linss Report post Posted April 2, 2006 Hi , my son is seven and has AS. He's having so many problems at school i just don't know what more to do. School has always been his difficulty he manages very well at home . It's always been a rocky road with school and for the last six months he's had full time support , He's offered lots of incentives and they try very hard to meet his needs. The problem is his behaviour is going downhill even more.In the last month or so it's taken a nose dive . He's more aggressive ,angry and become hugely defiant absolutely refusing to do most of his work ,come in from the playground, go to assembly in fact anything that he decides he doesn't want to do he makes a huge fuss which develops into defiance and often violent outbursts. What's happening to him ? It's a vicious circle he misbehaves and he gets in trouble for it and then feels bad so he misbehaves again and so it goes on. I can't say school are not handling it well or being too hard on him because i don't think they are really at fault. They mostly act fairly and he does have to learn from his negative behavior and this means losing out on things or gaining minutes etc. We do all try to use positive reinforcement and praise as well. We can't find any reason for this decline nothing has changed his life is such a happy one. he just seems to be giving up " i don't like it , it's boring i'm NOT doing it ". Seems to be his reasons. Yet at home we have boundries always have done and he doesn't question it. why does he do this at school ? Can anyone relate to this ? can you see something i'm missing ? I just don't know what more to do it's looking bad for him and his future at this school if things don't improve , please help Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
darky Report post Posted April 2, 2006 hi there. well, my son used to say reading was boring, the dyslexia specialist he saw said that to him that probably ment it was hard. it could be hes finding the work or the enviroment hard to cope with. certainly sound like soething is bothering him. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jb1964 Report post Posted April 2, 2006 Hi Linss, Seems like you're going through it at the moment. Cant' really offer any advice other than at around 7 my daughter went through a really really bad phase (and other one at 11 til now). The one at around 7 I think could probably have been due to the fact that she was becoming more aware that she was different and not fitting into her peer groups/friends etc. It's so difficult to help them when they can't explain what the problem is - or even that sometimes they're not aware of what the problem is - just that something is making them sad. Hope he feels better soon and that someone comes along soon with some good advice for you. Take care, Jb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted April 2, 2006 Hi Linss, <'> However cooperative he school are, it does sounds as though SOMETHING is bothering him in that enviromnment. He's 7 - is he in year 2? Could it be the forthcoming SATS that are winding him up? The prospect of moving on to year 3 and a completely different experience? At this stage the academic pressure on children does increase in preparation for the next stage. You know your son best though - there could be many stress factors in the school day which are triggering off this behaviour. I can't really offer any brilliant advice - except to keep talking to the school and trying to unearth the cause of it. I think it's important that they don't just treat his behaviour as deliberate defiance - he may not be able to learn through negative consequences or incentives in the same way as other children. (They always had zilch effect on my daughter, anyway! ) K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
linss Report post Posted April 2, 2006 That's a very good point about the work becoming harder and the sats ,yes he is in year 2. He's always been so bright and got away with doing the bare minimum now thats changed and the other children are going past him . He's no longer the top of the class and because he doesn't listen for long and likes to do it his own way he's making mistakes and missing the point. I think knowing he's not one of the top is getting to him and he can't make himself do anything about it. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted April 2, 2006 Don,t know what it is about the 7 age, but my son took a dive at this time too......he was referred to a physc and eventually diagnosed with ASD.Hope you can find a solution or reason for his deterioration Suzex. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
phasmid Report post Posted April 2, 2006 Something has changed the dynamics at school. The question is what? The trouble is finding it! The more obvious choices: New classmate. New schoolmate. New staff member (this could be a Mid-day supervisor, TA, school cook etc) Change in routine (this could be school play or sats practice's for example) So I could go on. The less obvious ones: New displays (in class or around school) New seating arrangements. Someone wearing a new perfume. Equipment change (we've just had our computer suite re-vamped) Clearly the list/s could go on forever if you want to. It could be something so trivial to anyone else but it means the world to him. Has anyone asked him (in a nice calm momment) what is causing the upset? He might not know himself or if he does he may not be able to verbalise it. Try and find the trigger and then you have something to work on. HTH Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cmuir Report post Posted April 2, 2006 Hi Just a thought, but maybe it's nothing to do with school ? maybe puberty (a bit early granted, but possible?!). Caroline. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zemanski Report post Posted April 2, 2006 does he feel he is being sanctioned for things he can't help or doesn't properly understand? You mentioned the problem with punishment increasing anxiety/frustration and leading to further problems resulting in more punishment. Even if they are 'fair' it may be causing so much stress that it isn't really fair. This is usually an anxiety cycle and the only way I know of breaking it is to stop punishing, especially for things that result from his ASC, the practice of ignoring bad behaviour and praising good is a good one as it reduces anxiety and avoids the problem of misinterpreting behaviour as bad. We have had to use this tactic with Com several times over his school career and it has worked each time (the first time it was just with writing as he couldn't bear to make a mistake so we asked the teacher to stop marking completely and later to just use positive comments). The trouble is that he can then go ages perfectly fine until he makes some mistake that gets him into trouble and it starts all over again. If behaviour is unmanageable and aggressive then he will probably need to be taken to a safe place where he can calm down, this is not punishment and should not be used as such in this sort of situation. The most effective strategy is to pre-empt behaviour by taking him out of situations as soon as he shows signs of stress so he is more likely to be able to maintain control and be able to return. It also means he is less likely to incurr those punishments that cause the anxiety in the first place. another thing that happens around the end of Y2 and into Y3 is there is a period of rapid social development in most children and social situations begin to become more complex than many ASC children can cope with, if there are problems developing with kids he usually gets on with at school then he may need more support in the playground. Also there is an increasing expectation of independence from teachers that can make children feel really pressurised. Zemanski Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brook Report post Posted April 2, 2006 (edited) Hi, When my son went into yr1 everything seemed to go downhill fast. The school did try and do things for him, but to be honest they weren't clued up enough, in the end my son had a near breakdown and we took him out of school, I've never seen such a drastic change in him once he started yr1, I think it was a number of things, a new teacher, a new classroom, the curriculum was getting a little more demanding, the kids had matured a little more and were starting to notice my sons 'quirks' if thats the right word? He basically spent most of the school day with extremely high anxiety levels, he would be very screamy and loud if he did not understand something, or if something went wrong for him. There was only so much he could take before it really did beat him down. He has now regained his confidence and we are looking into provision for him. It's not easy to get to the root of the problem, but you'll probably find it is a whole load of things that are triggering him. All the best Brook <'> Edited April 2, 2006 by Brook Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarerQuie Report post Posted April 3, 2006 It does sound to me as if anxiety could be playing a huge part in his difficulties.xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jen Report post Posted April 3, 2006 This happened to my son at the age of seven. The way we dealt with it was in went into the classroom at the beginning of each session. He got an explanation of the work then he would go outside into a quiet area to do the work. This reduced his anxiety and just took the pressure off. Over a period of a few weeks slowing in would stay in the classroom for some lessons. Over a period of time he can be intergrated back into the classroom. Does he have freqeunt learing breaks as this also helps. Jen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
