letting other parents in the class know

[pim]

Hi,

 

Ds (4) will be starting school in January. He has a dx of ASD and 15 hours 1 to 1 support. He's only going part-time to begin with. The question I have is the Head suggested I write a letter to all the parents in the class to let them know about his ASD. The children in the class will be told. Initially, I was against this after having a few run in with a couple of parents in the past. Luckily they don't have children in his class. But now I'm thinking it's not a bad idea. I'm such a private person and I was reluctant to let every-one know.

[pim]

Just wanted to add, I wanted to know what people's oppinion about this was.

 

Also I don't think I can do anything about this. He has 15 hours 1 to 1, but his LSA is not coming until 9.15 - 12.00. I did think he needs help especially when he gets there. To start with he's only going 9.00 -12.00am, which is be reviewed come half term.

 

pim

[KarenT]

DS is seven and in Y2. I've told quite a few of the parents in his year group, plus others of children he associates with in lower years. My feeling on this is that if children grow up with his 'oddities' then they're more likely to accept it now than if it's suddenly sprung on them by the time they reach ten or eleven and have a few prejudices. J's quite accepted by the majority of his class group (though he has no real friends) and parents generally are very supportive. Ultimately it's your call because you know best the temperament and mindset of the parents you're dealing with personally, but so far I've had no regrets about sharing the information.

 

Karen

x

[nellie]

pim,

 

This has been discussed before on Krism. If my memory serves me correctly, one parent had problems with the class being informed of her son's ASD. I think an inexerienced teacher made a hash of it and made matters worse. Unfortunately the topic is old and has now been deleted, but you could PM Suze and ask if she recalls it she may be able to tell you her experiences.

 

Do you tell the class there,s an ASPIE about.Help, My son has as do the class need to know?

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...t=0entry16540

 

Personally, I think it's a good idea but only if it's handled correctly.

 

Nellie xx

[elainem]

my ds started in Sept and over this last term I have filtered the dx out to most parents when I have had the chance. I feel much better that they know. Everyone has been very accepting and they share in M's triumphs now as well, and so do the older children in school (even tho they don't know dx).

 

I think you are spot on about the 9.15 start, arriving, unpacking bag, hanging up coat etc is a real hustle and bustle affair at our school. Our class has had only 15 kids until Jan and M has managed well up to now. The parents went in and helped them but we have now got them independent due to increase in class size. Because of this me and teacher have been pro-active, teacher has allocated M his own unpacking space and may even move his peg. I think your ds support should be there are 9am.

 

A couple of other things as are kids are same age. My ds will have an allocated space for carpet time next to peers he likes, he has a visual timetable, I have his weekly timetable at home so can prep him, we have a home/school liason book, teacher uses an oversize egg timer when he won't come to do his activities. These are all good strategies that have helped him to settle well.

 

Elaine

[phasmid]

I agree completely about the LSA hours. The start of the day is going to be the most difficult thing for him. Therefore that is when his support should start from.

 

As for telling the class/parents I think it would be a very good move. Phas jr's school when he was dx'd would not do this even though we offered to go and do it, I was a governor there and a well experienced TA. They thought it would make the bullying he was suffering (but being dealt with) worse. We disagreed. We pushed for this to happen but it never did.

 

What's interesting is the school is now attended by my youngest. One boy in his class has AS. The school has had a major change in the senior management team reccently. Lo and behold in the last fortnight a specialist teacher has been in and explainde to his class all about his problems and how they can help. The class have reacted perfectly and, having listened, now take time to ensure this child is ok and coping. They know, therefore they care, they care, therefore they help. Take away the ignorance and, as far as kids are concerned the fear, then they see things in a different way from how adults think they will.

 

I wish they'd been prepared to do this 5/6 yrs ago with my son. It may have negated some of the problems he was facing then. I say go for it. Let them know. Your'e being open about it may bring out other parents who have been too scared to seek help.

[Kathryn]

I agree with the others, it seems like a good idea and will help to raise awareness generally, which is good.

 

I do agree he needs help at the beginning of the day if he is going to start at the same time as the others. I remember the chaos in that reception cloakroom with everyone trying to hang up their things and get through the door at the same time and it is quite daunting.

[pim]

Thanks for your reply. I think I'm coming to the same conclusion. I'll be trying to write some sort of short note that can be handed out to the parents. It's also another stage, coming to terms with his dx.

 

A few parents who do know are sometimes asking questions when I supposed I don't want to talk about it. By letting parents know it becomes more like public property. Say like, I don't think this is a good comparison, but like when I was pregnant, people coming up to me and offering advice and oppinions when I didn't want any.

 

About the 9.15 start I don't know what I can do about this as his new LSA lives the other side of town, has her own 3 children to drop off and most importantly has agreed this arrangement with the school. I went in and they said I can leave him with the TA, but she will also have the 15 other new children to help and the chaos this brings. I can't bring him in later as I have my dd to leave at the school the same time.

 

pim

[reuby2]

I have thought about this concerning my son although he is just withdrawn at school and keeps to himself. The only thing that concerns me is that the other kids in their immaturity might call him names etc and as I haven't even told him yet as only recently found out, I would hate for the other kids to think that it makes him different (if you know what I mean by that).

I have told a few Mums but only when the need has arisen. So I don't know how I feel about letting the whole class know, There is a girl in my son's class who bites,punches.pushes,kicks etc and when I have been in to talk to the teacher about this,we have just been told that she has special needs and to be honest you can tell she doesn't mean it.

This girl is now undergoing a dx for Autism.Her Mum has just spoken to me about it or else I wouldn't have known. I think that the school can deal with any parents concerns as they arise.

That's only my opinion and I suppose if the need is more severe that it could be an idea to tell the class.

 

Oh well all the best.Take care.

[OddFather]

Hi Pim,

 

My daughter is 12 and we are now discussing with the school about letting her classmates know. Though we've had a good idea of her dx she only got it in September. Though this was at our innitiation (telling her classmates), not the school. As it is a secondary school we don't get to meet the parents so one of the considerations is wether or not to include a not to write to the parents letting them know what has been explained to them.

 

A major issue is how it is handled and the support for afterwards. (obviously this has been secondary to our daughters consent). It won't be the class teacher explaining but the SENCO who has been very good with her and has a good grasp on how it effects our daughter in particular. I will be there, the pastoral leader for her year, and they are hoping to have someone from the clinic where she was diagnosed to answer questions that arise at the time. There will be other classes later on to help with any issues arising or furhter questions by the students. Plus they will be watching things closely to ensure there is no bullying because of it afterwards.

 

The reason we decided is in part because we have had good experiences in the past letting her friends know what is wrong with her. But also because a lot of the students are concerned for her and confused because things 'don't make sense'. She is in the top 1% of her year so by no means 'slow' but panics if someone is sitting in her seat - ie teacher has told her to sit there previously - and while every other seat may be empty she does not know what to do.

 

Another reason is many of them would like to be friends with her but she doesn't know how to cope with this. From past experiences children tend to be a lot better at understanding then many adults. Her friends at home, though few, are very protective towards her and go out of their way to include her.

 

She is aware telling the class could backfire in that one or two may choose to pick on her about it, but the potential benefits she feels are worth the risk.

 

In your situation I would want to know who is going to tell the other children and what they are going to be told. Do give carefuly consideration about writing to parents as this has been offered to you. Young children can get these things very much mixed up and most parents will probably be mixed up. Also as it is a spectrum keep your explanation to how it effects your son in particular.

 

Also as you have had run ins with parents before be prepared to answer some questions. I understand you are a private person, but they can even have them answered by you, or by someone who may not have your sons best interests at heart.

 

Good luck

[Helen]

Pim,

 

For the head to suggest the class be told of your son's ASD is one thing (children that age are just so accepting about most things that come their way). For the head to suggest that you actually write to the parents of these children informing them of your son's ASD is another matter.

 

Has the head suggested to these other parents that they too circulate information about their own children?

*Is Mrs. A going to write to you and say that her NT daughter is the class bully?

*Is Mr. B. going to write to you and say that his NT son is NT?

*Is Ms. C going to write to you and say that her son is on the SEN stage School Action+ and that he has Dyslexia?

 

You say you're a private person, if you don't want to disclose information about your son's ASD to other parents that is your business. I personally think the head is being intrusive (when he suggests you write to other parents).

Edited December 17, 2005 by Helen

[phasmid]

I can see what Helen is saying. The thing is kids get scared about the things they don't understand, and many saw my son as 'just odd' when he began to explain things (as did we) they began to back off - yes there were one or two who didn't and that is likely to be the case anyway. The public have a strange perception of what ASDs are, fed by films like 'Rainman' and it's ilk. They don't know what it really means to have an ASD or to live with it.

 

Nor will they if we don't tell them.

[lorryw]

Hello Pim,

I find it quite extraordinary that the head is asking you to write to parents.

I have worked for 10 years as an LSA in a school with a higher than average ratio of SEN children. We have never highlighted any children as having any particular difficulties. Children are hugely accepting of one another and any problems are met as and when they arise.

It is the heads job to ensure your son has an enjoyable and comfortable time at school. It is absolutely no business of other parents. In a way the Head is putting the focus of accountability on your shoulders which is totally unprofessional.

Just my opinion

Lorainexx

[pim]

Thanks so much for your replies. It's given me a lot to think about.

 

I do agree that if it was another child, like say a boy in my dd's class, who has a walking frame, there's not a need to write a note to all the parents about this. I know it is more obvious. Why do I have to justify his needs.

 

My ds is already seen as very different by the other children as in nursery, he was allowed to get away with a lot more. He didn't need to sit with the group at carpet time or do the activities. This changed since he got 1 to 1 help. The class in nursery were told because I didn't want him labelled as naughty. This was after an incidence in the park where the other kids from his nursery were teasing him by calling him naughty. I also think they were told more so that the other children had to be aware that what he was allowed to do they weren't.

 

Ds wants to play with other children he just doesn't know how to so that leads to misunderstandings. His new teacher has a recently dx ASD boy, but he is younger than ds. I think she really wants to help DS.

 

Initially I won't see many parents in ds class as he'll won't be lining up with the other children in the morning and I'll be collecting him earlier.

 

I do wonder if the parents know if there is an incidence they might be more likely to blame ds because of his ASD before thinking what their child might have done.

 

pim

[pim]

I didn't see you your post LorryW before I replied.

 

It is so difficult. When ds started nursery he went a bit wild for the first week. This was a shock to me as at home he was so calm. Well after starting nursery he wasn't. They couldn't manage him. He was dx the same time as starting. Then I was called in by the Head and I was told that they had had complaints from a lot of parents. It did make me feel awful when I had to drop DS off as I'd stand there and wonder which ones had complained and I got so many awful looks. This was a year ago and I still find it difficult to talk to the other parents.

 

The Head did suggest I write to the parents, but I initially said 'no'. I'm having a re-think about it. The school is such a mix of people that there'll be some who'll understand to those that it will have absolutley no understanding.

 

The run in's I've had in the past were when dropping DD off as a group of parents would stand and say loud enough for me to hear how awful my son was. This was pre-dx. I think if they knew of his dx would this change their attitude I don't know.

 

pim

[Suze]

Hi Pim, I started the thread up that Nellie posted the link to.We did,nt tell the class last year.But we told them in oct of this year.Several parents had complained about my son, and it was felt his classmates needed to know of his social difficulties.The autism team came in and talked to the class about my son.I would insist someone qualified talks to your sons class.I never addressed the parents who complained but I wish I,d had the courage to slip them the NAS leaflet on ASD ..............THEY WERE VERY INGNORANT .Good luck with your choice, I think if people are aware of the difficulties our kids have and still cause problems for them it will become evident to all ,that those that are ignorant are the ones with the problem Suzex.

[curra]

Hi Pim,

I have mixed feelings about this. When my son was in primary school the teachers told the class that my son had some difficulties in order to create a caring response from them towards my son, which was a good idea. He still has a friend from primary who knows about his AS. I also told some of the mothers. Secondary school has been different though. His tutor and head of year have said that it's better not to let the other children know about his AS to protect him from name calling and teasing. Even not knowing about it, there are always children who tease him. Last week my son said, " XX (boy)says his mother told him that I was soon going to be sent to a special school because I am not normal". Perhaps the mother said something quite different and this boy changed it but how much worse would it be if the other children knew for sure?

 

G.

[pim]

Hi thanks for the replies.

 

Suze, I just wanted to ask. Did you send a note to the parents as well as talking to the class? Has the response been positive and did it make you feel more relaxed that the parents all knew?

 

Another parent in the school with an ASD child wished she had told the parents when her ds started as now a few years on she has a bad relationship with some of them.

 

pim

Edited December 18, 2005 by pim

[Suze]

Hi Pim, no we did nt tell the parents.The autism team felt if the children knew and understood it would filter back to the parents.But I would,nt have a problem giving them all leaflets on the condition, it disgusts me when I hear stories of parents ignorance, curra <'> ......what you said really ,annoyed me.My son is 10 and had been having a very rough time with name calling and bullying, we were left with very little choice but to tell his class.

[pumpkinpie]

A friends school spoke to her and it was decided to have an informal meeting where parents were invited to attend. They were told all about asd and it was also made clear that her child was a welcome addition to the school. SHE THINKS DEALING WITH IT IN A POSITIVE LIGHT HELPED HER BUT IT DEPENDS ON THE SCHOOL.