justine1

I also watched a programme about three years ago,whereby a mum who has 8 kids and is on benefits said she has taken her son for an assesment for autism,and that if he has it,it will help because they could buy a new telly with the disability cash!This is why I am reluctant to even apply for such monies,cause I am on benefits I feel I get enough and if I need more need to work for it.Even though my son may be entitled to it,it is like these people give us a bad name.I think its disgusting that she seemed to "use" her child in this way.If she said she was doing it for her son to get help so he can be independent etc in adult yrs then that would be different!

Sorry Read your post again and now I understand,so just ignore my above post! My sons school have mentioned a similar option to me for my son and I told them straight this is not acceptable,he is entitled to full time ed and if they wont provide it then I am taking him elsewhere.Did they consult with you first?If you had agreed at the meeting then there may be little you can do,but they should at least give you an estimate on how long to wait before he can attend full time. I have now learnt not to agree to things straight away rather think it over first.I agree with call me jaded you need to get in touch with Parent Parnership mine is great and feel she completely understands me and my family and that she is on my side which is important when it feels the school is so against you.

Hi,my 6 yr old has recently being excluded twice,both for two days.I never heard of "informal exclusion" it was exclusion!Both occasions I recieved a letter( this is a general letter with ammendment on why he is excluded,from when until when etc.) also the LA was informed,this happened the same day as the exclusion. He then went to a re-intergration meeting/s on the day he returns,during which time the school let him know their "expectations" I am confused about the letter you recieved as they say they never informally excluded him but yet they admit they had a re-intergration meeting??? Did you recieve any letter from them when he was excluded? Sorry not much help I am also new to this,but my son is also having same probs at school.I hope to get him statemented and then see whether to take him out of the school he is at.

Hi I dont know if I can be much help but my 6 yr old is the same.To be honest he doesnt talk as much as before,like how you describe,he also used to talk to random things almost having a proper conversation and no matter howmany times I tell him to be quiet he never did. He does humm alot which is annoying but I am so used to it its almost like a normal background noise(like a washing machine!) My three yr old is FAR worse,the singing the same song (usually Michal Jackson;Black or white) and sound effects like cars blowing up he spits everwhere when he talks which I also find awful.Like I say I have no clue how to improve this! My six yr old does shout out alot at school but never does so at home,they have hadto tell him he can do that outside and everyday keep reminding him they say i does work but not 100%. Good luck,know how you feel <'>

I think you should tell her how you feel,or write it down as mentioned above.I have been in these situations many times where I feel I give so much of myself and get nothing in return,I know how hearbreaking it can be. The thing is she may not have know what to say when your nan died,it can be hard to know what to say to someone you never know if you saying the right thing and prehaps she thought by giving you the time and space that was the right thing to do.My friends mum died when we were 14 and I couldnt say anything to help,so all I did was sit with her often in complete silence eventually all was fine. A second point is I believe there is always a person who seems to give more in any relationship,this is my opinion,for example if there is a rich friend and a poor friend prehaps the rich friend can buy the poor friend nice gifts and help out financially,which may appear they do more HOWEVER the poor friend may be there a a shoulder to cry/lean on for the rich friend and may feel she is doing more.(Sorry hope I make sense.)I think if you feel that you cant give more of yourself then its best to walk away,I know how hard it is as I say I have been there on more than one occasion.Ultimatley you need to decide how important the frienship is,you dont want to be used but may not wish to lose your friend. As for the gift buying,I dont think you should ask her what she wants because she probably knows you will get it,rather get what you think she would like and dont spend to much especially as you are unsure about your friendship.

I always feel a little low when I wake up on boxing day.Its like a sense of loss.All the weeks of excitement,preparation etc that goes into christmas day and then its all over I have to say its most definatley worth it,to see my kids happy and to just feel a sense of joy and peace.Enjoying the "togetherness" and special family traditions,knowing we are creating fond memories for them.Everyday we seem to be doing our "own thing" so busy with our lives and thats why I think christmas is special it gives us that chance to share one anothers happiness, at work or home.Sorry blabbing nonsense now The great thing is we can do it again next yr and after and....For me that means we can sort of learn and improve the experience each yr.I moved out of home at a young age so I created my own family tradtions and self taught how to cook a roast dinner.Things just get better each year for me and my family.So here's to 2010 and another christmas

Hi and welcome to the forum.I agree with Mandapanda,it seems that although your son "fell off the rails" he seems to be getting back on track by going to college.My son is just 6 but I do worry about his future,whether I will care for him or whether he will move out and be completely independent,all I can do is be there for him no matter what. I was a "bad" teenager,drinking at 14, pregnant by 17,my mum kicked me out at 16 and although we talk now our relationship is strained.I have made many mistakes,but I have worked throughout all those problems and I am now studying nursing. I guess when my boys grow and leave home I will feel a sense of bereavement and prehaps thats how you feel.Even when I look at my 9yr old I think where has the time gone I just wish he could be my little baby again It seems like you are there fo him and I am sure he knows that,and that you love him.I dont like the term "letting go" cause we never do let go of our kids we always there,but just give him the time and space to be who he is(it seems you doing a good job) <'> <'>

We also had a great day,honestly think its the most relaxing cristmas I have had in at least 7 years!I made the hard decision not to go to my brothers and think it was wise really(even though he seems angry and even expects me to pay for some of the food!) On christmas eve me and my boys had our own little party,we put on loud xmas music turned out the lights(just xmas lights)ans we had party food.We played musical statues,pin the nose on rudolf and pass the parcel,this made it possible for each of them to win a prize.After that they relaxed for 20min and went to bed before santa came(andso i could watch eastenders in peace.) Christmas morning was slow and relaxing.The boys took time opening gifts while I popped the sausages on.Sam did throw a tantrum while opening gifts as he wanted more and wanted to open Eli's (18mths) gifts and wasnt happy when I said no,but it didnt last as he went off to enjoy his BEN 10 figures.My eldest and I had a lovely fryup while Sam had fried mushrooms and tea and Dan had cookie crisp. At 10.30am my ex came with more gifts which they opened and they took some photos.They left at 11.30am to get some fresh air and my ex went to cook food for Dan and they had snacks at his place.I was then able to cook roast beef and chicken with veg etc. It was nice to have that time alone as I didnt have to leave the kids unattended while I cooked and I didnt get all hot and bothered,much less stress! They came back at 2.30 and we ate at 2.45pm.We then relaxed, kids playing quietly.My ex left at 4.30pm.The best part came when Josh(9) and Sam (6:AS) played a game with their new figures it was DrWho against BEN 10,it was funny to watch and they had a great time,it is very rare that Sam interacts like that with his brothers and it put a smile on my face. We then got in our pyjamas and watched The Gruffullo and Dr Who.It was a great day Today(Boxing day) was also good ,we went for an afternoon walk to burn off all the food and boys played on the computer for two hours taking turns,no tears so far Sam has been great but I am sure because I am not so stressed he is not as stressed.Another thing that made me so happy was that in the morning when I got up Sam's door was closed(which he hates)so I asked him why and he said he wanted to play without waking me up,so sweet

Hello,Merry christmas everyone Hope you are all having a great day.My day has been so relaxing,probably the most relaxing christmas EVER! I normally get so stressed cooking,cleaning,trying to make everything perfect,not today.My ex took the boys out ,at 11.30am,after they unwrapped their presents,so I started cooking at that same time.Everything was ready by 2pm and they came back 2.30.So I had lots of time on my own to get everything sorted. Sam had a little bit of a tantrum after opening his gifts,he just wanted more,but he saw his brothers enjoying the toys they had so he decided he would be better off playing than crying.We are all sitting comfortably waiting for the gruffulo and Dr Who to start,I am more excited than them but anyway! Its been great I am so happy

So sorry Baddad I know exactly what you going through As you know my shopping wasnt delivered and I ordered my eldest a dr Who mug online,it isnt expensive and its just for his stocking,but two weeks on I have not recieved it,I am so very dissapointed as he does not ask for much and the other three have pressies in their stockings and he's got nothing I do hope everything works out,I know you will think of something you are a clever guy

Happy birthday Kathryn .Hope you have a terrific day.Thank you for all the great advice and support. <'> <'>

Hi Bid Oh dear,I am so very sorry Its awful to lose a pet especially at this time of the year.I am sure she was in pain so at least she wont be suffering anymore

Hi there,my 9 yr old NT is having this problem at the moment though may not be as frequent as your son but he had been given antibiotics as they suspected an infection,now he is going for bloods for diabetes.He is skinny and eats well,but my mum is the same (she weighs just 38kg and wears age 12 clothes) and she has diabetes.So I think you seriousley need to take him to a GP,as you say it may be some sort of obsession.If there is no underlying medical problem the GP can still give meds to suppress the urge to urinate making him "hold on" for longer. As for the fussy eating I have that problem with my 6 yr old (AS) and my 3yr old (suspect ASD),my 3 yr old is the worst and like your son he is losing soooooooooo much weight,to be honest he scares me,when I see his ribs and hip bones sticking out I feel like crying but he just wont eat.I buy him what he likes but he goes off food quickly and then he wont say what he wants,its so frustrating Sorry not much help but know how you feel,at least when you go to the GP for the toileting issue they can weigh him as well just to put your mind at ease.

Hi Sam is also 6 and he while he does like christmas he is asking to go go in to school every morning.He comes into my room at 8am and says "I think we are late for school" its the second day this has happened so hope tomorrow he will understand we at home.He also asks if we the only people on holiday He is excited though,wanting to know what santa is bringing him and he has been in his pj's all day which he loves

I am so angry As you can see from the above post I was expecting my shopping today but the biggest shop in Uk decided at the last minute they wont be delivering today!!!!!They said I could collect the shopping instead and that I cant reschedule,I told them they can cancel the order.I decided to walk to a different shop and used my double buggy to load everything, it was very hard work pushing it up the hill in the sludge but I made it home in one peace.Only have a few bits left which I will do tomorrow.I was annoyed,actually still am at the shop in question,how can they let people down like that?I am still positive and feel a bit more excited today.

I am excited for the kids but not looking forward to christmas this year just really tired and stressed for so many different things I know I will be happy on the day though I was EXTREMLEY fortunate in that I managed to get a last minute shopping delivery slot,I had checked last Thursday and it was fully booked so started checking every day,then last night at 8pm saw a spot,hurray!As I dont drive this is a huge relief,so my shopping is coming tomorrow morning. I have got all the boys gifts,went to get last items today but it got dark really quick and I forgot to get batteries and a CD for my ex(to go with his wine) so after my shopping comes I will brave the cold one last time to get last minute bits.I just really its not too icy,we have just had lots of fresh snow.My father has gone away this christmas and I keep thinking how funny it is that he happened to go away the year that we may actually have a white christmas.

Hi,I have also started sending my six year old to his room for 6 min until he calms down.He has not been to bad so far with the run up to Christmas.He has been getting very upset as he is slightly bored and desparate to go out,but there is so much ice and its freezing,I have taken him out for 15 min a day just to get some air.I used to put him on the stairs "naughty step" from when he was 2 but he sat on the stairs all the time even when he was not being punished so there didnt seem to be any point.I think the bedroom thing is working well for now,but every child is different.My mother works with kids and she hates the idea of sending a child to their room as punnishment,but its either that or I remove a marble from his reward jar,the reward jar is meant to be positive so I dont like the idea of removing something he has worked hard to get therefore I am sticking with the bedroom idea for now.Sorry not very helpful,but I know that the next two weeks are going to be a challenge!

Thank you Sally44 for your message,I have the details of the lady from parent partnership and she is really helpful,so I may contact her and see what she thinks of everything but that will be in the new year. Thank you Frizz and thank you for sharing your story.I wish I could change schools but my son is in Yr2 and has already changed schools 4 times(though only three schools as I returned to the area we were before so the school he is at he was there last year),not because of his behaviour but because we have had to move three times.The school is more supportive then the other two were,saying that he was happier and less aggressive at the previous school I believe because it was much smaller so he had more 1-1 support.I do think his behaviour may be worse at another school because of all the changes and his older brother often calms him down.I also have two other kids at the same school and i dont drive so at the moment changing schools is not an option.I am going to consider it next yr though and will consider mainstream as well as special needs schools.Thank you again for your response.

Hello,my son is also six and just been diagnosed with Aspergers.First of all your son sounds similar to mine in many ways,especially the "clinging" on to one friend,though my son doesnt play with me because he doesnt really interact with anybody,he is also into music and lights. Your paed appts are also quite similar,except the second appt she spent time doing activities with my son this was about 40 min,it was block sequence building,looking at a picture and explaning in detail what he can see,then questions on opposites,things that are similar and lastly she asked him about what he likes to do,who his friends are etc.Even I got to see my son in a new light at this appt,prehaps I thought his behaviour was just his personality and he was a bit different but afte watching him I KNEW he is autistic. So it is a concern that your paed didnt seem to do any of these activities and spent so little time with your son.What confuses me is that your paed told you he could be autistic but then said he doesnt need furthur help and has not actually givin a diagnosis.My paed sent a report out after the first appt which stated my son has social an communication difficulties(this was also forwarded to the school) then at the end of the second(which was total 1hr 45 min)she said he is on the spectrum and she is sure due to his intelligence that its Aspergers she then gave me loads of info and support group application forms,it was two weeks ago so will take another 5 weeks to get it in writing but she already informed my sons school and the ed physch and autism teacher will come to see him in the new term. I dont really know why they suggesting parenting course when your paed has said he could be autistic?Is your son going fo another appt?Maybe you could clarify with the paed wether he is autistic or not,and ask how long it will take to get a report to state a diagnosis.I also think you should speak to the school again and insist a ed physch see your son,my sons school refused for two months to get the ed physch in as they claimed he needed a diagnosis now he has one they comlainig ed physch is going to come in such a long time,as my son has been excluded twice now.What have the school said about your son?Have they shown any concern?My son also does will academically but his social prbelms cause alot of disruption to his schooling and to that of other children.My son is in yr 2 now and since reception the school showed their concern.Surely if they showing concern they would be supporting what you believe to be the problem not agreeing to send you to parenting courses? Saying all that...before I went for a diagnosis I also went on a similar parenting course to the one you mention whereby a lady came into the home and gave me lots of helpful advice it was also meant to be 12 weeks but the lady was so impressed with my skills she made it 6 weeks,I did learn something from it though,in reletion to my eldest son(9) basically she showed me how I could spend one to one time with him even for 15min and it made a difference.Because I have four kids the parenting course helped for all of them,I am not sure I would have done it if it was just Sam because his problems are so complex its clear its not down to me.Maybe you need to tell the school that you have read the parenting course is not for those persuing an ASD diagnosis and ask them if there is an ASD specific parenting course you can do instead.First though you really need to speak to the paed if you feel you getting nowhere go back to the GP and explain your concerns.

Its really thick here this morning schools cancelled.Sam has been screaming for an hour,he is not happy and thinks he is the only one who is not at school.Its the last day so it is dissapointing,not just for the kids but me as well because I thought I could wrap their presents today that way there wouldnt be anybody peeking through the door.My eldest was sad to but got over it when the neighbours ame round and they went to the park to make a snowman and snow angles.

Hi,I know exactly how you feel I always have noticed this problem.I am not disabled but when I go on the bus with a pushchair I sit in the disabled seats if they are unoccupied,I have always got up for an elderly person or if anyone were to ask I would,but people usually make comments,even though in the buses I use it clearly states disabled or mums with pushchairs,obviousley as I say disabled get preference.My brother has had three strokes and uses a stick to aid his walking he cannot get up the narrow steps in a bus ad often has to stand up because some idiot is sitting in the disabled seats,people often dont think he is disabled and think he has just a sprained ankle as he has a brace on it.One driver even asked him how he got a disabled bus pass I just think you need to ignore people I know its hard but you not doing anything wrong,and as you say you will give your seat up if you had to,if you feel you cant cope standing you need to sit,I wouldnt confront anyone in this day in age I would be scared of getting smacked Just stay seated and let them be the idiots they are!

Hi, sorry to ask but do you have a diagnosis yet?If not than why not wait until then to tell him because if you turn out to be wrong you will have an even harder time trying to explain that you were wrong and then explaining what you have been diagnosed with.Once you get a diagnosis you may get furthur advice on how to tell your employer,if not you can always just print info on AS from the web and maybe highlight the traits you do have,thereafter if your boss wants more info he can contact NAS himself.This is what I think but maybe someone who has been in this situation can help more.I know I read a similar post before and another AS person asked why you would even want to tell your boss?After all you dont have to do so.

Thank you so much for this post.Sometimes I feel so torn between defending my son and punnishing him.I still feel that ven though he has a dx the school think something more is going on at home like I am not taking responsibility for him or something.I have been on a parenting course and everything,I know I am not perfect but I am trying so hard to get him to understand his aggressive behaviour is wrong.I was thinking of calling NAS so I am glad you mentioned it and I will try IPSEA to.The school are claiming its not their fault he hasnt got the help they saying its the county and how slow and reluctant they are to give support.They have been sharing the info with LEA, with the recent incident LEA suggested a longer exclusion which would have meant he only returned after christmas,but the school managed to get it down to the minimum exclusion.However nobody has mentioned what we can do while we waiting for support,so I will definatley be phoning the above suggestions,thank you very much.Thank you to Paula as well sounds like you have had to fight alot to get support for your son,it is awful that we have to work so hard to get our children basic needs such as an education

Hi we have sleet here in Bedfordshire,its awful so very cold!!!!My baby refused to put his mittens on and now his hands are red and feel like ice blocks I hope its does snow here they said it will snow anytime between today and next wednesday.I wonder if we will have a white christmas

Hi all My six yr old had been excluded again for two days after he bit a girl on the leg.He was very upset that he hurt her and he didnt wantto come home which was positive as previousley he didnt seem to care and didnt understand the reason why he had been sent home.He also cried alot as he missed out on the christmas party,it was heartbreaking to see him so upset but I think he has realised there is a punishment for his behaviour. I am really stressed over this because it is the second time he has been excluded in a space of 1 1/2 months.The school had plenty of time to get him some support but they had claimed because he never had a diagnosis the ed phsych,autism specialist etc refused to help.Now he has a diagnosis they have agreed to come in to view/assess him but ed phsych is coming end of Jan and autism specialist end of March!So in the mean time he can continue to be excluded I was told today that many of the kids fear him and all the parents are angry and want to confront me,the school have said that a meeting may be arranged between me and those parents that want to talk to me,but I told the school that is unnessary because I will only be telling them what the school have already said and my son has been punished over the incident nobody is going to tell me to punnish him again. I am now considering removing him from school if he harms someone again.I hate te fact that other children do not feel safe at school because of my son and he is only 6 My problem is (1)I am planning on going to uni next sept and in fact have a place,I am also studying at home now,so I NEED him to be at school and (2) he needs a statement because even if I decide to home ed and later he returns to school I will then have to start from scratch,and of course if he is at home it will be difficult to obtain a statement. So really I want to try keep him at school at least until Summer hols next July,the way things are going that looks unlikely!I want to give the school a chance to get him support and then see how he improves once he has that support.What should I do I am at a loss! What makes things worse is the fact that my ex doesnt want to acknowledge my son has AS so he is blaming the school and not being supportive at all and therefore I cant talk to him about the options we have like home ed Thank you all for any response you may have <'>