Why do we have to teach the teachers?

[BusyLizzie100]

I had a meeting with the teacher who'll take DS1 in Year 4 next year, just to make contact and introduce myself, and the result is that I'm feeling really, really down now.

 

The meeting was pleasant, friendly etc, no arguments or anything but she clearly has no idea about AS and is convinced that everything is fine. So much so, that she said at one point: 'But he isn't special needs, is he.' A bit flummoxed, I said: 'In what sense?' To which she answered: 'I mean academically - he doesn't need help with reading.' It seems that at this school, the only kind of SEN you get is someone a bit slow at reading. Aaaagh! Anyway, I said yes, he does have SEN. Sitting here now thinking THAT'S WHY I'M HERE TALKING TO YOU! Obviously didn't say that at the time.

 

She seemed to feel that I needed convincing that DS1 is fine at school, the happiest boy there, with a smile on his face all the time. She hasn't taught him yet, mind, but that's the impression she gets. She even suggested that, once school starts again in Sept, I come in and spend some time helping out in class so I can see that he's absolutely fine. Oh boy.

 

One of the points she made was that kids often feel more safe and comfortable at school because of the routines and because they know what they have to do, which is why you get more 'behaviour' at home. And I'm sitting there saying, between gritted teeth, well my son is actually quite stressed about school and very anxious; he manages to hold it all together and then explodes at home precisely because it ISN'T safe and comfortable and he's coping on red alert all the time. Then we had the priceless, oh all children do that. What can you say to that? I tried, 'well actually his reaction is extreme and we're currently seeing a child psychologist about it'.

 

I came away from the whole meeting on a real downer. As I said, it was very friendly, but I'm not sure if she really listened to a word I said or whether she was just concentrating on trying to convince that everything's fine and my son has no problems. I'm feeling really upset now, but at the time I just tried to politely make my points.

 

The thing is, who's right? She made me feel like an overeacting, neurotic, paranoid parent, but I'm not happy with that! I feel that my son is finding school difficult and stressful and his behaviour at home is indicative of the supreme efforts he is making throughout the school day. He often comes directly out of school and has some kind of meltdown before we've even left the school grounds. He has great difficulty understanding how he feels and why so can't express his emotions in any other way, but he is able to say he doesn't want to go to school every morning, with varying degrees of intensity, the worst being hitting and screaming. But apparently he's ecstatically happy when he's there?

 

We have been thinking for some time of applying for Statutory Assessment, after a private psych recommended that he needs a Statement. His OT, also, feels he needs more support. But everyone else seems to think he's coping OK, despite the fact that he's apparently Gifted but can barely write and therefore is just 'getting by' - he deserves so much more. I'm worried that his transition from Y2 to Y3 was very rocky and more and more will be expected of him as he moves up into Y4 and beyond, and then it's secondary school and it's going to be much harder all round.

 

So what do I do?

 

Next year's teacher obviously knows nothing about Asperger's and I'm gutted that I feel like I've got to go back to square one and explain all about it all over again. Why do we have to teach the teachers? Thank god the NAS has started its Make School Make Sense campaign, calling for teachers to be trained in dealing with ASDs, but at the moment I just feel like curling up under a stone and wishing that the whole school thing would just go away. It makes you feel so hopeless, doesn't it?

[joshanddanfans]

do you have an autism initiatives service called ossme run from lea our school had an inset day on asd where even the dinnerladies and lollipop ladies went. they were very good but the teachers still sat there making ignorant comments they still didnt have a clue. we give lots of books to classteacher and they can read in their own time. we have two asd boys 6 and 5 all dealt with eldest and still treat 5 year old as naughty boy rather than something else causing his behaviour. your childs new teacher will soon start reading up when they have to deal with your child every day. even our kids grandparents wont accept autism because they speak. they can tell you physics theory but not know how to tell you they are thirsty.

 

we are at point of deciding on statement for youngest, the school cannot meet his needs, and he deserves better. i would think about a statement for your son especially as secondary school is not that far away and then he will hit problems. sometimes you need a statement just to establish childs needs. you should only do it though if you have few proffessionals backing you up. i know statements get turned down because school has tried nothing ansd thery say you need to try school action plus first.

[Kazzen161]

I've had those moments BusyL - when you can almost feel your heart sink. You try to explain, but know you might as well save your breath.

 

Do you have any leaflets/books you could lend her?

 

Hampshire CC do an excellent booklet on Including Children with asd in mainstream. It costs ?8 (except to HCC schools), but sometimes schools take more notice if things are written by "professionals" even though it is exactly what we have been telling them!

 

Karen

[Kathryn]

Hi Lizzie,

 

(I started to post here then lost it )

 

I can understand your frustration - this feels like deja vu, we had years of this kind of behaviour from L with exactly this kind of reaction from the teachers. As you say, if a child can read they are apparently "OK" - especially if they aren't wreaking too much havoc.

 

Unfortunately it does often fall to parents to educate the teachers - some hoiliday reading for his prospective teacher seems like a good idea.

 

Go for the stat assessment next term if you think you have enough professional evidence - you've been through it already so you know that it's hard work. You aren't being paranoid or overreacting - it's important to get the support in place now.

 

<'> <'>

 

K xx

[Flora]

Hi Lizzie

 

Oh my

 

Had my share of this sort of attitude too, which is why William is out of school until September because they wouldn't listen to me and he just couldn't go on there any more. The teachers at his school are so arrogant they didn't even listen to his outreach teacher. The outreach teacher he has now is not supposed to go to primary, he's for secondary, but the other one said he had no problems at school and I wrote a very strong letter asking for a second opinion. They are very good at making you feel like you're neurotic and over reacting/over protecting etc. I had it for years with William and now they are starting it with Luke, but for totally different reasons.

 

They turned down William for assessment because he is achieving ok academically; they are now probably on the brink of turning Luke down because he doesn't have behavioural difficulties even though he's in the bottom 1% for some subjects; you can't win

 

See how it goes in September. Is your son on SA or SA+? The reason I ask is that part of the criteria for a stat assessment is 2 terms on SA+ with no improvements. If your son is already on SA+ and you have reason to believe it isn't working out then there is no reason why you can't apply for stat assessment now, except that the holidays are looming so nothing much will happen between now and September.

 

<'> I know it's impossible, and I'm probably preaching what I don't practice, but try not to let them get you down; you know your son, you know his difficulties.

 

Lauren

[Bagpuss]

Hi BL

 

We've had something slightly similar this week, in so much that we've had our youngest dd's report home, and its like reading about a different child. They seem to have played down alot of her difficulties, and we are raising these points with her teacher, along with other things re report. She also will go into a new class in Sept. Thankfully we are in the process of the Early Bird Plus course at the mo. The TA from her new class attends this course with us (she already works with our dd on daily basis for an hour so she can adjust to class slowly), but come Sept will be with her all the time once she moves into this new class full time. Are there any opportunites for you to do this course, and hopefully someone from school could attend too? I know when I've been to meetings like these I've beat myself up afterwards, continually going over and over it in my head, wishing I'd of said more, or explained better or stuck to my guns more. Its so hard. Take care. <'>

[Kazzen161]

>>The reason I ask is that part of the criteria for a stat assessment is 2 terms on SA+ with no improvements.

 

As far as I know this is an LEA criteria, not a legal one. Phasmid will know more, I am sure.

 

Karen

[BusyLizzie100]

Thanks for replies, folks. Yes, DS1 is on SA+ and has had IEPs since Y1. The autism advisory teacher has suggested a wait and see approach, with the possibility of then applying for Earmarked Pupil Funding, which would only last a couple of years.

 

At the moment I'm not sure what to do (see my other post about parents applying for Stat Assessment!) but this teacher's attitude has got me really worried. I don't want to get heavy-handed and I want to have a good relationship with the school, but this is becoming ridiculous.

 

I'm considering contacting the autism advisory teacher to have a word. In fact, I'm going to ring now!

[Karen A]

Hi found your post really helpful.We have similar problems.Ben is due to go into year 4 in Sep.Current teacher has been fantastic as her son has aspergers .However we will not know until next Fri who new techer will be and this is after dicussion with HT .She originally planned to tell us in the last week of term and could not see why this was a problem.She looked bemused when I explained that Ben needed to be orientated and that there was a need to explain his needs to his new teacher.Ben is also very intelligent [gifted in some areas]this makes it more difficult for teachers to appreciate his social difficulties.It is so frustrating to have got things in place in one class and to have to start from scratch.Ben will hopefully have a statement soon and I like to think it will make things clearer.Karen.

[Karen A]

Looks like our children are in the same year.If I am right it is worth mentioning some advice we were given.As secondery school can be difficult for children with ASD and it is more difficult to find a placement to meet their needs it is worth getting a statement in time if you can.Bearing mind how long it takes it is better to start sooner rather than later.I don't know what earmarked pupil funding is.Is it money delegated to children on SA plus ? Karen

[barefoot wend]

I would agree with trying to get a statement in place now if you can. They take so long to sort out and asd children can hit major problems very quickly which can leave no time to sort things out in a calm and measured way.

 

We went from SA to SA+ to statement to home school in the space of a few months and it would have saved a good deal of time if we had arranged things earlier.

[niki]

im sooo with you right now! t's new teachers attitude goes as follows;

Current Teacher "t will need a designated peg for his coat"

new teacher "WE DONT DO PEGS IN MY CLASS"

she is totally not interested in t's transition into year 4 she is going to have a nightmare of a year with him and i can see she is going to be another teacher who is going to try and "normalise" him!

[Daisydot]

Hi Lizzie

 

Oh my

 

Had my share of this sort of attitude too, which is why William is out of school until September because they wouldn't listen to me and he just couldn't go on there any more. The teachers at his school are so arrogant they didn't even listen to his outreach teacher.

 

 

 

Same here - took my kids out of school last half term because the staff at the school were just SO ignorant, especially the HT who just could not bring himself to offer one straw of support or understanding to my son, Our pleas of "we think our son has underlying dificulties" were met with "you are just making excuses". Even after we put in our own resources (picture timetable, social stories, etc), the school did not use them. Even after we had two diagnoses in three months (for both our sons) he could not bring himself to apologise for his mistake.

 

I still cant believe that I have told the LEA all this and they seem to think its ok and acceptable for a school / headteacher to behave like this.

 

I hate my kids being out of school, as I welcome the opportunity for them to socialise with others, and I dont find it particularly easy educating them at home. I just really, really had had enough of being treated as if we were trouble makers and scum of the earth parents with nightmare kids.

 

I wish I could name and shame the school. Another school in our area just got a charter mark for inclusion. I would like to give my kids school a big and a big charter mark for being EX CLUSIVE.