Help with temper tantrums please

[mum22boys]

Hi all,

 

I think i've asked this before and i'm sure lots of others have as well but I don't know which way to turn. M is six and still awaiting assessment although everyone he has seen so far thinks he is on the spectrum somewhere.

Yesterday he had a major tantrum. Oh i've had plenty before but yesterday I really struggled to hold him down. He is getting bigger and I am only just over 5 foot tall and he is catching me up quickly. Whilst he has these tantrums he has such amazing strength that I am struggling to hold on to him. Yesterday he threw things and kicked at things in this small shop. I struggled to get him down on the floor with me where he couldn't reach anything and hold on to him to stop him trashing the shop. Of course I got the lot. I am covered in scratches, I have bruises where he has bitten me, and where he has kicked me . I started to panic when he was over powering me and almost got away. I dread to think what would happen if he had as there were lots of other kids about and obviously lots of stock in the shop.

Reality is now hitting me that it won't be long until he is too strong for me, and then what do I do. There is no help available. CAMHS say they don't deal with M's behaviour and that there is no one in our part of the county that does. So how do we get help. I don't expect a miracle, I don't know what i expect really. I suppose I wonder if he can have help with managing his anger.

How do the rest of you cope? Do you have to hold on to your kids so they aren't a danger to others?

 

Would be grateful for any advice, thanks

 

mum22boys

[board]

hello my daughter 6 dx aspergers on the 12 of last month is like that the sw came to day and they are going to help me find ways to cope with her so you could phone them or your heath vister for help they mite know how can help all the best jill

[jb1964]

Hi Mum22,

 

I can't restrain my daughter (she's 12) and quite slight and only 4'9" so I can't imagine how you cope. I too find that her strength is unbelievable considering she only weighs 5 stone - she grabs hold of my wrists and I cannot get her fingers off me without nearly breaking her fingers (which are like elastic!!!).

 

When she was younger probably up until she was around 7 or 8yrs I could sit on the floor with her (had some advice from a consultant to put my front to her back, hold her arms down and wrap my arms and legs firmly around her) - and then rock and soothe her - but as your son is not so little that would be useless now.

 

Hope someone gives you some good advice soon.

 

Take care,

Jb

[Paula]

Mum22boys

 

<'> <'> Have some of these firstly.

 

My son is know 12 and the tantrums are fewere and farer between thankgod because hes as big as me and weighs 8 stone so theres no way i could restraraine him hed over power me.

 

 

When he was smaller hed scream and come at me with the strenth of 10 men.Ive been bitten head butted and like you had to wrestle him to the ground.

 

He once went beserk in WHSmiths and almost trashed the shope before chucking a placcard across the street i finally pinned him against a wall.He was around 6 at the time.What a show the shoppers had that day.

 

I once read in a book years ago when he was little that its important you can gaine verbal controll because they may and probably will come a time when that is all youll have due to there size and strenth.I tried to always remember this.Although its not easy to implement.

 

When my son kicks of or looks as though hes going to do so now, i say very very firmly NO !!!!!!!!!! And then dont speak a word to him at all.8 times out of ten this works i sometimes also say look you can yell scream and kick when we get home ok but please not here.Againe it can work.But hes older and he is fairly high functioning and is verbal and understands better than others.

 

Its a bloomeing nightmare at times but youre not alone.You survive and find a way eventually.

 

You do go slightly insane first though

 

Take care

Edited May 11, 2006 by Paula

[rainbow queen]

so far my son has

headbutted me several times

nearly broke my legs pushing me through a door

i cut my hand with garden clippers whilst he was rowing with me

covered my legs in bruises whilst ive had to carry him off away from places ect...............

 

list goes on and hes only 5 in june

 

its terrible the only thing that helps a bit is threats of removing stuff he likes doing ect.... pc/toy dog/ect...

know its not much help but i also find it hard to cope with

smacking dont work

naughty chair and egg timer only works if we are at home

in public its a different thing

[loulou]

Hi,

 

I can totally empathise with you on this one. Kai has violent outbursts too and he will grab at anyone or anything within reach. He is now 7 1/2 and weighs 5 1/2 stone. I can no longer restrain him either (and i'm 5'8"!). He gets incredibly strong when he's having a rage. I can't communicate with him when he's in a rage because his eyes just glaze over and it's impossible to get any interaction at all.

 

The only advice i can offer, is to try to distract before the rage occurs. Very difficult i know, but for me it's the only thing i can do. If i see any signs of him getting worked up, i try to distract him away from it. Doesn't always work (as you can see from my post the other day where he gave my neighbour's boy a black eye ). I think having a special place to go and "chill" may help too.

 

Hopefully when your son is assessed, you may be able to access more services. CAMHS were of no use to us, but we are on the waiting list for help at a specialist centre (ASD).

 

All the best,

 

Loulou x

[Mother in Need]

I can sympathise as well, my son is 12 and very strong without being in a rage and much stronger still when in one. It really needs 3 adult-sized/strength people to restrain him, though usually it is just myself and if I am lucky my 15 year old who is over 6 feet tall; and we struggle. Since he's been on respiridone though, his behaviour has improved, and since school finally accepted his problems he has improved even more. Saying that, I nearly had to restrain him this morning to stop him from really going after his little brother.

 

There is a book called 'Asperger Syndrome and Difficult Moments; Practical Solutions for Tantrums, Rage and Meltdowns' that is quite useful.

[Elefan]

<'> I can empathise!!

 

Stay strong.

 

Elefan

[JsMum]

Hi when J was six he would also have terrible tantrums and become a danger to myself and himself so on occasions I had no choice but to restrain him,

 

I did think at one point I couldnt do it as i felt like he was stronger than me,

 

but now I think differently and I know that I am stronger than J and I can if i really need to restrain i do,

 

the power this has given me is emmence and it is sometimes just in your head that you feel that a child is stronger,

 

but it is because of the situation is so difficult but once I really had the energy and wisdom i knew I was able to restrain him,

 

i found out some techniques as some are very dangerous but there is some useful information on certain courses BILD website have a list of courses that might be useful and parent can access these.

 

J weighs 4 stone and though strong he is not stronger than me and i can restrain him for now and i do what has been recommended and that is distraction and verbal calming,

 

if you access a course on bild you will learn effective ways of reducing the frustrations your son has,

 

j has also a very effective anger management in place too, and anger has been very useful for J he learned what it is and what it does to the body and how we can deal with anger more, and his outbursts have become less now though he still have times where he is disruptive he is not hitting, biting, kicking and punching me now like he did when he was six there is times he does but that is when I hold him.

 

For your son a lot of it misunderstanding and frustration and lack of awareness of what he is feeling when his body in anger responce.

 

Me and J researched anger together looking at books, going on the internet and doing activities to understand the scary feelings that we feel when where angry and this has really really helped J and Me.

 

there is some excellent webpages on the internet so have a look around.

 

I have to give it a clear picture that If i want to I will restrain J and he knows I wil.

I do understand he will get heavier and taller but for now it is a stratagie I use and I have reserched restraint to do it safely but at the end of the day if he is a risk of really hurting me or himself I have to hold him until he is safe.

 

There is a good cdrom on effective holding and its on luckyduck i can dig it out the website if you want to have a look but not cheap ?35.

 

My last resort is restraint, but it has to be the right kind to make sure he is safe.

 

 

JsMum