Beebee

Hi and welcome. Im mum to J, ds AS aged 16 and C, dd NT aged 10. I have found 'here' a great place to come for advice and support. Sometimes it can be difficult to know where to turn to. I too have been a single parent coping alone, so i can appreciate how difficult it must be for you. I'm very lucky to now have the support of a wonderful partner, which helps immensely. I hope that you find answers here for any thing that's of concern and that you find, like i - that it's really good to know that 'here's' a great place to come when you need support. Once again WELCOME...!!!

Hi 'Here' is a good place to be, for advise and support and also to just feel like 'your not alone'..!! 'Welcome'..!! Bee

Hi and welcome..!! The things you describe do sound fairly typical of someone with AS. My 16 yr old ds was diagnosed with AS last July and some of the things you describe i can totally relate to..!! He always did 'quirky' things as a child including being innocently outspoken when something occured to him. He has many unexpected traits for a teenager and is definately not your stereotypical adolescent, with little or no interest in doing the thing's his 'peer's' enjoy. On the plus side, in the last 3/6 months there has been improvement in his 'socialising' and he will spend some time out with friends (although usually those, some 18mths younger). Prior to this he spent most of his free time on his playstation/laptop or making lists of games played on 'Yu-gi-oh cards..!! I don't know if i can offer any advice on how to improve your situation but just that a combination of constant encouragement,pushing and subtle suggestion's have shown some positive improvement with my ds..! That said,'HERE' is a great place for support and somewhere to seek advice from other's in a similar situation as yourself. Bee <'>

Hi Goldenben I try really hard to encourage and 'nudge' him in the right direction, although i'm sure at times he thinks im 'nagging' and shut's off..!! I am sure that he stay's in and doesn't socialise as it's easier for him.!? Your idea of setting up a 'meet' group for those with autism/asd is a great idea. It seems to me that once you become an adolescent there is very little 'support' out there (i could be wrong.?). My ds has his good and bad days too, but he find's socialising and 'conforming' (so to speak) the most difficult thing's, so meeting with 'likeminded' people would ease his anxieties on how he is 'expected to behave'. Anyway, thank you for taking the time to reply and for your insight. Bee

Hi there Its encouraging to hear your about your son's success. My ds is definately interested in continuing his I.T studies and then hopefully working in that field. I think the worst thing is the 'unknown' but i do my best to keep encouraging him to do his very best..!! Thank you for replying and sharing your son's positive story. Bee

Hi Kathryn Many thanks for your reply. I had previously suggested to my ds, that he might like to try another 'setting' but he was less than convinced. Im not sure if it is because his school is familiar or if it's down to the fact that he finds it difficult to rationalise 'reality'. I think he is struggling to forward think to not actually being at school.!? As for his school.....!!!!....recently i had a meeting with them and they were just the same as usual. They suggested that he 'copes' well, they expected him to 'manage' his exams without too many issues and that he would settle into 6th form fine..!!! They do not seem to hear my worries nor understand his difficulties...particularily with 'English'..!! This is of course, is no suprise as i have been trying to get my concerns heard since he was in year 7..!! I expect very little from them and did the 'dignosistic' process without their support so i think that it will be difficult to gain much from them...mores the pity. I remain ever hopeful, that all will work out in the future..!!

Hi everyone. I have posted on here before but just thought i would start a new topic regards to my ds imminent school leaving date.! He has yet to sit the majority of his exams but those he has done, he has found very difficult and the results reflect this. It is almost impossible to explain the importance of 'revision' to him nor the relevance of his exam results to his future life.? On the positive side, he has done well in his 'I.T' diploma and we are hopeful that he will get a 6th form place to study this further. However i am worried about the unstructured-ness of 6th form and how he will cope, having to organise himself - something he struggles with daily..!! I would love to hear from other parents who have gone through this stage of their child's life. My ds was only diagnosed in July 2010 and his school have been less than helpful , plus as he is my oldest child...i have no idea what to expect. Also i wondered if anyone out there knows of any support groups for 'adolescents' within the Northamptonshire area, as my ds is often very isolated.? Thanks for reading this

Hi there. The question as to whether to go through the process of a referal and diagnosis is very much a personal one, i think. Im mum to J, soon to be 16...diagnosed with AS just last July. The decision to get help and then a diagnosis, came from many conversations between myself and J and was finally made by the simple fact that he wanted an answer, as to why he thought he was 'different'. In real terms i think for J, it has helped him to understand himself a little better but it has sadly come a little late from an education point of view which is a shame (many years spent trying to convince his schools of a poss problem..!!). Anyway, i think 'here' is a good place to be to get help,advice and chat to other's in a similar situation to yourself, so welcome.!! Bee

Hi, re a meet up. I live in Northamptonshire and would love to arrange a meet up with other's in this area. It would just be great to meet others in a similar situation to myself..! (Mum to J, Aged nearly 16 DX July 2010 AS and C 10yrs old NT.) Bee :0)

Hi. I read your post with interest as it reminded me of a similar experience with my own son now aged 15, who has AS. Last year my ex husband decided to bow out of my childrens lives completely (as to why, im not sure..although im convinced that he also has AS). This came as a huge shock to my children and it was also a very harsh thing for them to have to deal with. My younger NT dd dealt with this is her own way (bless her) but athough at the time my son said 'he wasn't bothered', i think it affected him some months later by way of 'regression'. My son lost all ability to look after himself, spent hours...days even in his bedroom, lost his appetite and took to sleeping with his childhood toys. It was very upsetting to see him like that and nothing i said or did at the time made any difference. It was also a very lonely experience for me, as it felt like i was the only one dealing with such problems. I have to say that there was no 'magic wand' to sort things out but i made sure he knew i was always there and i tried to keep communicating with him on a daily basis..even if just to ask him if he was okay. After about six weeks he finally began opening up, explaining that he didn't want to grow up and that he wished he could stay 'little' for ever. I imagined that the knowledge that someone will always look after and nuture you when your young was something to do with it...not least of all, that when your 'little' you are somewhat 'protected' by harsh reality.!! Im obviously no psychatrist(think thats how you spell it!) but i learned from my own experience that maybe some AS children/teens, need this regression as a way of dealing with trauma's and difficulties. There is also some evidence to suggest that those with AS, are more likely to suffer from depression, which may also fit these symptoms. We are taking each day as it comes but im glad to say that since that time, (aside from a few minor blips) my family is just fine.! Hopefully with time your son will improve and recover. Keep smiling(if poss!!)and good luck. Bee

Hi Rachel....welcome to the forum. Im a mum of two children...15 year old ds diagnosed with AS in July and 10 year old dd NT. I also work in education, with special needs children. It's a good place to come for advise and to talk with other's who know what your going through. Bee

Hi Kelly. Welcome....i think you'll find everyone's advise helpful and it's comforting to know that your not alone and that there are other's in a similar situation to yourself. I've only been on here since July,i came on after my 15 year old ds diagnosed with AS. Bee

Welcome, firstly..!! I think a mother's intuition is usually pretty good. I have a son who was recently diagnosed with 'AS' at 15 years old. It had unfortunately taken a very long time for any one to listen to my concerns. I for many years, suspected that my son was not your 'average' child and as he got older his difficulties became more apparent...well certainly to me..!! The things you have described seem to be mostly consistent with 'AS' although some could crossover into 'ADHD' difficulties. I am told that it is sometimes the case for children with 'AS' to also have 'ADHD', as they can sometimes go hand in hand. Obviously i am no professional but having lived with an 'AS' child for nearly 16 years, they are all familiar to me.! Does your son go to nursery? If so are they aware of your concerns, or indeed have any of their own? I work with special needs children and i can honestly say that the sooner they are diagnosed and supported, the better. As your son is so little, hopefully with immenent intervention and support(if needed), the future should be easier for you all. I would say 'PUSH' hard for a referral and definately don't take no for an answer..!! It can be extremely stressful and sometimes feel like your the only one experiencing these things, but there is light at the end of the tunnel...it's not all bad. My son has grown into a lovely 'quirky' lad, who iam proud to call my own. Good luck with everything...!! Bee

Im new on here, but have to say i have found it comforting and helpful to read everyone's posts and know that i'm not alone. My 15 year old son has recently been diagnosed with Aspergers and although he initially seemed to accept this (as a family, we had suspected for a while), just recently he has become angry without warning..resulting in a broken t.v and wardrobe (anger so far directed towards inanimate objects)! I have tried to help him as best i can by talking with him and discussing what has led to these outburst's but usually he just says he 'doesn't know why'. Yesterday he admitted that he hated having Aspergers and being different from his friends. I'm at a loss really as to how to best to help him.?? On top of this, there is lot's of information coming from his school regards to 'sixth form' and the prospect of leaving after his exams next May. I think this is not helping, as i recognise that he is beginning to feel anxious about his need to 'work out what he want's to do in the future'. Has anyone else experienced problem's as their child's schooling comes to an end and is there any support out there for young adult's with Asperger's in helping them access further education or seek work.??? (J's school have so far proved quite useless..)

What can you say to that....i really feel for you. Just remember your'e not alone. Sending you a big 'hug'. Bee

Hi Mikeysmum. As a mum of a 15 year old only recently diagnosed, i would say 'yes', be concerned. Fight for your son's right to have 1-1 support if he needs it. I realised my son was developing differently to his peers at primary school but no-one ever suggested that there was cause for concern. I tentively voiced some of my worries to them but was met by ' oh he's just a little immature for his age - he'll grow out of it!'. Many years and lots of worry later, with my son also spending most of his lunch and breaktimes walking aimlessly around the playground alone or retreating to the library, i found myself trying to get his secondary school to address the problem...big mistake..!! They seemed to think that as he was performing 'towards' his target grades and was placid and quiet with no behavioural problems, that there was no cause for concern. With virtually no support from his school, i went via the GP route and it took a referal to CAMHS and one year to confirm his diagnosis of Aspergers. Even now, with an official diagnosis, his school are only just looking to help him with extra support. Who know's what the furure holds for my son now he is in year 11, having had no educational support in his formative years, but we like to think positively that J's diagnosis will help him in the future. Keep on at your son's school, insist that he is assessed by the Ed pych and that he gets the extra support and help that he may need and deserves. Every child has a right to an appropriate education (supported or otherwise)....remind them of that..!!! Good luck.

Hi Sammysnake. Your post could have been written by myself. I too have always thought that my son was a little different if not quirky.! As a small child he jst about managed and i think disguised his difficulties well. This i would say was possibly in part, down to the other children accomodating his little ways.! As he has got older, the gap between he and his peers has grown. He still wants to wrestle, play 'dens' or pokemon...whereas his peers are more interested in earning money through 'saturday' jobs and who's going out with who.!! His recent diagnosis has meant that he now knows why his friends don't share the same interests as he does. J's problems are mild i think compared to others and are mainly centred around social and communication issues. I spent many years questioning the thoughts in my head....did he have 'aspergers' or was i imagining things as he too had days where he seemed fine. I waited and waited for his primary school to 'question' his behaviour/lack of social skills etc, but that never came...so i decided that when he moved up to secondary school i would voice my concerns with them. I have to say that my son is now in year 11 and his school have been the most unhelpful they could possibly be. One member of staff(unqualified) observed my son and then told the SENCO, that she could see no obvious 'Asperger' traits and on the basis of that, the school ignored all my requests for extra support and help. In the end i had to get a referal to 'CAMHS' via our GP, and so his official diagnosis was made in July. He's now 15 and his diagnosis has been positive for my son in helping him to understand why he thinks differently. His diagnosis may not help much at this late stage with his school(although they are now putting in extra measures to help him) but i like to think that for the sake of his sanity, the knowledge of his diagnosis will help him to attempt to deal with any 'problems' that may crop up as an adult in a more informed way. :0)

Hi Baddad Many thanks for your advice. My plan was exactly that, to deal with the aggression just as i would have before. If nothing else, he has realised how reliant he is upon his t.v and playstation..now that he doesn't have them!! I suppose since his official diagnosis, it has made me question lots of things. I have always tried to keep open communication with J and he has(as you say)confirmed that his diagnosis, is positive and in some way a relief to answering some of the 'queries' in his head. It has taken us years to get his diagnosis and now that we have, i find myself concerned for his future. But hey ho.....he is just the same J he always has been and has many lovely qualities......keeping positive and laughing at all the funny quirky things he does keeps us going.! :0)

My son is 15 years old and we had his official diagnosis of aspergers in July. He seems to have accepted it(as he had already said that he thought he wasn't like his friends) however in the last week we to have had ome seriously violent outbursts , resulting in a broken wardrobe and t.v!! When asked why he get's so angry he says he doesn't know??!! Is this common with children/adults with aspergers? I'm not sure if this is a delayed reaction to his diagnosis or possibly just teenage behaviour.???? It sometimes feels like your the only one dealing with such issues.