Lyndalou

Thanks FD, you're very kind! Some days are blooming awful but it's getting easier! I'm not forcing myself to do the 'mummy' things that I was beating myself up over having difficulties with, prior to my son's diagnosis (with HFA). I'm telling myself 'So what!' when it comes to the imaginative play stuff - I was getting myself so wound up when I couldn't think past holding a plastic cup and saying 'Mummy's thirsty, can I have a cup of tea?' and offering him a piece of plastic chicken on a plastic plate. I used to think what a rubbish mum I was when I saw the ease with which other mothers could play with their kids at toddlers and think of new and 'exciting?!?' things to do. When I do my duty at Playgroup now I just watch the 3 yr olds and copy them! I'm pretty damn good at copying so I might as well carry on! D'ya know what? He gets loads of opportunity to do all that 5 days a week with people who are good at it. So, when he's with me, I'm going to concentrate on all the stuff I find easy like taking the kids out on nature walks and reading and carry on trying to do the games thing when I feel able to try. I'll also concentrate on getting everything in place for him that he needs educationally. x

Ditto. I've come to the conclusion that although I may never get a formal diagnosis that in the end the main thing now is that everything makes a lot more sense, whether or not anyone else believes me! I no longer have the same fear for my little boy's future because I can look at him and remember back to my own childhood and whittle down what the triggers could be for him when he kicks off and how to handle all the issues that crop up daily. For instance, our last trip to the barber went like clockwork. I was able to deal with his (inappropriate) interest when a toddler came into the shop and with the obvious concern of the child's parents, his boredom with waiting by allowing him (a little) freedom to move around then a game of spotting the colours of the cars going by and then was able to differentiate this from the subtle change in his behaviour signifying there was something else going on - sensory issue with the dance music on the radio - by covering his ears with my hands which carried on into the haircut. Voila!! In the past, I would not have been able to deal with my own anxiety about what other people were thinking about his behaviour and my parenting skills and the both of us would have ended up just getting upset and leaving! I can now see it's all just a question of balance and I'm putting my ability to analyse situations and 'intellectualise' and distance myself emotionally to good use. And when it comes to my son, I really don't give a monkeys anymore what other people would do in the same situation. I don't know what his standpoint will be in the future but I believe I 'owe' him to provide him with the tools to be able to regulate his own actions, push himself in situations he finds difficult and start on the journey to learn the appropriate ways to conduct himself around other people. The more I understand myself and my past, the more I understand him and can make his future a positive one.

Dreamcatcher. Saw it last night and it was pants even with Morgan Freeman in it!!

I wouldn't spend too much time concerned about this man's future career. From what you say, he is doing all he can to undermine you and bring other people into his vendetta against you - he doesn't care in the least about your present OR future job prospects! Darkshine's suggestion about mediation may be a good way forward. If nothing else, it paints you in a positive light as a person willing to find a way out of your(s and his) current poor working relationship. x

Hi Matzoball I really feel for you right now because I went through a similar experience and it was a seriously s****y time My feeling is that you need as much support as you can get and you need to keep your managers fully up to speed. Your managers are completely in the picture if they have overheard this man discussing you with other colleagues but if they have spoken with him and he is still continuing to bully you in what sounds like a less-than-covert way then he obviously feels he can get away with it and he's probably all the more pissed off that he has been hauled up by them. What is written in your employment contract about staff conduct? I would warrant a guess that at least there is something about your managers ensuring that you work within a safe environment. I wouldn't necessarily be discussing the situation with even the 2 people you believe are 'safe' to talk to because you really don't know what toxic stuff he's been saying when you aren't there to hear. You are going to be so on the defensive that you could say something that could make the rounds. The less ammunition you give him/them the better! I would try to just treat everyone as pleasantly as you can and keep it about the job meantime. Try not to hide. By all means cry but PLEASE try not to do it in front of them. It is going to be ###### hard but YOU know you can do the job, your managers gave you the job over this man because they believe you can do the job - it is entirely possible that they saw this side to him and didn't believe he was suited to the job because of it. Unfortunately, bullies in the workplace have rights too and he is probably going to represent himself in as positive a way as possible to your managers, irrespective if they have heard him (once) or not. He will find ways to justify his actions because HE feels hard done by. Keep strong. Keep Prospects (if they are being helpful) fully informed. Will they liaise with your managers to find a way forward? These situations are very difficult to handle from a management point of view too and often managers hope it will just 'go away' by itself but if it's anything like the situation I found myself in it won't, I'm sorry! It needs to be handled sensitively but as fairly as possible. I really hope you manage to get this resolved quickly but bear in mind it might even get worse before it gets better. Lynda x <'>

Identity

Bladerunner

I had no intention of writing anything on thisthread but since I appear to be the person alluded to in the above few comments, I feel compelled to write a response. Firstly, I would like to categorically state that I do NOT have a diagnosis and I did NOT receive a diagnosis over the phone. Perhaps that is what my post implied but it was maybe more the way I wrote the post and my state of mind at the time or perhaps you joined the dots, Baddad and came up with a completely different picture than the one I was trying to describe. The last few months have been incredibly difficult for me. The psychiatrist in question who I was told by my GP had said I had VERY MILD Aspergers (I term I know does not even exist) it would appear LIED about having a conversation with a person I had a short preliminary conversation with about the POSSIBILITY of pursuing a private OPINION. Of course, I have only the GP's word for it that the psychiatrist said to THEM that the result of this imaginary conversation took place. The psychiatist has since denied this. As I was so upset that it appeared that my confidence had been breached, I initially had no intention of getting back to the person I had approached (by having the afore-mentioned preliminary conversation with them) to get a private OPINION, NOT a diagnosis. I had a very long, brutally honest conversation about how violated I felt and how my trust in him because of it was almost zero. This person agreed that if this scenario had been true (which he adamantly stated was not) then it would be entirely appropriate for me not to go ahead with the assessment. I felt reassured he was telling the truth so I went ahead with an assessment for an OPINION which was based solely on self-report, one conversation with my mother and filling out 2 questionnaires - the ASQ which I found to be a very difficult questionnaire to fill in where I scored below the suggested cut off at 29 (although still well above NT scores) and the Ritvo scale where I scored 127, well above the suggested 77, when it is at the discretion of the diagostician whether or not the person displays the level of impairment necessary to be classed as disordered. Due to the fact that my ASQ score was below the suggested cut off (although Baron-Cohen suggests that in certain circumstances, a diagnosis is appropriate even if the score is 26) and my overall presentation, the OPINION was that I am not disordered although at certain times life circumstances cause me to BECOME disordered. After this decision was arrived at, I spoke to this person again about the fact that I had deliberately left out some information in my self report because I had given permission for him to approach the psychotherapist I worked with last year and felt sure that by doing this he would 'fill in the gaps' with regards to my mental state and social difficulties. My therapy sessions were videoed so there would have been no doubt as to what I was saying and how I said it and this therapy had been undertaken when AS did not even come into the equation. Unfortunately, I failed to take into account that my assessor would not go about the assessment process like I would have done and he did not feel it necessary to contact the therapist. You speak very eloquently about how easy it is to get a diagnosis. The reality in my case is very different. Not only do I believe that the psychiatist lied about me, he also routinely turns adults down for assessment on the basis that HE knows nothing about ASD. He is also one of a number of psychiatrists in my catchment who I have on good authority DO NOT BELIEVE ASD EXISTS AT ALL or more specifically HIGH-FUNCTIONING ASD, you will no doubt be pleased to hear. I actually mostly agree with your opinions with regard to raising children with ASD and I intend to bring my little boy up, yes taking his difficulties into account but I will be expecting him to learn manners, treat others with respect and ultimately rise above and accomodate his problems. Maybe in time he will look just as 'normal' as I do and to all intents and purposes 'be normal' to everyone he meets. Will this mean that just because (hopefully) he will function satisfactorily, his diagnosis of HFA will become invalidated? Just because he in time will view himself in a positive way(hopefully) AND functions satisfactorily in life, will he no longer have a disability? I know this, even though he will no doubt pick apart my parenting skills, I will love him and support him just the same way as my parents love and support me even though they have made many mistakes along the way. Lynda

Good Luck with the course! Don't envy those essays

This 'friend' sounds like someone you could totally do without. Like Suze, I think she is just finding new ways to hurt you and not in a 'you hurt the ones you love' type way. I know it's easy for me to say but you need to find a way of getting her out of your life. She knows you keep giving her 'one more chance' and so she keeps on trying to make herself feel better by attacking you. She's a classic bully and will continue with this behaviour until you delete her phone number, don't answer her messages and don't answer the door when she comes round. If she needs it spelled out, say it straight - 'I don't need someone who abuses me to be my friend'. She's likely to turn it round on you (these types always do) but don't let her screw further with your head. Make your decision and stick with it. You might be frightened to totally make the break as she might escalate her bitching? Get as much support as you can and talk through what you are going to do with someone you trust your boyfriend?)before you make the final break so that when/if this happens you have the support and backing of the people who matter. The people who know you and who count will not be swayed by her nasty comments. <'> <'>

The Thing. I still jump every time they do the 'blood test'...

Also, not cheesy apart from having Michael Douglas in it: Coma

For pure cheese-tastic value: Escape from New York The Towering Inferno The Poseidon Adventure (original, not the crappy new one)

Donnie Darko - what would you do if you could do it again? Except backwards.. The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas....

Romy and Michele's High School Reunion

Glad you've got to the bottom of it!

I'm wondering the exact same thing and in addition is her behaviour BECAUSE she has been bullied or was she bullied at the school BECAUSE of her behaviour? Those are two separate concerns in my opinion. Also, do you have specific instances of bullying that you can put forward. If there has been bullying by teachers towards a child I would think that this would be a disciplinary matter if it again could be proved. Implied in your post it sounds like you feel that the teaching staff have been biased towards your daughter because of her brother's behaviour. I have to say that one incident (at least)daily of the type of behaviour you describe sounds like a lot to me, especially when she seems to acknowledge that she knows she has been naughty. It sounds great that you have managed to get your daughter moved to another school so quickly but it sounds like you need to get to the bottom of what has been causing the problems otherwise the same cycle could begin again.

Good Luck! I hope it all goes straightforward for you - sounds like a good start! Things are so much easier that way I'm afraid at the moment my research extends to catching glimpses of monuments etc when I'm speeding by in the car. My hands are full with two little monsters (er, I mean two little angels) at the moment. In the future though I'd love to share what I have learned with anyone who's interested Lynda

I'm not sure if it's quite the same thing but I have trouble with people out of context. For example; I saw the same nurse for 3 years at my GP surgery (for contraceptive purposes so a bit intimate!) and then I saw her in the street with a baby and thought 'I know her but who is she?'. It took me ages to figure it out! The same thing with a woman I had a great long conversation with at a barbeque. I saw her shortly after out on a cold night with a hat on and had another chat, the whole time pretending I knew who she was but it was pretty hard as I had forgotten the names of her children who she was discussing without using their names! I also quite often mistake people for other people - I think they may have some characteristic in common but otherwise look nothing alike. However, some people I have no problem with except forgetting their names. Also, when I was a kid there were a few children who whenever I saw them, I thought of inanimate objects or animals. One girl was always a car and one was a ladybird that I can remember! Is this related at all?

Well, well done to your son. What a brilliant achievement! What a difference positive and supportive people and not-just-a -little-bit of self-belief can make!

Hi Simon, fit like yersel'? Not actually fae the Deen but been there and the surrounding areas since my teens! The history of Footdee is my 'thing' and the fishing villages and towns from Cove down to Arbroath being of fishing community extraction myself! I hope to do a photographic project in the future documenting all the historic sites inland in the Shire, most likely Pictish standing stones in particular. Nice to hear from a fellow historian... Lynda

Hi Simon Welcome! I'm 38 and am kind of in your shoes (re seeking diagnosis) but have come to the conclusion after quite a few months of struggle that at least I now know what the 'monkey on my back' has been all these years and I can now do something about it. I've decided that I have the rest of my life to pester professionals but for now I'll try to get on with living life! I too have been plagued with anxiety but I've recognised it only too well for a long time! I'm doing anxiety management just now with an OT who has knowledge of ASD (think I'm very lucky there). She is going down the sensory route first with me as she thinks this may help in pinpointing 'triggers' and therefore heading off anxiety. Hoovers eh? Sounds interesting. Can you come round and give my one a kick up the bum - I can't stand it!!!! Lynda

It was...but I'm all for equality

I've just filled in a questionnaire for sensory sensitivities as part of anxiety management therapy I'm receiving. Got to wait for the results to be totted up and will get told them next week. So so weird to think at this time last year I just thought I was just an ill-natured, bad-tempered so-and-so when it came to things like getting upset when it was a windy day or when I had to throw a polyester top off a minute after putting it on! I could never understand why anyone could wear these synthetic clothes - I've worn predominantly cotton for years and only get something synthetic if it's a present or I come by it second-hand and they mostly end up in a charity shop Good wool jumpers have me scratching all day long... Anyway, thus far it looks like my main 'sensitivities' are visual and auditory - some noises like crying, clicky noises and the hum of lightbulbs bother me immensely . Olfactory though always comes in handy if you're unsure if something is on the turn

Hiya! I'm a mum of a little boy with High-functioning ASD - 3 and 3/4 now. Welcome. x