Are odd comments and bizarre threats common?

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Don't want to go into a great lot of detail, but has anyone else heard their child making really spine-chilling threats or comments? I took my son (whose 4 and is currently being assessed for 'something on the spectrum' (quote from specialist), initially thought to be Aspergers) to an adventure play centre and he was playing with a slightly older boy (around 6/7). They were playing happy with drums, when this kid grabbed one of the drumsticks and said he was going to stab my son and asked me to promise not to tell. I didn't panic, but firmly told him 'no'. Whilst this chilled me to the bone, it's the type of comment that I've heard my son come out with. My son has threatened to run out in front of a car and actually tried to do it ? I was petrified and shaken and headed for home as I couldn't go shopping after that particular incident. My son will say that he's going to poke my eyes out, smash windows, kill his teacher, wants me to crash the car, wants to get hurt, cut someone's face, etc. I know that my son's nursery and Educational Psychologist have documented numerous other instances when he's made very disturbing and often very specific threats. There's no way that he's seen anything violent/horror on TV and his DVD collection consists of postman pat, bob the builder, spiderman, noddy, batman, etc. (admittedly it's possible that he's seen snippets of the news, holby city, etc). I put it down to the way that he inteprets information and have found me being extra careful about what he watches. What concerns me is that if this is something that he's said, whilst I doubt he fully understands what he's saying, makes me wonder if there's any real danger that he'd attempt anything (he's already attacked me whilst I was sleeping at 3.10am one morning and kicked and punched me and pulled my hair ? thought I was being attached by a burgular until I realised it was my son). He has also lashed out at two of his teachers, a shop assistant and other children. Just wondered if anyone else has experienced the same and if so, how on earth do you deal with hearing comments like this?

 

Caroline.

[Brook]

Hi Caroline,

 

My son uses some awful words when he is angry or someone has upset him.

He says things like I'm gonna punch you in the neck, and suck your brains out.

He tells people they are 'evil' and he makes some rather strange threats.

 

I took him to a birthday party a couple of weeks ago and the little girl whose party it was

won the pass the parcel game, my son went balistic, he held his head and shouted at the

top of his voice 'I hate you Katy, you should die, I'm gonna kill you'

her grandmothers face was horrified.

 

The lady next door told him to get off the fence once, she wasn't nasty, he went absolutely

mad at her, he went indoors to get his starwars gun and was running around shouting I'm gonna

kill that lady, she's evil!

 

He's also ran into the garden shouting out that 'you are evil parents'!!

 

My son has never really been physically aggresive, but verbally he can really go for it!

I think alot of it is his use of language, instead of saying 'I'm really cross with you' he will

say something like 'I really hate you, you are evil'!

 

If he gets told not to do something he will say 'you are a killer, I hate you', me and hubby are

actually very laid back parents and have never so much as smacked his hand, I strongly disagree

with smacking. We are certainly not 'evil', but it's my sons choice of words that really

can shock, also the threats can really be quite scary, and I dont think he would follow any of them

through, but I know it can be unnerving just to hear them.

 

My son's receptive language is delayed over two years, I have tried to give him the right words to

use but, in the heat of the moment he always reverts to his own choice.

 

He also wants to copy things off the tv etc.. ie.. he wants to jump of a skyscraper like spongebob.

 

I hope someone comes along with some advice for you.

My son shows extreme anger with people even over trivial things (well they are to us but not him)

and he doesn't hide it.

I am just hoping that he doesn't get physical, but to just keep working on giving him more appropriate

responses when he is angry.

 

Brook

[cmuir]

Thanks for the reply Brook.

 

Have to say, I don't believe that smacking an already aggressive little boy is the right route to go down. I've been repeatedly questioned by specialists about what I let me son watch on TV. I tell them the same thing each time, which is that he isn't watching anything that any other child isn't watching (spiderman, postman pat, etc). People do point the finger though! I was pretty gobsmacked when I heard that child I first referred to saying exactly the kind of thing that my son comes out with. Struck me that maybe others have experienced the same. In a funny sort of way, whilst I was horrified (but hid it well), I was relieved at the same time!

 

Thanks.

 

Caroline.

[Canopus]

Of course its common for kids - and adults - with AS. I'm still as evil minded today as I was when I was a kid.

[jayjay]

My son is exactly the same even someone has upset him he will shout "you are evil i hate you"

or your not my mum. He is really paranoid about death, monsters, ghosts and bones i just dont know where it is all coming from, he says he is going to kill you aswell when he is on one, sorry havent got any advice but i will be watching this thread with interest for some advice myself aswell.

jayne xx

[lainey]

my son's the same he says i'm going to fire your world he's said this to paed too and he always says my father's evil and i'm going to die you i think it;s off kids telly because he doesn't watch anything else

[stresshead]

Last week I had a sofa and a matress outside my house waiting for the council to pick them up, anyway, this as you can imagine outside a terraced house invited the local scallywag kids to jump all over it! To my astonishment my 6 yr old AS son quietly went into the kitchen got a bread knife, and was about to go out to these boys!!!

A few things like this have happened, when I asked him about it he said "well I wouldn't do that, and they shouldn't be doing that" He did have a point, but what made him think like that?????????????????

A

Edited March 19, 2006 by stresshead

[Paula]

My son sometimes says hes going to go and play in the traffic.And that hes going to just kill himself.

 

This isnt helped by his nt sister saying go on them do it were sick of you !!!!!!!!!!! Teenagers are rotton at times.

[curra]

My son frequently says horrible things like chopping someone's head off and a pool of blood coming out etc. He got a picture of himself on the PC and drew scars and blood all over his face. He says that this or that person is evil and deserves to die. Sometimes he threatens to blow up the house or run away from home and live under a bridge. He knows I don't like to hear those things but if I pay too much attention to him when he says them he will go on just to annoy me. Most of the time I pretend I didn't notice it unless it gets too annoying, then I say to him that he's being rude or I try to explain the value of life etc. He says that all the boys at school say the same things.

 

Curra

[loulou]

Hi Caroline,

 

Kai is also very similar. He is 7, but started saying this sort of thing when he was 3/4.

 

I used to get calls from the teacher saying how "violent and aggressive" his language was. This is at a time when all he watched was cbeebies and was even scared of Scooby!

 

He used to say things like your son does, and used to tell the other children he was going to kill them/blow up the school etc. I think this was his way of delaing with the stress of the school environment.

 

He can also be verbally and physically aggressive to me (I have the scars ), which is really upsetting. My mum won't look after him anymore b/c she is scared of him .

 

He recently made a story called "The blood by Kai". It's got pictures of stick people bleeding, one man crashed on a car windscreen and the driver put the wipers on and smeared the blood everywhere . I was really shocked when he showed it to me.

 

He also talks about dying alot. He usually says he's going to run in the road (he has tried it too).

 

It's hard to know how to deal with this, but i try not to make an issue of it and just say something like, "Well it wouldn't actually be funny if that happened to someone" or, "Mummy would be sad if you did that".

 

I'm hoping he will grow out of it.

 

Loulou x

[adamsmum]

K is now 8 and is known to say some terible things. He has said he will skin peapl alive he will ask if the baby is dead yet has said he will set the school on fire. this is a small example. He can also be vialent he gave my 5 year old a black eye on sunday tried putting my 1 year old in the fireplace aparently to keep him warm and strangled a lady from contact a family It can be scaryand i dont know wher it comes from or how to stop him. Im hoping to see somone with him soon so fingers crossed

[neda]

I told A this morning to get off the road because cars were on the road. He told me he was going to jump in front of a car and get broken. I have terrible problems with him having no sense of danger and always trying to run off, particularly into the road, this is the last thing I want to hear as it seems like he's not scared of it.

[DaisyProudfoot]

I lost count of the number of times Martin has threatened to kill anyone and everyone. He gets a really scarey look on his face too

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Thanks everyone for replies! In a way, it's a great relief and comforting to know that this isn't unusual.

 

I recall being repeatedly questioned by a specialist asking what I talked about in front of my son and what I let him watch. She really made me feel like a failure, despite the fact that I knew I was probably far more careful about what I let my son watch than most other people. Nursery are horrified and other parents when they hear Robert talking about killing someone, or smashing windows, etc.

 

Strange how little minds work. Just shows how something as innocent as, for example, a Noddy DVD can give a very distorted impression. Robert will not speak to the police, and refuses to believe his grandad's a policeman. On way to nursery one day, he was shouting and screaming at an older child that he was going to put him in jail and kill him!

 

Thanks again.

 

Caroline.

[justamom]

I read this the other night and though no i won't answer it because K does not do this too often, but hey presto he has threatened me tonight. Told me he would smash my glasses if i tried to make him go to his room. Does you son hold a grudge. K does the other night C accidently knocked his knees and he saw this as her picking on him. Tonight during a argument he targeted her knees to "get her back"... Do any of your children do this???

 

Justamom

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Does Robert hold a grudge? Oooooooh yes! He's only 4, but has an amazing long-term memory and so rarely forgets anything! He has recollected things that have happened 1.5 year ago and has recently became cross over that something. A fairly recent example is that six weeks ago I drove over a cobbled road and Robert wasn't comfortable with that at all. He really didn't like it and his hands flew up to cover his ears. There was nothing I could do, except explain that the road was old and that the road was bumpy because it was made of old bricks. He accepted my answer without making too much fuss at the time. Anyhow, Robert became unexpectedly cross last week and when I enquired why, he replied that he was angry "because of the bumpy road". If, for example, another child knocks into him by accident, he can become very cross indeed and lash out. Other occasions, he'll accept that it was an accident. In that sense, he's very inconsistent.

 

One thing that I would say it that generally the threats aren't as a direct result of me or someone else displeasing him at that time. It's usually over something which isn't obvious to me or something that happened a long time ago. Something else that can also make him cross which results in threats, exhaggerated facilal expression, swearing, threats, etc is, for example, we were out for a walk and Robert was engrossed with his remote control thunderbird (one of his obsessions at the moment!). A woman who was merely being friendly had said to Robert that he was a lucky boy getting that for Christmas. Well, that poor woman, got a mouthful!

 

He can be perfectly happy one minute, then literally the next can come out with all sorts of things. Best description I can give is that Robert is like a 'Jekyll and Hyde' character.

 

Sound familiar?

 

Caroline.

 

 

 

Caroline.

[Mother in Need]

If, for example, another child knocks into him by accident, he can become very cross indeed and lash out.

My son does that all the time, thought mostly to his younger brother. Though 12 he is still very young emotionally, and very much lives in the moment; I don't think he is ready to understand delayed gratification (well, yes when it is a reward, like if he goes to school OK in the morning he will get a hot chocolate when he comes home) but with delayed punishment he just can't get it. And neither could he if he were the perceived victim, the lashing out is instant, even is you so much as brush past him.

 

As for morbid thoughts, he too has them. He loves zombies, and anything un-dead, prefers all the baddies in the movies. He will constantly talk about the best way to eliminate man-kind, and as he is so very bright has come up with some ways I hope the terrorist will never find out about... Will he actually do them one day? I wish I could say no, but I am really not sure...

And yes, he too has run in front of a van and has tried to get out of my car, right in front of a truck... I borrowed a friend's car with sliding doors (so he doesn't damage other cars when he gets out) and a child lock to prevent that happening, and after having used it for 5,000 miles I have now bought the car of the friend, still needing those now.

Our knives have to be kept in a locked box.

[stresshead]

As my 6 year old son has only recently been DX these are all behaviours that he has always had, but it seems I am now scutinising every move or action that he makes, I don't know whether these are behaviours of AS or if these are normal everyday thoughts exagerated by AS?

thanks for any opinions

A

Edited March 20, 2006 by stresshead