im at breaking point!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bjkmummy]

hi everyone,

 

 

i have a 4 year old son who is autistic.

 

also have 2 1/2 year old twins and i thin k the boy may be autistic.

 

it is the twin boy that i am really struggling with - being one long session of screaming.

 

he got up okay and came downstairs. had his nappy changed but now is just laying on the floor screaming his head off. if anyone goes near him to give him some milk / toast he gets extremeley distressed. he has to have the same clolour plate and cup in the morning or this sends him into a fit. its getting to the stage where we cant touch him as we;re scared of setting him off

 

yesterday when he came out of nursery, rather than me getting him out of the car, hubby got him out and tried to take him into the garden rather than in the house which set of a screamng fit for an hour which when i have 2 other children as well is really hard - hubby was on nights so left me to it!!!!!

 

the boy is not very verbal - he can talk but no where as much as his sister but it the screaming and crying thats getting me down. i have them at home today and im just dont know how im going to cope. i feel like im walking on eggshells all the time and if i even look at him hell start screaming for no reason - the worse thing is that if i even kiss him hell get really upset and start hitting his face where my kiss was on his face so i cant even console him

 

is this part of his possible autistic behaviour????????????????????

[Paula]

<'> <'> <'>

 

My heart goes out ot you.

 

The behaviour youre describing from youre 2 and half year old son is exactly like my son was at that age.My son is now 12.

 

If i looked at him,touched him did anything in his eyes wrong the screaming could and often would go on all day long.I too was at home on my own all day with the children my NT daughter at the time was 4.It was an absolute nightmare.I didnt realy know what was wrong but i had a suspision it was autism and i was right.

 

My son also at that time was not very verbal he can now talk and hold a conversation.His tantrums started to become less seveare when he could make himself understood better.

 

 

I realy dont know what to say except ive been there it does get easier although at the time you think it can never do so.

 

I also learnt from bitter experiance and lots of screaming that if my son stated to scream for england it was best not to touch,look or speak to him however distressing for us as a mum it was, if he was in the home,id to basically let it run its course because it would pass faster.

 

I hope todays a better day.

 

At that stage in my sons life i found my health visitor was a godsend,she arranged for my son to attend a special centre two days a week i also got help form a disabled group for children againe a life saver .

Edited May 4, 2006 by Paula

[Suze]

my son was similar but not as bad..........my heart goes out to you <'> .Could you try getting in his comfort zone ...........do video,s relax him..........does anything relax him?...........I,d also go to your gp and talk about getting a dx for him........I never had early years intervention so I don,t know how beneficial it can be ,but it sounds like you need some help and support.

[bugbug]

I agree, get him in the system then you will get more help with him. My son was the same and as the speech came on he became less distressed. We keep a really tight routine in the house which helps our son but also keeps the peace somewhat. I know you can have too much of a routine but for our best interests it works for us. I think its best if you just stand back when he's upset as well. If he can't be consoled theres no point in upsetting yourself further by being pushed away. It may even shorten the amount of time that he's upset.

I really feel for you its a heart breaking time cause you can't make things right for them when they are so upset and the first thing you want to do is cuddle. Hope your alright and will be thinking of you.

[Elouise]

A few years ago I had a destructive insular 8 year old (Nathan) who would SCREAM over any little thing that was not 'just right', a six year old (Jo), a non stop non sleeping whirlwind that dismantled everything and anything in his path (SAM!) and a very sick baby who was not expected to survive at the Regional Childrens Hospital (Annie) oh and a husband who was stuck working in GERMANY.

 

I was so exhausted from dealing with so much on my own I knew a crack up was on the cards.

Nathans Learning Disability Nurse got me in contact with our local areas Homestart.

It was a sanity saver and Homestart were brilliant as they sent out there most experianced volunter who took Nathan and Sam in her stride. Sam at that point had been banned from three playgroups for uber aggresive and destructive behaviour (and I do NOT blame the groups he was a monster at 2) She came with me to Sams assesments and those helped to get Sam a much needed place at an Autistic Specific Special School Nursary (Sam had 2 1/2 years special nursary and what a differance it made for the lad, he is now in mainstream and loving it!)

 

You can self refer to Homestart as well as being referred by Health Visitors and the like.

Their website is here. http://www.home-start.org.uk/

 

Hope this is of some help.

 

Its horrendous dealing with a non verbal autistic child and trying t sort things out for them whilst looking at another younger child and going 'hmm that one has it too'. Its a challenge to parent at this stage so try and be a bit proactive and go grab any help that might be out there. Experiance has taught me it doe snot come to you you have to go find it yourself. *thanks statutory' services!*

[bjkmummy]

thanks everyone.

 

the screaming has stopped for now !!!! i went upstairs - dh is sleeping off nights and just sat on the bed and counted to ten and then went back down. hubby then came down and sat with the twins whilst i took the 4 year old to school so ive had a break from the house. hubby has decided not to go back to bed and is having a shower as we speak so he will help this morning- hell probably take the boy twin into town this morning so i can spend some time with his sistere cos shes getting pushed to one side a lot and shes now starting to play up which is understandable.

 

i do use homestart - go there on a tuesday morning and they are very good - would recommend them.

 

im seeing the 4 year olds consultant on tuesday and he has received a referal for the boy twin so wants to talk about him as well. also i have another referall the following week with a peadatrician so some answers hopefully very soon

 

we are moving at the end of the month so that the 4 year old can go to a asd school - plus there is a special needs nursery that the boy twin can go to. boy twin does goes tonursery 3 days a week so i do get a break - hes fine at nursery but think this is due to routine.

 

when boy twin does kick off i place him on a big bean bag and let him thrash it out. we have learnt that it does not pay to intervene and only makes things worse so we just leave him to it - hes safe and doesnt usually get off the bean bag until hes finsished. yesterday he fellasleep cos he exhauseted himself so much

 

if anyone else has any helpful advice i would love to hear it and again many thanks for all your replies - good to know im not alone.

[Bagpuss]

bjkmummy,

 

Feel for you right now <'> <'> <'>

 

The screaming and rages are absolutely emotionally draining. I felt as though they were relentless and we would never see an end to them. Anything would set our daughter off, often the most innocent of things, everyday things, which we couldn't change/alter/remove...so felt alot of helplessness. I've learnt staying calm has worked the best for me. As soon as I showed any sign of being cross/upset/agitated her screaming would escalate. Removing her from the room worked also, although initially she would become more hysterical, then calm down. Its been a huge learning curve for us, and we are still learning. What works for one child, may not have any affect on another, so its trial and error. I do understand how you feel though, because our daughters rages were so awful I would sometimes just sit and cry. Try and get as much support as possible, its vital, even if its just from your other half. Try and get a break whenever you can. Always remember you are not alone <'>

 

Take care,

 

Debs

[bjkmummy]

been a bit of a strange day . lost count of the number of screaming rages today. even hubby was struggling to cope with it and at one stage girl twin kicked off as well so had both of them screaming the house down!

 

another thing boy twin does is hes always grabbing your hand to take you somewhere and he always wants to do it when youve just sat down with a coffee!!!!! girl twin is sooo good as she will have a nap in the afternoon so it just leaves me with boy twin.

 

but its soooo draining - its just not knowing what will set him off and its always something so trivial to us but im sure its not for him. he bites as well but i think the biting is more thathes eating the fabric rather than being malicious but his teeth are like razors so he often nips you especially his poor sister so have to watch him like a hawk

 

only an hour till bed time now - his latest thing is he doesnt want to get into bed - he has a comfy chair in his room so he has to sit in the chair. i leave him with his milk and he either falls asleep in the chair or hell get into bed!!

 

anyway going to keep a diary over the next few days for when i see the consultanton tues to see if there is any pattern to his behaviour

 

hes in nursery all day tomorrow!!!! ( i really am a bad mum!!!)

[mum22boys]

You're not a bad mum you are normal!!! I understand the wanting him in nursery all day, when m is off school ill I long for him to return. I feel wicked for thinking it but they drain you don't they.

 

Found what you were saying interesting though. I have a younger son who is just over two and a half also. I consider him to be NT although I do see strange habits forming and they have done since before he was two. He does pretend play and i console myself with this because M has never done this. But when you described your son i saw what i am going through also. He spends a lot of the time crying. He craves attention and also grabs my hand every time I sit. If we look at him it can start him off, if the wrong person opens his bedroom door or closes it he is hysterical. it usually has to be me that does it. Sometimes i wonder about him also. I tell myself he has imagination so he is ok. Perhaps he is borderline i think.

 

I just wanted to let you know I sympathise with you because I know how draining it is. <'> <'>

 

mum22boys

[shortie]

my DD is just the same,she has MASSIVE screaming fits but i know its mainly when i dont understand what she wants,i also just let her calm down by herself,because the more i try to cuddle her or distract her the worse it gets!!she is verbal but 99% ecolalia and she also does what ur son does,takes me by the hand for everything,just started using pictures to communicate better(proper ones rather than symbols at moment,i think i'm david bailey sometimes)its a slow proccess but starting to work!!

[call me jaded]

I have erased from my memory the bad parts of the year I had a 4 year old, a 2 year old and a newborn and a 9 y/o with profound ASD in the wrong school. Three in nappies and every weekend spent restoring calm to my eldest only for it to be in ruins by Tuesday.

 

My heart goes out to you bjkmummy. You have to do what you have to do. No 'professional' is in your shoes. Don't feel guilty over any of your actions. It's all about surviving.

[jlo9371]

I have a 12 year old waiting for diagnosis & I have a 17 month old who gives me a feeling of "seen this all before"

 

Whilst a Social Worker was at my home my "lil one" calmly walked to the wall and BUTTED it, he also BUTTED an optician, has 2 chipped teeth, numerous scars and an attitude provided by the devil NO ONE will babysit etc, everyone asks how I am not in an institution and so on, and his screaming tantrums stop traffic

 

My 12 yr old was like this, I soldiered on believing deep down I had made him like that, if I asked for a referral they would see I was an incapable mum, my mates cope - therefore I was useless etc.

 

Looking back I realize I had a an enormous responsibility, I was so afraid that to ask for help ,and that would be considered a failure as a Mum. I now wish I didn't, that I trusted my instincts, forgot my insecurities and ASKED FOR HELP. I knew as a 1st time mum, my baby was just not like the others, and you have concerns or you would not be here.

 

Please speak to your HV, ask about the CHAT assessment, tell her your concerns...............if I had did that all those years ago, I am certain I would not be in the situation I am now. Better that you get the reassurance and help you need, I know it's a humbling experience, but it takes strength to ask for help, and I'm sure it will put your mind at rest.

 

Good luck <'>

[Guest hallyscomet]

Hi bkjmummy, <'>

 

Sounds like you have worked hard to get some terrific support in place. <'> <'>

 

Our prayers are with you to keep strong, look after your health, you have a lot to cope with.

 

Hopefully support is all around you, you deserve it, just reminding you, that you are a wonderful mum doing the best with what resources you have. <'> <'>

 

H.