Asking for Help

[helenl53]

Hi All

 

We have asked our LEA to allow us parents to access the classes that the schools and teachers are supposedly attending.

 

One of my mums told me that she was quite scared. She had to sign a confidentiality agreement and then she was made to sit with a fluffy bunny on her lap whilst watching videos of families in crisis. If you were able to spot the bad parenting, the teacher gave you a sticker! - these sessions were videoed.

 

I think that I have established that these are Webster Stratten Courses.

 

A few other parents have asked for strategies to help with, for instance stroppy teenage ADHD kids and they are being sent on these courses.

 

I think that what we actually asked for was training in such things as Social Stories and Social Skills training etc - but we really wanted ASD specific courses.

 

Perhaps I am being a bit sensitive - but I am concerned that our families are on record as attending a 'parenting skills' course - should I be worried? None of them actually asked to hone their parenting skills.

 

I suppose that what has set the alarm bells ringing is that one family have a boy who has been excluded from school for attacking a child who he has been obsessed with for five years or so. I expected that they would give this child some help in coming to terms with the taking away of the obeject of his obsession - no - what they have done is book the whole family into a 'family therapy session'

 

Should I be worried?

 

HelenL

[helenl53]

I thought Carole would have had something to say on this one - but I have just turned telly on and Robbie is is - she must be away watching him!!!!

 

Love

 

HelenL

[oracle]

No I have not been watching Robbie - but my Mum has She is the oldest swinger in town and I have been sitting with her

 

Helen I know that you and I have talked about this and I told you how concerend I was about all of this. HOWEVER I am even MORE concerned now because our LEA are following Webster Stratten to. We have a Dinasour Group where the children attend and the parents got to a parents class. hmmmm Now it just so happens that our Assistant Secretary for the Sunderland Group has done ths course so I am going to ring her tomorrow and ask her what it actually entailed?

 

Interestingly our one of our Outreach Team is far from happy with our children been passed onto these Webster Stratten Courses as they were never reall intended for children with ASD, they are actually for EBD children - but like everything else they are being made to fit

 

In answer to the Question should I be worried - I am!

 

I shall return

 

Carole

[helenl53]

Hi Carole,

 

I think I am more worried about you using the excuse that your mum was watching Robbie

 

It has just struck me as quite odd, that recently, an awful lot of our families are being sent on these courses. Any education is always going to be helpful, but I really am worried that the motivation for attending these course (to get some help!) will be seen as an admission that our kids behaviour is down to our poor parenting skills.

 

I would be interested if anyone else has noticed a trend in their own area for sending parents and families on similar courses.

 

Thanks

 

HelenL

[annie]

Hi Helen/Carole,

 

Stupid question time Is PPP (Positive Parenting Programme) the same thing?

 

I only ask because in our LEA, Parent Partnership run it and it is always aimed at parents/carers of children with ASD/ADHD/behaviour difficulties. I have heard a few good reports about the course, but it still worries me that the course seems to be aimed at particular parents, when there doesn't seem to be social skills groups etc for the children.

 

Annie

XX

[mici]

hi helen/carole

c and me are on a out reach prog , were they come out to yhe house and u go to the centre , it is run by social services. i kinda feel like you guys, becuse one comment that she made made me feel rather sad, first off she said she doesnt believe in this adhd and that was her oppinion , then she mentioned that if she can controll him that iwill in time ,she told me not to forget that shes had 30 years experience in dealing with bad behavoiur , the thng is that c has seen her twice and yer she has been able to control him but its been one to one doin things that he likes , the last session was quite intense and he did have a few little moments but she managed to stop them. but guess who paid for it after the session yes me he didnt arf let rip and i knew he would i even told her that .

i sometimes wish that i never asked for the help now as i often feel like there looking for other reasons into c behaviour . im gonna see how it goes for the next few weeks but most of the time i do feel as though there kinda blaming me but they do it in a kind and dont blame your self kind of way!!!!!!!!!!!!

[helenl53]

Hi Mici

 

I think this is what I am concerned with - a general feeling by supposed professionals dealing with us and our kids that ASD/ASDH really exist.

 

You comments about the course you are on, virtually mimic what one of my mums has said. Discomfort, but all the time being re-assured that this is for your benefit

 

Annie, I am not sure what Positive Parenting is, but I wouldn't mind betting that it is all the same.

 

We have asked for more targetted courses, such as Social Skills, Social Stories, and anything else that is concerned with us making life easier for our kids and us and not forgetting, the teachers and TA's that deal with our kids.

 

This does not seem to be forthcoming for us and there seems to be very scant training for teachers in direct approaches and interventions, however there is now this trend towards parenting skills and family therapy.

 

I have concerns that it will be on a record that our families have attended these courses and what this will mean to anyone reading the records.

 

Best wishes

 

HelenL

[mici]

hi helen

i know exactly what your saying , the thing is aswell is that when they give u this training , its in a really structured enviroment with lots and lots of things to do, then when they have your child engrossed in what he is doing they ask him questions , so there doing this at exactly the right moment . i am concerned because i cant take c shopping which i know a lot of people have this problem but while she is with me she is cotrollin him and shes not really seeing what he does with me . i hope u can understand this as im in a bit of a rush the dreaded weekly shop im afraid . what really scares me is are they gonna say well i managed to controll him so i cant see why this is a problem. luv to carry this con on later on if poss by for now have good day

mici xx

[annie]

Helen,

 

I typed 'positive parenting programme' into Google and loads of links came up. There did seem to be an awful lot linking PPP and bad behaviour/youth justice

 

I found this link also which I believe explains what PPP is

 

http://archive.thisisworcestershire.co.uk/.../28/328982.html

 

Looks pretty much the same thing, don't you think?

 

chip chip

Annie

XX

[call me jaded]

I feel very strongly that it's coming around to 'Blame the Parents' time again.

[oracle]

Well this is obviosuly what we have bought into http://www.teachernet.gov.uk/_doc/3791/NSPCC.htm

 

And as it is most certainly NOT for children with ASD I am not a happy bunny

 

It all stems from this http://www.son.washington.edu/centers/parenting-clinic/ I think.

 

Carole

Edited October 23, 2005 by carole

[phasmid]

I've just read through the details from your two links Carole. I'd agree completely. This 'program' was not meant to address ASD issues at all - it's stated use is for ADHD which is an entirely different thing altogether. For crying out loud you don't give a child with a cut knee a new pair of glasses to fix their knee, so why offer family 'therapy' developed for children with ADHD to families of children with ASDs ?

 

It's about time that the powers that be (educational and health) stopped using the 'best fit we have' approach, and set about developing a support program that really does reflect OUR issues - not theirs. That can only happen if they really sit down and listen to what we, and our children, have to say to them. Then they need to react accordingly.

 

I think you have every right to be worried and angry. I too think this raises the ugly spectre that ASDs are due to 'bad parenting'. I wish that was one ghost we could lay to rest - permenantly!

[Elanor]

Hi

 

I went through a Webster-Stratten course, and my son did the associated dinosaur school.

 

It is absolutely no substitute for a course designed to meet the needs of children with an ASD.

 

My son had just got his diagnosis, and his consultant was a little embarrased to be able to offer nothing else for us.

 

There were parts of the course that were inappropriate for children with an ASD - timeout and consequences (aka punishment) are wholly wrong ways to manage a child who is having meltdown.

 

The course tackles poor parenting techniques, and works from the principle that a child's behavioural responses is the problem - whereas of course in ASD the behaviour is just the symptom of the problem.

 

HOWEVER, I'm very glad I did the course. I took part fully, did the homework, knew all the answers and was a general teacher's pet - and so there are several local professionals who have worked with me, who know damned well that I'm NOT a bad parent.

 

More positively, by the time I started the course, after years of incomprehensible and irrational behaviour from my child (pre-diagnosis) I will admit that my relationship with my son had got quite bad. I felt very negatively about him, and he was hostile to me.

 

Webster-Stratten spends a lot of time in relationship-building, playing together (allowing the child to lead the play) and looking for positive points. This all really helped me reconstruct my relationship.

 

Overall, though, Webster-Stratten really misses the point for children with ASD.

[helenl53]

Hi Elanor

 

It was interesting to read your post and there was a good point that you made about people knowing that you were a good parent.

 

Locally, it does not appear that there is the Dinasaur course running in conjunction and it seems to be just a 6 week parenting skills class.

 

I think that it highlights a need for a course of some description to be designed to meet the needs of parents of our kids.

 

Best wishes

 

HelenL

[minerva]

Webster Stratton is something I have had suggested to me by the NHS Dr aswell although my health visitor, social services, my own psychiatrist, ed psyche etc etc the list goes on and on tell me that for me it would be a complete waste of time as I am the ONLY person in the universe that does actually know how to control/deal with/get along with my son!!

 

they even wrote in their official report that i wouldnt go & said that "parents who refuse to attend such classes are most often in denial about their responsibility of their child behaviour"