MY SON SAYS EVERYBODY KNOWS IM NOT NICE

[rainbow queen]

know i shouldnt let this get to me-most times i ignore it

but he came home from school saying everybody knows your not nice

he thinks im a horrible mum

i know its because of all the arguments we have-as he trys to oppose everything i ask him to do ect.....

im aFRAID I WOULDNT BE SO NEGATIVE if he wasnt constant pushing me,and trying to control me.

its a catch 22

its worried me-cause if he told outsiders this it would look bad on me without them relising what hard work he is and why things come to this

i try telling him this and the fact that im not too bad a mum really and hes looked after well--but he just laughs and repeats that im not

 

 

just wanted to know im not alone with this!!!!! cause its upset me a bit today

[laine]

I usually get the silent treatment or why are you here i didnt want you too pick me up. I hate you followed by kicks. I am used to this and so are most of the parents at school.

 

laine

[~Jonathan~]

(((((rainbow queen)))))

 

((((laine))))

 

<'> <'> <'>

[bevalee]

Hi

 

My son used to be like that. He said none of him friends would come round because i was so horrid. He hated me for about 2 years. When he was 15 it all changed, don't know why!

 

At that time we would argue and he would try and push the bounderies all of the time. It does get better.

 

Big <'> <'> <'> <'> for you, try and take each day at a time, i know its hard.

[KarenM]

Yes my dd tells me she hates me all the time. Then she says i love her sister more than her. She reads my posts so dd i love you very much

Karen and mam

[laine]

jonathan <'>

[witsend]

Rainbow queen <'> sorry this is getting you down, i know some days you can let it wash over you and others it's really hurtful and you've just had enough. For what it's worth at least everyone here will know you are a good mum. Also I think often being a good parent and being actually liked by your offspring are not synonomous!

My son told me recently that when he went to tea at a 'freinds' house the freinds parents said they thought I was a bit weird and crazy!! Me!!! I reacted a bit indignantly and son said "but you are a bit"! When I said "well so are you" he just laughed!

Despite what your son says I'd bet he's secretly glad of the boudaries you set etc and glad he can say this stuff to you and know he's still loved anyway.

Take care

Luv Witsend.

[ceecee]

I wpuld say people with aspergers take offense really easily and often ged the completely the wrong end of the stick as to the reason behind why someone is doing something.They also can be extremely negative and pessamistic. <'> <'> <'> <'> Have some of these.Sorry your having a rough time.

[KarenT]

I don't know how old your son is Rainbow Queen, but something that works for my seven year old is our "Why I Love J" sheet which we have pinned up on the inside of his wardrobe door. Whenever we're having a rough time and it seems like I'm always being negative with him, we sit on the floor and read it through. It's a list of things like: He has a great sense of humour; He's very handsome; He is an excellent reader; He always tries his best etc etc, all typed up in multi-coloured fonts. It works for us on two levels, in that it reminds us BOTH of the positives in our relationship at times when it feels as though we're constantly sniping at each other. And once it's done it doesn't take a great deal of effort to look at it once in a while.

 

Worth a go?

 

Karen

x

[Paula]

With you also on this so dont feel alone.

 

I do everything for my son always have done hes AS.Yet somedays when i say love you hell say i dont love you.I hate you and just carry on with his life!!!!!!

 

Most days i just laugh it of and say oh right thanks for them words of comfort because deep down we know dont we that they dont mean it but on other days days when im fealing sorry for myself and my lot it hurts and i kinda think does he realy mean it am i totally wasteing my time here.

 

 

On another point ive a 13 year old daughter.(Whoes not autistic) And she constantly yells im hated and she wishes id get lost.Mostley accompanied by slamming doors and huffing and puffing.I think its part of the course at times but it aint nice.

[loulou]

Hi Rainbow Queen,

 

<'>

 

It really hurts when they say such horrible things. The thing is, they don't mean it. We are not horrible parents.

 

Kai often says things like, "I wish i had a nice Mummy who doesn't shout at me."

 

I don't shout often, but sometimes his behaviour is so difficult, i snap.

 

He also comes out of school every day and thumps me, which his teacher says is him punishing me for sending him to school (even though he loves it).

 

I think Karen T's idea is excellent. Maybe a "Why i love my mum" could be worth a go too (?).

 

I try to think about all the lovely things Kai says to me (I write them down), and try REALLY hard to ignore the horrible stuff.

 

Loulou x