helenmorbey Report post Posted March 29, 2006 Just a question, do children with ASD always speak so honestly!! Yesterday coming out of nursery a little boys mom asked me if her lad could come to our house to play with my daughter (he adores her and she tolerates him), the mom asked my daughter if she would like that to which she said "NO", so i said "oh that would be fun", to which she said "no i dont want him to come". The mom dosent know about the probable ASD, should i mention it to her before the whole nursery hears how rude my daughter is? In shops she makes her feelings known too, the other day in a very loud voice she said that a guide dog shouldnt be in the shop "because he stinks" !!! I dread anyone walking towards us with a weight problem or funny walk or anything!!! Helen x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brook Report post Posted March 29, 2006 Helen, this is very common with ASD, my son literally says what he thinks! he has said many a thing that has made 'me' cringe when out and about. alot of the things that 'we' may think in our head about someone, but know it is socially not acceptable to blurt them out, my son does blurt them out, but not to be rude, he is not taking into account that it is an insult, he is just saying what he see's or thinks. If I tell him he isn't allowed to say something because it's rude, he gets upset as he genuinely didn't know. As for telling this mum about your daughters ASD, that is a decision only you can make, if she is becoming good friends and you feel she is trustworthy, then I would say invite her round for a coffee and explain your daughters ASD. My son once stood in front of a little old man who was bent up, he stood there pointing at him and laughing hysterically , I told him not to do it as the old man may feel upset because he was laughing at him, my son said "but he is really funny, he makes me laugh". Brook Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sarahjane Report post Posted March 29, 2006 Hi - yes I think this is v common - at least I hope so! When one litle boy asked my little boy (as) if he wanted to come at play he said " no your house stinks!" I later found out he did not like the air freshner they use, fortuately his Mum had a sense of humour and since then H has gone several times to play at this boys house and enjoyed it! Somedays he just says no he won't go other times he will. I have never discussed his diagnosis with his mum but she knows he has problems at school and needs help- and is always v calm and sensible and takes things as they come. You may find on another occasion she will go. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mum22boys Report post Posted March 29, 2006 Oh I can definately relate to this! I had exactly the same thing happen to me about six months ago and actually posted on here with what should i do. M is 6 and was asked by a mum if he wanted to go play at their house and shouted 'No' at her. I was horrified and the mum started saying 'it's fine if he doesn't want to'. I ended up telling her i would speak to her tomorrow whilst i was by myself. I thought all night about what to do. Up to that point I had only told a couple of mums that M was being assessed for an ASD. I decided to tell her because I knew his behaviour was getting worse and he didn't acknowledge the kids out of school. i felt i needed to explain. Before i did I asked M why he didn't want to go. it was simple he said 'I've already been, why do i want to go again' He couldn't see why he would want to return to play when he had already been. I told the mum who was very good. She understood and suggested if m wanted to come round I could come also for a coffee so he felt more comfortable. We did that a couple of weeks later and although it took m about an hour to settle he eventually did. Don't be embarresed by these outburst i'm sure they don't understand the need to keep certain thoughts to themselves. I have slowly over the last eight months or so told most mums about m. Mainly because if he is invited to play I have to explain his odd behaviours and also i think it would be unfair on them if they had a tantrum. Unfortunately most mums have now witnessed m's tantrums and so know what he can be like. mum22boys Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lancelot Report post Posted March 29, 2006 Yes! Last week I took C to a local Asperger's youth group -- quite a trek, but usually worth it. When we got there, the coordinator was very apologetic for forgetting to let us know it was cancelled. I started to say, 'No, no, it's all right, these things happen', but C, hands on hips, glared at her and said, 'You mean I had to LEAVE THE PARK, rush my TEA, argue with my SISTER, waste all this petrol and CAUSE POLLUTION, all for NOTHING???' --which is about how I felt, really! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bullet Report post Posted March 29, 2006 When I was 12 I was getting changed after a PE lesson and I made a mess of putting on my tie. Exasperated, the teacher said to me "You look a mess! But you don't care about that, do you?". "No" I replied (I didn't realise until years later she was trying to shame me, I thought she was asking a genuine question). Teacher was so shocked at my honesty she just walked away . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
elainem Report post Posted March 29, 2006 (edited) Hi my ASD 5 yr ds speaks his mind too. One day he told me a little girl in class smells and then went on to describe what she smelled of, includng hot dogs! I managed to persuade him not to say it the poor child in question! The decision about other parents is of course up to you but I have found a weight lifted now that most of the class parents now know. I never made any great announcement but as I knew I wanted them to know I made a conscious effort over time to 'filter' it out. I have had lots of chances this year as both my twins have been invited to lots of parties - everyone seems to have one for the BIG 5 - and I don't feel able to leave my ASD child just yet. So this gives me a good excuse to mention the ASD without just coming out with out of context IFSWIM. Elaine Edited March 29, 2006 by elainem Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
helenmorbey Report post Posted March 29, 2006 Thanks for youre stories! You all certainly made me smile! If only we had got ESP i could filter all my mother in law thoughts to her and she could say them !!! It seems at nursery (well according to the teacher) she "plays" with the other kids, however when i take her to parties she will have next to nothing to do with them! The kids come up to her and ask her to play to which she replies "no i dont want to", the thing that bothers me is these kids will soon get fed up of asking her and as she starts reception in september ive got images of her totally alone in the playground. Ive got a good friend with a daughter only 2 months younger than mine, we see each other every couple of weeks, occasionally she will play with the little girl (usually if her sisters are with her), then suddenly she will "switch off" before my eyes and totally ignore her! My friend has just had a baby, he is 6 weeks old and i was giving him a cuddle, my daughter said "now put it down and wash your hands", id love to know what she thinks sometimes, thanks all Helen x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mum22boys Report post Posted March 29, 2006 Hi Helen, Just read your reply and i think our two could be long lost twins!!!! I have the same worries regarding the other kids in m's class as i'm sure the day will come when they no longer bother with the kid who ignores them once out of the classroom and the one who prefers to sit in the computer room with a classroom assistant at playtimes. Suprisingly they still do talk to him and ask him round to play. he actually seems quite popular although he is not bothered with the other kids. he finds it very difficult to approach another child and even when paired up at school playtimes he is off on his own within minutes. Yes I worry too the day will come when he has no friends because he is not sociable but i'm not sure how bothered he will be. he seems quite happy as he is. i suppose he knows no different. Try not to worry too much, i've realised there is little point looking too far ahead and try to take one day at a time. Take Care <'> <'> mum22boys Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisann Report post Posted April 3, 2006 Hi yes same for us Char too just says what he is thinking even when it is very rude.I think let them get on with it it can be very emmbarracing but it too can be very funny!!! Char very loudly in a supermarket queue said " dad that lady has farted and it smells" Well he was just telling the truth it did stink!!!! Lisa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
