelot]

My 4-yr-old (NT? Well, maybe) is still at playgroup, and yesterday they all came to watch the school nativity play. Apparently they sat quite nicely till the final moments, when DD announced loudly, 'Oh thank goodness, they've finished at last, we can go back to playgroup now!'

 

Older brothers were mortified!

 

love to all those traumatized little ones, and be glad my daughter isn't in your audience to put the lid on it all...

 

L

[oracle]

Hi Jo

 

It must be catching as Matthew has also not made St John's tonight. Illness has overtaken him to I was expecting it as David has been well poorly with a throat infection and now it looks like it's Matthew's turn. So the Uniform lives in the holdall for another day

 

Carole