Beebee

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply. I think I agree with the general idea, that "getting out" there will have to come from my son himself. Volunteering might be a really good idea to give him some confidence. :0)) I will keep trying to "suggest" things to him and continue to support him and hopefully we might get him out there.! Thanks everyone Bee

Hi everyone. Just wondering if anyone can give me some advice. My son has Aspergers and is 19 years old. He is currently in further education and just finishing his first year on a level 3 I.T course, having already completed the level 2. He is now unsure whether he wants to continue at college and complete the last year. This gives me concern, as although he is now more than old enough to decide what he wants to do, he has little interest in anything else. Over the last eighteen months, we have tried unsuccessfully to motivate him into looking for a part time job but to no avail. I understand that he is uncomfortable in social situations and have tried to 'brief' him in certain situations where he has agreed to hand a C.V into a business but don't really know what else I can do. My worry is that he will give up college and just stay in his bedroom on the computer/xbox all day whilst we are all out at work. We can't seem to get him to understand that he needs to do more to make more of his life but he just says 'why, I'm happy as I am?' Help...!!!

Hi there and welcome. I'm mum to an almost 19 year old with Aspergers syndrome. Your story resonates with me, as I to suspected from an early age that my son was autistic. Unfortunately his primary and secondary school did not share my views, as they considered him to be "too able". After going to my GP, we were referred to CAMHS who diagnosed him with AS. Our referral and subsequent diagnosis took six months in total. He was 14 by this time due to my having to keep pushing for someone to understand my concerns. Please feel free to message me if you'd like to. I find this is a great place to come for advice and support. Once again - welcome Bee

Hi Andi Welcome..!!! I mum to a 17 yr old with Aspergers and have worked with children with special needs for the last 12 years. I to noticed little things about my son, from an early age and expressed my concerns with the HV and at his primary school. Unfortunately i was told that they had no concerns about my son and so i 'mulled along' for a few more years. It wasnt until he reached his secondary school, that i decided enough was enough and took the matter into my own hands and approached my GP. She referred us to CAMHS, where he received a diagnosis of 'AS' relatively quickly. It is really encouraging that your son's teacher, is now working with you. The IEP is put in place to review your childs progress and as a base to begin the statement process, if needed. You can push for an appointment at your local Child Development Centre/CAMHS via your GP (as i did), or go through the process with your son's school which usually includes an assessment by the Educational Pychologist. This an be a lengthy process. I would definately say go back to your HV and explain your concerns. Keep a diary or log of things your son does and share this with them. Trust your 'gut instinct' and push to get your concerns taken seriously. You and your family know your son better than anyone.! Please feel free to message me if you would like to. Bee

HI Noskcaj86 I have a 17 yr old with aspergers and have also worked with children with special needs for the last 12 years. The things you mention above that your son does, do seem quite typical of ASD behaviour ( imo). You often find that whilst children are 'stimming' that they do zone out and it can be extremely difficult to get any response from them. My own son can be so engrossed in things, that i have to put myself right in front of him before he realises im there.! Walking backwards, tip-toeing and walking with a strange or awkward gait, can all be traits of ASD behaviour. I hope you manage to get some answers and an assessment for your son soon....the best advice i can give you is .....make yourself a nuisance and Push Push Push..lol..! Feel free to message me, if you would like to. Bee

Hi there I agree that some professional help would be a good idea. I too have experienced a similar problem - i have an AS son and a NT daughter and found my son was agressive and physical with his younger sister (by 5 years). He would sqeeze her, grab her by the arm and sometimes the neck and would also be verbally abusive to her. Its a very difficult thing to deal with but i found that i had to help explain to my daughter that if she wanted to touch her brother...hugs or kisses for example, then it would be best if she asked him if that was ok first. As she got older and had more of an understanding, i also explained in basic terms to her that she needed to be careful around her brother as he found things difficult and didnt always understand. Its a tricky one to balance as my daughter in effect had to take on the more 'mature' role of the two but we found it did help.! I have to say, that it was quite hard for my daughter and she often felt as though she hd to compromise a lot for her brother. I hope that you get some support and help soon. Bee

Hi and welcome.!!

Hi and welcome.! Im mum to two lovely children -'J ' my son, who was diagnosed with aspergers in July 2010 aged 15 years old and 'C' my daughter who is 11 years old. The forum is a great place to be, to seek advice if needed or just for support from people in the same circumstances as yourself.! Bee :0))

Awww bless you Sally... What made that teacher think that shouting at a distressed child, was ever a good idea.??? I work in a Primary school and have to agree with others on here, that (in my past experience) some teachers really need to be enlightened on how to work with and help children with ASD...!!! Bee

Hi and welcome...!!! Bee

Hi and welcome..!!

Hi I found your post really interesting as for some time i have wondered about the connection between ASD and 'double jointed thumbs' in particular.?! From a professional point of view, the last three Autistic children i have worked with, have all had double jointed thumbs - the last child's being quite noticeable.!! From a parent's point of view, my own son (Dx AS), had also previously been diagnosed with 'double jointed hips, knees and ankles' and until this time i had not really connected the two things. From everyone's post it would seem that it is most likely down to 'hypermobility'. This is interesting to note as it does help to know this, when it comes down to teaching pencil control and the reason's as to why some autistic childen struggle with their pencil grip and handwriting.! Bee

Hi Louise Im mum to two great kids, J aged 16 diagnosed with AS last July and C, NT aged almost 11. Here is a really good place to come for advice and support.! Feel free to message me if you would like to. Welcome..!! Bee

Hi Julie and welcome. Pre-diagnosis is a very difficult time and can seem overwhelming. I have two children myself, my eldest who is nearly 17 has Asperger's, so i can empathise with you. I remember clearly many years ago, where i thought that maybe my son was on the 'Spectrum' but i too was repeatedly told that he was young and probably just immature.!! It is very positive that your son's school are 'setting the wheels in motion' and they will presumably organise for him to be assessed and then along with other professionals - start the ball rolling to get him an official diagnosis. This should then allow for a 'Statement of Special Need's and then funding for one - to - one support within school. Obviously this can be a very long process but take some comfort from the fact that you have a helpful school/SENCO - which in my personal experience is definately half the battle. Apart from having personal experience with my son, who i have to say is an articulate, kind young man (who im very proud of) i also work with children with Special Needs - specialising in Autism...so if there's any advice or help i can offer - or simply a listening ear then please feel free to message me. Were only in Northampton, so quite close to you - MK..? Bee

It's tricky. My lad is very intelligent, got A's in all three of the sciences but, when it comes to expressing himself on paper, he is horrendous. His writing, for one thing, is more like a six year-olds and he got an E in English, just because he is so poor at putting his thoughts down on paper. It seems such a waste, that he won't get a chance to show off his talents or to fulfill his potential because he just hasn't the skills that others have to get past the first hurdle even. Face-to-face, he can be very unresponsive too and just doesn't come across well. In an interview, the interviewer might be forgiven for thinking that he wasn't even listening to what he was saying, he looks totally switched off and doesn't engage at all. I fear for his future, I really do. ~ Mel ~ Hi again Mel, Your son sound's just the same as my Josh..!! My son is very 'techie'.....loves anything to do with computers and got four 'B' grades in I.T but struggled with everything else except Maths. He got an overall grade 'E' in English seemingly for the same reason's as your son. Having checked some of his English practise papers before his GCSE's,(only given out two wks before.!!) with him - he believed that he had answered correctly and at length but in reality he had not really expressed himself well nor answered the questions that had been asked.. Unfortunately with his school being so useless (long story.!!), it was too late to do anything to help him..!! He has now been put onto 'four' sixth form courses for subjects he has already taken GCSE's in and now has only six I.T lesson's a week, which he is desperately unhappy about!! He thinks his chances of getting a job in his chosen career of I.T have now all but disappeared. I do worry that he will 'give up' and become reclusive at home, with the Playstation as his only friend. I wish there was some way that schools' and college's could be MADE to do more before it's too late for young people like your son and my Josh..!! Bee

Hi Mel Your post struck a chord with me, as like you i am worried for my son's future (16 yrs old Dx AS). He is due to start 6th form next week but i am already worried about what comes after that..! I'am concerned that with much almost the same difficulties that you mention - he would hardly get a look in against NT applicants nor probably get passed an interview, even thou he is a concientous, polite and capable young man. The thought of 'work' is such a worry..!! Bee

Hi Im mum to J aged 16, DS AS July 2010 and DD, C aged nearly 11 NT and work with Special Needs children. Here is a good place to come for advice and support and i think that were all quite friendly..!! Welcome..!! Bee

Hi there. I'm mum to DS aged 16 Dx AS July 2010 and DD aged 10 NT. Welcome, 'here' is a friendly place to be...!! Bee

Hi Lisa. No we aren't together any more. We split up six years ago due to a very rocky marriage. All these year's later and knowing what i now know about ASD and AS, there my have been a different outcome. In retrospect he struggled with many things which affected our marriage not neccessarily how i felt about him. Had we, particularily HE known why he had these difficulties, then maybe we could have worked with them instead of against them...if that makes any sense.? It was only after working in 'this field' for many years and then subsequently having my DS diagnosed with AS, that i realised that this was probably why my Ex had struggled to cope with many things. It's a real shame but my Ex remains unaware of the probable reason for his difficulties (we have no contact/ nor he with our children) and therefore will more than likely have to live with them without the benefit of knowing why he acts/feels the way he does. In my opinion some of the things your husband does and 'area's' he finds difficult were mirrored in my Ex's behaviour. Obviously i am not qualified to make judgements and am only going by my own experiences and working knowledge but i would absolutely say that my Ex has undiagnosed AS. I pondered for some time of the benefit/positive of my DS having an official diagnosis so late on (15 yrs old) in is education/life. It was met with some 'frosty' reception from some of my close family member's, who suggested it was 'just labelling him for no reason'. What it did mean (after conversations with my DS ), was that it gave him the reason as to why he thought/felt different to his peers. Although difficult, it has enabled him to move on and as i tell him his AS is only a small part of who he is but that without it he just wouldn't be the 'quirky' J we love and whom im very proud of. His diagnosis has brought about calmness and closesure on alot of his worries such as, why he feels he is 'different' and although he would rather not have 'it' - he accepts and recognises his need for help now rather than fighting aagainst it. All in all i would say that diagnosis is a 'positive' step ( IMO ), enabling those diagnosed to hopefully move on and try to work with their difficulties rather than 'trying to conform' as my son had felt compelled to do. A diagnosis may not be for everyone but in my experience it has been greatly worthwhile and although it doesn't alter how you feel about that person in any way it allows for more compassion and tolerance from others (well hopefully..!!). Bee

Hi Lisa. I just thought i would send you a quick reply. I have read all of the 'thread's' on your post and i have to say that some were slightly more over zealous with their answers, than was perhaps necessary (only in my opinion!). What i wanted to say was that i can empathise with your situation, as i too have lived with someone i beleive to have undiagnosed AS. Maybe if i had known what i know now, then things might have been different. Knowing and being able to help that person with area's of their life they find difficult or that impact on your marriage surely can only be a positive.? I don't want to add to the already 'complicated' thread's but please feel free to message me and i would gladly try and share my experiences with you if they are of any help. Please don't refrain from seeking further advice on here, as most of us are welcoming and hopefully able to offer helpful advice. Bee

Your most welcome. Although it may seem bleak at the moment, things do get better. I can also add, having worked with children with 'special needs' for the last 10 year's - that they DO progress, it just takes them that little bit longer and with a liitle more help and support. I have worked with some lovely children who didn't engage with the world around them when they first arrived, no speech, no concept of the world nor affection towards the people around them. However i can say with great pleasure and admiration that with the right support, professional input and overall with patience, calmness and kindness that those children have 'learnt' their own ways in which to engage with others and the 'big, scary' world around them. I can totally relate to your comment about being able to 'fast forward a few years', as i too wished i could do that. There are so many lovely 'quirky' children out there who become great teenagers and adults and although thats a long way of for you, take heart that there are many of us in the same situation who can help (i hope.!!Lol) with advice and support. I know i have found 'Here' a great place to come when i've needed advice. I try to remind J that his Asperger's add's to who he is and that without it he just wouldnt be the same 'quirky, funny' young man he is and that i'm proud to call my son..!! Keep smiling..! Bee

Hi and welcome Bless you...i can sympathise with you enourmously. It can be so daunting and overwhelming to be told all of these things, especially if you were not expecting them.!! You post reminded me of my experiences with my son J many years ago. He was originally diagnosed as having 'hydrocephalus - water on the brain'(wrongly) and he too was tested for lots of syndromes including 'fragile x'. After many years (long story..!!)J was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome last July. He is now 16 and a lovely 'quirky', articulate and caring young man. If i could give you any advice i would say to note down all isuues and concerns and try to deal with/have them dealt with one thing at time. Thinking about everything at once is just so overwhelming. Also take each day as it comes (easier said than done, i know!!)and try not to think too much of whats to come or what the future holds. From personal experience i have spent many days of anxiety thinking of 'what ifs' and trying to imagine how things would 'pan' out..!! Its impossible to predict a child's progress and your daughter is still very young...she may well suprise you with her abiilities in time..! Please feel free to message me if you wish. 'Here' is a great place to be and it's such a great help to know your not alone. Once again - WELCOME.. Bee

Hi and welcome. I thought that i would reply and let you know a little about my experiences, which i hope may help you. I too have a 'Josh' and how you describe 'your Josh' certainly has some similarities to my ds. My Josh however is now 16 years old and was diagnosed with Aspergers last July. I am of course no expert but can recall my own experiences as a Special Needs Teacher and also that of those with my son. When Josh first began at primary school he was and always has been a popular child, however that was if the other children joined in with his games rather than the other way round, otherwise he would play alongside or on his own. He was also quite a joker and very chatty. I first suspected that there was something 'different' about Josh when he was about 6 years old but because he was my first child and his primary school never picked up anything, i thought that i must be wrong. Apart from suggesting that Josh was rather 'immature' for his age (enjoying activities not age relevant), his primary school, even when prompted by myself insisted that he was fine. Their only intervention was some 'Gross/Fine motor skills' sessions as his balance was very poor. As the years have progressed the gap in 'behaviour expectations/development' between Josh and his peers has grown significantly. After much deleberation and fruitless discussion with his secondary school, i decided (after speaking with Josh then aged 14 and with a personal awareness that he was 'different to his friends') to approach our G.P who in turn referred us to 'CAMHS' where he was then officially diagnosed last July. Oh yes and my Josh had 'favourite clothes, 'lined up' all of his favourite toys, struggled and still does with teeth cleaning but is now an articulate young man, very sensitive,a frequent 'hug' giver and currently quite a computer wizz (some advantages..future career, hopefully!!). All i would say is that, i wish that his primary school had picked this up, as earlier diagnosis is absolutely better than when they are in their teens. Trying to get a 'Statement' in secondary school in my experience/knowledge is extremely difficult. My Josh would have had help with subjects at school that he struggled with, particularily 'english' if his diagnosis had happened earlier. If 'your Josh' does have Adpergers or is on the Autistic Spectrum, then i think it can only help in his forthcoming education and for him to get the right help and support if he is diagnosed quickly. I hope this may have been a little bit of help in making a decision. Please feel free to message me if you wish. Sorry for long post.!! Good luck with it all