lancelot

Huge congratulations to your son for managing this -- we've been asked to accompany our son on the annual residential trip next month, even though his LSA will be there as well. He just doesn't do nights (or even meals) away from home! L xx

C is going to run his own company and has already designed the logo (the most important part) though possibly not the product. He also plans to buy his own island (with private jet) so that he can be completely in charge and make all the laws himself. In his spare time he is going to run a narrow-gauge railway, helped by his friend E, who he plans to marry, though he has also asked A, as 'that way one of them can sell tickets while the other one looks after the children'. School say he suffers from lack of ambition...

squash

Hi again Smurf, Nellie's reply was spot on especially the bit about trying not to blame each other (we certainly felt 'blamed' by the school at first). I'm a bit dopey today (minor op yesterday) so don't expect too much coherence. C is now 10 and has a lot of suport in place at school -- 20 hours of (more or less) one-to-one support from one of two familiar teaching assistants, specified in a Statement of SEN (don't know how much of the jargon you've had to learn yet?!). Frankly, how well he does each year depends on the attitude of his teacher. Last year he had a male teacher who enjoyed his different learning style and described him as a witty boy and a pleasure to teach. He also voluntarily spent 10-15 minutes of every school day running through what miht happen the following day; and he effortlessly fended off the bullies. This year we have a very young, nervous female teacher who worries about controlling him in order to teach the rest of the class, and says she can't teach him science because he wil keep correcting her mistakes... sigh. On balance, yes, he's learning, and does have some remarkably staunch friends (mostly girls), but we feel as if it's always under review. Happy to answer any questions, but my typng is going all wobbly just now! L

Yup, I have a child who does all he can to get out of school -- at one point they deemed him 'unteachable' -- and is a joy to have around (well, usually) in the holidays. Before school started, we thought of him as a very bright, somewhat anxious, but lively and loving little boy. Then school started describing him as 'the worst problem we've ever had to face', which was a shock, to put it mildly. Sounds like your school is at least a bit more sensitive than that. School, to C, was complete sensory and social overload. I won't ramble on, but your situation sounds just like ours five years back. Best of luck -- and don't let the ed psych tell you, as ours did, that bright children don't qualify for special help. They do! L

Hi Jill (going back a post or so in the manner of Humpty Dumpty) --Jill is kind of bright orange-yellow (Cadmium yellow, perhaps). Not if you spell it with a G, though -- that seems to darken it to something nearer green. I think I've just confused myself!

Don't want to hijack the thread, Bid, but I do see (lowish) numbers in colour, and also days of the week, and some (but not all) letters. In fact, when choosing names for the kids, I realised that I was ruling some names out on the grounds that they 'sounded olive green' (Paul), or 'nice, but on the grey side of navy' (Laura)! Soon learnt not to mention that aspect to DH, who thought he'd married someone relatively normal...

LouLou, I shut C's hand in the car door a couple of months back because I was rushing (and I'd just shouted at him for slowness) and it's just awful, isn't it? Fastest I've ever been seen by a doctor, though -- I carried him straight in to our Gp surgery, screaming at the top of his lungs, and the usually obstructive receptionist waved us stright through the queue!

Are you OK? Well, silly question, but are you hurt? God, it shakes you up, doesn't it? Had a near-miss at half term (missed skidding into the back of agricultural trailer by luck, not judgement) so I know how it feels. Take care, L xx

Tilly -- you just wrote my list for me! BUT: it depends how stressed he is --He only gives familiar people any eye contact at all --He monotones when going on about his obessions --He thinks about other people's feelings, but can't do it on the fly, and he often gets them wrong Oh, I know another one: he learnt to ride a bike at 6! Just decided to do it one day, and had it sorted within the hour.

In some languages, the past happens 'in front'of you, and the future is 'behind' you -- because you can see what has happened, but not what's about to happen. Could explain why events just seem to loom up behind me till I walk into them backwards, I suppose!

Pim -- Refuse! I did almost exactly what they are suggesting with my son for months, and it was hideous. He hated going in the first place, so getting him past the threhold twice in one day was simply cruel. At lunchtime he was too stressed at the thought of the afternoon to eat properly or unwind. I worked out that we (including then toddler brother) spent 2.5 hours of every day going to and from school. How can any of this be in your child's best interests? Can yuo suggest instead that he tries some afternoons WITH support instead of some mornings? [i was told this was 'impossible' because he needed to access the National Curriculum in the morning, which he was then doing by hiding under the desk screaming...] Best of luck, from a parent who should have argued more right from the start L xxc

'Like a meticulous collector, you've fed your brain a unique set of facts and figures over the years and this makes you a Facts Curator. Whether or not you intend to absorb every piece of information that comes your way, your mind is a sponge for knowledge. The words in your head could almost to fill a dictionary, and you're equally adept at manipulating numbers and detecting important patterns in number sequences.' right. Jolly good. Just wish one of those bits of information involved the name af a decent builder to fix the kitchen floor!

Hi Shona, Infuriating, isn't it? We were told initiallyby the ed psych who first assessed C that a diagnosis 'would label him unfairly'; that he would get 'no extra help, as he achieves up to the average for his age' (yes, but at 6 he was scoring at an 18-yr-old level in some areas); and that statementing would be inappropriate. At the time, having zero SEN experience, we took it all on trust. And she wrote up her report of the meeting saying 'parents do not wish further assessments to take place' -- god, i could kick myself for letting her delay things like that! Got the diagnosis; got the statement; got the 20 hours a week 1-to-1 help; getting help, finally, with his OCD, anxiety, social skills and SALT; trying for DLA. How very, very unfair to ask a child to decide if he needs further assessments! If the meeting was at school, can you get the job title that way, or phone reception if it was elsewhere and ask for details? All the best, L xx

OK, you are now officially a PITBULL: Pain In The Butt Unless LEA Listen L xx Ah. I see that it's actually the health authority who need to listen. Oh well, I shall save the acronym in case it's ever needed...

Well, actually I rather like Keighley... and Liverpool... and Hull, where my uncle lives... and even Barrow-inFurness, where the hospital staff kindly stitched up my bro-in-law's head after I'd split it open, and never batted an eyelid! L who has very bad taste ps it was a sailing accident, OK? at least, that's our story and we're sticking to it!

Corpses gone -- husband has unsuspected heroic depths! -- and whole system flushed and disinfected. C is understandably freaked out at the idea that he might have washed in contaminated water. Me too, but i expect we'll survive. Still need the plumber for the leaky kitchen -- it's that sort of week!

Hi OTE, No doubt home ed would suit him if he had a different mother -- but he's kind of stuck with the one he's got, and we're too alike to be good for each other. But if it comes to it, of course I would (doubt he'd learn much, and i suspect I'd crack up myself, but hey...) Hats off to those who manage it!

Interesting list, OTE, thanks for that. Comparing my own son © against it, though, I can only pick out two or three things that fit him (thought there were more, but did yuo realise the same ones are listed more than once?). He's certainly pale with dark rings round the eyes, but then he lies awake half the night worrying, so no surprises there. He never had a 'normal' diet! Even resisted breast milk for the first few days, and was appallingly difficult to wean, well before he'd had a 'diet' at all. He eats the same things all year round, yet on holiday from school he's an utterly different child from his school persona -- relaxed, chatty, far fewer stims and mannerisms, more open to change. On balance, I doubt that the main problem is diet in his case -- if I feel guilty over anything, it's over my decision not to home-ed him. But I'm following all the info in this thread with interest, L

we looked... it was mice all right, one in the hot water and three very very dead ones in the central heating overflow tank. Wondering if it was a mousy suicide pact?

Our hot water has been smelling a bit odd for a couple of days, and DH has just stuck his head in the loft and found it's full of flies and something's chewed the lagging on the hot water tank! Already trying (failing) to get a plumber to sort out the leak under the kitchen floor, so now I need one even more (and possibly Rentokil to sort out whatever is eating things up there....) Any advice guys? Hope no one else was just about to eat dinner? Don't fancy mine now! L xx

ours rechristened Pippi Longstocking as Lippy Pongstocking!

Hi LKS, About cost of lessons -- my son's brass lessons cost ?19 a term and the instrument is lent free from a local band. (OK, it's had a hard life and sounds like ancient plumbing, but it's a start.) A friend's child is learning the cornet for free, as the band wants to encourage young players. Anything like that locally?

YES!!!! It's such a big deal for our kids, isn't it? C has always hated and dreaded it. Even if he goes in uniform himself (and stands out...) he really struggles with the change and with recognising people. He will only ever go as 'a normal person' (his words -- a bit ironic, really). No fantasy characters, no animals, and definitely no wizards. Today, though, he's happily gone as a heroic teenage racing driver from a book called 'Hover Car Racer' (truly dire book, full of league tables and race times, but fiction of a sort). He decided to go as 'Jason before he was famous', so just ordinary scruffy clothes, and an old ELC racing helmet tucked under one arm. God help anyone who asks for a resume of the plot, they'll be listening for hours! Younger son (NT, overactive imagination) is more of a problem. The worst year was when he wanted to go as a pancake, and only told me that morning. Then there was Stig of the Dump, who only wears a loincloth (in February!); a monster from Where the Wild Things Are (was told to take it off as he was terrifying the Reception kids); and the Very Hungry Caterpillar...

Hi Tilly, How old is your littl'un? Just listening to a lot of the music they seem to like is a good start -- let them choose which radio station in the car, get their own tapes or CDs... My AS son is by far the most musical of my three, but we've tried and abandoned three different piano teachers as he found lessons far too stressful. The final teacher was really patient and understanding, but her feeling was that C wanted to sound like 'a real musician' rather than a beginner. After a year of rapid progress, we reached a point where we had weeks of him banging his head on the keys at the slightest mistake, and none of us (piano included!) could face it any longer. It's a shame, as he has perfect pitch (according to his v musical uncle), good rhythm, a good singing voice, no problem reading music... I still hope he'll decide to take it up again in his own time. His younger brother (age 7, NT, small for his age) plays the euphonium and piano, with no sign of talent but plenty of determination. He's too small to lift the euphonium without help -- it was his choice from the instruments on offer at school -- but I think he likes the comedy aspect of it (that and torturing C with the noise), so he does practise without much prompting. It's also pleasantly cheap, being a 'rare breed' instrument with lessons heavily subsidised by the local silver band and the instrument provided free. Our littlest (age 4) tries out all the instruments on offer, and already has strong views on what she might play when she's bigger. My feeling is that any instrument does need to be the child's own preference, otherwise they'll hate practising it, and this is multiplied for an ASD child. But as we've currently failed to find the right way for C, I can't be much more direct help. Good luck! L xx Ah ha, just seen from your post that she's 9. Right, why not see if there are any children's concerts or hands-on instrument tryout days locally (if you think she'd cope with that sort of thing). See if she likes any particular instrument and take it from there. Weird and quirky instruments can be good, because then you can ignore all the competition to get grade 3 violin before cuttting adult teeth. If any of your own family or friends play, could they help, rather than having formal lessons?