MandyB

Hi Ricky, really good to hear from you, but sorry to hear you feel so down. You seem extremely articulate and self-aware which must make it all the more difficult to feel alone. You have shown your willingness to put yourself out there on this forum, there must be other places near you where young people get together...how about contacting the National Autistic Society local group to see what is available for guys like you? Or look at your 'local offer' of services for yp on the local council website? They have to put stuff on there for people to find nowadays...just google 'local offer' and your borough's name and it should be there. Keep making contact, things will get better for you I'm sure, and if nothing else just know that what you've posted here is obviously heartfelt and shows a level of compassion that other people (but not maybe other mean kids from old school) will find very appealing about you. Good luck Ricky,

..yep about as steep as they come! For me it was about processing all the information and seeing that it fit with my little chap....it made me look at all the difficulties we'd been having in a totally new way and the realisation that he didn't fit the remit for all the happy-go-lucky parenting books I'd read was a huge relief! The moment i came to terms with Jamie having autism (way before an official diagnosis) I mentally packed up all my baggage of feeling like a failed parent with an impossible child and put it all in a box at the back of the shed marked 'history'. Suddenly all his bonkers behaviours made sense because they had a real cause which could actually be predicted and avoided when we started to know what to look for! I hope you will find the help and support you need, but know that just caring enough to seek out information for Calum makes him a lucky boy. Wishing you all the best. Mandy

Hello, your post rang a lot of bells with me! Sounds like you're in the process with the professionals regarding Calum. Wherever the assessment road leads you, I would like to offer that this is first and foremost YOUR chance to find out lots of information and begin the important process of whether or not Aspergers fits what YOU know about your little boy. Then you can begin to really help him and also get the right professional guidance. Read lots but don't get overwhelmed! Filter out what doesn't fit. Think of it as the start of a new chapter in a book where you were previously missing the synopsis on the back! With regards to a diary of behaviours, I found with my son (also aged 4 at the time and having trouble at nursery!), that when I started to look, I could see all the clues that had been there for so long.....a diary might help you to see the big picture but don't obsess! Also, you are doubtless looking at schools at the moment. It might be worth speaking to the school's Special Ed Needs coordinator (SENCO) for advice and to find out how the school can support Calum, whether or not he gets/needs a formal diagnosis. I wish you all the best as you move forward.

Hi Rhys' Mum! Your chap sounds just like mine!! He's 5, diagnosed last year with ASD, has a neurotypical 2-year old brother and we have all the same sorts of issues! We're very lucky with his school, they are being very supportive and pro-active in trying to get him a statement, but I know this is not necessarily the norm for everyone. Make friends with the SENCO as soon as you can! Playtime is my son's toughest time at school, and his teacher has been taking him to a quiet area when he's getting over-excited or pushy! He goes with her happily as he's ready for some quiet time which is good. Perhaps Rhys would benefit from the same - mine always runs around wildly with a big grin on his face, but actually is anxious and happy to get away from the noisy situation when given the chance. If someone at the school can recognise his "triggers" (and there's always a trigger!) this would help him escape and avoid getting to the hands-on stage. I wish you lots of luck and hope the school will be a help and support - and if not you've always got here! Best wishes Mandy B

Hi there, You certainly seem keen to find some answers for your son and that's got to be a good start! My son was diagnosed ASD last year aged 4 and a lot of his stuff is more "typical" I guess - although like you I see lots of things that don't fit the remit also! He sounds like a sweetie which I'm sure makes you more determined to help him and get him the right support! I would suggest a couple of books to help you in the first instance, firstly the well-renowned " The out-of-sync child" by Carol Kranowitz" - a great place to start as it's all about sensory disorders and not solely on the big autism question. Also have a look at the slightly-cuddly and American "Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew" by Ellen Notbohm. It really helped us look at our child in a different way, in order to look at his needs and issues, rather than focusing on what WE were doing wrong! Best of luck, Mandy B

Hi there, your little chap sounds a bit like mine! He's nearly 5 and the day to day can be so hard, isolating, boring, stressful etc etc. And he has a little brother too who seems to be the focus of his most negative behaviour! Mine's started mainstream school in September and that's a huge relief because he's tired at the end of the day and calmer too. If you can afford it (!) try occupational therapy, they can help with things to use up his energy and meet some of his underlying sensory issues needs if he has them (food is a biggie in this department so chances are he has others too!). Mine now loves spinning round ten times each way on an office chair. He loves it and is calmer after! Weird but it works! Anyway I know this isn't much to offer in terms of help but just to let you know lots of people will understand, you just have to find them! Try the NAS first for local groups. And push for that diagnosis! If GP not helping try Health Visitor or local pre-school support team (if he's not in reception already?). Thinking of you and understanding!!! Best of luck Mandy B <'>

Hi there, After my son was diagnosed, the centre where he was diagnosed offered help to fill in the form and it was really great. they helped me with language to use and how to look at each problem in it's "worst case scenario". It doesn't feel great putting down all the bad things about your child but if it helps with getting additional help financially, it's got to be worth it! Good luck mandy B

Hi there, Had to reply as your young chap sounds just like mine! He's 4 1/2, diagnosed in June. It was a strange relief to find that all the many embarrassing situations I'd been in and pressurized environments I'd exposed him to, desperate for him to "fit in" , weren't just a result of my failed parenting style or naughty child! I'd wish for him that this wasn't so, but at least now I can find answers and hope rather than flailing around in a sea of "What am I doing wrong with this child???!!!" I hope you will too! I wish you the best of luck on your journey! Warmest wishes Mandy B

Hi Andrea, I saw your message the other day but first chance to respond! I know just how you feel, the holidays just means more pressure for us to keep them amused and hope their behaviour doesn't make every small outing a complete nightmare! I have a son aged 4 recently diagnosed ASD and another little one 20 months who also needs lots of attention! It's so hard and makes me feel so lonely sometimes. Anyway I just wanted to say Hi and hope you will find "safe" things to do to make the days go by....roll on September.... Mandy B <'>

Hi, you sound so lovely! Sorry to hear you're having a hard time. I'll bet there's other girls at school that feel the same way you do, that can't articulate themselves as well as you do! Things can change, don't give up trying to make friends, sometimes they come along unexpectedly! Sending a hug <'> Mandy

Hungry

They can really surprise you sometimes with the stuff they can handle! Hope for us all Madme! Mandy B

Yes, that's it, you can only do one course not both! The next "plus" course is November so I could do either within plenty of time of diagnosis (only Dx last monday!!). But as jlp says they use video in your home on the pre school one (scary!) but this could be more beneficial. I'm just worried that there might be a big gap between 3 year olds with ASD and my 4 1/2 year old. (yeah, I know, he's more like a 2 year old at times anyway!!! Aaargh) Thanks for your replies, appreciate the input. And JsMum, at least we've got the forum to keep us up to date with stuff, even if your "little one" isn't so little now!! MAndy B <'>

Hi Folks, Just wondering who's done the Earlybird or Earlybird Plus courses for parents by the NAS? They seem like a great idea as we've just had DS diagnosed with ASD and looking to get all the help we can now! Our little chap is 4 1/2 and starts school in September. There is a space held for us on an Earlybird course for pre-schoolers starting September, but should we wait and do the Earlybird Plus course later on, as it's for 4-8 year olds? Which one would be more suitable do you think? Any help would be welcome! Thanks Mandy B

Hi Flora, it went well! Great doctor, knew her stuff, and she felt it is the right decision to give him The Diagnosis! I think we've been very lucky to get to this point in a relatively short time. The pre-school support advisor that first observed DS at play group had sent in a very thorough report and this helped enormously to get to referral stage. My little boy was so patient too, we were in there ages and he just kept busy doing his thing. My thoughts tonight are .....he has an asd.....OK so now what??? I'm a bit blown away by all the info actually and just need to get my head around it. It's good news isn't it??? Doesn't change my little chap and just means we can get the right help! Anyway feeling ok about it right now. Thanks for your message Mandy