Any ideas on this one?

[Brook]

Hi all,

 

For quite a while now when I'm out with my son, he will repeatedly point out babies and

old people, and I mean EVERY baby and old person, he will constantly say

"look mum, a baby" or "look mum an old man" or woman whatever the case may be.

He says it just as you are getting level with these people, and some of them are not

exactly old and bear in mind my sons voice is extremely loud!

 

I always have to answer "oh yeah" in a surprised voice, this can become soooooo draining

when youve seen the thousandth baby and old person

 

I tried to explain that some of the people weren't old and they might feel upset if he said

they were old etc... so he decided to drop the 'old' and just say 'man' or 'lady'.

 

Well, he is now doing this with every living thing we see!!

I took him into town today and every two seconds he said "look mum a baby",

"look mum, a dog" "look mum, a boy" etc.. you get my drift.

If I dont answer he will say impatiently "did you see that boy mum"?

 

All of a sudden up the town today, he said, "oh no, there are too many people for me to say",

I then said "well, try not to say them then", he looked really anxious and said "okay",

then within two seconds he said "did you see those teenagers mum"?

 

These people he points out are not doing anything out of the ordinary, just walking about

like us.

 

I've tried my hardest to think of why he does this, maybe a coping strategy when he is out?

but I've dismissed that idea a bit because he does this with the tv also, he will say every two

seconds "did you see that mum, dad"? you HAVE to reply with 'yes' even if you didn't see it,

he knows that you haven't seen it and has said "just pretend you saw it and say yes",

if you say 'no' then you are in for a major screaming phase.

But it's getting to the point that he seems compelled to do it, and in return it is starting to

get to him.

 

Hope this has made sense

 

Brook

[smiley]

Hi Brook,

 

I think you may have hit the nail on the head with a coping strategy - even if he's doing it to the tv. It may just be his way of getting reassurance from you if he's anxious????? There was a thread on here a few days ago about children asking repetitive question. Over and over again

 

I might be totally wrong - just thinking of how my son would react...

 

Also, i noticed you son's 7, same as M. Just at the minute, he's going through a phase whereby he knows he should be 'talking' to you - and he will say absolutely anything that comes into his head - just to make conversation.... See what i'm getting at????? (I'm tired - so i'm rambling, lol.)

 

<'>

[Brook]

Hi Smiley,

 

yes, I do see what you are getting at, my son also tries to have a conversation,

he talks about very off topic things, and he tries to change the tone of his voice in

places (like when you are having a conversation) but it goes up and down in

the wrong places . but it's very encouraging to know that he is trying.

 

Sometimes I think my son starts these things and then gets to the point where he

cant stop doing them, then in the end they end up really winding him up.

I wonder if initially they were to block out certain stimuli, but then it has escalated and

now he cant stop it, almost like an obsessive compulsion?

 

Thanks

 

Brook

[Viper]

Sounds like a weird manifestation of an obsession to me. Almost OCD, like he has to say it.

 

Might be wrong but thats how I see it, Always helps to have another perspective.

[Viper]

Sorry Brook I didn't see your post when I posted mine. Great minds think alike.

[Brook]

Sounds like a weird manifestation of an obsession to me. Almost OCD, like he has to say it.

 

Might be wrong but thats how I see it, Always helps to have another perspective.

Viper,

 

youve echoed my thoughts exactly.

I have mentioned on other threads that he gets things like this in his head

and cant seem to stop them, initially he 'wants' to do them, but then he always ends

up getting stressed because he cant seem to stop doing them.

 

Brook

[Brook]

Sorry Brook I didn't see your post when I posted mine. Great minds think alike.

[sarahjane]

Hi

H who is 7 does exactly the same thing, he walks down the road and points at everything and says what it is so you have this commentary, lampost! dog! baby! etc etc etc etc, However he only does it if we are somewhere new or different. The first time he did was when we were visiting my parents in there town, then when a new shop was built in ours he started again when in that shop. I think in someway it helps him cope with a new place and I think he may get sensory overload when we go somewhere new as there are so many things to see and this is a coping stratergy- but I'm only guessing! However have not found a way to stop him- just ignore the funny looks!

[TheNeil]

Totally out of my depth on this one but what about asking him to write it down rather than say it out loud? It'd mean him carrying a pen/notepad with him but might make life a little bit easier (for you)

 

Just a thought from a non-parent (so if I've missed something then please let me off)

[lisann]

Hi Have you tried to distract him time consuming I know but it may make him feel a little at easy if he is anxious.We do this with Char i say look char there's a red car or look Char there's a man on a bike.I think it works because it keeps him quiet and often he will say no more mummy!!!

 

Lisa

[something vague]

Hi Brook,

 

I was wondering if your son is maybe developing theory of mind - that you have different thoughts and experiences than him. Maybe he is seeking reassurance that you havent missed anything that he has seen/ felt. Perhaps realising that you dont experience everything that he does is a little frightening and alarming, it would mean that he is on his own and responsible for his own thoughts. I dont know, I may be just rambling but thinking back to some of you previous posts your son is very attatched to you so perhaps he relies on you to be his guardian. Believe me, I know what I mean but I'm having bother expressing it : )

 

I think TNs suggestion of writing things down is excellant. You could make a tick chart for him and make it into a game. Or perhaps you can suggest that he squeezes your hand when he sees something interesting and you can squeeze back. Perhaps you could encourage him to count in his head and report to you after 5 mins or more how many of each catagory he has seen then you can agree that you saw the same - cheating i know but it might reassure him.

 

Just a few suggestions : )

 

SV

[oracle]

I came to the conclusion that the running commentary was a coping strategy for both of mine and still is when they are stressed. I think that Matthew uses it as some kind of marker fpr where he is at and where he is going ? If I take either one out and don't get the commentary then I think that they are comfortable. It could be VERY embarrassing when they said things that I did not want other people to hear so I made a point of telling them both over and over again, just like they were doing, that they were to make their comments in 'my' ear and my ear only. I think that Matthew was about 6 when I started to enforce this one and now aged 9 he does it with out even thinking about it now. Sure some people think that he is just being rude when he whispers in my ear, but it's far better than hearing him say Mam doesn't that lady stink should I tell her where the soap isle is

 

With David when the commentary stops his latest obsession takes over and he talks about that 'ALL' of the time we are out. I have now learnt to say yes, really and how nice in appropriate places while I tune out

 

Oracle

[Lucas]

This doesn't sound like an obsession or a coping method to me but I'm not sure why. It sounds more like he's trying to survive something and that by pointing out to you certain things he can avoid or tolerate something.

 

Does he hate people brushing up against him? He may be trying to get you to notice incomming people so you don't absent-mindedly steer him into them(I see parents holding their childrens hands doing this a lot and children grow adversed to having their hands taken or being led anywhere by someone else).

[loulou]

Hi Brook,

 

From experience with Kai, i think it sounds more like an obsession rather than coping strategy. But maybe these obsessions ARE coping strategies, if you know what i mean?

 

Kai goes through phases like this. He used to say, "Look mummy, a little old granny!" . He's upset a few people along the way! His current one is searching for red rubber bands dropped by post men. He is totally obsessed with it, so whenever we go out it takes AGES to get anywhere b/c he is constantly scouring the ground for them! I just let him get on with it, because he gets really upset if i ask him to stop. I know he'll soon move onto something else.

 

Loulou x

[Lucas]

For it to be an obsession or hyper-interest there would have to be something interesting about it and something to learn. My first thought was coping method otherwise he would do it in other contexts such as looking out windows and pointing people out or the TV.

 

But coping methods are there so we can cope with something, though I think I would much rather avoid something to begin with rather than put up with it. So my feeling is that he's trying to avoid something.

[Brook]

WoW, thanks everyone for your replies .

 

Well today I took him to the supermarket with me, on the way there in the car he was saying

"did you see that lorry mum" etc...

When we got out of the car at the supermarket he was like a machine gun "did you see that lady

with the trolley mum", "look at that man with a carrier bag mum", "look mum, a baby" etc.....

and I'm really not exagerating when I say he was like a machine gun, he was barely taking

a breath.

 

When we were shopping every aisle we turned he was firing off all the things he was seeing and

getting me to answer.

 

We found a quiet corner and I bent down to his level and said "you know that you keep telling me

to look at people and things" he replied "yes", I continued with "why do you want me to look at them"?

his reply took the wind out of me, he said "because my brain has gone wrong", I asked what he meant,

and he said "because I want you to look at them and my mind wont stop doing it, I need a new mind".

 

When we got back in the car he said "can you stop it for me mum"? to be honest I didn't know what

to say, I said "I wish I could babe, but it is your mind and you'll have to try to stop it",

he replied "okay mum", and with the next breath he said "look at that man mum" he then got cross

with himself and let out an AARRRGGHH!!

 

I really dont know if my reply to him was the right one? I was soooo taken back with what he said,

and also a bit choked up.

 

I know that he has had similar things like this before, and he overcomes them himself in time,

but I dont like him having to endure them and feel totally helpless for him.

 

Thanks everyone, each and everyone of your posts has made sense and has helped me to view

this at different angles.

 

Brook

Edited May 30, 2006 by Brook

[loulou]

Hi Brook,

 

Bless him . Kai says this sort of thing too, he tells me his brain is "broken" and he also asked his teacher if he could have a brain transplant. I think your answer was fine, but that doesn't stop you feeling bad for him. I don't really know how to help Kai when he says things like this, all i do is give him lots of love and praise.

 

Loulou x

[lotty]

i am 31 and i cannot recognise anyone unless i see them where i would expect to see them,, i also have no idea how people recognise me, i dont know why, i was thinking perhaps your son is a bit like that and maybe everyone he sees is a surprise, and maybe if you ignore him telling you he might feel you have no interest in what he says.

[oracle]

Brook David is almost 19 and he has told me on numerous ocassions that some of the things that he does over and over again drive him mad but he is unable to stop himself. But it has helped now that he can tell me this. We discussed this with his Psychiatrist who told him that it was a part of his AS I thought that this would cripple David as he does not do negative but it actually helped. He said at least he knew that he was not going insane. Once he understood why he is the way he is he found ways to overcome the things that drove him round the bend, not all of the time but some of the time.

 

It was easier for me when Matthew said things like my brain is broken becauase he followed this with but then so is David's So he knows he's not alone. Does your son know he has AS? I have found that for both Matthew and David an understanding of themselves has proved to be the best thing for them, especially with Matthew as he never says his brain is broken any more. Often it's difficult to find a positive to hang the AS on but I tell Matthew that he has a great ability for attention to detail. I tell him that he can see things with his Aspergers lens that other people miss. OK makes him sound like Superman but it worked for him. He now thinks that he is totally cool so I don't care.

 

If it is bothering this little chap then he needs some input to help him understand he is not alone here. My best help ever for David came in the shap of an adult with AS on another group who could be David's clone. Things that bother David bother him. I fully understand that this little lad is very young but maybe he needs to know that his brain is not broken and there are other just like him.

 

Sorry if I have over stepped the mark <'>

 

Oracle

[Brook]

Oracle, you haven't over stepped the mark at all

 

The thing is at the moment although my son is recognising that his mind is doing things that

he cant stop, I dont think that he would understand his ASD yet.

 

My son is VERY uneven in his understanding of things, and I really would have to find a way

to explain it to him, so as not to send him even more confused, IYKWIM.

 

My son's understanding of receptive language is delayed by two and a half yrs also.

I think that if I didn't explain things right to him, then it would make current matters worse.

At the moment if I tried to explain, he would most likely go around saying it to everyone

without the understanding behind it.

 

Dont get me wrong, I certainly want my son to know he has a dx of ASD, but I really dont

feel that he would understand at this time.

I have to start explaining it to him in very small parts, and now he attends a special school,

he has told me that one of the girls cant speak, but he hasn't really questioned this,

he is becoming more aware, but he is focusing on the things that are causing him negatives,

so I now have to show him the positives which he has many of.

 

Any suggestions appreciated.

 

Brook

[rainbow queen]

lol brook-my son also says those things

[elaine1]

yep, i agree it sounds like a strategy for coping, it must be wearing though. my daughter says whats happening, every 5 mins when shes watching tv, and i think if u stopped saying that you would be able to hear whats ****** happenning!.

 

bless them!

[Lucas]

Brook, with his new explaination I might have a few ideas.

 

My first thought was Tourettes or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder but I think the range of tics would have to be broader. It actually seems to me though to be a form fidgeting only mentally. He needs to talk about something but has nothing to talk about. Does he have any special interests?

[Brook]

Brook, with his new explaination I might have a few ideas.

 

My first thought was Tourettes or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder but I think the range of tics would have to be broader. It actually seems to me though to be a form fidgeting only mentally. He needs to talk about something but has nothing to talk about. Does he have any special interests?

Hi Lucas,

 

I also thought about Tourettes or OCD.

Yes, he does have interests, he is very much into Starwars, Dr Who and he loves anything to do

with space, his conversation mainly consists of either the above or quotes from his dvds or

programmes off the tv, he uses alot of delayed echolalia, but he uses it sooo well sometimes that if youve

never seen the film/programme he is quoting from you'd never know.

 

Whilst he was having a bath lastnight, I started to talk to him (he's very relaxed in the bath),

I asked him why he says those things when we are out, he said because I cant stop, he also shouts

out things from Spongebob that annoy him, he goes on about the clouds looking like mash potato

and really gets stressed by it, he said lastnight that 'my brain shouts about mash potato as well'.

He also said 'my brains not connected up properly' , now I dont know if he is using something off

one of his sci-fi films or whether there is more to it.

 

When he is saying 'look mum a man' etc... it's not in a relaxed way at all, he seems to be in a

sheer panic and it's as if he is compelled to do it, he says it literally every two seconds.

 

I think that it could have initially started off as a coping strategy, also something to talk about

when he is out to take his mind away from all the stimuli, but I think it has now got out of his

control and he cant stop it, if it wasn't bothering him and he used it to cope then I wouldn't try

to stop him (even though it can drive you potty!), but it is actually stressing HIM out doing it,

but I've no idea how to help him out, or whether my view on 'why' he does it is the right one.

 

Would appreciate any thoughts.

 

Thanks

 

Brook

Edited May 31, 2006 by Brook

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Know what you mean! I was mortified when I braved taking my son for new shoes (huge trauma, but that's another story!) to a local shopping centre. We walked past a mum with a baby aged about 7 months who had a large birth mark on its face. R made a point of walking back to have a good look. My heart sank because I know how that mother must have felt, yet at the same time R is a little boy and didn't mean to be hurtful or malicious. R notices and seems to relate to in some way, people that are different eg man with down syndrome, chinese boy, girl with burns to face and arms, etc. Guess we in the same boat too ? I know I frequently put up with people tutting etc when R behaves badly or oddly.

 

Sorry can't give any advice, just reassure you that you're not alone.

 

Best wishes.

 

C.

[Lucas]

Right, when I started talking and was able to tell people about my difficulties I often said "Its not me, its my brain" because I just knew my skin didn't feel as if it fitted quite right. This was before anyone ever mentioned neurology to me.

 

It can be a combination of things. Children when they're growing have a lack of control over their body because their body changes faster than the brain can keep up, which is why teenagers especially have floppy-armed coordination problems. When we think of stimming as a person's way of regulating their input so they can make sense of things, a growing body throws quite a few spanners in the works. Growing bodies feel different to live in every day. This does mean though that he will simply grow out of it and might not be doing it in a few months.

 

He knows he doesn't like doing it, he may not even be wanting or expecting you to keep answering so it may be best if you don't because it might help him redirect it. He may start trailing off and only say "did you see...did you see..." instead of asking full-blown questions directed at you. He can use echolia to get rid of it just by gradually making the sentence smaller.

[Brook]

Thanks Lucas,

 

now that he knows that I'm aware of it too, I think this will help with me not answering when

he says it. Funnily enough he was doing it today when we were out, but when I didn't answer

he wasn't yelling at me like he normally does and he wasn't persistent for an answer, so I think

that you are right it will gradually phase out.

 

I've noticed that when I pick up on things and start pointing them out to him, it's almost like a

relief to him, as if by my recognising things that stress him, give's him the green light to try and

stop.

This may sound obvious, but I have noticed it with MANY things that have ended up stressing him

and when I have mentioned them they gradually start to reduce.

Maybe it's because I'm alot more calmer knowing that he needs help with these things and not

me telling him just to stop it.

I suppose at the end of the day it's a case of developing a deeper understanding.

 

Thanks

 

Brook