Being stressed

[mum22boys]

Have noticed that whenever M is showing signs of being stressed or unsure about something he changes his voice. Instead of calling me mum he calls me mama. His voice changes to a baby like tone and sometimes he will call over and over 'mama,mama,mama'or he will whine like a dog.

 

He has been doing this for a long time now but only today did I think it could be stressed related. We went to a playground and just when I was thinking how sucessful it is all going all hell breaks loose . I found him with his hands round a little girls neck . They were in a tunnel and he says she pushed past him and he got angry about her pushing him. He never seems to think about what he is doing. All he saw was that she wasn't playing correctly, she should have waited for him to crawl through first. He then lashes out. After having her mum shout at M and him run off calling 'mama' I had had enough. I'm sure you all get the picture.

 

Does any of your children use another voice, and if so is there a time when they use it more?

 

I do worry as i'm sure i'm not the only one. M seems to have so little social skills that I worry when any child is within arms length of him. I know communication problems don't help but i can't see anyway out. I've tried explaining to M you can't attack people. Just ignore but he doesn't. On a good day he may ignore, otherwise they are grunted at whined at or shouted abuse at. I feel so lost.

 

Thanks all, feel better now i've shared it all.

 

mum22boys

[oracle]

First of all even my 19 year old son had a voice that he uses when he is stressed/anxious/excited. The trouble is trying to decide which one it is David will take on the voice of someone from one of his favourite show and use that to communicate with me.

 

Matthew also has a different voice and also has HUGE problems with inappropriate interaction. That is why from pretty much the age of 5 we have been teaching Matthew about himself and what makes him tic and explode I know that many parents feel that that is way too young but I don't. He is now 9 and is quite good at understanding when he needs to walk away from a situation. I also used social stories to explain to him that his rules were not always the rules that other kids used because all parents have different rules. Really hard to negotiate that one is. I did not do this with books because books don't work for Matthew so I used his cuddly toys gave em personalities and did it that way. It worked for us but it is something that we have to re-visit and work on all of the time. On a good day Matthew can walk away from an explosive situation and I still reward him for doing so. I never take away his rewards however if he can't walk away because this had a negative impact on him and did not help. I need him to know that we all get it wrong sometimes and that's OK.

 

In my opinion kids with ASD never pick up social skills they need to be taught them and even harder they need to understand why what they think is OK is inappropriate. That takes some doing but it can be done. We have come so far along the road with Matthew in the last four years that I am amazed. Looking back to when he was 5 I thought that he would always be a walking time bomb but he can and does not work out when he is feeling really mad and he can and does walk away - but not always. But no one is perfect and I would not want him to be. It makes me sad that at 9 years olds he can't just go out and play but that he always has to be working out in his head if he is getting it right Maybe that's why I him so much.

 

Oracle

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Know exactly what you mean. Robert (4.5 years old) does exactly the same when he's excited. He also mimics peoples accents, etc. What worried me a bit is that he watched DVDs in French. Maybe that he likes the sound of spoken French. Hope he doesn't start speaking French because I won't have a clue what he's talking about.

 

C.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

Know exactly what you mean. Robert (4.5 years old) does exactly the same when he's excited. He also mimics peoples accents, etc. What worried me a bit is that he watched DVDs in French. Maybe that he likes the sound of spoken French. Hope he doesn't start speaking French because I won't have a clue what he's talking about.

 

C.

[Kazzen161]

T talks more babyish when he is stressed, and he used to bark like a dog.

 

I also have lots of memories of having to leave play spaces because he hit someone (he once hit a child because they said they coudl jump higher than him), but he is now 16 and has learnt to walk away. It has a taken a lot of work and practice, but he has learnt to restrain himself from retaliating.

 

Karen

[Flora]

Yes, both of my boys have voice changes.

 

Ben goes into a really deep gruff voice when he's being defensive, or a baby voice when he's upset. He also changes the way he walks, when he's upset he walks like a toddler, but when he's happy he strutts.

 

Bill's voice is very melodious when he's happy, but when he's stressed it goes quiet and monotone.

 

Flora X

Edited August 31, 2006 by Flora

[bramblebrae]

What an interesting post I'd never really thought about it before but now that I have -Stephen's voice does change in pitch slightly in different moods but what I notice more is that he finds it very difficult to find the right words and stammers/stutters alot when angry, he also always starts with a moan/growl and then "I'm getting angry" statement, he has learnt to walk away when angry with the help of the autistic outreach teacher though it dosen't always work out like that yet. When being hyperactive, which isn't often normally but is getting more frequent, he dosen't really talk to anyone but constantly hums or chants etc. When just really interested in telling someone something, which is most of the time - he talks at 99miles an hour and forgets to breath he has a slight lisp too and it makes it hard for peeps to understand which in turn makes him frustrated and then we get stuttering at 99 miles an hour!

 

I think I've done him a great diservice really because I've never thought about it fully I don't think I've really explained it properly to SALT when he's been assessed in the past - I will next time- I expect the usual answer of it's his condition (do ya thonk?)and remind him to slow down!

 

As usual this forum proves most thought provoking

 

take care

Lorraine

[KarenT]

T talks more babyish when he is stressed, and he used to bark like a dog.

Yup, we get the baby voice and animal noises too. Usually it's a werewolf howl or pterosaur squawk, and it's often after school or a sports activity. It helps to calm him, I think.

 

Karen

x

[kerrybobs]

Hiya,

 

Robyn also talks like a baby when stressed and growls like a dog. If I ask her to do anything she will sit there growling at me or start talking in baby mode.

 

Recently she has started talking with a lisp whilst in baby mode. She is 11 and I have a 2 year old and she talks to her either by screaming, shouting or exactly the same as the baby. One worry is that the baby is copying her and the pair of them hang out the livingroom window growling at people walking past.

 

Kerry

[badonkadonk]

Hiya,

 

I'm pretty much the same! My pitch can range from quite babyish and girly (especially in the prescence of strangers and anyone not my immediate family) to quite deep and manly, especially if I'm being made to participate in "small talk". I think it's mostly defense mechanisms, with strangers and people I know, the girly innocence says "hey, I'm no threat I'm just shy and don't really like talking all that much", whereas if I'm being made to talk a lot my voice changes to a "hey, I'm a bit fed up now, end the conversation so you don't have to listen to me talk like this anymore".

 

I also stutter when I'm excited as I'm trying to get everything out verbally that's in my head and sometimes my head gets ahead of my mouth and I get a bit muddled up. Similarly I also stutter when stressed and when being made to talk about things personal (going to the psych for example) because I'm trying to find ways of not saying what I've got to say and so stuttering prolongs the process a bit.

 

I also in general speak really quietly, almost mumble, because over the years I've had a lot of "you're wrong" or "what are you talking about", but I can't stop myself from saying things so to save an argument I just mumble them out anyway.

 

I also have my own language with my boyfriend so that I can seek reassurance and say things and other people don't know what I'm saying. I can't really explain what I say because they're not words lol, but it's my way of saying to him "is everything ok, am I doing ok" and he responds. I don't know why I do it as I've never done it with other boyfriends and it wasn't a conscious decision to start doing it with my boyfriend, it just happened and he didn't know what I was on about, but quickly picked things up!

 

I also immitate accents, which is sometimes good as I'm from Birmingham so anything is an improvement!!! Just joking. I also hum no particular tune when I'm happy.

 

Badonkadonk

xxx

 

My laugh can also change all the time, it's never the same style.