Sammysnake

My daughter is nearly 10 and about a year ago was telling me she didn't want to be a girl and asked me to call her a boy and call her by a boy's name. We talked about it a lot and I found she was concerned about her body developing into that of a woman and she didn't want to get married, wear a dress or have a baby. I explained that boys bodies go through embarrassing changes at puberty too and as a girl/woman she will always have choices over her life, whether she gets married and has kids or not and what she wears etc. I explained that although there are interests that are traditionally attributed to either males or females there is nothing actually stopping her from doing whatever she wants to irrespective of her gender. Since then she's been less concerned about it and I managed to get her to join Girl's Brigade which is an all girls group at a local church and she is loving that. However, she still feels life would be better as a male and keeps pointing out that most of the fictional action heroes are male and certainly most of the lead characters in her school books. We looked on the internet and found a great YouTube video with a montage of female action heroes and we looked at a few strong females in history too. I think all of that is helping. The reason it's come to a head is her class are off on a school trip to a tudor house which involves them dressing up so Beth will have to wear a dress. I've had a chat with her teacher and we've agreed we want to try to help Beth be part of what's going on without being singled out as the only one wearing something different but we both want her to be relaxed too. We're both showing Beth lots of pictures of the clothes beforehand and will arrange that she gets a choice of what to wear from what's there. I've talked to Beth about how everyone will be wearing something they will feel a little silly in and it's all acting and that men often dress up as women in theatre too (she really clung on to that thought). However, I don't want her to go through life thinking she needs to be male. I really don't think this is a genuine case of being born into the wrong body or anything, she is just painfully aware that throughout history men have treated women as second class. Does anybody have experience of this and have any suggestions for other ways I could help Beth with this? Forgot to say I have offered to let her 'dress up' in some of my long skirts in the privacy of her room beforehand so she can get a feel for the idea.

I noticed immature gross motor skills first (from about a year old) but as Beth is my only child and I had no experience of other kids, I didn't know what was normal. At pre-school she would often get very loudly upset and be almost inconsolable and it was hard to see what was wrong. She had a very strong sense of personal body space when it came to other children and would scream the village down if a child touched her when she was not expecting it or if she was already tired. Tripping over herself, 'clumsy', avoiding snack time because she often spilled her drink, lying floppy on the floor and getting physically tired really quickly. All this made SENCo suspect dyspraxia but the Paediatrician said she was fine. She would also shut down if there was too much going on emotionally (although I didn't understand why at the time). If she was ever told off she would fall asleep for three hours and I thought she was always ill at Christmas and when visitors came etc as she would fall asleep then too. She was very interested in one subject at a time and all of her many drawings would be focused on one TV programme for a year or two at a time - Blues Clues then Scooby Doo then reptiles. They would get into every discussion, story and drawing. Speech too - always very adult, detailed and complicated - each word used in the correct context and a strong need to make it perfect - returning to the beginning of a sentence and saying it all again if she had made 'a mistake' or not being able to stop if she was in the middle of saying something or reciting some TV dialogue etc. I'd been speaking to each teacher at the beginning of each year telling them what strategies I felt helped her with certain things but always got the impression they felt there was nothing wrong. Middle of Year 3 I had a parents evening saying she was doing great apart from her very slow writing (something they had commented on all through school) but at the next parents evening the teacher suddenly said I think we need to have review meetings and put support in place for the future. Seemed a bit out of the blue! New teacher in Year 4 who is fantastic and clued up and suddenly strategies are in place, she is giving me an honest picture of my child's difficulties in class and playtimes which finally match up with what I had been expecting to hear all the way through, we're having proper reviews and she says she would like external advice and hopefully a diagnosis as she feels Beth will need support throughout primary and into secondary school! Within weeks she has a really indepth questionnaire sorted, SENCO has asked the paed to see her again and we have a diagnosis of AS which I had suspected for the last two years and her class teacher suspected too! (Paediatrician said sorry for missing it five years before but said there wasn't enough evidence then. However, he only met her for five minutes and didn't ask for any further info at the time). She is nearly 10 now. Beth also didn't sleep through the night until she was three and we didn't get on with breast feeding. I don't know if that was anything to do with AS or if it was my fault. I had postnatal depression for two years but I don't know if it was caused by Beth not sleeping or if she didn't sleep because I was depressed and not coping and therefore letting her sleep in my arms during the day. Chicken and egg I guess. Now she sleeps fantastically well .

I'm about as NT as it comes, know just how to handle different social situations and am very intuitive when it comes to reading people's feelings, intentions etc. However, I spend every second of my life worrying about what others think of me - what I look like, how I speak, how to make everyone like me. I don't always follow the crowd and I definitely have my own mind, I just would never own up to someone enough to say it to their face! I will stand up for myself if there is no other way to avoid a confrontation but it upsets me greatly and I can never forget that feeling of unease caused by the confrontation - I'll often return to it in my mind. My daughter on the other hand who has AS currently gives no thought at all to what other people think of what she looks like etc. It doesn't occur to her that they are even looking. Sometimes I wish I were a little more like that. As Soraya's son said I also agree with everyone who said we all wear masks to some extent. As long as you have somewhere you can let your guard down and be yourself - with particular friends and family members or in your home etc - then I think it's easier to cope. The problem comes when you feel you have to wear your mask all day every day as that's just too mentally exhausting to keep up.

I haven't listened yet Smiley (have to get ready for work) but well done you for organising this. I bet your Mum was well chuffed, it's something she'll always remember

A new boy joined my daughter's class last year who has lots of behavioural difficulties and AS too. Most kids keep their distance to a degree as he often gets upset and lashes out although one girl did start 'mothering him' for a while. Beth recognised that he gets angrier than other people but never commented on any other difference and they soon became best friends at school, always playing together. It was seeing the two of them together and their similarities in the things that stress them that helped me decide Beth definitely has AS too. I found it very interesting they were both drawn to one another and their teacher felt it important enough to mention on the paperwork she sent to the paediatrician asking him to diagnose Beth. I love the fact the two of them have found one another as they help make breaktimes easier (if the lad's not in the 'sin bin'!) I do worry though that neither of them is providing a good social role model for the other. I've noticed Beth picking up a lot of (in my view) negative mannerisms from him such as growling at me if I do something she doesn't like. Beth's also commented that she doesn't always want to play with him as he can be too rough (and Beth is hyper sensitive to pain) but he doesn't listen! Not always the best mix the two together!!

Hi Claire Like Justine's story, my daughter (9) had realised that something was up and was asking a lot of questions about why was she here and what was the purpose of her life. I think she felt uncomfortable and unsafe, like there was something going on that she was missing or doing wrong but couldn't name it. She's been getting some support this year from her teacher and we have begun to have school review meetings which she was aware of and very happy to know that we were all looking for ways to help her with the things she finds difficult. I suspected AS but didn't say anything in case I was wrong. A couple of days before the appointment with the paediatrician Beth suddenly asked me if her brain was special. She wanted me to tell her that it is. I'd been looking for an opportunity to tell her about the appointment so I explained that whilst everyone is special some people's brains work in particularly different ways. I said that the Paediatrician is an expert in child development and understands how many different children's brains work and he wanted to meet her to see if there were any other things I and her teachers could be doing to support her better. I also explained that each individual has things that they are very good at and things that they find more difficult. Sometimes a particular collection of strengths and weaknesses can have a special name and the doctor was going to decide if that was the case with her. If it was, it would mean we could use strategies that had helped other people with that same profile and name to help her. It might help her to understand why she gets upset by certain things and help us to make it better for her. She then asked me outright what name I thought she might get for her brain so I did mention AS. When we got the diagnosis the doctor explained directly to Beth what it is and what it means. She has been really happy ever since as she feels more relaxed, like she makes more sense to herself now and she knows that she is not alone in the way she feels. She knows that lots of people are looking out for her too and care about her - me, Dr Hunter and her teachers. We read together a book from school called 'Can I tell you about Asperger Syndrome?' which explains the syndrome very simply from a child/young person's point of view. It was invaluable. Have you filled in any questionnaires to send to the doctor ahead of the appointment? Our school completed a very full social and emotional checklist which was fab and I wrote to him explaining some of the issues Beth has at home and telling him all the strategies I had been employing in the five years since I had last seen him and he'd said there was nothing wrong (! He apologised profusely for missing the diagnosis last time which I thought was very humble of him). This time around I thought I would bombard him with information before he even met Beth and it certainly helped. Good luck with the appointment, Sam.

I used to feel guilty that Beth is an only child. We always planned to have two kids saying we thought it wasn't fair to have a child alone but then two years of postnatal depression for both of us and Beth not sleeping through the night and we decided we couldn't face it again. I thought Beth's social 'issues' would have been better if she had another child to fight with and it would 'toughen her up' etc but I've changed my mind now. She gets exhausted out in the world day to day and I love that she has a calm home she can return to where the unexpected rarely happens and if it does she can be prepared for it. I think that's why the rest of the family can't see any of her issues (although they do trust me now on that one) because she's generally relaxed in the close family setting. How people cope with more than one child I do not know - I'm in awe of parents with multiple kids, even ones that don't have any issues to contend with. How many of you guys handle the complicated family situations you're faced with I do not know. There are not enough medals in the world for you guys who keep going day in day out, fighting for your kids rights, fighting the system when it lets them down, loving your kids even when their behaviour is very painful and distressing to you. You are all magnificent and I hope you all get a little time in your day to remember that and believe it .

Thanks Chris P for mentioning that book. I've just checked it out on Amazon where you can read a few of the pages online. Think I'll get hold of a copy .

My daughter asked me if there are any positive 'symptoms' of AS (her words) so we Googled it and found this excellent site. http://autismaspergerssyndrome.suite101.co...ergers_syndrome I don't know if those with more experience feel the information is correct or not but it certainly made my little girl happy and I can see a lot of her in what I read (because she IS amazing and clever and unique and special in all the really good ways - bit proud, can you tell! )

My daughter (9) has recently been diagnosed with AS but she originally saw the paediatrician and a physio when she was 4 as pre-school suspected Dyspraxia might explain all her issues. This was dismissed at the time (but they also said there was definitely no sign of ASD too!). The paediatrician this time around feels the difficulties she has with motor skills are probably due to the AS rather than a separate diagnosis of Dyspraxia but her school still want to have someone look into her motor skills in case there is something that can be done simply to help her. With this in mind they are completing a Henderson Movement ABC checklist which will be sent to the Outreach Team for Physical Disabilities. I was very keen to get the AS formally diagnosed and it's made a massive difference to B's self-esteem and ability to accept herself but I'm not so bothered about having a Dyspraxia diagnosis - I think B's needs in this area are probably very mild in comparison with other kids with 'proper' Dyspraxia and I'm happy that her school will support B's physical needs without it (at least this year's super fantastic teacher will ). Apparently the way this checklist works is that the child's physical abilities in each area are given a score and if the score is above a certain level then the Physical Disabilities Team will get involved via the educational pathway, irrespective of whether there is a diagnosis. In terms of my daughter I absolutely agree with Mumble who said Hope this helps, Sam

My daughter is 9 and responds well to lots of logical thinking through an issue. She was scared being alone at night in case a burler broke in so I showed her all the door and window locks and how they all work, explained where the keys were, talked through the double glazing and the fact that even if someone tried to break a window it would take them several times before they could get through both panes by which time her immensly big and strong daddy would be ready to batter said burgler over the head for daring to upset his little girl (that made her laugh!). To go to sleep B has a lava lamp on which gives gentle light and I leave the bathroom light on - turning them off once she's asleep as she rarely reawakes. We've talked about fear of the dark being a natural response because of when we were cave men and predators would come out at night - that has helped her to know it's natural instinct of all people to feel a little scared although we don't face the same dangers anymore. Another one was going downstairs when the living room was in darkness - it look a while to work out that when the TV is on standby the light looks like and evil red eye. I make sure the lounge door is shut now. Cuddly toys also make B feel safer. She knows they are not real but is happy to make up a fantasy that they are real when it suits her! Lions are a good one as no-one will venture into her room at night time if she's cuddling a terrifying lion! If she's especially nervous for any reason I'll make up a bedtime story about the lion protecting his cubs and that relaxes her.

Hi Zen and thank you for your intro post. It's so reassuring to hear from an adult Aspie who has done really well academically and is happy in their job and relationship. My little girl is 9 and has just been diagnosed although I've been supporting her as an Aspie for several years before anyone else agreed I was right . I'm really hopeful that she will have a life like yours, especially as she has been diagnosed young and can now access lots of information for herself. School is being really supportive as are her grandparents and her dad seems to be quietly more accepting since we had a professional agreeing that I am not making all this up! B is definitely more relaxed in herself now she understands why she sometimes feels different too. Can I ask - did you have any difficulties at school academically? My daughter is achieving above average in her teacher assessments but will struggle in an exam setting to show what she is capable of at the moment. Her handwriting is very slow because she is such a perfectionist and gets really stressed about it so she is being allowed to use a laptop for longer pieces of work and is going to begin touch typing lessons at school. Did you do anything like this or did you find no barriers to your academic achievement? Sorry to ask personal questions. Obviously I want to know what the future could hold for my little girl but every person is an individual and I know outcomes depend on personality, individual needs and the type of understanding and support that is shown. I feel really positive for my little girl though because she is so incredibly fantastic .

I've sometimes explained 'sorry' to my daughter as being a bit of a magic word which can make other people feel better or happier with the person saying it. If I've done something wrong or made a mistake I say 'sorry' to mean - "I didn't intend to harm or upset you and wish that I hadn't done that thing." If someone has had bad news I say I'm sorry to mean "I am sad for you that you feel bad and wish that you didn't". If something has happened accidentally and someone has been upset then I say sorry because it immediately makes them feel better. It doesn't harm me to say it and it makes them happier. It does not mean I am admitting fault. I had this discussion a couple of weeks ago when it kicked off in school. I was working with a group outside my daughter's class and had to try to sit really quietly keeping out of what was happening whilst another adult dealt with it. Lad with AS and anger issues is very upset after playtime, apparantly my daughter had accidentally trodden on his coat but didn't realise it. TA knows that if said lad hears the word 'sorry' it will help him to calm down and be able to go into his lesson without a massive kick off. Seeing an easy solution to the issue she calls my daughter out of class, explains she is not in trouble but H is upset about his coat and will she say sorry even though it was an accident. Well, problem with this little scenario is my daughter also has AS (diagnosed a few weeks after this incident) and has BIG problems with the word sorry. If B wasn't so upset it would have been a comedy sketch. She skitzed - her voice going higher and louder crying - "I don't understand, I didn't do anything wrong, why do I have to say sorry?". TA is now losing control of both of them - one getting more angry, the other crying hysterically, my large group of Year 3s looking on and me sitting still as a statue fighting to keep out of it whilst it's happening two feet away from me. I can't even remember how it was resolved (I was really stressed by this time) but it ruined my daughter's day for her and really upset the TA as she knew how much she had stressed B and myself. We had a good chat afterwards and I explained to her how much B struggles with that word. Fortunately as I had witnessed the event I was also able to speak to B about it a few days later and without referring to the actual incident (she gets really upset returning to the distress she felt at the time if we talk about specific incidences). A simple word which can heal or harm....

I work in a Primary school. One of the children in my daughter's class has AS and behavioural issues. When he first joined in Y3 a group of parents went on the warpath demanding that he be thrown out of the school and one parent in particular (who has a history of being a trouble maker) stirred up a lot of bad feeling and the boy's mum had an awful time. The SENCo, with the boy's mum's consent, had a sit down meeting with these parents to allow them to air their concerns and she explained the lad's issues and what the school were doing to support him etc. I don't know exactly what was said but a lot of the parents went away feeling very sheepish about how unsupportive they had been and the parents have been a lot better. This year (Y4) the teacher has had a chat with the whole class to explain why this lad sometimes behaves the way he does and how everyone in school can help him in simple ways. She has been reading the book 'Please can I tell you about Asperger's Syndrome' to them too which has helped. My daughter (aged 9) got her diagnosis a couple of weeks ago and the paediatrician explained it all to her. She was over-the-moon as she feels like she makes sense now. We also read the same book together and she was beaming with wonder saying - but that sounds just like me. She has been telling lots of people she has AS and has asked the teacher to explain it to her class mates for her. It's given her the words to explain the things she finds difficult. Beforehand she just knew that she didn't feel right or comfortable in the world and didn't know why. Another lad in my Y3 class has Tourettes. As soon as he was diagnosed his parents requested that his year group be told so the class teacher had a good chat with all the Y3 kids explaining to them what types of things they might see and hear and that this young man could not control it and was not being naughty. She allowed them time to ask questions and made sure they knoew who they could talk to if they were ever worried or upset by what they saw and heard. A letter also went home to the parents explaining that there was a child in Y3 with Tourettes, what it meant, what the children had been told and that any parents were welcome to chat to the teacher at any time if they had concerns. The lad was not named in the letter (although we are a village and it would be easy to idetify him if people wanted to). My experience of the kids in my school has been that if things are explained, they are very supportive and accommodating of one another. It's when we get older that we learn intolerance and fear of the unusual.

I don't know if this helps or not but my daughter is in Y4 and the teacher assessments put her on level 4 in all subjects but the class teacher has clearly told me that she will not achieve this level under test conditions because she gets so stressed out about having time pressures put upon her and because she writes incredibly slowly in a class setting when she gets very stressed by self-imposed pressure to write perfectly. The teacher put this into the evidence she sent off to the paediatrician when we recently went to see him and got our diagnosis of AS. Prior to this she was getting someone to sit and talk her calmly through things such as times table tests and mental maths problems to try to keep her levels of anxiety down and has been having extra handwriting programmes and relaxation groups. School have now decided that she should be allowed to use a laptop in some of her classes when long pieces of written work are required so that she is better able to show what she is capable of when the handwriting barrier has been taken away. The teacher said when it comes time to go up to Secondary school she hopes the Y6 SATs will have been done away with but if they are not, she will make sure the new school receive full teacher assessments anyway so that they know what her true academic ability is. Primary school hope that with the diagnosis to back up their evidence, my daughter will be able to use a laptop more in the future as she goes up through school. Whether she would also be allowed extra calming down time in an exam setting too I don't know - I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Maybe your school might consider these types of support structures on a trial basis. At least then you could see if the pieces of work your child produces with support are at a higher level than those without which would give you some evidence to base a case for increased support. By the way, I'm very new to all this. School only started to accept my daughter had real issues when she started Y4 (despite lots of conversations) and we only got the diagnosis 3 weeks ago so I don't know how it is in other schools or what other support structures might be available.

Wow, I just watched the trailer and it made me cry - but in a good way I think. It was the bit at the end where Beth is upset and Adam says he doesn't know what to do. She says, "You could give me a hug" and he says "Yes" but doesn't move until she specifically says, "Adam I want you to give me a hug". It really reminded me of conversations I have with my daughter and made me happy that I am able to help make sense of situations for her simply by modifying the words I use. It also made me sad to think of how many times a similar conversation could end in confusion and hurt feelings simply because of miscommunication and a lack of information .

Wow, does THAT sound completely familiar. Fortunately school have begun to support me recently and a great lady at church with an autistic son who has always said 'yes, you're right' and has given me loads of advice. That was enough to keep me ignoring my husband ( ) reading and teaching my daughter all the strategies that are recommended for a child with her AS tendencies. We actually got a clear diagnosis last week (she's 9) so now I definitely don't have to listen to anyone saying I'm too overprotective and there's nothing wrong - we know our kids, grrr! Good luck with the testing - I hope you get a clear answer and then both get whatever support and advice you need.

I work in my daughter's school as a SEN teaching assistant so I get to see both sides of the coin. I've chatted with lots of teachers about their experiences of parents and it's true that there are a few parents who are difficult to work with but usually only a few. Usually the conversation has been reagarding whether they think I'm too overprotective and pushy and they all, bless them, say no! All of my teachers have said they would much prefer a parent to come in and chat with them if they are worried about anything in regards to their child than to either leave it to fester and become a big problem or to come in all guns blazing because they've let their worry build up. Also, as far as SEN goes - the teachers simply are not trained and that's not their fault but a good teacher will do their own research if they have a child coming into their class who has a diagnosed issue and some will do it for a suspected issue too. We had a boy in Year 3 diagnosed with Tourettes on the Friday and by the Monday morning his teacher had scoured the library and internet and already had strategies in place to make him feel more comfortable. She then had all the kids in for a chat and explanation about why G said and did some of the things he did, how they could help by the way they reacted and who they could talk to if they were worried. The school day for G was immediately better and everyone's been really supportive. I'm only very sorry it's not like this in every school and have been shocked by what I've read. Lots of teachers would like to help more but don't always know where to get the info from (especially if the SENCo is no good or is given no time to fulfill their role). It's about building up a good relationship with them if possible but to be honest, the most likely expert will be the TA working with your child if you are able to get regular support. I support a child who has Down Syndrome and I am the one who writes her reports, differentiates her curriculum, creates new behaviour plans and tells the teacher what progress she's making.

Hi Smiley and Kathryn, thanks for replying. I've dipped in and out of this forum a few times over the past year but didn't want to go too far down this route until I was sure - hence joining the minute we got the diagnosis! Smiley I'm so sorry you are suffering so much. I really hope things change for you and that something happens to make sure you get the right support. Hormones are a rubbish thing to have at the best of times but tied in with everything else you are struggling with, it must be a nightmare. Some months I get very hormonal and then I get confused, forgetful, unable to think straight, clumsy, very irritable and sometimes really angry too. Vit B helps a lot and at least with me I know it will go away a few days later. I really don't understand why God made hormones - or slugs for that matter (sorry, random thought ). Kathryn, I just come back from Mum-in-Law's and we had a really good chat about B and her needs. She really wants to understand. She completely believes me and has always said that I know B best but like she said, she never sees any of B's struggles as she is always relaxed and happy in the family environment. She doesn't realise that she already treats Beth slightly differently as she unconsciously copies the way I interact with her. A couple of weeks ago we were planning a night out and B was going to stay overnight with nanny and grandad. We ended up being ill and didn't go but nanny said Beth could still come and stay 'because she doesn't like it if things get changed'. I've leant her the book from school 'Can I Tell You About Asperger Syndrome?: A Guide for Friends and Family' and she said 'great', she was going to ask if I could get her something. The account in that book is just like my daughter talking about herself; there are according to B, only a few things that don't relate to her. I think I might buy a few copies and give them to everyone who deals with her . I know it's early days but I am so impressed with the way B has taken this all on board. At a science fair yesterday a biologist was chatting to B and she really politely stopped him and said, "Excuse me sir but you are speaking very quickly. I have AS and I find it hard to understand what people are saying when they speak very quickly so please can you slow down." The man apologised and began speaking at a regular pace - he was happy that she was interested in what he was saying and she was happy to hear about him researching dung beetles in Borneo! I know she said that because that's how 'Adam' in the book explains his experiences. How cool is that!

Hi all, I'm Sam. Sorry this has turned into a bit of an essay but I feel I need to get it all out there now I've finally been given the go ahead - it'll make sense soon . My 9-year-old daughter was given a clear diagnosis on Thursday of AS and we are both over-the-moon! I know it sounds weird but when the Paediatrician explained it to her (in the words I would have chosen incidentally) she immediately looked relieved and relaxed. She's been asking a lot of questions lately about how she fits in the world and why she's here often saying she feels like the least important person in the world (despite being an only child and the centre of her extended family's world). Suddenly a lot of things made sense for her and she now feels special and important. I've known since she was born there was something 'unique' about her in terms of her gross motor skills and social and emotional abilities and have suspected AS was the explanation for about three years after reading a lot, meeting other children at various points on the spectrum and asking lots of questions. My daughter saw the doctor when she was four at the suggestion of her pre-school SENCo but he said there was very mild DCD which was improving with support and no sign of ASD. She was discharged from any follow up. Basically since then I've felt that no one else believed me when I said there were issues. My husband has told me to my face lots of times that I was simply an overprotective mum and our daughter needed to just grow up, toughen up and get on with it (this is from about the age of 2!). I gave her Year 1 teacher a three page essay describing the areas she struggled with and suggesting simple strategies to support her and got the distinct impression she also thought I was way overprotective as she smiled sweetly and ignored what was written! So, I did what many mums do - I remembered that I know my daughter better than anyone else, read all the books and implemented all the strategies I could on my own, got a job at the school so I could learn the routines and have a better idea of what I could do from home to support her in school and so I could get an idea from a distance what sort of things she was facing day to day (I'm in a different year group and usually manage to keep out of her way). Anyhow, she's now entered Year 4 with a teacher that I desperately prayed she would get because she's soooo fantastic - really caring and so easy to talk to. Within a week she seemed to understand my daughter, was talking her down when she was loudly distressed in exactly the way I do and was implementing strategies left right and centre to support her in all areas of school life. There is a boy in the class with AS, severe behavioural issues and learning difficulties which means there has been a lot of input into his needs from outside agencies and the teacher has done loads of research. This has really helped her to identify my daughter's needs too. She got the ball rolling so we began having proper review meetings and she asked if the school would request a diagnosis again. This time I was better prepared to meet the same doctor as five years before. School sent review meeting minutes and a social and emotional checklist whilst I sent loads of info on the support strategies I've been employing over the years, my picture of her strengths and weaknesses and descriptions of how she plays with others. The doctor was lovely - last time he met my daughter for 5 minutes - this time he talked to her for an hour. He asked me what I thought it was - I said AS and explained why, he asked how I knew to do all the things I do to support her so I told him. Then he said it it clearly AS, apologised that he'd missed it five years ago and said I was doing everything right which thankfully meant she had lost no time despite him making a big mistake! I was really surprised that he was so upfront and humble. He then told my daughter she has AS and explained it all to her, answering her questions. When we returned to school she told everyone she could find that she has AS and has asked her class teacher to explain it to the other kids! School leant us the book 'Can I Tell You About Asperger Syndrome?: A Guide for Friends and Family' by Jude Welton and Jane Telford which was excellent. My daughter could clearly explain to me which bits are relevant to her and tell me how they make her feel - I'm going to read it to the grandparents tomorrow because I think it will really help them to understand too. Dad hasn't said much. The doctor offered to visit the house to explain things to him but he said 'that's OK, I know everything I need to about Asperger's'. Maybe he'll now begin to accept it and later understand it because we have a proper diagnosis now. Anyway, that's all for now. Nothing will change drastically at school except they're going to bring in the ASD support team to observe her in situ and all the opther support will continue but I just feel so light, like I'm no longer constantly trying to justify my actions. I don't have to fight anyone anymore, at least not until secondary school potentially but I've got a few years to rest before then! Sorry again it's so long - I promise any future posts will be much shorter! Thanks for reading if you've reached the end without snoozing off, Sam