lancelot

Hope he sticks it out for the next hour then Zemanski! today I'm trying to book an asthma check (for C), rebook a hospital appt (for me), find a plumber because the lousy rotten kitchen floor has curled up and there's a puddle slowly spreading underneath, book a B&B, because the school is going on a residential trip in May and C has gone into meltdown at the idea of staying without us for three nights -- wish I thought he had any chance of coping with it, as it would be such a boost or him, but he tends to cry till nearly midnight at home at the moment fill in CRB forms b/c the residential centre needs them before you even get to look round and , oh yes, make C a birthday cake, as he's 10 today!! So far I've talked to a lot of answer phones and acheived nothing. Might as well have stuffed the washing machine all day instead.

Stephanie -- off topic, but I can sympathize with the cream-on-carpet incident!Have you got it off yet? My smallest DD decided to draw toothpaste patterns all over the floor the other day. When I found her and exploded, she put her hands on her hips and said witheringly, 'Oh for good-er-ness sake Mummy, little ones can't remember everything you tell me not to do!' If she's like this at just 4, heaven help me when she's a teenager!

I like power cuts!! Off they all go to bed with a torch, because they don't like the dark. No chance of TV or computer squabbles, no distractions -- I'm often tempted to flick the main fuse switch and fake one. We had a cut two nights back, and after about five mintues, I realised a concerned little voice was saying from the downstairs loo, 'It's very very dark in here, mum, and I can't see my bottom.' My youngest is a remarkably unflappable little girl!

Hi RQ, There's one really big trike on ebay that looks just like the one I had as a child (says 'age 3 to 10') but might be too far to collect. Kettler do trikes for up to age 6-ish. Other than that, can you get the stabilisers to fit really low down so the bike rides flat? That's what works for my 4-yr-old, who can't balance for toffee. L xx

Paula and jb, that's my big worry too. Before diagnosis, my brother had said he'd happily be legal guardian to my kids (as I would to his). Now he won't. He says he couldn't cope with C, although he'd take the other two if it came to it. Guess I'd better live till 100 then! L

Aargh, isn't it just! I have just stormed upstairs to cool down after attempting to force C into doing some holiday homework -- writing a letter about what you've done in the holidays (original, huh?). He stalled at the word 'Dear'. Flatly refuses to write it. It might sound like he 'loves' his teacher if he puts Dear. Can't start the letter till he's done that (yes, I've tried asking himto leave a blank and carry on!). Gimme that brick wall, I need to do some headbanging....

Yes, it changes everything -- but it makes you so, so grateful sometimes when things go unexpectedly well. I mean, when you can get a thrill out of seeing a child bend down to help his kid sister up a scrambling net (he's been really charming today!), who needs normality? If he didn't have so many probelms, I'd take all the good bits for granted, I suspect. DO NOT quote me on this next week when I'll be doing my nut as usual...

Hi Beth, Try this for Cambridge (I was given the info on diagnosis, but haven't tried them yet): 'Good Night' child sitting service, Barnwell Baptist Church, Howard Road, Cambridge CB5 8QS tel 01223 519220 It's free (or so it says on my little leaflet) and is specifically for children with a disability -- says it covers the city and rural areas out to Ely. Hello and welcome, by the way -- I have a 9-yr-old with Aspergers, plus two very loud younger siblings. Good luck, L xxx

We've had two. He's nearly 10, and the last one was nearly three years ago!

We've had two. He's nearly 10, and the last one was nearly three years ago!

Mine have just burst the sit-in beanbag (leaping on it for 'gymnastics practice', middle son's words), so our house looks like a snowstorm. Yesterday DS1 came out of a soft play zone to find someone else had gone off with one of his shoes, leaving him with one size 2 (his) and one size 13 (theirs). Anyone seen a kid with one flappy foot walking around Suffolk? The day before that we locked the cat in the car by mistake, so you can imagine what that smelt like in the morning... TBH my AS child is not responsible for this week's disasters at all -- we must just attract them!

Hi Kathryn No, she's still in here, and her middle brother has joined her -- but don't call Social Services, they're peacefully (!) snoring on the camping mats left out from a sleepover last weekend... i might tidy up when everyone's back at school. Art AND an eye for detail sounds like a great combination -- pay the bills with one whilst thinking up the other! The best way into editing is usually to have a specialist subject and proofread/edit that to gain some experience. Very happy to pass on advice if she'd like it, anyhow. Time I stopped hijacking a perfectly good thread on Fiction and went to bed -- there's another sleeping bag over there that looks tempting -- yawn

Kathryn -- Your daughter sounds very like I was as a teenager, and it does have its uses -- I've been an editor, copyeditor and proofreader of various sorts for years now, having taken it on just as a way to pay my rent and write up the old dissertation. It doesn't pay well (might work better if I was more organised about it!) but could be a standby for her as an adult. You can communicate at one stage removed, so it's not too socially stressful. If she's the sort who glances at a page/cereal packet/CD case and immediately spots the spelling mistake in the middle, there are magazines out there that would love her! As for not liking fiction -- just one of those sweeping generalizations, I think. I did, though, come across one website that described 'classical literature, especially Jane Austen' as a typical Aspie obsession for girls. Its other one was furry animals! (Patronising 'them and us' sort of site, I seem to remember.) Ooh look, my infant daughter has come in, put on her pyjamas and fallen asleep on the mat. L xx aka Bad Mother

I know exactly what you mean! C is very able in some respects and at an NAS courses last year, like you, I felt at first as if we were just ungrateful parents of a nearly-normal child and there under false pretences. Then the group started to talk about social situations, sensory issues, and anxieties -- and C was, I'd say, the most 'disabled' child there in those terms. Another awkwardness, I feel, is that C has the tact of a louse and will remark loudly whenever he notices other children acting or looking oddly. I suppose this is progress of a sort, as it suggests he's noticed some of the social norms -- but he can be quite offensive towards and about other autistic (or otherwise different) children. He's much better one-to-one with another child -- it's as if they become a real person to him then. Maybe you could get together with the parents of the other HFA child, rather than the whole group? Possibly when school starts you'll feel like joining the older children's group? Education is one subject we can all discuss endlessly, after all. It's also certainly true that the level of difficulty can vary widely as the child grows and has to tackle new experiences. C tends to agonise over things, possibly all the more because he is bright, aware, listens to radio reports, reads only the gloomy headlines in the papers, takes 'toxic' warnings on household cleaners very seriously -- the problems are different, but very real! Must say, though, he's been a joy to have around this half term -- relaxed, cooperative, almost laid back! I've had to haul him off every morning to take the other two kids to a swimming lesson (he hates organised lessons , so he's left sitting with the parents), and one of the watching mothers commented on his 'mature attitude'. I wonder whether I should have mentioned his autism and reinforced a few positive notions of it for once? Sorry, rambling, but your post really struck a chord. All the best, L xx

Definitely have our moments... The thing at the back of my mind is that DH once referrred to C's Aspergers as a 'life sentence' (for himself, as his dad) and really desperately wishes he didn't have it and was 'normal'. But C is ridiculously like me in most aspects except for the degree of his reactions, and I recognise very many aspects of my childhood in any of the adult aspies books. So presumably DH feels he has a double life sentence, as he's been landed with the two of us, thinking we were 'normal'. Doesn't make me feel too good. I find it hard to discuss this with him -- especially as we seem to take it in turns to crash into depression over the kids, house, universe etc anyway It's a touchy area Forgot to add: anyway, and I do feel pretty guilty for accidentally landing him in a situstion that's so hard on him (even if the swine is AWYA for all of half term and evading his responsibilities!)

'he'll tell a joke to dh while I'm present then go on to tell the same joke to me, unaware that I might have heard it.' Karen, we used to say (long before diagnosis) that our boy seemed to think he spoke in 'straight lines' -- as if no one but the person he intended to speak to could hear him. (He also suffered from 'one-way air', meaning we could hear him but he couldn't hear us....) Thinking about it, I suppose that's related to why he still can't see when to answer in class and when it's someone else's turn; why he can't tell if remarks are made to him or not; why he always, always, talks at me if I'm on the phone to someone else; and why he finds the art of conversation such a mystery. I wonder if it's also why he thinks the greatest possible treat for his friends would be to watch him successfully complreting computer challenges (he's enjoying himself, therefore....)

green

Ummm... i'd say maybe take off two-thirds, as my 9-yr-old seems currently rather less emotionally mature than 4-yr-old sister (but as he was telling her at teatime, he's forced to go to school which is horribly cruel and tiring. She still can't wait to start!).

Hmm... C scored 120, but I think I may have underplayed some of it Littl'uns scored 12 and 26. Bit of a difference there, then!

I searched for Aspergers syndrome UK, not having heard of much else to do with it. Wouldn't have thought of ASD or Forum at the time. L

It can be a shock however well prepared you think you are... my younger sister was utterly horrified at 12 to find out what would happen, and when mum said 'But I told you all that years ago', she said, 'Yes, but I didn't actually believe it!' Meant to say that one of the hardest things for me personally was knowing how to ask mum for help -- I'd squirm inside at the thought of bringing up the subject and go for ages without telling her that we needed new, errm, supplies, especially with three siblings all flapping their ears (that's how it felt, anyway). I always hoped she'd learn to mind-read rather than saying loudly 'What? What did you want me for?' Maybe set up a sort of code between the two of you so that she has only to say a single word to get you onto the subject?

I've just confounded my inner cynic by doing the (double) test twice -- once putting in actual preferences, the second time clicking at random. I was sort of expecting that both results would be the sort that could apply to anyone, but the first came out spot on and the second was utterly wrong!

Please Bid, can I join too? Oh please? (Never did get to be one of a gang at school...) L xx

I had a similar experience at my local art class -- someone there was a school supply teacher who'd been on a half-day training course for ASD, and had come away with the impression that 'it's easy to handle these kids if you know how, so really I think their parents should be on the course, not me...' Glad she was so quick to become an expert -- nine years on, I'm still learning! Before she could dig herself a bigger hole, I mentioned that I had an autistic child and was so VERY pleased to see that she was prepared to go for the extra training...

the really really sad thing is that I spotted the extra h in research...