Lyndalou

School can be very tough. Try not to be down on yourself. Try not to compare yourself to everyone else. I know it is easier said than done when you feel the odd one out and I completely understand that you want to fit in or at least not stick out too much. You think that no-one else is doing things like drawing or reading in their spare time but how do you know this? Perhaps they don't and perhaps they do and just don't admit to it for fear of not looking cool. Anyway, if you enjoy doing these things then these are the things that matter to you. If you don't want people to know then don't broadcast it! I read like a maniac at your age. I also was able to draw very well and won the 4th Year Art Prize (Scotland) because I was top of the year that year. I was very proud of this achievement! I was never cool at school and in fact I was called 'the ugliest and most stupid girl in the whole school' by a popular boy I really liked but it was achievements like this that balanced things out a bit. It sounds like you don't have it easy but allow yourself to be who you are. In a few years time you have no idea of what you may have accomplished and school will be a long time in the past. Take Care, Lynda

There are times when my children screw up their faces and I know they are on the verge of crying and I feel the urge to laugh and have to suppress it with the laugh stopping just below my breastbone, like when you try not to burp in company. It is a horrible feeling because I know I shouldn't react in that manner. I often have to turn away or cover my mouth with my hand so they and no-one else see my reaction. I can feel like the worst mother when this happens. I react the same way when they do something like fall backwards and even though I am lunging towards them to stop them hitting their heads or hurting themselves in another way, when I see the look of shock on their faces I often laugh out loud. One of my most painful memories is when I burst into hysterical laughter when my mum announced to her friend in front of me that my old best friend had been put onto a life-support machine. Both of them looked at me horrified and my mum told me how dreadful I was being. Unfortunately, I was totally trapped on the other side of the washing machine my mum had out in the middle of the kitchen floor and I couldn't get out of the door immediately but my mum told me in no uncertain terms to get to my room so once I managed to stumble out the door I made my way to my room and sat there in numb silence. The girl died a day later and I believed my outburst 'proved' I had killed her with the level of the hate I held for her (she had turned all my classmates against me) and I believed everyone else knew it

I hope I didn't offend you Lancslad. I didn't mean to if I did... Although I'm no prude, I'm probably a bit anti-sex at the moment and kind of don't see the point in it past procreation...call it small children equals knackered and just want to sleep. I'm most likely within a very small percentage of the population! I find the reality of it all pretty disappointing TBH but I'm up for re-education. How old do you think I am anyway? Lol Special Talent! You got me...would have liked that book I think!

Lancslad, it does appear that the reading of this book definitely leads to frisky behaviour (which the predicted baby boom will attest to) but I wonder just how many women are thinking about their partners when they are bonking or if they are thinking of the idealised version, Mr Grey! I also dread to think how many of the resultant babies both male and female will be named 'Christian', or 'Christianne' or some other variant..However, whatever floats your boat Perhaps I'm coming over as a prude but I'm actually not - it just irritates me that so many of these people will be so 'in the moment' that they will forget that condoms etc exist and that no-one seems to have their own imaginations at all regarding sex or the naming of babies! And I'm the one who's not meant to have an imagination... I will look out for '50 Shades of shut the f**k up'.....

One of the good things about wearing specs is that they can be used as a prop. I take them off, squint a lot and keep my head down and sometimes I get away with just looking blind . A while back I spotted the girl who instigated all the bullying against me in a previous job while I was shopping in Homebase. It was an absolute nightmare trying to avoid her in the aisles especially as the first couple of times I avoided her I could see she opened her mouth in readiness to say 'Hi' then it changed to a frown and then we were both resolutely staring through each other! Yes, she was originally someone I would have called a friend... A good way of avoiding people is to look very busy or walk fast like you need to be somewhere . Often I am so it might just be a nod or a smile and I get away without having to do the chit-chat. I'm indulging in too many avoidance tactics now though so it's obvious I am now also being avoided .

What always takes me unawares is that I think that I AM trusting certain people, that I think THIS is going to be a special person to me, perhaps someone that will turn up regularly on the doorstep just for a natter, the person that will accept me completely and with them all my uncertainty and lack of trust will disappear, there's a word or a look and the paranoia kicks in and all the walls fly up and all the trust I believed I had invested in the person begins to evaporate. I am caught out each and every time. That's the problem with being an optimist but I'll probably just keep right on believing that I'll stop automatically putting the walls up one day...

I heard about the Twilight connection but don't quite get it...what on earth is the connection? Anyway, I'm not into angst-ridden vampires either - give me the proper blood and gore version any day! I think it is the 'jumping on the bandwagon' thing that annoys and repels me the most. I've read my fair share of badly written fiction but I'd rather make my own mind up about what I read about. I think it was the 'sameyness' thing that I picked up on in the reviews Lynne as well as the author's inability to use a thesaurus. I also want my characters to have some kind of quality that I am drawn to and billionaire, beyond gorgeous and ridiculously charasmatic men just don't ring true with me Give me my men with a bit of stubble and the odd foible! And now they are making it into a film....NOoooooooooooooo! Yes Special Talent - it is a very dirty book by all accounts!!

Thankyou!!!! I don't feel so alone now !! I managed to upset my sis-in-law last night by mentioning that I had read reviews that it was extremely badly written....Don't think she knew it was classed as 'Mummy Porn' either

Am I the only woman in the entire Universe who doesnt want to read this pile of pap???

I've tried St John's Wort, Kalms and Rescue Remedy and didn't find (for me) that they had much effect really... I've cut back on caffeine in general, limiting coffees mostly to waking myself up in the morning or a treat when out and switching to Redbush and Camomile teas, especially closer to bedtime. It helped being pregnant when one is advised to cut back on caffeine! Also (sorry), I found that limiting alcohol helped to lower my own anxiety levels because booze does have a depressant effect and will limit the good any other anxiety-reducing drink will offer...

I don't think friendship in it's many forms can be reduced to 'lists' of what makes a good friend and what doesn't although I agree with a number of points that Warrior raises. I must 'look' like someone who has friends. Quite bizarrely, after mentioning to two professionals my belief I have AS, they both said to me something along the lines of 'You've done ok for yourself then, I mean you have friends and have a nice life'. I wanted to say something like 'Excuse me but you have absolutely no knowledge of me and my life as I've never told you anything about it so how do you know I have friends and what my life is like?' However, I let it slide on both occasions, just smiled and nodded.... I have friends. In my lifetime, I have had hundreds of who I would consider friends but who would I pick up the phone to speak to if I was in crisis or extremely upset? No-one apart from my mum, sister or my husband. The first friend I spoke to when I was in a real state after making my 'discovery' about AS was a friend I have known for 17 years who I would consider to be my 'best' friend but absolute fear still gripped me that our friendship would be over after our conversation took place. As it turns out, she doesn't accept my self-diagnosis but she still accepts me as her friend and we will continue to keep in touch sporadically and perhaps see each other twice a year. She herself matter-of-factly stated to me when I last visited around a month ago that she doesn't really have anyone she considers friends these days apart from me, she only normally spends time with her husband and her parents and she 'puts up with' her colleagues at work . She 'doesn't have time' for friendships and it doesn't bother her.... I love spending time with people but I simply don't trust people. I probably don't even fully trust my husband. If I have to be completely honest, I generally don't view friendships as long-term and unfortunately, if the friendship does become longer-term and I may have shared many things with them and they with me, the trust doesn't really grow. I am always anticipating 'the end'. When it happens, I hurt but perhaps I don't hurt as much as I would if I had invested my trust in them fully. It is this 'distance' that has really upset me over the years but the upside means that I am very self-reliant. It may never have been very 'healthy' but especially when I was younger I walked away before I was walked away from. It's a bit like ending a romantic relationship when you start to see the writing beginning to appear on the wall so that you have the upper hand and I did that too....a lot. Manys a time, I'll bet my friends never saw it coming but it meant that I didn't have to endure the hours spent willing the phone to ring, worrying about the length of time I had left it since last contacting them or I didn't have to sit with them again wondering if they liked me or they just felt a bit sorry for me or were putting up with me until a more exciting, funny or interesting person came along (and I tried my damnedest to be the most exciting, funny and interesting person I could possibly be). Most likely, because of this I probably fell into the 'not a real friend' category but in my short-term friendship mode I was probably the most faithful and dependable friend someone could have! We are a product of our past experiences and my teens destroyed my faith in people in general and I don't know if the damage can ever be fully undone in my case. I think Warrior's lists work a little better in the context of a person who has a very positive world view and perhaps just a hint of idealism (nothing wrong there but many of us are a bit more cynical). People hurt each other, knowingly and unknowingly. Sometimes, friendships can become stronger through adversity and if people are willing to say 'Sorry'. Sometimes, people don't accept 'Sorry', sometimes people weigh up whether or not they want to support or stand by other people against what they are going through in their own lives and they might think the effort is worth it and sometimes they won't. Good people do bad things and to be a friend you don't necessarily have to be the archetypal 'good' person - 'good', like 'normal' is completely subjective! They might be a bl00dy good friend to someone but it might not necessarily be you! Hope this makes sense! Happy friend hunting

3. think of all the things you dont like in your life now, immagine you beating those things and achiveing more than you antiscipated, right now, im 22 and still live with my mother, im terrified that im never going to get my own place, so im determined to make sure, damn sure i make this possible. like you would with any of your hobbies, develop an obsession, an obsession for progression. 4. when you see the low hanging fruit reach for it! dont just sit there and let an oppertunity pass you by, immagion grabbing that oppertunity and changing your life for the better, then on the flip side, immagion yourself being so angry and dissapointed with yourself, and then comming onto the forum and posting a topic moaning about it. which one is it going to be? motivation cant be forced its up to you. 5. "dont stop, dont look back" - A-S warrior. dont be haunted by your past, dont stall in the present, only move in one direction, forward! and dont let me catch you looking back. the past is done, it cant hurt you, (only pcychologically if you let it) and the present is soon going to be out dated, tomorrow is the place to be. i,ll see you there, i,ll be expecting you, dont stand me up. 6. failure does happen, we werent designed perfect. rember a man is not judged by how the thrives during succsess, its how he bounces back from defeat that matters. so if you get knocked out, get back up and come out swinging, life is too short to dwell on a set back. life will pass you by if your not on your toes. 7. if it hurts its a good sign, it means your breaking through a pain barrier, trust me, once you break through and achieve your goal, the reward will be endless. you just have to have the guts to go on, and say i dont care what happens, if you cant break though the pain barrier then forget it. the pain barrier is the hardest thing, but stick it out and you will be so happy with yourself, and you will be unstoppable to go through again. rember each time you pass this pain barrier it gets easier and easier. if your doubting yourself, post on this topic and i will help you, i,ll reply via pm if you prefer. Agree Warrior! It can be exremely hard. It can be extremely painful. The title of the famous book 'Feel the fear and do it anyway' rings true (that right?). My motivation phrase is 'Don't limit your horizons' and it's true for absolutely anyone but what you want normally doesn't just land in your lap - if it's worth anything it often has to be fought for and that can be a pretty damn hard thing to do. I like what you've said...very positive! One thing I found that heped when I had next-to-no money and felt like the world was just out to get me was to plaster 'Affirmations' all around my room. 'I AM A WORTHWHILE PERSON', 'I WILL MAKE SOMETHING OF MYSELF' etc in massive letters so that I would wake up and see them and read them everytime I walked in the room.

Absolutely and without a doubt is my answer to this.... I was referred to a Psychodynamic Therapist after having experienced my period of 'Postnatal Depression' after my son was born. I put this in inverted commas because I now know the fits of anger and terrible mood swings I had and that scared me half to death were probably much more to do with my inability to deal with all the changes that had happened to me and some pretty full-on sensory problems perhaps also combined with an element of depression. The therapist was excellent and I benefitted a great deal from our sessions. The principal difficulties I have that were highlighted and discussed were how anxious I felt around other mums, in particular going into group sessions (ie toddler groups), the deep-seated belief that I have (or believed I had at the time) something fundamentally 'wrong' with me and (as he put it) the fact that I feel less 'sorted' than other women and am continuously fighting these beliefs. If this therapist had been trained to work with people with ASD's then when these issues were highlighted then instead of challenging the beliefs necessarily, he would have been able to understand why I have them in the first place. When I almost ended up in hospital last year, I was referred via a Psychiatrist to an outpatients OT. The Psychiatrist made it clear that the OT would only provide therapy to help me cope with my anxiety. However, the OT had worked with patients with diagnosed AS and when during our first session I made the comment that how could I know what I experienced (sensorially) was any different to anyone else she decided to do a Sensory Questionnaire with me. The Questionnaire showed that in some area I scored within the top 5% for sensitivity or difficulty. This meant for example at home, that I learned that when my son and I both became anxious and upset when my daughter cried over the baby monitor I was able to recognise that the noise was causing us both difficulties. Simple solution = switch off the baby monitor! Before this I had absolutely no idea about the reason I (and my son) was geting so agitated! This OT had absolutely no doubt that I had problems related to ASD and was developing an 'Anxiety Questionnaire' designed for people with ASD referred to mental health services. She was even treated to me turning up to an appointment bawling my eyes out because I had been caught in traffic, got to the creche late and then found that I had left my phone at home so there was no way for me to be contacted and then got to the appointment late. However, her boss - the Psychiatrist overall in charge who called me a 'Waste of Resources' - did not want OT's to work with patients from an ASD perspective. She was moved sideways into another post when our sessions ended. During our sessions she was pretty upfront with me and said that around half of all the psychiatrists (psychologists too?) based in the hospital did not believe ASD existed and told me that there was resistance to her research. There needs to be a complete sea-change in the attitudes of many people working within the mental health sector. People need worked WITH, not AGAINST! Feel free to use any of my comments. Lynda

Lol. You're now Salisbury Hill!!!

Sorry not written anything in response sooner...actually thought I had! I think it's the right time for Stru to go into SEN provision meantime. He simply doesn't have the ability to defend himself or understand even the slightest bit of the concept of being bullied. He had his final day at Sports Day last Friday and he did very well in an enclosed hall, sitting on mats with loads of other kids, the walls lined with parents. He tried very hard to take part in the races and I was especially impressed by his very careful 'Egg and Spoon' abilities but it obviously took it out of him because he had to have a nap when we got home and this virtually never happens now. Before we went in though, the little boy who pulled his pants down at the party said very loudly 'What's HE doing here?' and glowered at him. I think his mum was mortified but she couldn't deny how it sounded... In the hall, at one point he decided to give Stru a good shove... I find it so sad that bullying starts so young! I'm sorry to hear about your brother Sally and hope he is getting the help he needs. What is so difficult about bullying in the workplace from what I can see is that the bullies have been doing it for so long they are very expert at it and extremely good at evading being exposed doing it. If they start at 4, it's little wonder they are so expert! I don't know if there are programmes out there specifically to teach children with ASD's how to spot and cope with bullying behaviours of all kinds. What I worry about is that my son won't learn to recognise when people mean him harmor alternatively want to take him under their wings. It took me a very long time to recognise when or if I was being used or abused and I still question myself every day whether people I view as friends ARE friends and whether or not people are only being nice to me to get something from me. I wonder, WHAT did that comment mean? What DOES that person think about me? I call it the 'big question mark' hanging over my head. I don't know how other people cope with this and I don't have any idea how my son will cope with it. I don't want to be an overprotective mum but I also don't want to be oblivious like my mum was. When I was bullied by the girl at 5, my mum when she found out suggested to me that I confront the bully myself (which I did) because she didn't want to confront her mother. The girl was so shocked she left me alone after that but I think from then on that I knew deep down there was no point in telling mum anything. At 11, when I told the adults that everyone had turned against me they just laughed and said it would blow over. It didn't. I don't want to jump in there every time someone gives my son a funny look but it's hard to know how much weight to give to words, laughs, pushes, ignoring...and my journey with my son has just begun Trying to be positive about it all. Lynda

This must have been very frustrating for you but it may be best to concentrate your energies meantime on helping your son to learn life skills. Giving him the opportunity to learn in the 'safer' environment of college is not a bad thing. I read that AS young adults can tend to spend more time in higher education before going on to 'work' - it's still putting the person is situations where they need to work as part of a 'team' (class projects etc) and need to learn to produce work to timescales etc. I wouldn't put a huge amount of emphasis on how well your son did in exams at school. If he has difficulties that have meant that he has struggled to retain information or understand the work, it is entirely possible that his grades are not a true reflection of his abilities. In a further education setting his abilities (and difficulties) may become more evident (IMO, the GP has no idea of this and is talking out of a hole in his head as he also is with his observations about eye contact). If your son then does evening or weekend work the you might also be able to assess where his problems lie and he again will not have the same pressure to keep the job. Eg. I thought I could do a Saturday job on the tills when I was at college as I had worked in shops before. However, it highlighted my difficulties with numbers (I sought advice on whether or not I had dyscalculia soon after and was told that it was likely to be the case - I couldn't afford the actual test, being a poor student 20 years ago) and coping under pressure (I went to pieces when it was busy). However, over time I have worked a till in less busy environments and then in a voluntary situation where it was very busy at times and I learned first of all techniques and stategies to do the job reasonably effectively and secondly to cope with the stress of people coming at me very quickly!!

That ok Lynne! It's St Andrews school in Inverurie. Feel very lucky we have such a good school right on our doorstep...

In all honesty, I think they would just want the form in one version or the other but it wouldn't hurt to check with them direct. When I got the form it was stamped with the date I requested it (date for claim to be backdated to) and the date it had to be returned by (around 6 weeks, taking into account time to post form back). I would disagree that you always have to appeal the decision made. We were advised that our son would probably be entitled to middle rate and that is what we were awarded. As long as you give an accurate portayal of the difficulties your son has and do not downplay those problems then you are in a good position to be awarded a rate which reflects those difficulties. I do know someone who had to appeal 3 times before they were awarded high rate for a severely autisic child (they'd had DLA completely revoked by an unsympathetic officer) but I also know a number of people who were awarded DLA they felt was appropriate first time round. There may be someone such as an NAS adviser - perhaps you could call the helpline? - who could give you some guidance about how to answer the specific questions you have to finish your claim. Lynda

Well done on getting to the doctor and for making yourself understood - it was a very good idea to take your friend with you. It sounds like it'll be a long drawn out process but it's a very positive first step and like Robert said, it is great that you were listened to and that the GP is referring you to the right people to help you. Maybe being open with your flatmates is going to help a lot. Even though you feel uncomfortable with it, the way you have explained it, it sounds like they really care about you so keep the channels of communication open! Take Care

I would add - take photocopies of the entire form!

Hi there I don't have much time to write just now so this will be short. Firstly, we have been successful at getting DLA middle rate care component. My lad is under 5 so we were unable to claim the mobility part. I would say that you know your boy the best. I wouldn't necessarily go by what behaviours or difficulties other kids with ASD exhibit because every child has their own specific challenges. 'Clumsiness' for instance, is not necessarily an indicator of physical disability. My boy can trip, bang into doors and step on things on the floor but this can be because of a lack of body awareness, tiredness or him focusing hard on something so he doesn't notice what is in the way. I did one section at a time, focusing entirely on that section until I was happy that what I had written was an accurate portrayal. Our claim was backdated to the date I requested the form. You said you are doing it online. It might be worth phoning up and asking for a hard copy because that way you could spend more time on it? I don't believe I said my son had a long term illness because ASD is not an illness - it is a condition or disorder. Re the times...I found this quite difficult but for instance, when I was filling in things like how many minutes it took to dress my son, I took into account persuading him to come to his room to get dressed, the time for him to get his clothes out and how long it took to physically get his clothes on. I factored in how many times I would need to put his coat or his shoes on including when picking up from nursery. Good Luck Lynda

Hiya I'm not so sure how sympathetic your lad's boss is by what you have written if I have to be honest. If it's an apprenticeship it can be a very tough environment to work in. I know of a boy who could hold his own who was doing a plumbing apprenticeship and one of the older men took a dislike to him and whipped up the other men on a job to make life very difficult for him for a number of months. He complained but in the environment he worked in the complaints weren't taken very seriously and he had to ride it out. I know you say that your son has limited interests but if he were to do a job which he was very interested in perhaps he would be able to follow instructions better because he would be more interested. I also think that the boss has a fair point regarding the operation of machinery. If this is a prerequisite of the job I'm not sure if there is a way around this? Of course, if the boss was willing to put instructions in writing and the job allowed for this, maybe this would be an effective alternative means of communication? I really am tempted to say that it might be better to look at practical ways that your son could learn to focus better and follow instructions better too. I think the idea of doing voluntary work is excellent because it means that perhaps your son could access some kind of life skills training that could help ease him into future jobs at the same time. I've done a number of voluntary jobs myself over the years and it is a good way to learn to cope with pressure, work with other people, follow instructions etc and learn practical skills like money handling and timekeeping but without the same expectations as a paid job. Best Wishes Lynda

Today, I was informed about my wee boy's Primary 1 provision at his special needs school. He has been attending the nursery there since last April and certain of his classmates will be moving up with him to Primary 1 although I'm not sure who they are yet because I don't know their parents. However, I know he will be with 2 boys who we see outside of school which is really good to know. There will be 6 children (yes, 6!!!!!) in the class which is a composite P1/P2 with a teacher and 2 assistant and it is an ASD-specific class. I'm really pleased. I kind of wished he had another little chum with him who isn't but they must have their reasons for the way they have put the kids together! Now, to survive the summer hols and they've added an extra week for some reason....aargh!!! :D

Really hoping the GP has taken you well and truly seriously because this simply is just NOT RIGHT! You need some kind of appropriate help and you need it very soon. Please get better soon. Lynda

Do NOT diss my balled socks!! It's yet another control issue...keeps me sane so can't be all that bad. Nothing worse than seeing untidy underwear drawers - I can feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about it. Don't worry, I don't measure them or anything but I do redo them if they are 'wrong' or if hubby does them and they are far too slapdash Boxers are folded over once, knickers are made into an envelope shape, my son's vests into a neat quarter. OMG! I'm not a bit obsessive am I?????