Stephanie

We go to Centerparcs a lot, it's brilliant. I think it is expensive but worth it and you can reduce costs by not doing any of the additional activities (swimming is still free etc). Also, you can hire babysitters in the evenings - woo hoo! The restaurants are good too! It is worth checking out their website from time to time to check on offers and they do some good reductions around Easter time for families with kids under 5. I don't know if they have a mailing list but it would be worth getting on it. There are special villas for disabled people or you can pay extra to be near to the amenities (otherwise you might have a long walk/bike ride ahead of you) .... and people who don't like hills ... avoid the Longleat one! Our holidays there have been really stress free. Can I just add, being rather curvy - to say the least (ha ha!) that I was worried about going the first time because I thought the place would be full of shiney faced fitness freaks in lycra eating tofu topped rice cakes ... it is nothing like that at all ... and you don't have to ride a bike ..... and nobody really cares about what you look like as they are too busy enjoying their holiday.

You are doing the right thing by thinking of yourself ... sounds like you have wasted enough effort and time on someone who isn't willing to put you first and foremost in their life. Priorities would be sorting out the finances, speaking to a Solicitor and making him realise that he needs to move out, having him live there with you must be awful. Keep moving forward with your life!

I have posted about this before some time ago but when I do a search under "red ears" in the search thingy, nothing comes up. Anyway .... my 5 year old occasionally, usually in the evening gets a bright red left ear. I thought it could have been from the heat of his bath etc, but we have noticed it red several times when the temperature has been colder and he hasn't had a bath etc. It doesn't seem to bother him but I wondered if it was diet related or if anyone elses ASD child had this. He doesnt suffer ear infections or anything, and is in perfect health, he has a limited diet, which is quite gluten rich I suppose ... but his ear only shows up in the evenings after dinner, never after lunch etc? Any ideas?

My son is 5 and in a mainstream primary school. There are two kids in his class with special needs - himself (HFA) and a child who is almost deaf and has a rare syndrome. My son has a few friends but just cannot relate or get on with this other child with special needs. He refuses to sit near him, partner with him etc etc. They just do not get along. Last week when I dropped him off in the morning, the other child had brought a ball to school and would not let my son play football with him (a regular thing) and grabbed my son around the throat ... so my son got all angry at that and lifted him up and threw him onto a pile of stacked chairs. The other child started crying and as he is half the size of my son and obviously looks physically handicapped, he got the sympathy vote. I was mortified that my child had reacted like that, and it was in front of this other childs mother and the head teacher. He is normally really passive but this child once bit my son really badly (had marks for months) and I think it has scarred him a bit. I am guilty of telling him to fight back rather than just take it because I don't want him to get walked all over. This child is in my sons eyes "particularly naughty" and is always in trouble for being non conformist. My son is a stickler for doing things the right and proper way and doesn't like anyone who breaks the rules or has challenging behaviour. He gets upset that this boy continually misbehaves and upsets the apple cart at school. I spoke with his Mum who was very nonchalant about it "they're just kids, they all fight" etc. but I can't accept that ... she told her boy to stop fighting but never asked him to let my son join in the football game. I am wondering now how to handle it - do I go to school and ask to talk to his Full Time helper, do I invite him round for a play date (dreading that one), or should I just leave it up to the school to sort it out ... they are well aware of their differences but they still often lump them together because they are both special needs. I know this is small chips .. but I think it could turn really nasty unless I intervene.

How old is he? Is it just happening with your husband? How long has it gone on for? Does he understand that it isn't acceptable? Is it a stim or is he doing it to gain a reaction? I think most kids go through this phase including NT ones but I imagine it is quite annoying. Can you moderate his behaviour or is he unable to understand?

Cute! Thanks,

Whatever my sister cooks for us (and she will go on about how lovely it is and how well she's cooked it), I will of course force down the obligatory brussel sprout (just the one) as part of the meal and one home made mince pie ... all pastry and no filling (gimme an iced top one from a supermarket anyday). I will probably also be feasting on chocolate for most of the day (but I can handle that!) Asa my HFA 5 year old will probably have jam sandwiches, pringles and a yoghurt for Chrimbo dinner, whilst the rest of the family look down their nose at him for being so awkward. My other son Griffin who is two and NT, will probably end up caked in anything that didn't manage to hit the floor first. I will sit there cringing that my kids are going to embarrass me by doing something they shouldn't ... although Asa has some good jokes lined up. My husband and I will have a few glasses of champers whilst wearing silly hats from inside the crackers and will be glad when midnight comes and its all over!

Just see how he is, things change a helluva lot in a year ... I was the same last year but this year my kid was brilliant in his play and I was really chuffed I let him do it. Mind you, I am already thinking of ways how to get out of next years Sports Day for the same kind of reason. I would have a word with the teachers though, sounds like it was handled all wrong. Chin up girlie, its Christmas <'>

Cheers and Merry Christmas from me!!! To all those who have had a bad year, I only hope 2007 proves to be better for you . Eat, drink and be merry!

Lol I just stopped mine from doing it the other day, he made this wild noise, jumped off the bed and started doing the old "slinky" movement and I was running around looking for something to put down. In the end, an A4 folder came to my rescue and I just got it under him in time. But I laughed mainly because it would have been on the bedroom carpet otherwise!

I think it makes you realise how much we take for granted. The detail my son sees in things is remarkable. His memory for facts and information - and his ability to remember dates, places and the clothes we were wearing also comes in useful. I show him a photo and he can date it for me - exactly. I call him the 'human date stamp'. Also he is funny, he has a real sense of humour and just cracks us up with the things he comes out with sometimes. ... and I'm so proud of him, he is doing so well, to see him at his nativity today looking like everyone else, singing away etc ... brilliant! I think once you get over the initial grieving/mourning period of the diagnosis and appreciate the kids for what they are, you understand that the word "special" is not necessarily negative (although we all hate it). ... and it's true, nobody is normal!

Well I'm sure watching that will send a few tears into the Quality Street tin ... thanks for telling us, I will avoid it like the plague! Is that the best we have on offer for Boxing Day telly?

Yeah my son used to know every drain on the way to school, also he knows all the car number plates and road signs. The information he reads from a short journey used to astound me. This was more prevalent when he was between 3 and 4, now he is coming up to 6 he has got bored of it and doesn't even mention them anymore. They are totally forgotten. Sometimes the children get in a bit of rut with their obsessions and need coaxing out of them gradually before they become too much of a compulsion. I think in this instance, you might just need to give it a bit more time.

I recently posted something very similar - it would seem there are a lot of us mothers frantic with worry about our kids faddy diets. Some just want to eat the same things, some are afraid of trying new things. I get quite upset about the fact his diet is so unvaried. Although he meets the nutritional criteria (but you'd never believe it if you saw what he eats). However, lots of people PM'd and replied saying it does get better as they get older - so here's hoping. I wonder how many years it will be until we can all eat the same meal ... or have a Christmas dinner together ... this year my son will probably be having strawberry jam on toast (again).

Sorry to hear you are having a bad time of it, I think this rings bells with a lot of us ... The hardest thing about my sons diagnosis was the fact I had leave all my doubts and denial behind, it was there in black and white and there was no going back. I had hoped for so long that I was wrong, that maybe I was just imagining his symptoms and that all kids did things like he did. I hoped and prayed it could be something else - maybe just a communication disorder, maybe he was "different" but not on the spectrum. When he was diagnosed as HFA, part of me was relieved, part of me just went into mourning - and that stayed for a long time. I was absolutely gutted. Looking back, I always knew .. but I clung on to hope and a lot of denial. There have been a lot of why him's, why us, and what caused it questions but I think that is part of the process. The diagnosis has meant he gets the right care now, the right support and we too as parents get support - from the forum and by other means. It was absolutely the right thing to do. 18 months on, we are coping so much better. A lot of questions have now been answered. My Health Visitor thought I was over reacting when I first told her about my son "you mustn't go around saying he's autistic", she took a lot of convincing and would only believe me when I told her text book symptoms he was having (because they do their diagnosis from text books of course) and we eventually got referred for assessment which was a long and tedious process. I think if you think there is something wrong you have to try and convince your GP or HV even if you have to over emphasis the traits to get through to assessment ... the earlier your child is diagnosed the better. Alternatively, it might be something totally different and not ASD at all. I think knowledge is power, you should learn as much about it as you can - it can hurt but overall it helps in the long run. The best thing you can do as a parent is be prepared to fight against the system and for your child (without trying to worry too much!)

Tell them! Your son needed to know in advance ... and an explanation from yourself of why he was going in on his own to reassure his anxiety. I would have been livid because I would have wanted to know in advance too! Even a days notice would have been fine. If your son is coping well with going in on his own, I wouldn't make a special effort to phone the school about this problem but I would certainly mention it as his next review or the next time a similar incident occurs. If he isn't coping however, I would make sure you tell them straight away and insist on taking him in.

Yeah we had this one, with the colour blue (there are other threads regarding this topic). He has more of a problem at school than home now. Sometimes its not so much that he wants the blue thing, its more that he doesn't want the other children to have it. The way we have resolved it is to make him choose 3 favourite colours, he has chosen black and green as number 2 and 3 .. this makes him more flexible. My son also used to hate his brother going near or wearing anything orange - but he has grown out of that now. Some children will only eat foods of a certain colour like white or brown, some will only wear one colour and some will only eat off certain colour crockery etc. Also colours can trigger emotions - like if a child hated brown and they saw a brown car on the way to school, it could have an impact on their whole day. He is currently annoyed that the colour pink is in fashion for boys, he finds it most upsetting.

Thanks for your advice. I took him today - and after a chat with the nurse, decided NOT to go through with it. She has given me some thinking time and booked another appointment after Christmas.

I was listening (and singing along very loudly) to Rooster's CD in my car earlier on the M40 - apologies to anyone who may have seen or heard me.

It's so often the same things, yeah my sons faves are those two - choc sandwiches (in his Friday lunch box only now - I restricted him) and cereal, he eats lots of that! Everything he does try he seems not to like. Christmas dinner will be strawberry jam on toast for him .. and its at my sisters house so I will feel terrible about it. However from the other comments I can see that he will grow out of this eventually.

Could it be brought in as part of a routine after having a bath/shower or before school?? Does he have sensory issues with smells? Maybe an unperfumed one? Maybe a stick rather than a spray (some don't like the noise). Could you spray deoderant onto his clothes rather than onto him? Maybe an unperfumed anti perspirant and he would never know. I know the really strong deoderants/anti perspirants like the green one beginning with M don't always have to be used every day. I have this problem with my 44 year old brother - he's NT but his personal hygiene is lacking somewhat and yet he is so oblivious to it. My Dad was always having a go at him when we were younger - the only time he ever smells nice is if there is a new woman on the scene - which isn't often enough!

... Did I spell that right?? Lol My little man 22 months is due for his vaccine Wednesday ... are there any supposed links with autism or anything I should know about this vaccine?? Obviously I am worrying about it and being all mumsy ... Any advice?

We haven't told our family, the school obviously know and a few of the school childrens mums but we are keeping it under wraps with our family (luckily we don't see them all that often). It's mainly because of the label thing - I want my son to be "Asa the tall blonde boy" and not be known as "Asa - that autistic kid". I thought it would become more apparent as he got older and people would guess but it seems to have gone the other way - I'm sure his little differences will shine though a bit later on. We have 2 ladies in our family who are school teachers so we avoid them like the plague in case they foil our scheme. When the time is right (or it becomes more obvious) we will tell them ... and god knows how I am going to do that ... I fear it, all that explaining etc etc. My mum will totally be denial .. all she ever talks about is how clever he is and how he will be at Oxbridge if he carries on like he's doing etc etc - sigh! It would like be trying to cut through elephant hide. I kind of feel that he needs to know before they do. I will feel terrible when they find out we have been keeping it from them. I am very interested in the reactions of your families though. Do the members of your family also go through a kind of grieving process? Do they treat your child differently or ignore them (ie. not talk to them as much as they did before the diagnosis). I also don't want the sympathy from them - how do you cope with that?

Also be aware that he may not get diagnosed straight away, they may try other things like Speech and Language Therapy before they go on to make an official diagnosis. Ours took 6 months from the initial assessment.

I feel I may, or the school may have over reacted. ... So Asa took the sweets into school and apologised .. I didn't mangage to catch any of the Mums on that day. So the next day the parents come across to thank me for the sweets and all said they knew nothing about it until the child went home with the sweets. They were all very nonchalant about it "I'm sure he was provoked", "oh well its just kids, they do that", "it happens, its not a problem" etc etc - luckily all 3 of the Mums know he is ASD (whether they know what that means is another thing). I have asked them to inform me if there are any future incidents as I fear that the school won't. Thanks so much for the info, I have cut and pasted it together to make a fact a sheet (although its beyond me why I have to be telling the teacher what to do). Apparently the teacher is going on a course and they are calling in the outreach team from our local ASD school to help her. I think this teacher is aware that I am now on her case, I have just asked her why Asa is still holding a pen in a palm grasp .. is she not following the directions that OT left etc etc. No wonder his handwriting is suffering (and they make him write in script joined up ... he's 5 - what's with that??) Anyway I am off to see her tomorrow - I won't let my son take the blame for his difficulties, so I will tell her how to manage him more effectively and go from there. Thanks everyone!