copeing

[board]

hello just wondering how do you cope i feel very down at the morment and dont want to go back on meds i find it very hard nont to shout back at my daugher is there ways to cope better she hit me and it hurts i am unwell my self and was wondering if there are whys to talk to her better and help her and me thanks jill

[reuby2]

Sending you loads of <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

I know exactly how you feel, I'm finding it hard at the mo. Just have to take one day at a time I suppose.

I've just come back from a friends house we've had a bottle of wine and I have whinged quite a bit.As much as she tries and she is a fab friend, it is difficult for her to understand how emotionally draining and challenging each day can be.She thinks we could just get him out and doing things if we put our foot down more, whereas in reality our kids can turn the simplest things into a huge mountain to cross!!!!!!

 

As for getting hurt, both me and dad get it (but mostly dad). Hubby is getting really down about it at the moment and finds himself shouting back. It sometimes feels like we can't do anything right!!!!!

 

Anyway, here's hoping tomorrows a good day!!!

 

Bye for now. <'>

[reuby2]

Sorry just realised you asked for advice on talking to her. I tend to be able to deal better with my son as I don't react, I tell him to try and tell me what is the matter if he is having full scale tantrum etc. Sometimes I ask his advice e.g How can we make this easier? or.. can you think of anything that would make this better for you? He is generally very good if I get him to explain to me what's happening or why he is frustrated.

 

 

Sometimes I have to walk away and give him some space. For example ..If my son hurts himself and I ask him if he is okay or go to him , he screams at me to leave him alone, leave him alone. I tell him over his screams that I care and when he is ready ,to come and tell me. When he is screaming he is so angry, that talking to him makes it 10 times worse and he says the noise of my talking frustrates him.

 

I think the key thing is to try and stay calm even if she is anything but! ...... the important word is try, we all have our limits!!!!!!!

Edited February 3, 2006 by reuby2

[annie]

<'> Jill <'> ,

 

I know it's not easy when you are feeling so low. You're tired, worn down and your daughter probably senses that too.

 

I was told by my son's old doctor to follow 3 rules.

 

1. Expect 20% less than what you're getting.

2. Don't bother arguing unless you are sure you are going to win.

3. If there's no danger to another person or property, don't bother.

 

They may sound really easy to follow, but they take a lot of getting used to. I used get to the end of every day and think I had done nothing but shout......why......I was expecting my son to understand more than he actually did. I was trying to prevent him doing things wrong before he did them. Once I had lowered my expectations I was able to handle things better.

 

I hope this makes sense, it worked for me.

 

Annie

<'>

[Elanor]

Hi Board

 

The first thing is to remember is that there's nothing wrong with you when you feel this way - don't blame yourself, it can be hell to live with this, and although most people never really understand, we do

 

Be kind to yourself, and don't forget that she loves you, and she needs you, and she's not doing these painful things because she is a bad person, it's because she's in pain too. I know that doesn't help you feel better - but I know how hard it can be to remember the reasons why she finds life so hard. Is there anyone who can help you, and give you some rest?

 

Elanor <'> <'> <'>

[UltraMum]

<'> <'> <'> Jill <'> <'> <'>

[hev]

im the worlds worst at shouting but it just makes the situation worse,take one day at a time,its very hard i know,keep posting on here,you are not alone,we know exactly what you are going through,take care love hev

[jen]

Do you have a partner who can get involved. I know how you feel twice this week my son has refused to go to school and its taken lots of effort and time to get there. On Wednesday and today my son has blown up when he came home I had to ignore him and after a while I had to ask for someone else to deal with him. At that moment I did not have the patience or skill to deal with him.

I love my son very much but some time everything comes to a head and its too much.

 

From a sympathetic mother.

 

p.s. 1 in 3 people at sometime in there life need antidepressents. Not all these people have the additional complications of dealing with a child with special needs, let alone having to deal with LEA who continually make things difficult and lie.

 

Jen

[reuby2]

P.s Like Jen said.......people do need a little extra help sometimes.There was a thread about antidepressants recently and the amount of us that take them. I was offered antidepressants after sons birth as I was really anxious about his safety (Much too anxious !!!!). I refused as I didn't "want to go down that road". Anyway 2 years later I was close to a nervous breakdown and had no choice, looking back i wish I had taken them sooner as I could have enjoyed those years.

 

Anyway I will probably always take them (I really feel with myself that it is a chemical imbalance as I don't need additional support from counsellors etc and just feel myself again, but if I was to stop taking them it would start all over again). Most people only need them for the short term.

 

My doctor explained it to me like this.......If you had diabetes and your body was not producing what it needed you would take insulin.Your body isn't producing enough of the chemical it needs and it is the same, just because the organ affected is the brain makes no difference.

 

Anyway, we are all here for you <'> Take care <'>

[board]

just like to say thank you all for the kind words one day at a time all the best jill

[hev]

hello jill,how are you feeling today?better i hope,look after yourself