We have the teacher from hell again

[Kathryn]

Do you ever have the feeling that someone's out to get you?

 

My 9 year old NT son is about to go into year 5 and I've spent the whole of his school career worrying that one day he would encounter one particular teacher - to the extent that I considered sending him to a different school for that reason alone. However, I thought that by the time he got to this stage she would have moved on, as most of the teachers have, and I wouldn't have to worry about it. It's a big school - 3 classes in each year so the odds of of him getting her were lengthened, so I thought.

 

However, my worse nightmare has come true - he's got her this year.

 

Why do I dislike her? She has all the empathy of Attilla the Hun. She gave my daughter a really hard time when she was in year 3. It was 10 years ago and I've never forgotten it. We were still a long way off her dx of ASD, and her ability to cope in mainstream was being severely tested for the first time. This teacher was openly critical of my parenting - my daughter had no friends, I must invite more childeren round. She couldn't skip, I wasn't spending enough time teaching her physical skills. Other parent helpers used to tell me they weren't happy with the way she spoke to my daughter and she once said to L "Oh you're hopeless!" in front of me. I was holding my son who was about 3 weeks old at the time.

 

I think my son is a very different kettle of fish, a lot more confident and he enjoys school. I've heard reports that she has mellowed, so I don't expect history to repeat itself exactly. I also have to admit she's a very sound teacher in many ways. My son isn't aware of any of this and I don't want him to be. I expect I'll go through this year with gritted teeth, knowing there is a lot of unfinished business between us, and hope she doesn't say anything which results in open conflict. I'm just dreading the first time she asks about L - she's bound to realise my son is L's brother at some point.

 

Anyone else been in this situation, second time round with a teacher you've previously had a tough time with? How did you, or would you deal with it?

 

K x

[cmuir]

Hi

 

You've every right to be suspicious, but hang fire and wait and see what happens. Leopards rarely change their spots, but they may mellow. If you jump the gun, you'll get accused of that and you';; be in a now win situation. Time will tell! Don't know what part of the country you're from, but my son has just started school. I've had a nasty encounter with headteacher on day 1. I know I have the support of our Educational Psychologist, care worker, etc and the school were well prepared for what to expect. I've also had to be proactive to ensure that after a disasterous day one, that specialists were in the class on day two, three and other days. The headteacher in my case doesn't have a leg to stand on because I've shown that I'm not going to look for arguments, but by the same token I'm not going to sit back and let things happen that shouldn't be. Be strong, keep records of anything that happens, enlist the support of anyone that can help. May even be an idea to meet with the teacher and say that in the past you felt that there were issues and that you'd like to try and resolve them in an effort to make life easier to all concerned. Judging by her reaction you'll be able to prepare yourself. Best of luck. I know what a really worrying time it is.

 

Caroline.

[mbrown]

Hi Kathryn, I think we all have come across teachers like that along the way. They can completely and utterly ruin the whole school year. Our last teacher wasn't a harridan as such but she just didn't 'get it' at all. Thelast year was the worst of his primary school life and almost undid everything that went before.

 

He is now happily settled into high school and getting on great.

 

You say that there are more than one class per year. Can you not ask, or insist would be better to get one of the different classes?

 

School life is bad enough without any added pressures and stresses.

 

Good luck

Mike

[oracle]

<'> <'>

 

The one thing you have got firmly on your side this time should there be any hicups is that 'you' were right and she was wrong with regard to your parenting skills and should the need arrive I would quite frankly be telling her this. I would remind her that your daughter was not anti-social, and no matter how many friends had been invited round or ropes bought to teach her how to skip, she would have still had the same problems.

 

Sorry but I hate know it all teachers who know nothing. On the other hand if she has mellowed and your son has the confidence that your daughter lacked maybe all will be well I do hope so and maybe even your son can give her a run for her money or is that a very naughty thought

 

Oracle

Edited September 3, 2006 by oracle

[oxgirl]

Anyone else been in this situation, second time round with a teacher you've previously had a tough time with? How did you, or would you deal with it?

 

 

I know where you're coming from. I've totally lost confidence in the TA's who my son is stuck with again this year. Some of the things they did and said to him last year make me want to explode, but still I have to send him back to be with them this year, he's at their mercy and there's not a damn thing I can do about it!

I feel your pain!

Good luck.

 

~ Mel ~

[Suze]

You know , I think you,ve been through the mill, with a lot of stuff <'> .If this teacher asks about L tell her!.........no holds barred.........you can be honest and truthful about L,s experiences in her class.This subject has hit a particular nerve with me as my son had a teacher who brought him down to a depressive state , needing treatment from a physchiatrist , so I feel for you on this.I,m sure your son will be fine it can just grag up bad memories <'> love suzex.

[hev]

like someone has said,teacher may have mellowed also you know what you are up against this time so you will come across more confident,teacher at stevens primary was horrible,i cringe now at how i let her talk to me in those days,shes left that school now,that was before his dx,hope all goes well

[baddad]

Hi K -

rotten 'short straw', but as others have said this time you'll be ready for her IF trouble arises... My guess is she'll be aware of some of L's history since leaving school anyway through the grapevine, and will be feeling a bit guilty about some of those historical events anyway. If she isn't, you can always work them in to the conversation

Whatever might happen (and i genuinely think it'll be plain sailing this time round!), I know that the wee fella couldn't hope for a better advocate on his side <'>

 

L&P

 

BD

[Bagpuss]

Kathryn,

 

I so hope this works out for you all and this teacher has mellowed. I'd say forewarned is forearmed though.....you already know what this lady can be like and therefore you can be prepared to deal with anything that should present itself. My son (NT) is going into Year 9, and all thru school his teachers have been fabulous, apart from one in Year 1. She was so awful, and at my sons parents evening she said he was like a typical man, couldn't do more than one thing at once She said she couldn't fault any of his school work at he was above average in all areas and he worked hard and was a quiet member of class, so in my opinion she was just attacking his character, rather than making any sort of constructive criticism.. I left the parents evening completely enraged and wishing so much I had spoken my mind, instead of sitting there nodding, speechless, completely caught off guard. I went to the following parents evening well prepared and actually quite looking forward to it......unfortunately she was the complete opposite and very nice and pleasant and made no derogatory comments about my son.

[Frangipani]

Hi Kathryn <'> <'> <'>

 

I know I mentioned yesterday that I would change class, but having gone away and thought about it, this morning I was thinking, from another angle, maybe, you have been given an opportunity to set the record straight, and that will be a healing thing for you. Who knows, she may have some guilt feelings about how she handled things, you may end up best friends after all this is sorted.

 

Always the optimist, dont you hate it.

 

Good luck to Owen, you both deserve a great year.

 

Thinking of you <'>

 

[Kathryn]

Thanks for your comments everyone,

 

You say that there are more than one class per year. Can you not ask, or insist would be better to get one of the different classes?

 

Mike, it did cross my mind to go and speak to the head teacher last term before all the classes were sorted out, to ask if my son's class could not be given this teacher. Then I had second thoughts - I didn't think it was fair to make my son stand out for reasons that were nothing to do with him, and I decided to just cross my fingers and rely on the chance of getting one of the other teachers. I wouldn't want to change him now and separate him from his friends.

 

Suze, as you say the main problem is that it'll drag up bad memories - year 3 was a pretty traumatic time for L and it would be so much easier if I could just consign this woman to history along with all the other awful stuff that happend along the way - there are enough present challenges to deal with!

 

I feel quite guilty about that year actually: I was quite passive and let the teacher intimidate me and make me feel I was a bad parent. I think I was depressed for various reasons at the time, I was in a new place where I didn't know anyone and didn't want to be, and coping with pregnancy and trying to find a house to buy. I didn't have the energy to fight or think clearly about anything. But I'm a different person now, much much tougher and more confident - so we'll see what happens.

 

My son has one or two "shadow" autistic traits I suppose you'd call them, ie he has lots of repetitive movements and mannerisms and I'm sure she'll pick up on these, also the fact that he's less coordinated than his peers. No doubt she'll suggest that it's my fault because I don't spend enough time playing football with him. Should I say "I can't because I'm too busy looking after his sister who you turned into a nervous wreck 10 years ago."

 

Oh well, roll on tomorrow!

 

K x

[Frangipani]

Suze, as you say the main problem is that it'll drag up bad memories - year 3 was a pretty traumatic time for L and it would be so much easier if I could just consign this woman to history along with all the other awful stuff that happend along the way - there are enough present challenges to deal with!

 

I feel quite guilty about that year actually: I was quite passive and let the teacher intimidate me and make me feel I was a bad parent. I think I was depressed for various reasons at the time, I was in a new place where I didn't know anyone and didn't want to be, and coping with pregnancy and trying to find a house to buy. I didn't have the energy to fight or think clearly about anything. But I'm a different person now, much much tougher and more confident - so we'll see what happens.

 

 

K x

 

Hi Kathryn, <'>

 

I have to admit that struck a chord in me, I still to this day carry hurt from something similar before my son was diagnosed, he was rediculed by a Toddlers music teacher and one of the parents as he just couldnt follow instructions, I remember walking out of the class with him, the parents attended too it only went for an hour, but like you I had a bit of PND Jacquie was only 6 months old if that, I felt cornered and ended up leaving as I got sick of the stares, the evil eyes, cant you control your son, believe me the only thing he did wrong was run instead of skip, walk instead of hop. One time he decided he wanted to take my umbrella on the circle they were parading around the parents sitting in the middle, while they moved to music. The looks I got when I think back were pathetic, so decided I didnt want to be a part of it and left, but I had moved interstate had no one, and I drove to the community health centre which was on my way home and I remember I took my kids in told the nurse what happened and I broke down in tears for a least 30 mins just couldnt stop.

 

My point is, I understand how hard it would be to go back, to someone that made you feel so low. Like you I know all the things in the background, missing my home the children were born in, my parents, my sister, my friends, all the playgroup mums. Starting over was hard, especially when you come across prickly people like this.

 

Anytime you feel you need a rant you know my PM <'>

 

Good luck. <'>

[marshmallow]

<'> <'> <'> I hope school goes well for both of you! Take care

[UltraMum]

Kathryn - I hope all goes well with this teacher ...

 

We are facing a similar situation - but this time it is because the teacher has moved classes - J had him in Y3 and had an awful time, although it did finally persuade the school to apply for a statement.

 

Now this teacher is teaching Y6 and J has him again ... it's only a single form school so there are no alternatives. I'm hoping that J will have a better time with him

[mossgrove]

Kathryn

 

I know exactly where you are coming from.

 

Our youngest two (NT) children will not be going to the same mainstram achool that their elder (ASD) brothers went to. Partly because we had lost confidence in the school in general, but mainly to avoid any chance that they would be taught by one particular teacher who always knew best, even when she had no knowledge of a subject. We're sending them to another primary school slightly further away.

 

Simon

[Kathryn]

Thanks for all your thoughts.

 

Well the first week back has gone OK, my son seems quite relaxed and I haven't had to see the teacher yet. I'm sure there'll be occasions in the year when I have to bite my tongue - (I dread the first parents' evening!) but it's my son's relationship with her that matters and so far, he's happy.

 

K x

[cmuir]

Hi Kathryn

 

Great to hear that your son's first week has been a success. I've had a run in with headteacher on my son's first HOUR at school! She's a real charmer who made it crystal clear to me that she's against the inclusion of children with disabilities in her precious school. I made it equally crystal clear to her that the only way Robert would leave her school was on my say son ie if it wasn't working out. It's difficult not to allow run ins like that the worry you, but I guess it's very much a case of waiting and seeing what happens. There's nothing else for it. We just have to pick and choose our battles carefully and show that we're decent human beings even if the likes of your son's teacher and my son's headteacher aren't!

 

Well done your son!

 

Best wishes

 

Caroline

[Karen A]

Well I needed to make conversation with deputy head who was my teacher from hell yesterday.Long story but he came to the school the boys are at last year.Had been there 2 weeks when he had a disagreement with Ben.The conversation which followed was less than pleasant and I do not think of him fondly.Elder son has said teacher this year but is really very chilled about it-so I was keeping a low profile myself.Alas J was poorly yesterday so I needed to talk to his teacher-and he was fine.Perhaps I over reacted or perhaps he knows it is best to keep me on side-who knows but long may it continue.Karen