Sooze2

Blimey, thankyou. I didn't realise that! 18 months ago we bought a 3rd property, we have 2 rented out. The theory being that the children will be sorted when the time comes for them to leave home and have families etc. Also we won't have much of a pension so hopefully the rent will pay for us to live when we retire. It sounds flash but we bought the other 2 when house prices were extelemy low in the late 80's and late 90's so not flash just fluke. Anyway, we just asumed that the children would get a house each and be sorted financially for their futures. Its looks as though we will need to put some sort of plan into action then.

Ive just read this back again and sorry if it upsets anyone. I really don't mean to have a downer on the boy, its not him its the juggling and frustration of it all that gets to me at times. My organisational skills aren't great so when it goes pair shaped I get really stressed. Sorry.

Every little thing has to be so difficult. We finally got an appointment for DS to be assessed by the consultant - she is going to work with him on his own next Tuesday to see how he ticks - then I get a note in the book bag to say sports day is going to be next Tuesday due to being cancelled twice because of rain!!! So it looks like I have to put my son first again over my daughters, it's their first sports day and are very exited about it and I won't be there. I could cancel his appointment but I will probably have to wait for ages for another one. The girls dip out once again because of him. He has an appointment on Friday to do a writing test and a fine motor skills test, I booked it for that day because he has his class assembly on Wednesday so I had to keep that day free. The school have now moved the ###### class assembly to Friday afternoon when his appointment is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He is upset because he can't do the assembley. I lost it this morning, I was like the wild woman of Bourneo. Shouting swearing going absolutely mental. It wasn't the kids fault but it just bubbled out of me and I couldn't contain it. The patio door was open so the neighbours and school must have heard me!!! None of them ate their breakfast because it was soggy because they sat their and talked instead of eating, their lunch boxes and bags were full of pasty in tiny little peices which I had made for them and they loved the day before. It like everything has to be such ###### hard work all the time. I can't wait for the holidays to come so I don't have to do the school runs and having DS wandering around at 8.55 wondering where his shoes/tie/coat are not acting as if we actually have to be somewhere and we are late again. But at the same time the holidays are so incredably stressfull because he makes everything such a big deal and spoils things for the girls. He can be so lovely but just as you start to relax it all kicks off for no reason at all and everyone is stressed out. AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGG! Starting to exhale now. Sorry.

Have you seen this one on Amazon uk - Yamaha NP30B-K Portable Digital Piano (black finish). Its �169.99 and had the 76 keys your are after. There are loads on there but I saw tis one first.

Does she learn it at school, perhaps they have one they could loan to you? You could phone your local charity shops to see if they would keep any that come in for you to look at, our local charity shops often have key boards in stock. Also there are often pianos advertised as free to taker in news papers because not many people have the room for them these days. Just a thought.

Hello

Hello and welcome

<'> <'> <'> Mine gets a mouthful from me every so often or very often as it is at the moment. He just seems to enjoy being difficult at the moment. I can honestly say that I don't have the energy left to make the effort with him at the moment and I feel resentful about the fact that he has stopped me from spending quality time with my daughters for a very long time. Sorry to moan on your thread I feel lonely too, very lonely indeed at the moment when everyone seems to be enjoying themselves with freinds and family and Ive got so little to say because my head has been full of DS for so long that I've forgotten how to be a human being rather than fighting for help mummy.

The reason DS going to his room on his own works here is that it is a calm place for him, he recently moved into a new room and he didn't even want any pictures on the walls because he likes it plain and bare. Most of his biggest meltdowns happen as soon as he comes out of school, on Wednesday it started as he walked towards me before I had even said hello - it was very very powerful and brought the people near me to a silent standstill. The ones that come after school are due to overstimulation/noise/changes/writing/not coming first etc etc I can't take those things away for him. I also can't divert or distract. If I let him stay around us he will be agressive to his sisters and everything they do/say/think will make him worse. The only way for him to come out of it is to be on his own, beleive me I have tried everything but when you have 3 children and see the effect these things have on the innocent little ones you have to put them first. Moving to a different room to him doesn't work because he will just follow us around like a jack russle with it's jaw locked, you simply can't get away from him. People who know us well have seen what he is like and he simply won't let anything go!!! Although he's better than he was. Also a lot of these kids don't see the consequeces for their actions, each new activity or misdemenor is just that "new" and just because they were punished or told off for it last time some of them won't realise that it means everytime you do that you will be told off. They think it only applies to that minute so they will do the same thing over and over again and be shoked every time they are told off! That is how my son is. If I am going to give a consequence for his behaviour it will happen there and then and I tell him why. I will take him too his room and take the platstation out with me or something like that. Sometimes going to the room is enough because he wasn't in control of his actions - like when he is overloaded after school and he can't calm down untill he is in a quiet place. BUT when he threw his sister off the trampoline (through the net) in a rage things were confiscated and he wasn't allowed on it with other people for a month because he did it on purpose because he knew I had popped to the loo so couldn't see him.

I'd change the GP's attitudes. I first went about DS when he was maybe 3 months old ( in 1999 )because he didn't sleep and needed constant movement and stimulation or he would just cry for hours and hours. I couldn't do anything other than be with him at all times exept for the few hours he was asleep. The GP told me I was an over protective paranoid parent and that is the attitude I had from them untill I managed to change practises a few months ago. The last GP I spoke to at my old practice actually told me that they don't deal in metal health so can't do anything.Because of their attitude I couldn't get any referalls at all - luckily when DS started year 3 this year his behaviour in school became so bad and odd that they started the referal process and things have moved very quickly since then. I swear that if the school hadn't helped me then, either I would have moved out with my daughters or DS would have been sent miles away to DH's aunt to live wether she liked it or not. I think that if these GP's realised the effect their dissinterest in any illness the can't actually see has on families they would be horrified

Sending you <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Its must be extremely frustrating for you and J. As you know I am only just starting out with dealing with professionals etc so I can't offer any suggestions, but I wanted you to know that I have read your post and can offer a cyber shoulder <'>

Thanks JsMum, I think she is going with Aspergers and ADHD with him being oppositional as a symptom of these rather than him being able to controll it. She knows a lot of his behaviours have been present since birth - I gave her a typed copy of his history. His school are being very helpful and he seems to be liked by the teachers because they are really noticing since he's been in year 3 that he can't help acting the way he does because he gets so upset about things rather than just lashing out. The anger he feels is taken out on himself at school. He is a perfectionist and rips up his own work because he thinks it's rubbish even if it's ok, he is now refusing to do any written work because he thinks his writing his rubbish. His teacher is pushing for him to have his own TA at school because at the moment he is sharing another boys TA and even that isn't enough support for him according to the teacher. I think the fact that he keeps breaking himself made her take notice too - he was proudly telling her of all the injuries he's had! Sports injuried he called them!!! I don't know, its early days for us and I'm still learning. Time and more meetings will tell I suppose

Hiya, thats a good point. It seems strange that he's suddenly so ill after having the medicine. I will leave it in the capsule next time. The consultant said there was something else he could possibly try so all is not lost if this one dissagrees with him.

Thanks JsMum, after he was sick this afternoon he had a little sleep and started to perk up a little. He even had the energy to annoy his sisters for a little while so I think he'll start to get better tomorrow! He must have felt very very ill to be lying on the sofa all day but on the rare occations that he's ill like that he seems to recover very very quickly. He can only allow one day of illness otherwise the house will be far too quiet for him. Thanks for thinking of me

We saw the Consultant on Tuesday, she said she hadn't read the notes because she fitted us in quickly due to getting a letter from my new Doctors about DS's sleep problems. She thought it was only about sleep at first. She has prescribed Menatonin for a month to see how it affects him! Hoorah! I may actually be able to enjoy my camping holiday this year if it works. She asked loads of questions about behaviour and from talking to him and us she said she agreed with the CHAMs lady we have been seeing that he has ADHD/ASD. She said he is very oppositional and could see that he will argue for arguing sake after I told her a few things including about the other day when I bought him a green bubble wand and his sisters pinks ones, he went mental saying he wanted pink as it was his favourite colour etc, it was so bad he had to go in his room for an hour before he was calm and then was still angry for the rest of the evening. She asked him if he had all pink stuff in his room - have you a pink duvet cover, pink toys, pink light shade then! - he just looked at her and said no grinning! She looked up and said yes he is very opositional and basically he will swear black is white so he's got an excuse to kick off! She had him worked out straight away. Anyway I could carry on but I won't bore you. He has an appointment with her on his own and 22nd July to do some tests and she will go from there. He is seeing the other CHAMs lady next friday for a handwritting test and the Consultant wants her to also carry out a fine motor skills test too. The ball is finally rolling. Its only taken 6.5 years. Feeling a mixture of releif and anger at the moment, if the doctors had listened to me years ago help would have been put in place sooner. She asked who did the initial referral and and was a bit shoked that my old Doctor after years of telling them about my difficulties with DS said "we don't deal with mental health". Ive have changed Doc's and she said the one I'm with now is a good one so we'll be ok. So nice. Thanks for listening

Iv'e found my area very good, we finally got into the system in September. I have to say since then things have moved very quicky and everyone involved, school, CHAMs everyone have been very helpful.

He was up nearly all night! Got him to sleep in my bed at about 2am and he woke at about 4.30 am dripping with sweat sitting up and freaking out, I was calm at first but he would suddenly come out of it then freak out again. After a while I was saying "stop it stop it your feaking me out!!" he came out of it after about an hour but I was totally freaked out by it. He's not been like that since one time when he was about 3, I'm used to him sleep walking and all the rest of it but last night was hideous - so scarey. Anyway he's is ill today, very sick, bad dioreah (sp?) head ache etc so it may be a virus. I will give the menatonin another go in a week or so and see what happens. Shame that link I posted doesn't bring up the website properly, it's quite interesting. Thanks a lot anyway.

Thing is he was fine until he took the first dose last night and then felt really sick, he still felt sick in the morning which continued all day. Like you say he's probably going down with something. Thing is he is up in the night regularly but never so early, it would be at least midnight usually later. Oh well he's asleep again now, I think I'll take him up to bed with me later on. Just edited to post link to side effects - am I allowed to do that? I appologise if I'm not and will remove it. http://www.herbal-supplements-guide.com/imgs/logo.gif

I gave DS Melatonin tonight for the second time, last night he took the capsule (1mg) with milk and was asleep after an hour and a half. He had trouble swallowing it. Tonight I emptied the capsule into some juice and he was asleep after about 15 minutes at 9pm. He has just got up in great distress asking me to let the car drive over him because he wants to die and various other things! Has anyone experianced this with Melatonin?! He semi ok now on the sofa near me watching cartoons. He's never said anything like this before. He's very very hot, he's been feeling sick all day, all his muscles ache and has a head ache. I gave him some neurophen syrup for kids about an hour before the melotoin - would that be why he's had a reaction? He does suffer from night terrors and sleep walks quite often. Any advise will be greatly apprechiated. I don't think I'll be giving it to him again but I'm worried about letting him out of my sight tonight.

Rewards charts don't work for DS, they make him worse - Ive tried them loads of times. I did one for sleep a few months ago and he ended up not sleeping till 11.30-midnight some night and one night he was still awake at 1.30am! I was exhausted! The charts work for his sisters so I know its not my technique. He didn't want any of the rewards I suggested saying that he doesn't like X,Y or Z because he is very deffiant and oppositional. He claims not to care about punishments, nothing is his fault, there is always an excuse to justify why he did something. Discussing things like that are a wase of time because he will argue black is white even though you saw him do the thing in the first place!

DS didn't like going in his room either, when he was about 3 I would put him in there and hold the door closed untill he stopped trying to come out or I put him back in every time he came out! He would kick the door, trash his room and break things but at least he wasn't doing it to the rest of the house and I never replaced things he broke. God it sounds awful doesn't it but I had to do it or he would try and get to me by hurting his baby twin sisters, he used to hit them over the head with things when I was out of the room. After a while of doing this he accepted that that was just the way it was and goes to his room when I tell him too (usually screeming his head off), he still comes out but I tell him to go back in. He hates being on his own and so making him be on his own is the ideal punishment for him and he has to learn that he can't get away with bad behaviour all the time. Sorry if you think I'm too hard on him but nothing else works! Some "freind" that don't have to deal with this type of thing have told me that sending him to his room will make it a bad place for him but I feel that he and I need that breathing space.

Oh Enid <'> <'>

DS takes himself to the loo, he does this at home too and I send him to his room to cool off as nothing else works. At school he wanders around playing with cars or lego men when in the loo. I think they sometimes sit him in the cloak room outside the classroom to calm down. They have 2 rowing machines in the class room and I know he uses those fairly often which is probably to releive tense situations. If I restrained DS during a meltdown I think he would cause me some damage to be honest so I wouldn't want the teacher doing it either. He often sits on the floor and kicks out at me.

land

Glad to hear he's calm now. Hope you are ok, a glass of wine is in order for you now I think