Bullies -

[justamom]

Tonight with it being a little warmer K was outside playing football. After about 20mins I saw the boy from next door running home he locked himself in his garage a couple of seconds. I was just getting my shoes on when i had a desperate knock at the door. It was my son K who was frantic holding his head - I could not get any sense out of him. So off course I PANICKED started shouting "whats happened - are you hurt?" I was looking for blood, marks etc. Cut a long story short a gang of kids around the ages of 12-15 from another school joined there game of football. The kids in the neighbourhood are wary of them as they have a bad reputation, one of the boys starting to pick a fight and took K' S new ball and tried to kick it into the road and started to be very verbal. It turned nasty and our lads ran home.

 

K was so frightened and upset that he was in floods of tears. I was like a mad woman I just wanted to get out at really have a go at them. My hubby had such a go at me because he said that I had just escalated the situation and made K feel worse seeing me so wound up and wanting to knock someones head off does not help K calm down (He's right but at the time I would not admit that.) I am usually the calm one in our relasonship but don't mess with my kids coz I lose it.. K cant protect himself in situations like this (he reacted badly to this he was very upset and had to take a while to get him to calm down) The other boys in the neightbour hood were scared but not to the extend that he was he nearly hyper ventilated with fear. I know that he has to grow up but how do you cut the apron strings do you let them deal with it and get hurt or do you step in.

 

I need too chill out but its instintive for me to behave this way - anyone self been here before.

 

justamom

[jayjay]

Hi justamom <'> i havent been in this situation yet as my son is only 5 but i would have reacted in the same way some kids are just plain nasty hopefully someone will be about soon who has been in the same situation <'>

jayne xx

[DaisyProudfoot]

It's very hard not to react. I remember one incident when Martin was being picked on by a bunch of girls (aquaintences of my daughter - I won't say friends ) and I called them a:

 

"selfish bunch of little b**chs" to their faces - they were only aged about eight - how pathetic is that

 

Daisy

[Kathryn]

justamom,

 

<'>

 

When my daughter was about 9 I remember wandering the streets looking for a bunch of kids who had upset my daughter in the park. They chased her down the road and she fell and gashed her leg quite badly. I was so angry it's just as well I didn't find them. So I sympathise with your reaction! I see the red mist whenever anyone upsets either of my children - for whatever reason.

 

It was a very scary situation for your son to be in. He couldn't be expected to defend himself and running away was the only sensible thing to do. I hope he's feeling calmer now - and you too.

[Guest hallyscomet]

I am sure your reactions are completely normal under the situation, any mum here would have reacted exactly the same, we feel so much more for our ASD child and become very defensive if someone bullys them.

 

<'> <'> <'>

Hope all is settled down now.

 

Hailey

[Paula]

<'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Sounds awfull and id have reacted in exactly the same way.Its like a primevil thing when youre kids are thretened.

 

 

Thing is though and this sounds like im a realy realy fussy fussy mum and i guess i am.We live opposite a large playing field but im scared to let our 12 year old As son go play over there.So so many times when hes gone across to either play on the swings or kick a ball around and i stress he plays alone it ends in tears because other childre NT kids approach him and even if its done in a freindly way he cant cope and starts to react innappropriatley.He has a meltdwon they start laughing im rushing over there to remove him forcible from the area.God its a nightmare.

 

 

We kinda came to an agreement that he could go across but if other children arrived he had to come home.I know its not faire but it always kicks of and i cant cope with the fall out.

 

Thank god he acepted this and luckily he doesnt realy like to go across there much.

 

I want him to be normall and interact with the kids but in reality it never happens.Hes left screaming there laughing and im in floods of tears as it hits me smack between the eyes all over againe hes not the same as them.

 

Its hard god its hard.Watching kids his age play and have fun and hes all alone.

But he seams happy enough.

[mel]

hi justamom, <'> for you both.

Can relate to how you feel, my 14 yr old NT daughter has been bullied for years, different people, but she just cannot get along socially so is often a target. its hard when any child has to go through this but for an AS child the situation must be even worse. S is only 5 so i guess i have that to look forward to

[justamom]

Thanks for all your replies.. Poor kid feel asleep at 9.30 which is unheard of in our house must have been so exhausted and freaked out by all this.

 

Paula - Its so hard letting go and you are spot on by saying

Quote:-

I want him to be normall and interact with the kids but in reality it never happens.Hes left screaming there laughing and im in floods of tears as it hits me smack between the eyes all over againe hes not the same as them.

Quote:-

 

Just having abad few days I have not been well and then this but I have reassessed the situation and will try to calm down if this happens again!!!.

 

justamom

[Stephanie]

It is only natural, what kind of mother would you be if you didn't care?

 

My son is only 4 but it is one of my biggest fears, that people wont like him and he will get bullied. Like any Mum I love him to bits and want everyone else to see him as I do.

 

I have already noticed that he isn't being invited to some of the childrens parties from school which I am choked about. Luckily, he hasn't noticed (but he would care).

 

Still, he'll always have me as his best friend.

[Paula]

One of the most heart wrenching things id to witness was last year when my son took part in a swimming gala competion thingy through his school.

 

 

I was under the impression that it was an event only consisting of special schools but how wrong i was.

 

Id to sit and watch my son and other special needs kids some with cerablal palsey compeate against nt kids.Ever single one of those special needs kids gave it there whole and every one came last.It absolutley broke my heart seeing my son try so hard and basically be left metres from the start line whilst the others had finished.I was so proud of him yet i was fighting back the tears.

 

 

The parents of the Nt kids were whooping and a hollering shouting come on oh god hes come second or that wasnt his /her best time and i fealt sick inside.

 

What made it even worse was that medals were handed out and of course none of the kids from the special school got anything because theyd not come in the top three of any race.

 

He wont be taking part againe.

 

But is that for him or to spare me i dont know.Maybe if im honest for me.I left that building devestated as the reality i dont normally see was laide out bare in front of me.I never want to feel that againe.

 

 

Edited February 8, 2006 by Paula

[Stephanie]

I would have cheered for him for you! <'>

[mel]

I would have cheered for him too.....at the top of my very loud (so im told) voice.

 

<'>

[ROBANDDEB]

Id say its perfectly normal.

If any of our children go out and play ,i cringe if i hear anyone start crying cos i know Debs will be up and out that door and sceaming away . ( mind you she has chilled out a bit in the last year )

I think its just a case of protecting our own !

 

 

[justamom]

hear hear

[UltraMum]

I'd feel like knocking their heads together ...

[curra]

Your reaction is perfectly understandable and I have felt the same many times with my son. He has tried a couple of times to go out to a communal playground but he's been always teased or bullied by some of the other boys in the neighbourhood who form gangs. They have called him names because of his gait or just because he likes to be alone and watch plants or bugs and in the end my son decided never to go out alone again. In the last 2 years he's been always either indoors, at school or somewhere with me, but never alone on the street because that has been what he wanted. He has been bullied at school for years and I have complained over and over again. Lately he retaliated at school and there was a big fuzz about it, just because he's got AS. They began to treat him as a kind of "maniac" (this is the word my son used for it). When he was in primary there was once a sports day at school and he was made to participate with the low ability group. He hated it and so did I. P.E. is an area where disabilities are too visible and children like ours can't cope with the competiveness.

<'> >< <'> to you and your son

 

Curra

[lil_me]

And people wonder why my son doesn't leave the house without me.