Bullet

I'm very sorry to hear of this . My thoughts are with you Mrs Phasmid and your children.

I forgot about Humpty Dumpty, Tom loves that as well. Also "This is the way the Lady Rides", with the highway man being flung into the air to go over the ditch. He enjoys music and singing as well and bubbles.

Tom is four and a half and loves a lot of toddler games. He loves being swung and rocked so "row row row your boat" and "seesaw margery daw" are very well received. He loves counting and numbers so we did lots of songs related to numbers, eg "five little ducks", "one, two ,three, four five, once I caught a fish alive". He is very fond of traffic lights so I've made up a song for them for him and we play games based on the "ready, steady, go" principle. Water is very popular with him, therefore activities like swimming, playing in the sink or bath or pouring water are also good bets with him.

Sending out lots of postive thoughts that it gives her the help she needs <'> .

Very pleased for you

My thoughts are with you all xx.

We use Makaton with To mto help him with his communication and understanding. It actually goes right up to signs suitable for adultsa, eg how to sign about voting in an election.

It is absolutely despicable, there is no excuse for it .

Thanks for this .

I hope things get sorted and they realise the importance of the seat.

They won't be angry or upset with you.

Elun1, you have no need to apologise. There are aspects of me that are disabling, eg I often can't let go of things to throw them and freeze up and there are aspects of Tom that are disabling. If I didn't think so I wouldn't claim DLA for him. I would love for him to know that when he soils himself he is to call out to be changed rather than just leaving it on a good day and covering himself and surrounding furniture with it on a bad day. I bet my mum, who was known throughout the neighbourhood as "poor Mrs xx" because of my severe tantrums, my running away constantly (I was also known as Houdini) must have longed for me to tell her why I was upset (I did calm down a lot when I was older but still struggle to ask for help or say what is wrong). When Tom gets upset because his routine has to stop and he can't say "Tom sad" that upsets me (I try and let him have his routines as much as possible). But I am very lucky in that if I cannot do something, I can often find an alternative path and that is the thing that I would like for your son, that if he has difficulties that he cannot overcome then either he does have somebody who will help him, or he will be able to learn alternatives. That's why I want better support for people on the spectrum, better understanding of the real difficulties faced that go beyond environmental factors and also better understanding of the value and worth of every person on the spectrum and the positives that it can bring. I've never known what it's like to be manipulative, to try and be nice to someone so I can get something. When my son comes and clambers on my lap and gives me a kiss with his forehead I know he's doing it because he loves me and not because he'd like some chocolate.

"Elun - my daughter is no where near the functioning level that you have with your son. Yet if I could take away her sadness & depression, her frustration and anger, her loneliness and lack of self worth then I would - by doing that no doubt it would change the person inside -" I had to reply to this as it struck such a chord with me. I was desperately unhappy as a teenager, I have my diary from that time in which I wrote "something must be wrong with me". I went through horrendous bullying and I was unable to ask for help or often to show any reaction. I never went into town with anyone, never had a date, never phoned up or was phoned by someone for a chat, nobody ever came round my house. On a good day I could talk to someone in the classroom during a lesson and then overhear them laughing about me. I had no self worth, no sense of esteem. There was one lad who would talk to me at the youth group and even he ignored me at school. But then two things happened. The first was that when I went to VI form there were some older students in the next year who, because they had attended a different school, didn't know me and didn't judge and when they saw me standing on my own in the common room they invited me over. For the first time there were people outside my family who didn't seem ashamed to be with me. Who didn't cast snide comments at what I liked to do, or how I looked, or the fact I couldn't make eye contact without a lot of difficulty. I'd never made any nasty comments about anyone, I'd never mocked anyone for the way they did things and yet for years it had been drilled into me that because I couldn't see things or do things the way most of the other pupils did, that there was something wrong with me. When I met people who accepted me for me my confidence soared. They left and for the last year I was mostly on my own again, but I then felt much more confident. The other event was meeting my now husband and eventually his friends. I had never flirted, never known to show anyone I was attracted to them and I still can't do it now. People talk of the complexities of dating, well, my now DH and I talked for several weeks about the lectures before we even knew each others names. There was no date as such, just a night out with a group of others that ended in us kissing and then the gear shifted from friends to friends who went a bit further and got a bit closer. In many ways the fact I didn't realise how different I was helped, as I didn't think to try and put on an act. He was only the second person I've ever dated and if he had not been like me in a lot of ways, things would not have worked out. If someone had said to me at the age of 15, that in 17 years time I would have the confidence and self esteem to be happy with myself, to realise that whilst I am far more perfect I am far from imperfect either I would not have believed them. When I received my diagnosis (mum's response "well, I always knew you were different) and told people on another forum I got so many supportive replies back with loads saying "don't change". I hope that one day - and soon - your daughter realises her self worth.

I don't disagree with Raun's diagnosis. I do disagree with the people who saw fit to set out his life at the very young age of 18 months.

"Where did I say you or anyone else does 'nothing to help?' The fact you can type on here means that you are not at the same level of functioning as my son. For some people their level of functioning does mean they will never be 'alright'. Are you still dealing with incontinence etc then? All the things I mentione? If not then you don't live my life so how can you comment on it? And for the record we do loads with our son - PECS, Hanen, webster stratton, physio every day and also carry out his s and l program daily. Yes he makes improvements but I would cure his autism if i could" I am sorry I upset you. Trying to improve your son's functioning level is perfectly understandable. I have never claimed to be like your son, or another person who would be classed overall as low functioning, but that doesn't mean I don't want to help them, or I believe that they have exactly the same problems as me. I have lived with some degree of incontinence, brought on by a combination of failure to recognise the signs and failure to tell anybody. My last public accident was when I was 15, in church and it didn't even occur to me to tell anyone or try and clean myself up. I was going to walk up to the altar with a wet dress until my dad spotted me and stopped me. Now, this can compare in no way to the incontinence your son has, but it did affect me. I can't ask for help either (see toileting incidents above for example). I'm not talking about a little social anxiety, I'm talking about the family dog banging into my head and me being in pain for two weeks and not able to tell someone or ask for painkillers. I'm talking about not being able to tell someone I'm hungry or thirsty when we're out and various factors are meaning I can't get the thing myself. I am very fortunate and very grateful to be able to talk and to be able to type, but speech does not come easily to me. I possibly had selective mutism as a young child, I rarely initiate, rarely express or ask for things I want. Most things I talk about are about events or about my interests. There is a huge difference between this and someone being completely non verbal, but it has had a big impact on my life. I self injure, I stim(handflapping amongst them). I am frequently unaware of obvious things going on round me (earlier this year I failed to hear or see a loud argument a few yards away). My problems are in no way as severe as your son's, but they do exist for me. I do not want to say "oh, accept your son as he is and do nothing to help." That is wrong. My son is only small (four) so we can't tell where on the spectrum he is, but he needs a lot of help, he would not be classed as high functioning for his age. If I could take away the negatives of my being on the spectrum and take my son's away and leave the positives I would do so like a shot. I never believed that you weren't helping your child and I'm sorry that I gave you that impression. I'm sorry that my remarks came across as insensitive, when I didn't mean them to be.

Elun, I can only speak for myself but when I talk about not wanting to cure autism or aspergers that doesn't mean I mean "do nothing to help". It is perfectly understandable that you'd want to know your child was going to be alright, but it is possible to be alright and be on the spectrum. Understanding and a good environment can go a long way and for those things that your son would still have difficulties with that made his life difficult for him (I'm not talking about him just appearing different, I'm talking about things that he genuinely would need help with) then it's understandable you would want him to have help with those things.

Ok, I have googled and have found this about him: "At the age of 18 months, Raun Kaufman received what he now considers a death sentence: He was diagnosed as autistic and retarded, with an IQ below 30. Experts told his parents he would never speak, never read, never communicate in a meaningful way." Sorry, let me get this straight. He was given an IQ test at 18 months?! How on earth can you measure a toddler's IQ accurately? How on earth can you say that an 18 month old will definitely never communicate or read or speak? At that age there is such a wide variety between children. At 18 months Tom wasn't babbling. Now he can label objects, name colours numbers and shapes, sing songs and repeat back things he's heard. We use speech, pictures and sign language to help him understand and tell us things and we are getting more and more two word sentences when he signs to us (eg "train broken") and "man painting").

Completely agree with Mumble. I do say that communication is part of it, because that has a significant impact on both mine and Ds1's lives, but there IS a lot more. He is a sensory seeker/hyposensitive for the most part, I am a sensory avoider/hypersensitive. It also affects how we think, how we remember things, how we learn, how we view the world, how we interact with others, so many things that don't need curing. It affects how we walk, how we talk, how we move. There are negatives yes, but there are positives, many of them and I'm happy as I am and as long as Tom can learn to tell us things I will be happy for him to be as he is.

Good luck

I think it helps to have things in black and white.

Try not to let her upset you.

<'> <'> Elun <'> <'>

I constantly forget to add the "and how are you?" bit. I try and make up for it by asking them a question about themselves later on.

It sounds a great idea

The Science Museum is wel lworth a visit and the exhibition is great as well. Ds1's reaction to one of the Daleks was to press the nodules on the front, thinking they were buttons and try and grab hold of the firing stick . I didn't know about the DoctoR Who museum in Blackpool and as I prefer the old stuff I think I might just drag DH and the lads up there soon .