mandyque

I agree with Cat, it's best to teach that it is ok to do it in the privacy of your bedroom, but not anywhere else. It worked with my dd, who used to stimulate herself when we were out and about by slumping down in her buggy and 'humping' the crotch strap Very embarrassing, especially when she got very red faced and breathless This was about 5 or 6 years ago now and she did get the message in the end and only does it in her room now.

I'm trying, the range of emotions I'm going through is unbelieveable though. I thought I'd feel a bit down in the dumps, upset or whatever, but I've been very grumpy and angry today, don't know where that's come from. I didn't even realise until my ds said I needed to calm down Anyway, I called again this evening and she's been fine, she got into her clothes, ransacked the cupboard and layered loads and loads of clothes on but they've dealt with it and are arranging for a lockable wardrobe for her room. I did warn them last week but it all takes time to sort out.

It hit me like a ton of bricks last night, I called them and they said she'd screamed when they took her back to the unit, but once she was there she was fine. They had another carry on with her after bath time but it was nothing she wouldn't have done anyway really. It just left me feeling like I'd made the biggest mistake ever Fortunately I texted a friend, who called me back and spoke sense to me so I went to bed a bit calmer but, oh dear! I'm getting my head around things again now, I have to give this a proper chance, it was only her second night, so of course she won't be happy about her routine changing and she will need time to adjust, and for the staff to help her get settled.

DD's gone And not without a fight either, she was awake at 4am this morning so she was knackered when I got her up for school, so then didn't want to leave the sofa (can't blame her!) So, not only do I feel guilty as hell but she put on a nice show of I DON'T WANNA GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO for me too I wonder just how much she understands sometimes..... Had a rotten horrible nightmare too, where I went to visit and some of the kids were smoking, and the staff were handing them cigs. One kid stubbed his fag out on another kids arm and the worker was like 'yeah, whatever' about it, I look around and dd has gone completely so I have to go looking for her. I hate nightmares, especially when they leave you with a horrible feeling when you wake up I've been so sure that this is the best thing for her for so long, I know it's just last minute jitters, but ARGH I WANT MY BABY BACK!

Thanks for the best wishes, I'm sure we'll be fine

I'd say this is more than accurate, they should be looking into mental health of carers too though, I and most of my friends suffer, or have suffered, some form of depression, anxiety, panic attacks and other mental illnesses and it's obvious that they suffer more during extreme times of stress with their children.

Well, it's finally time, dd goes into residential tomorrow I've taken some of her stuff up already and I've got one more box and bag to go with her tomorrow. She will go to school as normal in the morning, but won't be coming home She had her last night in respite last night, we had them in tears with a thank you card and present, then she's at daycare today so I'll be doing it again at 4pm, it's a very emotional day all round, and she hasn't a clue what is going on! I really go the jitters last night, her life flashed before my eyes and I imagined every terrible thing that could happen, even though I'm sure it won't! At midnight last night I was ready to call the whole thing off! So anyway, wish us both luck please, I'm sure I'll be more bothered than she will about all this anyway!

Hi, I'm an occasional poster on here, but I am a single mum too. It's not easy by any means, but in my experience, I have managed the kids better on my own than with my ex husband around! He gives very little in support, fits dd in when it's convenient to him and never goes to any appointments or meetings. I've just been through an educational tribunal with no support or input from him, he just doesn't want to get involved on any significant level I'm angry for the kids more than anything else, we've been divorced 5 years now and I'm completely over him, I just wish he would do more for the kids, but still, that's his loss, and I can honestly say I have done all the real work all by myself.

Just wanted to add some words of support, you have put up with more than anyone ever should, you had no other choice but to do this for the safety of yourself and your other children. He is safe and cared for, no matter what emotional stuff he is throwing at you, 20 years experience is enough proof to know that he has a good, reliable and caring foster carer and I bet he is enjoying the one to one attention more than he'll ever let on to you!

I can totally sympathise, I have it the same with my dd. All you can do is cut things down into bite sized chunks, only do one shopping trip/visit at a time with them, and perhaps avoid the places which wind them up the most. It's hard to balance out life as it is, and a life which our kids can cope with, and it might be hard for you to adjust, but IMO it's vital for your own sanity. For instance, I know that if we go to tesco, we have to go upstairs, look at the CDs and DVDs, then back downstairs again, she then goes round and gets a chocolate bar, then we choose a comic. After that, it's round to the toys, and if she hasn't got a DVD or CD, then she has to have a toy. THEN I'm allowed to go and get some shopping! If it doesn't happen this way then we have mega meltdown time, until she is allowed to go and carry out her routine. So, if I'm not up to it, or she is in a bad mood already, or I'm skint, then we simply don't do tesco, no matter how much I need stuff. I tried to go to B&Q (coincidentally) after a shopping trip, it was a nightmare, she had a meltdown and got really anxious about going in, then once I'd calmed her down and we were inside, she slipped her shoes off and we had to retrace our steps right the way back through the whole store to find them again as I hadn't noticed

I have added one to the girls, but it is my daughter, not me, who has autism.

I missed this so I've just watched it online and it's heartbreaking, how could they put such a vibrant young woman into straitjackets and drug her up so much? I hope she is able to come off the meds eventually, at least enough so that she can function more on the level she was at previously, I hope she can go on another holiday with Sandrine

ohhhhh nooooo!!!!! We've already had swimming costumes and nothing else in winter, I really couldn't cope with anything on that scale any more I meant that she would probably wear her own choice of clothing but not uniform! It feels very strange, so far I have made arrangements to socialise with friends , not used to this!

Labels? I'm lucky she wears clothes, not even going to go there with uniform! Fortunately they are understanding of sensory issues and one of dd's biggest issues is around clothing!

Finally! I called them yesterday and she can start at the school on the 22nd. Unfortunately she can't get into residential until the middle of next month, because the tribunal took so long to make a decision, they couldn't make any arrangements for her until the rulings were made So, a few more frustrating weeks, but there is a tiny light, and at least she will finally be at school in a fortnight, even if she does have quite a long journey each day.

Just waiting for them to get back to me with a starting date now, it's driving me nuts, all the summer activities are finished now the schools are back, and dd is reverting to more obsessive behaviour through boredom

I'm so sorry he has had to go through this, makes me so sad

I managed to get hold of one of these DVDs and my dd really enjoys watching it. I'm not sure it has helped her with the emotion recognition stuff, with her being very severely autistic, but she does like it

Absolutely, it's lovely when you get someone who is actually nice and tries to understand a little, instead of the usual looks and comments.

Thanks Kathryn, I was wondering where the 'good news' bit came from Cat, as soon as we get a starting date I will take my foot off the gas, no idea what I'll do after that though, we get so used to fighting don't we, it's going to be difficult to finally switch off! Feels weird thinking things like 'what do I want to do?' instead of 'what does dd need next?' But it's a good weird

Cheers

And again, I'm a serial no-shower, but I finally have news! We went to tribunal on 18th July and spent a very long day going through all the files, only to discover that the LEA representative hadn't brought the costings which needed to be considered So it was adjourned until 7th August. We then spent another few hours on the 7th sifting through the rest of the evidence and were assured that we would get the decision from the tribunal within 2 weeks. So that would have made it 21st August. I still hadn't heard anything last week, so I rang every day to bug them for answers, eventually I was assured I would get the report by email on Monday of this week. After a number of phonecalls the report still hadn't appeared, but we managed to get the named school out of them. It was the one we wanted Got the rest of the report by email this morning, a paper copy is coming in the post very soon, but she has a 52 week residential placement at the perfect school for her and I am over the moon She'll come home most weekends, but this is exactly what she needs Of course there is a big transition ahead of us, but I'm so relieved, it's all over, we got the result that dd needed, and she will finally get the best in education and care that she deserves We've fought long and hard on this one and it feels like such a great achievement

So being a loner makes you a criminal and unworthy of compensation when someone has done you wrong? If someone had a physical disability or illness would they blame that for wrongdoings? There are millions of people with ASDs out there who have never broken the law in their lives but they are all marked with the crime of a tiny minority IMO the failures here lie with: 1. the judicial system which has wrongfully condemned a man and ruined his life, and 2. the people who should have been supporting a man with multiple difficulties to live in the community successfully. Where is the criticism of these two organisations?

I have never bothered until now, dd has just left primary school so I thought it was fitting. I had to keep the numbers down so picked the 4 members of staff who work in her class only. I felt bad that I didn't get her escort and driver, but she has only had these ones for 6 weeks and I haven't seen the old ones. Anyway, I thought I'd do something other than chocs and wine so I had a look round tesco and found some pretty little notebooks, they got one each in a little gift bag, and I sent a card to the whole school to thank everyone. Her LSAs were over the moon

I can't believe that someone is questioning their diagnosis, they are autistic without a doubt. What amazed me is how much they were the same. I know of triplets with autism, but their ASDs present in different ways, they have their own individual difficulties and personality, Flo and Kay were identical in everything. Their obsession with Dick Clark was fascinating, and I must admit, it would be very wearing to live with that day after day after day. It was lovely how Dick welcomed them though, and accepted them as friends, I had horrible visions of it going wrong and them upsetting him with the depth of their knowledge and obsession with him. I would like to know how things are going for them, if they have been able to live in an independent living place and how they are managing. I think they would do wonderfully, especially as it was documented that they both blossomed when living with their sister and were taken out to socialise more.