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About virtualvisual

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    Scafell Pike
  • Birthday 12/23/1970

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  1. It feels weird because we all see accepting help the same as admitting we can't cope even though it isn't true. Try sitting back and thinking of it as a chance for your daughter to have her own time, time for you and your husband to spend together as a couple and a way for you to recharge your batteries for your childrens benefit. It also gives Logan the chance to build a raport with someone else so if (god forbid) you needed someone to care for him in an emergency it would be less stressful for him ? Just my opinion Beth
  2. virtualvisual

    Quick Ask

    My lad is 13 and gets extra time in exams, he also has someone to write for him and the school have set up arrangements for him to do his exams in a private room so he won't be distracted by other pupils. Alex is easily distracted and after looking into what is allowed in exams (we're in Scotland) the person writing for him has been told she is allowed to remind him of the time and suggest moving onto the next question if his attention wanders. I don't know if things are different in England but Alex gets his support because of social/ behavioural problems as he is on a par with his peers educationally, so being able to do the work isn't the be all and end all of it.
  3. Alex is now 13 and still sits down to go if he gets the option. DH takes the boys into the mens when he is with us but if he isn't the boys use the disabled toilets as they both have obsessions with hand dryers and I would be waiting at the door til closing time. As a general rule there is only one cubicle in mens toilets so if someone is in there Alex has to stand up at the urinal but he has problems watching what he is doing and usually ends up soaking wet! James (12) is slightly better unless someone speaks to him in which case he turns to face them and turns his whole body and soaks them instead As the boys are older (and taller than me) I now gets more funny looks if I have to take them into the ladies, but if anyone makes a comment my reaction tends to be that it's not as if women are running around with their knickers down and unless they want to take the boys into the mens for me where things ARE on view then accept the situation. So far I've only had one woman who complained to the manager of a supermarket but he soon backed down when I pointed out that we would have used the disabled toilet if it hadn't been full of cleaning materials and bottles of bleach We did try putting a ping pong ball in the toilet to practise aiming at but that didn't work, the other version that worked with James was to lay one piece of toilet paper in the bowl before they start and tell them to try and make the paper sink. HTH
  4. My lot have Church services this morning and a Ceilidh this afternoon I was going to keep the boys off as it's a lot of changes and quite noisy as well but both of them insisted they go. Alex wanted to because the PE teacher, who has given him grief for 2 years, announced that Alex was the best behaved and would get a praise award if he did as well dancing today as he did practising yesterday. James reason was slightly different, they have been running a halo 2 xbox tournament during lunchtimes this week and he's made it through to the final I'm enjoying the peace until 4pm when chaos will break out because 1) the PE teacher forgot/ changed his mind/ couldn't be bothered and 2) James got beaten/ forgot to go to play/ he played up in the church and some bright spark told him he couldn't play. The joys of parenthood
  5. James saw a psychotherapist for nearly 2 years, against my better judgement I was convinced to let it continue that long. The whole idea was to let him express all the thoughts and feelings he couldn't or wouldn't tell me in an attempt to find a reason for his aggression and lying. I was not to be told anything that he had said in the sessions. He viewed it as an excuse to be out of school and a way that he could control an adult for an hour a week. After all this it made no change to his behaviour at all, so I requested a meeting with the therapist and psychiatrist to call a stop to it. I couldn't believe what this woman was saying . She commented on how different my accent was from his, he had managed to convince her he had a broad scouse accent (we've never lived anywhere near Liverpool or known anyone with that accent). She thought we had 6 children, we only have 4, 3 living with us and a stepson who lives with his mum. According to her my "flitting between partners" was a reason for him feeling insignificant, I've only ever been with his birth father and my husband who adopted them all a couple of years ago . Every item she brought up as a significant reason for his aggression was a complete lie by James. When asked why he lied he simply said "when I told her the truth she kept on at me but if I told her a lie she shut up and started writing so I got peace to play" You would think that she had at least read his file or got a basic family background from the consultant? Sorry went off on a bit of a ramble but I guess it depends a lot on the person you get, their understanding of ASD and whether the child themselves is capable of expressing exactly what is making them stressed.
  6. Alex used to go into nursery without a backward glance and leave the same way, he still will go into anywhere even completely new places as long as he is told that is what is expected. Shame it doesn't work when you want him to go in the bath He also couldn't cope with seeing someone he knew "out of place". Bumping into his lsa whilst shopping was enough to completely throw him for days, it was almost as if he thought the minute school finished the staff vanished until the next school day. He's 13 now and understands that they have their lives outside school but it doesn't occur to him still that they can travel! We bumped into a lady from a support group when we were shopping the other week. When we knew her we lived near Lincoln but we met her in Aberdeen, she was on holiday but by Alex's reaction you would think that she was a ghost, he just couldn't get his head around the idea that people don't stay in the town you expect them to be in, even though we have moved 400 odd miles away and frequently travel to various towns. His dad is a lorry driver so he is in a different town every night but according to Alex no one else is allowed to "be in the wrong place"
  7. Wish I could even find a plasterer that will give me a quote. It seems that I'm doomed to live with a sitting room ceiling that looks like a patchwork since it fell in 2 years ago and got patched up at the time. No one even wants to quote on it becuase it's "not a big enough job to bother with" Mind you the way my boys are going at the moment the job could grow to include all the dents in walls thanks to various items being thrown
  8. Thanks guys, looking at the links I can see what she was on about. Both boy have largish heads and James has very prominent ears. I'll wait and see what the clinic says but it's a possibility.
  9. The health visitor from the genetics clinic has been round for a visit to go over our family background prior to the boys visits to the clinic in the next couple of weeks. According to her they should have been tested when Alex was diagnosed with AS/HFA 7 years ago ? She got really excited over the few photos I have of the boys when they were little (insert bitter comment about inlaws and bonfires here ) and started muttering about obvious traits and how she expects the tests will prove worth doing. She didn't make it clear what traits she was looking for so I'm wondering if anyone knows of any photos on the net of Fragile X kids, I'd like to see some just to see if anything sticks out to me. I'm not concerned about the tests or what they will show, to be honest I'm kinda numb now. I suppose if someone could write down a definate reason why James is a violent bully one minute and an angel the next I'd be over the moon but I've given up hoping an answer will appear that will explain how he is to other people
  10. We're snowed in again The price I pay for choosing to live on a remote farm so the kids can roam without the risk of playing near cars I suppose. Their school is closed along with over 100 other ones in our area so I've now got 3 very hyper kids plugged into various games consoles all over the house. Not the best way to be but after having dealt with 3 arguments and a punchup before 7am it's the easiest way for my sanity. And to top it off DH has just rang (he's away in his lorry as usual) to ask if theres any chance of me relaying phone calls to drivers and letting his boss use our internet connection as they can't get anywhere near the office as it's up a long windy road that is completely blocked off If anyone needs me I will be in the middle of a field building an igloo to hide in
  11. I'm in almost the same position at the moment Witsend. Alex met his new psycologist last week and she has suggested medication to help with his ADD. I've always said I wouldn't medicate him (to be honest he's the easiest of my boys to cope with) but I'm now seriously considering it. He's 13 and start his exam courses in August, in Scotland they do the standard grades at the end of the 4th year in seniors. We know he's bright and has been doing well so far but he is not doing as well as he could purely because he doesn't have the concentration to do more than the minimum required. The consultant has said she would like to try medication for a specified short period to see if it helps and I'm beginning to think that a trial wouldn't do any harm and would be worth seeing if it makes school any easier for him. The only problem now is I have to try and convince his dad that it won't hurt to try. He is dead set against medication, the way he sees it is Alex is getting grades that are better than his dad got at that age so he must be doing ok but thats like saying you can't do any better than me so stop trying as far as I'm concerned. OK enough waffling I think I've just talked myself into letting Alex give it a shot and sorting hubby out any way I can
  12. The joys of living in Scotland, mine are only off tomorrow and Monday. I'm hoping that we can avoid A&E this time though, the last few days off school have been spent there and James hasn't broken his arm this year.........yet
  13. Alex is hyperlexic and will read anything and everything, he's been found reading the phone book before now and we have to stop and read any planning permission paperwork if he sees it on a post. Book wise he goes through just about every type of fiction but he does tend to head towards anything sci-fi or fantasy if he can. DH reads on average 6 books a week, mostly crime thrillers, he just can't get his head into anything that isn't based in reality. I end up reading whatever they have left lying around (our house looks more like a storeroom than a library cos theres too many books for the shelves and boxes everywhere) James is the only non-fiction fan and as his reading ability is well behind his age he tends to prefer books with lots of photos (mostly about football or atlas)
  14. My first marriage ended because of his drinking and violence but it wasn't connected with the boys problems but more with his (he was schizophrenic and homosexual but his family would have killed him if they ever found out). I finally reached the end of my tether new years eve 2000 and announced in a chat room that I used regularly that I was leaving him and I would try to get in touch with my friends on there to let them know what had happened. One of my closest friends online then announced he was driving 350 miles to help me get away and to stick one more night. He arrived the next day and took me and the kids to Scotland for a new start (no lectures about meeting people off the net please I know I was very lucky ) Friendship grew into more and fast forward 6 years and we now are happily married (1st husband died 3 months after I left) DH is on the spectrum without a doubt but isn't going for a diagnosis even though GP thinks it's a certainty. We get through things without arguing because he drives lorries for a living so he goes away Monday to Friday every week and we both get space from each other. When he gets home on Fridays he takes over with the kids and gives me a break. We actually have never had a row, the most heated things get is over where we are going to have tea
  15. We are in Scotland so I'm still trying to work out the system since the record of needs (our version of statements) was phased out but I will be keeping an eye on it. The head of the support base has been on maternity leave and her replacement has been trying one or two things (including reducing support) but I have a meeting with the ed psy and her next week to sort it out.
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