Dijac

Hi, I have been reading through this and several other 'teen' posts with interest and trepidation. My almost 12 y.o. is getting more and more terrible. He was only diagnosed about 2 months ago, but is way too smart. He is also very abusive to us, espcially me and NT brother (9). And can be 'charm personified' to those who he choses. One psychologist even suggested it wasn't AS, but that he was a paranoid megalamaniac. Psychiatrist diagreed with thsi, and from this post, I can see other AS teens act the same. W now tries to be too clever, is abusive and tells me "it wasn't him, it was his 'disease' swearing at me!" W would also prefer to spend his life on the computer, and tells me his virtual friends are the only friends he has. But I don't let him have a computer in his room, so I can monitor how long he is on it. Not that it always helps, as we do have shouting and screaming when I tell him to come off - the doctor said 4 hours per day was plenty, but we do modify that if it's raining all day or something. sOME days it is hard for me to imagine how he will manage as an adult, but I hope, from some of the comments, that our trying to be strict now will help him. Being told "I hate you" several times a day is never easy, but maybe it will be worth it. He does have one friend who he has had since we moved here when he was 4. They are sometimes not speaking, when W gets mad because his friend won't do what he wants, but I have explained to the friend and his mother that W doesn't always mean what he says etc - Earlier this afternoon W was totally horrible as I told them it was computer break time, and they had to walk the dog with me - but his freind understood W was mad at me and not him - we walked the dog in silence - and as soon as we got back, W was speaking again. My son is younger than yours, so maybe I have a lot worse to come. But hopefully we can all gain a little from each other. Di

Hi, My son is almost 12, and he too has always eaten very fast. He especially likes carbs, and if I give him a plate of pasta, it is gone in seconds. He has always been very agitated if he is hungry. Also, if he is bored, he is hungry. We are especally worried right now as he has recently been put on Risperdal, which does seem to have helped him a bit, but the doctor warned he could put on weight with this. He is often fussy about what textures he'll eat too, and if he doesn't like the smell of something, then he'll ask for just bread - not very healthy! He hates sport, but we have just bought a trampoline, and he will go and bounnce on that a bit, which hopefully will help. I also encourage him to drink water, to at least cut the liquid calories. He is old enough to understand, but on a bad day, that doesn't matter! Di

Hi Baddad, My son is almost 12 and I am really worrying about the holidays - which start at the end of tomorrow for him - they stop earlier here in France. The only things Will is interested in are the computer, the Wii or his DS. I have to work Tuesday and Thursday, and I hate to leave him on his own all day sat on the computer. Getting him to help in the garden is also very difficult. He did go into town with a mate when he had a little phase of loving Yu Gi Oh, and he was going to a shop where they do exchanges, just for an hour, then I'd pick him up again, but he has no interest again now. I'm sure I used to go down town on my own at that age. Anyway, don't think that helps at all really. If anyone else has any good ideas, I am open to try them too. Di

Thanks for your answers. I will check into the venue to see if there is seating. We are supposed to be seeing someone to discuss if it is a good idea for him to be registered as having a disability or not - maybe then we could get disabled seats. The ear plugs are a good idea too. We have been to small discos on holiday, the last couple of times he has hated it - but he'd had no-one to hang out with, so that was an issue too. He does, on the other hand, listen to music quite loud with head phones. So first things first, I will look into the venue. Thanks again, Di

Hi, My son is about to turn 12. He is really into music, and keeps telling me Brittany Spears will be in concert about an hour away later this year - and wouldn't it be great to go. I have never been to a top concert (not sure if you can count Shawaddywaddy at a dinner/concert venue). Would it be too loud, too many people etc? Or would his excitement at going make it ok? He is sort of up and down with crowds - on a good day, it's ok, and on a bad day, not!! I would go with him of course, but I'd hate to spend lots of money then have to dash out after the first song. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Thanks in advance, Di

Hi, I live in France, although I am English - my son in almost 12, so similarish age. It definitely helps to know we are not alone. Di

Hi Kathryn, My 11 y.o. son has recently been (sort of) diagnosed too, so I can imagine how you are feeling. And Philtfa, I agree with Philipo - we are in a discovery stage right now, but my son has some exceptional talents. Diane

Hi, Actually, the psychiatrist who diagnosed him only saw him for half an hour - although W had seen some of the psychologists before, and the doctor did have all their notes. The psychologist did agree that they are behind in France about AS. And in his opinion, megalomania and AS should both be treated with Risperal, so he felt it didn't change much. We see the psychiatrist again in 2 weeks, so we'll see what he has to say. Di

Hi, My husband and I went to a support group for parents of difficult children. When we discussed some of the problems we have with our 11 y.o, who was diagnosed recently with AS, the psychologist leading the discussion decided it didn't sound like AS. He felt as he is so manipulative, that it sounded more like paranoid megalomania. We live in France where AS isn't so well known, but now we are really confused. I'm not sure if this would be better or not? Any ideas? Diane

Hi, My son, W was recently diagnosed - he is almost 12. His brother is 9. W often takes his frustrations out on his brother - I can't leave them alone together. So I understand how that is. We live in France, and I have no idea how the system is here. Because his school work has been good up till now, they have said no assistance or intervention is necessary. Although mornings are getting progressively more difficult, as he says he hates school more and more. So I am afraid I have no advice, just support. Good luck. Di

Hi, Thanks for your advice. The meeting went better than he had threatened - he is only 11, but has been very threatening towards his younger brother, which is one of the main reasons the doctor wanted to put him on meds. I actually think if it makes him drowsy, it may be good - he looks terrible right now as he finds it hard to sleep. The dcotor has put him on the lowest possible dose. He refused to take it last night, but has taken it tonight - I guess he needed to be in control. I am just relieved he didn't have to be forced to take it, as that would not have helped the way he feels at all. He has also started going to a group for troubled teenagers - which is run by 2 psych nurses, and he really loves that, so that is doing him some good. We'll see what the next week brings. Di

Hi, We have our second appointment with the psychiatrist tomorrow - he said he wants to start my son on Risperidone - but my son says he will refuse to take it - although he admits he isn't happy, he says he doesn't want to change by taking drugs. I can understand, but the doc has said he can be injected if he refuses. So I am expecting fireworks. So I am not looking forward to tomorrow. Di

My son was getting upset because wires on his headphones were all knotted. After some time I managed to unravel them for him, and handed them back to him saying "Aren't I the best Mum?" He replied, "I can't answer that, I haven't met every Mum!!" Oh well!!

Hi, Well we survived. He was actually pretty calm for a lot of the time, although he did have a few meltdowns. So I did get the usual 'you're too soft with him' lecture. That was the morning we were leaving - so good time to go. Thnaks for the website - I have just sent it to my Mum. Diane

Hi Sam, Thanks for your reply. W has been very stressed today - he hates travelling, and sometimes gets sick in the car or on the ferry. We are hoping that once we are on our way, he will settle down. I will have to order that book for him, more than for the family.

Hi, My son (almost 12) was diagnosed as AS last week. We live in France, but are coming over to Uk next week to visit the family. My parents in particular, have already told us we have been too soft with our boys. We have gone to the expense of booking a hotel in the hope of things being a bit less stressful, but I am really worried about W having a meltdown. My father is of the opinion that a good slap is what he needs. I have tried to explain his situation by phone, and my mother sort of understands, but I feel she still thinks it is caused by our parenting. My mother in law is very elderly, so I imagine she won't even notice. Does anyone else have any advice for dealing with family? I think only seeing them a couple of times a year also makes it difficult as they aren't really used to seeing each other. Di

Hi, My almost 12 y.o son has now been diagnosed with AS (last week) - he also prefers to spend his days on the computer. He does still go to a normal school, but we are having more and more problems, so we will have to see how that goes. I have to switch the computer off and force him out to walk the dog with me, so that he gets fresh air too. He always complains, and hates me etc., but after he does always say he feels a bit better, so it is worth the abuse he gives me. We are coming over to UK next week - (and my husband and I are dreading it) - but after that, the psychiatrist has has arranged for him to join a group of other adolescents, for group discussion. I am hoping this will help him a bit. I don't really have any advice - we are completely lost to - but maybe if they have any groups like this for your son, maybe you could try that.

Hi, At last we had our appointment with psychiatrist today. W (11) was aggitated before we got there. He hates that we take notes with us, but we have to write stuff down and do a translation so we can explain it all in French. We told doc about some of his behaviour, and how we had read about Aspergers. And he nodded, and said it sounds like it. Could a diagnosis be that simple? He did say he isn't an expert, so wants us to see a speicalist. He also wants to put W on risperidone, but said he needs an ecg first. W got really mad, and said he will not take meds and tried to tip the table over - it was heart breaking, but at least the doc had a good example of his behaviour. So now I have to arrange the ecg, and wait for an appt with specialist to come. The next appt with this doc isn't till June. At least we are moving towards something. Di

Thanks for your comments - when he has a good moment, he has said he just wants us to feel as bad as he is feeling - so I do know it isn't personal - but he knows exactly how to get to me. Strangley, we wouldn't let him have computer time last night - mainly as a result of him hitting his brother - and he was much nicer and more co-operative to get ready for school this morning. He even gave me a hug. And the sun is shining, so today is a better day - so far!! Diane

We don't have any diagnosis yet, so are unsure if my 11 y.o.son actually has aspergers. He is getting worse lately. He is advanced for his age, and thinks he is so much better than everyone else - including us. His mood changes in a blink of an eye. If we try to limit his time on the computer, we have tears, when that doesn't work we have suicide threats - Talk of how we are meanest parents etc. Today I find out he has spoken to a social worker at school, and has told them of his terrible home life - so now we have a meeting arranged for next week. At first I was really upset that my son hates his home life so much - but my husband has made me realise that maybe it is a good thing. Hopefully they will see how manipulative he is, and it may speed up the psych appointments. I hate that he is so horrible to his little brother - he says he will kill him when he is older. And J adores his big brother so much, and asks me why he hates him so much. I am sure a lot of you have it a lot worse, but after a bad weekend, I just needed to rant a bit. Thanks for listening, Diane

Hi, I am quite new too - and also have 2 boys. W, 11, hasn't been diagnosed yet, but we feel he has as - and he is also a cross between the perfect child and a ball of anxiety and stress - so it is sounding more and more plausible. J is 9, has dysgraphia, but other than that, is full of energy and mischief. Usually, trying to wind his brother up, which doesn't take much!! Looking forward to more chats with you soon,

Hi, I am new, but just read your post. My 11 y.o, who we believe has aspergers, writes very small too - he has always had bad handwriting, but we were told it's because he is a leftie. I notice however, that it is smaller in certain subjects, so maybe it is a stress indicator. My other point, my younger son, 9y.o, has recently been diagnosed with dysgraphia - the writing part of dyspraxia if I understand it correctly. His problem is bad handwriting,and a painful arm, but not size of writing, but they found with him a big difference when he is copying something, as to when he is inventing a story - writing from his head is a lot more legible. He has a lot of problems refinding his place when he is copying, especially off the blackboard. We have been told to get his eyes tested too, but here in a small town in France we were offered October for an eye appt. We are coming to UK next month, so will get it done then. Just thought this may be of interest, Diane

Very well done - and for such a good cause. Diane

Hi Peugeot, I just wanted to say hello. I am new too - my almost 12 y.o son isn't diagnosed yet, and he doesn't have the bedwetting issues, but he does have so much anger and frustatration. God knows how we'd cope if he had hormonal problems too!! So I feel for you on that. Diane

Hi, We have lived here for 7 years now, so my French isn't bad. I have ust found out there is an open day for Aspergers Lorrain group (I live in NE France) tomorrow, so I will go to that and see what info I can find. Although I guess until he is diagnosed, I can't do a lot. I have to be a bit secretive, as my son hates me to talk about this - he says we think he is diseased. He has got a little bit better since I read somewhere that the inventor of Pokemon might have Aspergers. He does admit he feels different to the others. But he has ust managed a whole week without coming home sick from school, so that is good. Speak to you soon, Diane