badonkadonk

Hiya, Interesting topic! I've had varied experiences since my diagnosis. My mum and boyf have been fabulous. Bob was always understanding, even when we both didn't understand sometimes why I did the things I did. He just accepted my ways and has always made an effort to ease my stress levels. He's even better at this now because as I learn more about myself and my triggers, he too has been able to spot them and make little adjustments for me so that "boiling point" doesn't ruin the situation. For example, if we eat out for any reason Bob will always try to get a table in a corner or he will try and seat me in the best seat for me, the one that has the least people around it, he will also try to make sure that he sits so he blocks my view if there are any horrible noisy/over visual eaters nearby. Mum tries really hard and is constantly learning so that's also a positive. My brother and his fiance to begin with didn't really understand, despite them both being newly qualified teachers. (You would think that when studying for a degree in teaching then Autism/AS would be covered somewhere in the SEN part of the course, but from my experience of studying for a Teacher Training degree, it is barely mentioned, if at all ) Anyway, they had come down to visit a couple of years ago and my mum and dad were on holiday which always puts me on edge, plus I was having a really depressive stage again because my period had gone AWOL so everything was bothering me and stressing me out. Anyway a huge row broke out and my bro and his fiance didn't understand my responses to things/why some things just sent me over the edge so in the end I just printed off pages and pages of stuff about AS from the net. I then practically threw the info at him and left him to it. I haven't had a problem since and they try really hard to make me feel comfortable if I go and visit them. However, I do now get treated a little bit like an annoyance. Like when I'm talking to them about things. And I find that it is harder in general to get people to listen to my opinion/ideas about something as if I can't possibly have a logical and correct answer when often once they have exhausted everyone elses ideas they finally listen to mine and it just happens to work. My sister tends to talk down to me a lot and seems to be resisting the urge to pat me on the head a bit. She seems to think she's better than me because she's thin and goes to work but tbh I couldn't really give a hoot At least this way she's a bit nicer to me and a tiny bit more understanding. Her problem mainly is that she doesn't understand but isn't interested in finding out more. She's too selfish to look things up on the net or talk to my mum/boyf. My mum argues that unless I tell her about things then she won't understand but then telling that to someone who finds it difficult to communicate these things is rather silly. I argue back that I shouldn't need to tell her and that she should care enough to find out for herself and round it goes. This all sounds rather depressing doesn't it, it really isn't though because it is still better than how I was treated before the diagnosis. I.e. as a bit of a b**** and a nasty, selfish weirdo who was lazy and unwilling. ANYTHING is better than that. My dad tries and fails because ultimately his thinking gets in the way. He tries to make allowances and tries not to do things that upset me but essentially still thinks that I just need to "get over" a lot of stuff and get on with it. He doesn't understand why him rubbing his feet back and forth while we watch the tv drives me nuts. He doesn't even know he does it most of the time and apparently says to my mum "it's ok, just tell me" but whenever I do tell him he sighs really loudly and gets in a mood. My nan and grandad. Oh man. My nan tries again but doesn't get it and my grandad said only last weekend "isn't there a pill she can take?" I love my grandparents very much but it's hard to like them when they says things like that. My mum and dad's friends haven't really changed all that much. They are used to drama in our house and just tend to ask me "how are you doing?" a lot more now. They also understand a bit more if I don't go to parties and meals out etc. If my bro or sis have people to stay at the house then I think they either don't tell their friends or my sis tells them and gets it wrong because I either get ignored or treated as a bit of a freak. I.e. they view everything I say with a raised eyebrow as if to say "oh what's the weirdo on about". Again though I'm not bothered really, it's not like I want to make friends with any of them myself. There are people out there though who just make me mad with their lack of willingness to understand or change. My sister's ex-boyf was a complete tool who just thought I was lazy and needed to get off my backside and do something with my life. Despite the fact that he too was unemployed. Grrrr. My boyf's friends disliked me anyway because I stole their friend off them because I had come from outside their little circle. My boyfs best friend hated me, still does a bit, and thinks I'm bad news. His other best mate tries to understand a little bit but doesn't really get it, he just knows to expect only Rob when he invites us on nights out/to parties. MY boyfs family think I am the devil in disguise and think I'm a bad influence, lazy, needy, selfish, demanding etc etc etc. They don't seem to understand that he chooses to come over to my house most nights and all that. We've been together now for nearly 5 years and I can still sense them waiting for us to break up. Sometimes I worry what the future holds for me and Bob because what will happen when we get married? Will they boo me down the aisle? And god forbid if one of our kids turned out to be ASD or if I had problems having kids in the first place. I just know they will blame me for "infecting" the child! Anyway, most of the time I just get on with it and I'm not bothered because I have my Bob and my mum and that's it. It still bothers me how little understanding there is in society and how I'm still treated like the plague by some people. The private hospital I go to is fantastic, the staff are ace and treat me with a little respect. Yet I rang up a major Autism charity organisation, like some of you suggested on here, to see about working with them or helping out through them and they treated me as if I was some idiot. Apparently they don't need volunteers for the local social group, they have enough (can you ever have enough?) but would I like to join the group because if I was a volunteer I wouldn't be able to see the members outside of the social group whereas if I was a member I could!?!?!? Firstly, what kind of social group is it that has rules like that. Oh yeah, that makes it much easier for people with AS to feel good about socialising, making them fill in an application form and ban them from being friends with the NT volunteers. I don't want to make friends myself, I don't like people enough and I find friends too hard to maintain but I wanted to help making going out in social situations easier for others with Autism/AS. I wanted to be able to help the NT volunteers see what might trigger meltdowns etc. But no, apparently they don't want this kind of thing. I couldn't be considered as an extra source of advice for those using the parent to parent line because I'm not a parent, even though I might have been able to help parents resolve some of the problems that other parents couldn't. GOD FORBID. Also apparently there are no jobs out there where I can help those with AS/Autism and parents get the help/understanding they need despite the fact that there are millions of you out there receiving such help and many millions more crying out for help. So apparently I am to waste my life not working/working in a stupid job that means nothing. Great. I don't know what's happened to this post really, it started out about relationships since the diagnosis and has gone off on a tangent. Sorry guys, I haven't posted for a few days cos I've been busy so I've got verbal diarrohea again. Sorry for the length! Emily xxx

Hi everyone, sorry for the slow update, I pretty much haven't been able to concentrate on anything until this afternoon because of my hospital appointment this morning. We tried to make an appointment with GP on Monday but were told that he had gone on holiday However we did make an appointment anyway with the other senior GP there, the one I usually deal with, because if I didn't submit my sicknote to the Jobcentre people soon they would definately stop the next payment. We went to see him with another copy of the letter my mum had wrote but he had already read the original as he was having to deal with the nasty doctor's mail as well as his own. He seemed unsympathetic to begin with and I was having a hard time talking at all. My last visit was still affecting me as was the 25min wait in the waiting room we had to deal with because of the surgery running behind schedule. It's always bad enough with lots of people in a confined space but the tv was tuned to ITV except it wasn't tuned very well and the sound kept going all crackly and intermittent which just drove my ears insane! But I dunno what happened, I think I had tried so hard in the waiting area to keep my hand flapping/leg wobbling/random noises I make when things bother me, in check, that I just had to let something out once in the doctor's room. So I told him what had happened and he made lots of notes and didn't appear best pleased. He said we were more than welcome to make a formal complaint but my mum said she wasn't interested in causing trouble, she just wanted me to be treated with a little respect and understanding. The doctor then said he had no problem giving me a sick note and would continue too until I felt ok to return to work He was doing so well until he tried to explain the situation/lack of understanding with the other doctor as "the knowledge/understanding of your disease now is almost like what happened with Dyslexia in the 60s/70s". But you know what as long as he gives me the sick notes he can call it what he likes So that was a positive for the week. I also got good news at the hospital today, it is Polycystic Ovaries! Yippee, I've never been so glad to have "something" in my life. I can continue taking Provera for as long as I think I need too, I've been referred to a skin specialist and a dietician (both of which are seeing me next week, god bless private healthcare insurance!) and the cysts on my ovaries are not threatening in anyway. So that's another positive for the week. But being an Aspie and being cursed with luck I have to have the negatives right to outweigh the good. So the first one was that they didn't have my blood tests results. Apparently when they gave me the blood test packet/forms the first time they said I had to return there to have it done but both me and my mum remember the doc saying I had to go to my GP. Grrrrr. So the doc's secetary is going to chase them up and hopefully they will be found and show nothing else bad. The other bad news is that Bob, my boyf, got given 1 week's notice yesterday as well. Apparently they had NO IDEA it was gonna happen, yeah right, and couldn't possibly wait until after christmas. Arraghh. I wish he could get a break I really do, he's had no luck since getting together with me, fingers crossed we can find something for him before Christmas or else it's looking pretty bleak. But I'm off to see Tool in concert tomorrow night with him so hopefully that will cheer him up, and I'm going to try as hard as possible now to get him tickets to see Genesis tomorrow when they go on sale. They're his secret favourite band Emily xxx

Hiya, I don't know whether it is the same thing as your kids but I'm AS and have suffered really badly with "achey legs" or "restless" legs all my life. It usually gets worse in the evening and can become chronic throughout the night. I too like my boyfriend to press down on/pull my legs as this sometimes alleviates the pain. But I haven't had to ask him to do this for the past few months as I've been taking Cod Liver Oil and this has helped reduce the sensation in my legs brilliantly. I still get achey legs sometimes but now it's perhaps 3-4 times a month rather than every single night. Some others things that I still do when I get achey legs include taking Ibuprofen. I don't like taking tablets all the time, and I used to have to take them every night just to get to sleep, but now taking them 3-4 times a month isn't so bad. They really do help to ease the pain long enough for me to fall asleep. Bringing my body temperature down is also another must. I don't wear any clothes in bed and try to fall asleep with my legs outside my quilt. By getting my legs quite cold I become more concerned with getting them back under the quilt and warmed up because the cold seems to numb the pain briefly. If this doesn't work I have a cool shower and hold the shower head on the backs on my knees or I kneel in a shallow bath of really cold water. Again this numbs my knees enough for me to settle down into bed and drift off. Other things you could do are try a cooling spray. It comes in a can like a deodrant and squirts out much the same. I spray this all around my knees and particularly on the backs of my legs. If I remember to buy some I also use the cooling pads that places sell for you to put on your head when you have a headache or migrane. I put one on the back of each knee and it has the same numbing effect. I'm tempted to say that this isn't an ASD thing though because my mum has exactly the same problems. There is a history of arthiritis in our family though so it could just be a genetic thing, problems with joints etc because it's not just my legs that ache. On a really bad night I get achey elbows as well But the same technique seems to work with my elbows as my legs. Failing all of the above you can usually find me marching back and forth in the living room at 3am. Or jumping up and down or doing stretches. Exercise seems to help, particularly running really fast or moving the joints rapidly to get the blood flowing properly again. Hope some of this helps and if your kids find that heat, not the cold, helps then reverse the methods used above. Have a hot shower and hold a warm shower head on the backs of the knees or kneel in warm water. Place a hot flannel on the backs of the legs or use hand warmers that you usually put between your hands on a cold day. Emily xxx

Thanks for all your replies! It's really brilliant to know that I'm fully justified in being so upset about this incident. I know deep down that what he said was wrong but the doubt still creeps in sometimes doesn't it I'm not letting it get to me though. One of the biggest problems I've got with this incident, which is ironic because it actually marked a really positive improvement for me, is the fact that I was in there on my own and have no one to back me up. Going into the doctors room on my own is a very rare occassion. I think it's happened 3 times in the past 5 years. Once I went to see a trainee doctor to get a repeat AD prescription, then I went to see the nurse to get a blood test and another time I went to see the doctor because I had a bad sinus infection and couldn't wait for my mum to get home to take me. Apart from that it never happens because I usually clam up and can't talk. I'm also weary of GPs and NHS doctors anyway because of the way they've let me down in the 23 years I've been alive. They mis-diagnosed Asperger Syndrome as just being "a difficult child" and later "going through the teenage change". They have constantly mis-diagnosed my hormone problem as being caused by my weight (even though I wasn't over-weight when I started complaining of problems!) and by my diet and by, you guessed it, being a teenager. They've caused me years of misery and pain of thinking that I was going mentally insane and that there was something terribly "wrong" with me that made me unable to cope with life like everyone else and have to deal with chronic, debilitating depression for up to 2 weeks of every month because of a hormone problem that they never even thought of. They couldn't even help me with my AS once I discovered that an explanation for my "differences" existed because according to my GP there wasn't anyone in Staffordshire who could make an Adult diagnosis. (I later found out this is untrue) They sent me a lovely letter saying apologies, but at this time there is nothing we can do, so sorry about that. IDIOTS! We got a list of people able to diagnose in the West Midlands and literally picked a name at random of the list. After just 2 visits they diagnosed me as being autistic. Then this year I finally reached rock bottom and was fed up of being bounced around from NHS Gyno to NHS Gyno who were all trying to prescribe me the pill, even though my weight is so bad that they shouldn't prescribe the pill to me because of the risk of DVT/blood clots. It took the trainee GP at my surgery to tell me this So we went private and on the first visit the doctor suspected I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and ordered me to start taking a female hormone drug called Provera once a month to force a period, ordered blood tests and booked me in just 4 days later to have an Ultra-sound scan. I go back to see him on Thursday to get the results so fingers crossed. Now I'm even more terrified of what he will say. Not that he might confirm the intial suspected diagnosis but that he will say he was wrong and that there is nothing wrong with my hormones. I'm petrified of that happening because then what do I do? I know that what happens to me once a month isn't "normal" or "just PMT". During the bad days it gets so bad that most days I can't leave the house and some days I can't even get out of bed very easily because the depression and flu like symptoms that I get are so restraining. But anyway there's nothing I can do until then I suppose so *zips mouth shut* I'll just try to stop worrying. Thanks Ultramum for the brilliant quotes. My mum was so happy when she saw your post! We tried to make an appointment for Friday but he finished at 2.10pm and my mums a teacher so we couldn't get there. Turned out for the better really because my mum realised that writing a letter and posting it yesterday morning so that he would have chance to read it before we go to see him Monday evening, would be a better way of doing things. That way she can say what she needs to say without interruptions and she included the "easy" read document (lol) and a print off about Aspergers and another detailing the way that the negative aspects of AS can have an affect on your mental health, i.e depression. I'm trying not to do the whole wishful thinking thing because the guy is an absolute idiot, but I'm crossing my fingers a little bit that this will get into his thick head what AS is and what it entails. Emily xxx

Thanks for the hugs!! <'> <'> Unfortunately it is this doctor's practice But my mum finally(!) got home from work about 45mins ago so I told her what happened and she hit the roof. I've got to make another appointment with him tomorrow evening but I'm not going in, I'm waiting in the waiting area and my mum is going to "have a word". Because the surgery is in a bit of a rough neighborhood all the docs seem to have it in their heads that everyone must be a bit rough and looking to cheat the system any which way. The thing that I don't understand is how they can think that of me. I don't dress like a homeless person, I straighten my hair, wear a bit of make-up, put perfume on (and deodorant....we can be taught to do this eventually! ). I'm clearly intelligant when you talk to me. I'm not saying this in a bigheaded way, but it's true and a lot of people always say to me how I seem to be wiser than I should be and very mature in my nature (if not in my ability to cope with things). I'm well turned out, is what I mean. Yeah I'm a big fatty, but I don't look offensive IYGWIM. If the doctor would bother to look at my records he would see that I would live on one of the nicer estates in the area and that I haven't got 101 children by 20 different partners and a current partner out of work/also claiming benefits. I know this is a stereotype and it's a bit hypocritical when I'm complaining about being stereotyped but I'm trying to say that I don't look/appear like the stereotype that he seems to have "typed" me by. My mum is a Primary School teacher, and a bloomin good one at that. She's Maths Co-Ordinator and the Union Rep for the school and is liked by all. My dad owns 2 small businesses that earn enough to pay him and my sister a wage and keep things ticking over. My brother is a PE teacher and so is his Fiancee. My boyf works full time and often upwards of 50 hours a week. We live in a 4bed detached house and lead a nice, comfortable life. We're not rich, or fancy or anything like that, we're just your typical, normal, law abiding, non-cheating, friendly family. But according to the doctor I want to cheat the system out of �280 a month and I haven't got communication difficulties and I'm being melodramatic because after all you know, "people with one leg" can work! It's not like I'm work shy either, in fact I've often been forced out of previous part time jobs because I've been Miss Perfect and haven't been able to cope with others not pulling their weight or doing the job properly. All the parents who suffer at the hands of their ASD kids pointing out all the injustices in the world will know what I mean I had to leave my last job mainly because of the chronic depression stopping me from getting to work once a month, but also because I was "slow". I.e. I did the job properly and cleaned the hotel rooms exactly how they showed me how to. Every room I cleaned was to the same standard and cleaned in exactly the same way. But because I did this I was always late finishing and I wasn't able to keep up with the other cleaners and they would get in a huff with me because as soon as you finished your rooms you had to go help those who were yet to finish. I tried to say that I didn't want the help and was quite happy to just finish later, with no extra pay, but the company couldn't do that apparently and I would have been running close to check-in time every day anyway when they like the rooms to be done an hour or so before so that if the cleaners do have a bad day it still won't affect check-in. I was given warnings and they got Remploy involved to set me targets. I tried cutting corners but I couldn't figure out which "corners to cut" as if I skipped on something I would think it was noticeable or not right. My stress and anxiety levels also went through the roof because I would think I was letting the customer down and I would constantly worry if I had cut the right corners etc. So in the end it was recommended that I give myself a break from it all for a bit and just not work for the mean time because it was sending me loopy. These problems have arose in almost every job I've ever had and I can't seem to get past them or figure out a way to not let them bother me. I've also had added communication difficulties and team work problems in other jobs that added to the problems. It was the one thing I loved about being a chambermaid was the fact that you worked on your own and could stick the radio on in the hotel rooms and just focus on the work. I really wish I could have stuck with that job because I really enjoyed making over the rooms for the guests. It was job satisfaction every 25 minutes Hopefully next year if I start to feel better and more able to cope in the big bad world I can find a job working at promoting awareness of Autism/AS or working with families who have a family member with Autism/AS and be able to get the same job satisfaction from it. I'll update at the weekend how things went! Emily xxx

*Breathes in* So I went to the doctors today to get another sick note. It's been two months since my last sick note and in that time I, much to my doctors despair, didn't have time to find a cure for Autism Seriously, this is what happened. I was late as usual, my timekeeping skills are rubbish and I hate going to the doctors so I'm lucky I managed to get there at all really but still I was 4 minutes late so the receptionist got to give me her usual dirty look and said I may have to wait up to an hour to get seen now. I tried to explain that I only needed a sick note and that the practices' policy is that everyone has a 10minute appointment so in that case I should have had 6 minutes left still, plenty of time to get a sicknote. It doesn't work like that she said as she slammed the screen shut in my face. First mistake. Then the doctor agreed to see me so I went in alone because I was with my nan and she tries but doesn't really understand AS or my situation so it was pointless taking her in with me. Second mistake. He asked what he could do for me and I said I just need another sick note and his response was "Why?" This is roughly what followed though it isn't word for word because I didn't have a dictaphone on me, unfortunately! Me: Because I'm still autistic. And I still have depression. Doctor: Right, your depression hasn't got any better? Me: Yes it has, but I'm still suffer from some form of mild depression all the time and chronic depression once a month. Doctor: Right. But you're not taking medication anymore? Me: No Doctor: Then how do you hope to get better? Me: The medication made me want to kill myself. I made myself better by coming off the tablets. Doctor: But you're still depressed. Me: Yes, but the depression is caused partly by having Asperger Syndrome, which can't be treated with medicine and by having some sort of problems with my hormones which is still being investigated and also cannot be solved by taking mood lifters. Doctor: Let's have a look what the psychologist said last time you went. (Looks at computer) Your psychologist said you're getting better and that your mood was much brighter. You've got to start looking to go back to work at some point you know. Me: I know that, just not yet though. Doctor: But it's something you have to force yourself to do, it's something you can only do yourself. Me: I know. But I can't cope with a job at the moment because of my AS. Doctor: But plenty of people work with problems. People with one leg go to work. Me: Yes. But they don't have problems with communication and anxiety and working with other people. Doctor: You could still work though. Me: No I can't, I literally cannot cope. Can I just have a sicknote please. Doctor: I'm just checking, I can't just go and give a sicknote to anyone you know. Me: I know that (getting angry and tearful) it's not like I'm faking it to get money. If I wanted money I'd work, I only get �400 a month. Holding down a job is impossible and I can't cope in a work environment just yet. Doctor: There's no need to get angry, I'm not looking for an argument. Me: Then why won't you just give me the note? Doctor: Because I can't just give one to anyone Me: I'm not just anyone, I have a disability, I have communication difficulties and difficulty in social situations. Doctor: Well clearly not, you're talking to me now aren't you. (At this point I'm crying and I just want to run away so I stand up and run over to the door. I try to make myself stay and turn around to face him) Doctor: (smirking) Don't you want this sick note anymore? Me: You are a very mean man. At this point I run out of the room and just start walking and crying. I walk further into the surgery and don't know where I'm going but I find the back door and run outside around the back of the building. I'm crying and panicking because my nan is still sat in the waiting room and I don't want to walk back around the building let alone go back round and walk back inside to get her. I ring my dad who cuts me off when I try to talk and says he will ring me back because he's on the phone at work. My boyfriend wouldn't pick up his phone and my mom wouldn't be able to answer hers either because she teaches. So I phoned my sister who luckily had a day off, only she was 50minutes away at a friend's house. I tried to explain the situation to her but couldn't get my words out because I was so upset, but she managed to get an idea of the situation and came up with a brilliant solution. She rang the surgery and got them to get my nan on the phone so my sister could tell her what was going on. My nan came round the back of the surgery to get me and then she drove me home I've been in tears most of the day because this happened just before midday. I'm trying not to get upset and angry again while I'm writing this because I've only just calmed down enough to write it down but it's really hard. I can't say how I'm thinking at the minute, you can imagine I'm sure. How dare he. My god. I'm hoping my mum, once she finds out about this, can go and talk to the doctors at the surgery and get something sorted because if she doesn't I won't be able to get a sicknote and then I'll only get my �132 DLA a month which isn't enough to cover the bills that I have. I have an �83 car payment, �35 car insurance payment, �30 phone bill, at least �20 petrol bill and about �20 worth of spending money for the month to cover. I know I should sell my car really but I cant use public transport so I have to have a car and unfortunately they cost money. I also need a mobile on me at all times, especially if I'm out in public, for safety and for when I have trouble with negative aspects of my AS. �5 a week spending money isn't a lot either once you've got Heat magazine and a drink. I also owe �60 on a store card because I needed some clothes because I've got so few. So anyway I would be getting further into debt every month and that's without taking into account unexpected purchases that you have to make like birthday cards or drinks and parking when at a concert. I still don't think my outgoings are all that bad though considering. I try not to spend money at all if I can help it, it's no way to live but I have little choice as I have to have my overdraft paid off by next July. Last Christmas I was �1485 into my �1500 overdraft because of being a student. In the last 11 months I've managed to get that back up to around �300 whilst paying for things like birthday presents and one or two concert tickets by myself, which makes me feel better because I hate taking money off others. Anyway, I'm just at a loss now what to do. I honestly don't think I'm ready to try again working at the minute because of the problems that I'm having with my hormones. I was supposed to find out last Thursday what the scan/blood test results said but last Wednesday night the Hospital called to say that the Doctor had been called out of the country in an emergency and couldn't see me for another 2 weeks So now I will find out next Thursday what, if anything, is up with my monthly cycle. The thing that bothers me more than anything though is that AS should be a legitimate reason to get a sicknote all by itself. I know some people out there with AS or Autism can hold down jobs, but for a lot of people, it's a no go area. So why should be any different for me? I don't get it, or his attitude. Smug little (insert swear word). *Breathes out* Soz for the rant/weird ramble about my finances I needed to get it out though and have people understand what I'm saying, that's why this place is so great!! Here's hoping my mum comes to the rescue! Emily xxx

Haha, all you Donovan addicts should be ashamed of yourselves!! I have actually met Mr Donovan (ooooooohh!!) when he stayed in a hotel I used to work for. I don't mean to burst people's bubbles but he was a tad weird. He checked into his room and then went out for the evening, I think he was doing a gig somewhere. When we came to service the room in the morning we were told that he hadn't returned to the hotel but his belongings were still in his room and to wait until further notice about cleaning it. Later that morning we were told Mr Donovan had returned but there was a big fat Do Not Disturb sign on the door and that we were to leave him be for an hour even though he was supposed to have checked out already. (Celeb getting special treatment SHOCKA!) I was cleaning other rooms outside of his room and has the misfortune to walk INTO him as he came out of his room to check out!! I didn't recognise him at first, I was too concerned with the fact that I had just walked into a customer, but had to do a double take when I realised who it was and how rough they looked Anyway I was then given the lovely job of cleaning his "standard" room (cheapskate ) which FYI was a mess even though he hadn't stayed through the night there. Stank of fags, bleugh. He also left me a lovely present in the toilet which I'm sure you can all imagine what I'm on about. So maybe David Gest won't turn out to be the only freaky-deaky celeb in the jungle after all!!! (PS in the short time that I worked at the hotel I also managed to "spot" Ardal O'Hanlan (sp?) who played Dougal in Father Ted. Unlike Mr D, Mr O'Hanlan was lovely and left his suite almost untouched, no presents in the toilet and was checked out right on time Though I'm sure Mr D having a normal room was as a result of him being a smoker and not him being stingey really ) Emily xxx

Normal tv or Plasma/LCD? I know they cost a bomb but I would consider LCD if you can as not many people are making the normal larger tvs anymore making them more costly to buy and fix. We had this problem when our tv broke a few weeks back. We did some research but ended up investing in an LCD screen which came as a bundle with the stand and a DVD recorder (which is like a VCR but with DVDs, just remember to get rewritable discs if you get one though). I would recommend a bundle deal if you do get an LCD as the stands are stupidly expensive on their own. We searched for cheap tvs using Google etc but, ultimately, it came down to Currys or Comet as they tend to dominate the market in terms of price and bundles. Other smaller sites/stores cannot offer the discounts that the chain stores can. Though I wouldn't necessarily go to your nearest Comet and buy/pop online and buy. Go into the shops and talk to the people and see what they can do for you, then have a look on the web and see if their online prices are different. Though be sure to figure in the cost of delivery/installation if you have that because it costs a lot more than you think! Hope I haven't totally depressed you, the money got to my dad at first but once he realised that (due to increasing the screen size) he could now read teletext from out in the conservatory and see even more of Carol Smilie when she dances on Strictly he soon came around!!! Emily xxx

I cannot wait I am a total addict when it comes to these types of programmes, though why I put myself through watching them I don't know. X Factor is the worst for me I think because the judges are so unreasonable and unjust. But I like to watch them sing even if every week I usually end up getting irate and wanting to chuck the tv out of the window! There usually comes a point each series where I get so fed up with it I can no longer watch it but since we had Sky+ and a DVD Recorder life has been so much easier. Now we Sky+ Strictly so we can fast forward the judges comments on that and we record X-Factor to watch later and fast foward all the judges comments and million adverts as well! I'm looking forward to I'm A Celeb. If The Mirror is anything to go by (but since when do they tell the truth) David Gest has no idea what he is in for despite the producers trying to get through to him what will be happening. Apparently he asked for his personal assistant as his luxury item I predict an early walkout, thank god, the dude creeps me out with his dark glasses! Emily xxx Oh and just in case anyone is interested I want Carol Smilie/Louisa Lytton to win Strictly and Leona/Ray to win X-Factor and I'm probably going to end up wanting Matt Willis (who used to be in Busted) to win IACGMOOH, unless he turns out to be a complete wally, cos he is kinda yummy to look at!

Yep that's fine with me, I hope it helps I don't want to be a pessimist or anything though but just prepare yourself in advance for it not working/for her taking offence at the situation being talked about on a forum People react in funny ways to things I guess, but fingers crossed she will be ok with it and it will help with her understanding. How is it going with the assessment though? I don't know anything about that side of things in your case but I'm hoping for you that it happens sooner rather than later because this is where a definate diagnosis can be a killer for undiagnosed kids. Schools with little understanding tend to turn around and say things like "oh well, that's all well and good, but we don't actually know if so and so is autistic now do we" and use the fact that they are undiagnosed against making reasonable adjustments for the child. Keep going and keep positive and try to approach the teacher in a positive way if you can (and can stomach it ). I know you probably don't want to be nice to the woman but I have had to learn that smiling at someone and stroking their ego a little can get you far more progress than going in, in a business like manner. Also in terms of your hubby, show him the posts if you haven't already and show him this bit if you want......Although it is incredibly hard work and stressful for all involved to move schools, ultimately, it is a small sacrifice to make if it means your kids have a good education and are properly looked after and understood. If you don't act in a pro-active way, come two years down the line you may look back and realise that the situation you are in then is a whole lot worse than the one in you're in now. Trying to make the move when everything has REALLY gone wrong will be twice as hard as doing something now. We all have a tendancy to push things to the backs of our minds and put things off until the poop has really hit the fan (if you know what I mean) but when the "thing" is your kids happiness and welfare I don't think it's unreasonable to start making some changes and looking into making bigger changes asap. If I had waited for my parents to figure out I really do have AS and seek a possible diagnosis, I'm pretty sure I would still be undiagnosed. Don't put your kids education and happiness at risk just because it's hard work to put it right. Isn't it hard work enough now fighting with teachers and stressing about the lack of support at the school? It will get harder, if you move schools, before it gets better and you will have issues with change etc with your child. But adapting to change at 6 is far easier than adapting to change at 8 or 9 because he isn't as into a routine at that school as he will become and because he is so young change is pretty much daily for him anyway because he's growing and developing so rapidly. Shop around for schools and do lots of digging and asking and don't be frightened to ask the questions that you want answers too. You will know when you find a better school than the one your child is in now. It's like buying a house or car or meeting a good friend for the first time...it's gut instinct so go with what you ultimatly feel is best for your child. You're also right in terms of M's stress. It is not fair to your child to let him become so stressed that the school finally notices how upset he is. They should already be aware and this is why they perhaps aren't the best school for your son. You can help M over christmas by making him lots of plans for his daily activities and try to find out, as best you can, what different things they are doing at school so you can factor these into your plans and try your best to prepare M in advance. Try to explain to him what exactly will happen in these situations and remind him 3 days in advance, every day, that on that day this and this will happen so it won't be a regular day. E.g. (telling him on Sunday) on Wednesday in the afternoon you're all going into the hall for the christmas concert. Then on Monday, in 2 days you will all be going into the hall etc etc and then on Tuesday say in 1 day etc etc. It might help ease the stress levels a bit. Make him a little timetable which he can carry to school with him so he knows what he's doing throughout the day and also if you can try to make him a map of the school marking off key areas such as the toilets, reception, first aid etc so that if they do move into different parts of the school as it's christmas (such as lets all go to so and so's class to sing carols as they often seem to do) then he can look at his map and know where he is still and know where all the important places are in relation to him. Call it his little kit if you will and make sure he has his map, his timetable, his football cards, contact information for you, pictures of his classroom and all the things that will make him feel more at ease in the pack that he can keep at his desk/in his bag with him. I don't have kids myself so I'm really not an expert, I'm just going on all the things that would have made me feel better at that age so just give them a go and if they work, great, if they don't you haven't really lost anything. Hope things improve! Emily xxx

I think you were totally right to act the way you acted and I defy anyone to have handled the situation without getting irate. It's a difficult thing to do to stay calm and you had a tough enough day without what happened at the end. The headteacher is also in the wrong by saying that he needs to control his anger. He does not have anger problems he just hasn't got the skills yet to get his frustrations/fears/anxiety out in any other way. He's six for goodness sake how on earth can we expect him to be able to recognise the things that make him upset and be able to verbalise his emotions rather than his emotions spilling out in a physical way. The thing that a lot of people "out there" and some views on this forum seem to forget is that you don't have NT children. I'm not an NT adult. We will NEVER be the same as "most" people. The kids at the school who didn't get stickers because they were naughty probably deserved not to get a sticker. NT kids can act selfishly and be stubborn and refuse to do things/listen just because they don't want to. I'm not saying ASD kids will never act like this but seen as though he wasn't running his mouth of to his mates or generally being ignorant I seriously doubt that's what happened in this case. Also his behaviour on the way back was ok because he knew what to expect and where he was going etc. I cannot stress enough how frightening and stressful and bewildering new places are, especially if we don't know what's happening. ASD kids won't know that this is why they feel like this, all they will know is that they feel a bit off and feel irritable as every little thing bothers them. I can't say for definate this is what he was thinking/how he reacted but this is what would've been going through my head: "I don't know where we are or why we are here and I don't really see the point in going on a stupid train. I don't know why I'm not at school and why we can't just do maths instead and now I don't know when we are having lunch and I need the toilet but I don't know where to go. All the kids are being noisy because they're excited and it's really loud in my ears and I'm seeing lots of different things that I've not seen before. All I want to do is sit down and play with my football cards and do things that we always do." Except the thing is I can sit here now and be able to know what he probably was thinking, but he won't know that it is all these things that are upsetting him because he's SIX! And unless he's a six year old genius he'll probably only get as far as "want to play with my football cards". As a result of feeling the above, and because he doesn't know what to say because he doesn't know what is making him feel upset, then a definate physical display of emotion is the only way for him to let you know that something doesn't feel right. He's probably just as frustrated with himself, as he is with the whole situation, for not knowing why he's getting angry and upset. To top it all off the teacher is having a go at him and he can see her talking to his mum and he doesn't understand why she can't see what's wrong. She's the teacher after all, she's supposed to know everything. If you put all that together and mix in the immaturity of six year olds and childlike behaviour or attitudes to things that every child at that age has.....put it all together and visualise it in your mind and now turn around to that child and tell them they are wrong. Tell them they have misbehaved and they have been naughty and that they should get a "differentiated" reward because of this. Tell them, you know what, because you're six and because you see things differently and because you handle things differently to NT people and because us NT people don't see that as acceptable and don't understand why you can't just get on with things, because of this matey you don't get the same reward as everyone else because you've got to learn how to be more NORMAL first. I would like everyone to try and understand this. These feelings and thoughts and emotions that are felt in new/difficult situations are never going to change. EVER. The things that can be changed are the way in which an ASD child copes with the situation. They are probably not going to learn coping mechanism themselves until they are much older and nor will they probably be able to put them effectively into use until they are very much older. Learning how to tie your shoelaces and how to tell the time, how to say please and thankyou and learn the rules of society as well as learning about things like maths and how you are supposed to put i before e, even though this doesn't work sometimes is enough quite frankly at their age. To expect them to cope with all of this AND be able to look at themselves and see what upsets them is asking for a miracle. Punishing them for not being able to do this is cruel. Now and as children get older you can do things to help them along the way. Picture stories of what is happening for the day, routines and plans and social stories and everything else that you all do is part of that process. As is working with your children to get them to start verbalising or showing you in a different way when they feel upset. And to get them to start being able to recognise what upsets them. You should also not expect miracles and try to get to grips with the fact that meltdowns are always going to happen in some way or another. I still have meltdowns now, all the time, probably one a day. BUT I am now old enough and mature enough to be able to effectively deal with the things that upset me in a way that is not upsetting to others 80% of the time. The 20% of the time where I display "inappropriate" NT behaviour is something that I cannot control. I'm about at my limit of being able to control things and I work very, very hard at this and it is a lot more stressful than just letting my meltdown come out as it wishes. How dare anyone tell me I am misbehaving and wrong in my actions and that I should be either punished or not treated the same as everyone else. Come and stand in my shoes and see how hard it is. Keep up the good work mum22boys and seriously consider moving schools if things don't pick up. It is a small sacrifice to make if it means your boy has an attempt at a happy childhood. I don't know why it is seen as admitting defeat or something shameful to move schools, it isn't. It is acting in a pro-active way to ensure that your child is happy and appropriately schooled. No action is too small in this instance. I moved schools in Year 11. It's not the best time to move schools and was a huge risk to take and it was incredibly hard and difficult going to and fitting into a new school, not to mention the fact that my parents had to drive me an extra 20mins to school every day. But if I hadn't changed I wouldn't have got any GCSEs. Looking back, for all concerned (and they wholeheartedly agree) it was a small price to pay. I'm sorry if I've stepped on anyones toes and I'm sorry for the big old rant but it really gets me so frustrated the attitude that it is something that we can just switch on and off so as to not upset others. Don't treat us like NT people, don't try and make us adapt to your world and your ways. It won't work you cannot change my brain and who I am and I would fight you all the way if you ever discovered a way too. Small adaptations to your world so that people like us can be included and can be catered for however is a "reasonable adjustment" to make and I believe the right of every disabled person. If I tell a lie or cheat or steal or hit another person because I don't like them then tell me I'm wrong and punish me for my behaviour. But don't punish me for being autistic, don't differentiate my rewards just because I didn't display my emotions in a way that you found acceptable as if I had control over my emotions. Encourage me to find alternative ways to verbalise or show my emotions, be positive and explain my disability to me and show me ways to show you how I'm feeling. And remember the fact that autistic children are just children and we can't expect them to get a handle on their disability straight away and be able to maintain it perfectly all the time. Emily xxx

20th of January sounds good for me too Emily xxx

Thanks Bagpuss! To be honest, when I start looking for work again (hopefully in the new year) I will be able to do something along the lines of working with people with ASDs particularly AS. So I guess that would be giving advice/support in a way. Though I'm not sure why I keep on dreaming that this will actually happen as I don't like being around people and I don't like being in environments where there are lots of illogical rules, such as a school, which is where I would have to be if I was a teaching assistant or something similar. When I did my teaching practice one of the hardest things to cope with was rubbish teachers and their attitudes and the injustice of kids not having a proper education just because the teacher was a mardy old moo I think I would have the same problems with counselling and I'm not sure I have enough tact to do it. What about the person who comes in and is completely to blame for their own unhappiness and too pigheaded to see/make changes. I think I would want to "cure" (get everybody on a positive track) before they left the room and I dunno how I would deal with not being able to help everyone. Plus it means another who knows how many years of studying and I gave that up last November because I couldn't cope anymore. This is why I'm having trouble finding a job you see, and part of my depression/lack of self-confidence stems from the fact that I haven't found the right job yet/haven't been able to hold down a job for a sustained period of time. Apparently there aren't jobs out there where all you do is sit in a room all day filing things, and when one does crop up it's too far away or the pay is absolutely shocking. I'm not like other Aspies either and while I like using my comp, I haven't the faintest idea of how it works and absolutely no desire to find out. I know it's just logistics of which wires go there and all that faff and you would think the logical thing would sit well with me but it completely flies over my head I think I've said on here before that my dream job would be travelling the country and the world educating people about Aspergers/Autism. Places that really need to know about these things such as hospitals, schools, supermarkets, businesses, shops, libraries....ANYONE really But the people who get to do that are all qualified experts and not some nerd from the midlands with an accent no one can understand! I also quite like the idea of working one-to-one with families of children/teens with Aspergers/Autism to see if I could put my experiences to use and help them lead a more productive/happier life along with getting a better understanding of their kids. But again, I dunno how one gets a job like that and if they actually pay people to do it because of course I would do it for free but I don't want to live with my parents forever!! Anyway, don't know where all that come from but it's good to share your thoughts if they need to come out I suppose. I do like the fact that I can help in some way even if the downside means people sifting through the waffle. There will always be pros and cons I guess! Emily xxx Sorry if that sounds a bit mopey but one of my obsessions at the minute is Jigsaw puzzles and I just can't do the one I'm doing but I can't give up either so I'm feeling a bit blue and my eyes hurt from staring at the pieces. However I feel a bit better after posting and I know my lovely boyf is on the way with a chocolate milkshake in tow so all is good!

<'> <'> Glad you're feeling a bit better and your haircut sounds fabulouso! I don't want to come out fighting against anti-depressants because I know they work for a lot of people. I think the main reasons they didn't work for me are because I am probably depressed due to a medical condition and am also suffering a seperate very mild depression caused by battling with the negative aspects of being AS. But, it was the sleep thing that you mentioned that I just wanted to give my advice on. The first anti-depressant I was put on was Fluoxetin. This is one of the mood lifting anti-depressants. This had dire effects on my personality as it sent me manic and made me incredibly suicidal and even led to an attempted suicide. I can say 100% that it was the drug that made me feel like this, I was not myself and lurched from incredibly low to absolute mania and hyperactivity. My behaviour was almost similar to the symptoms people with Bipolar hve except for the mood swings were happening many times a day. Drinking alcohol while taking these tablets was also very dangerous as my temperature soared and I felt dizzy and had flu-like symptoms. I also never slept and this is my concern with you if you're taking a mood lifting form of anti-depressants. Because they were mood-lifting it almost fed my insomnia and anxiety and I literally could not drop off to sleep at all and even though I would be dreadfully tired, sleep just wouldn't come. I'm not saying this will happen to you, hopefully the opposite will happen and the drugs will lift your mood enough for you to stress less and feel better and thus sleep because it's probably your brain churning that's keeping you awake. But just be careful and keep a diary of anything in your daily routine that changes. Write down how much sleep you get and try to notice how you are feeling throughout the day, I know this sounds silly but it is harder than it appears. Morning, afternoon and evening make 3 entries into your diary. It doesn't have to be pages of rubbish (like this post lol) just Wednesday 8th November: Morning - feeling quite happy. Afternoon - mood has become lower and I have a lot on my mind. Really keep it simple like that. It's something the counsellor will probably ask you to do anyway though probably not as in depth, but it is worth doing as it might help to pinpoint the times in the day where you need to make an extra effort to ease your worries or actively do something to make you happy like listening to your favourite song. The second anti-depressant they put me on was Mirtazapan or something to that effect, I can never quite remember what's called (doh). This was a sedative form of anti-depressant and was supposed to help me sleep as well as easing my depression. Trouble was it worked too well and I could sleep all the time. I would sleep all night and wake up and not feel refreshed. This is the important thing to look out for. When you wake up normally you feel groggy and like, ugh, but after a while that refreshed feeling comes and you feel ok enough to take on the day (for 5mins at least lol). However with these tablets the feeling doesn't come, you just feel like you could have more sleep. I tried limiting the sleep I had as I know that over sleeping only makes you feel more tired and I had a set routine for sleeping i.e. in bed before 11.30pm, out of bed before 7.30am and still I couldn't function during the day because I was so low and tired and fed up. These tablets probably made me feel even more suicidal than the first lot. This seems to be quite common in patients with depression is that often they have to try a number of different tablets because of the increase in suicidal thoughts. So if you start feeling like this at all then please don't ignore it and tell somebody. Ask your husband to keep an eye on your mood also. I came off the tablets around 3-4 months ago and feel so much better now I'm off them. Anyway there are other things you can do to make yourself feel better whilst on the ADs so you can speed up the process of getting off them asap. One of the things I have found most beneficial to me is to start taking one-a-day cod liver oil plus evening primrose oil. You can buy them in a combined tablet, Seven Seas is the one I take and I got a 90 capsule tub for around �8-9. I would happily pay ten times as much because although I still have depression the severity of the mood swings has calmed down so much. I also suffered from achey legs/restless legs before terribly and now it happens maybe 3 or 4 times a month instead of every single night. Exercise does help, I know why do they have to be right, but they forget one thing, exercie only helps if you enjoy it. Going to the gym might help me shift 1 pound that month (lol) but it's the boogying while doing the hoovering or going for a walk with my boyfriend or having my own private disco dance in the lounge for 30mins a week that does wonders for my mood. Make an effort to watch some comedy every week, stick a favourite dvd on or watch a programme on telly or even go and see a comedienne live as a treat. Laughter is brilliant for depression and when you just feel ###### in general. My sister has a cold at the minute so I got her some sparkly pipe cleaners while I was out shopping with my Nan yesterday. She likes creating things so last night we sat in the living room absolutely wetting ourselves trying to make pipe cleaner glasses and hats and necklaces. It's not for everyone pipe cleaners, we are a bit weird, but do something that makes you laugh or smile. Once a week isn't all that much of a pain, 30 mins every Tuesday shouldn't be too difficult and if you involve the kids and your hubby then all for the better. (Board games is a great source of fun for everyone, you could make Sunday your cheer-up day and set aside an hour to try and play a game with everyone. I know you said one of your kids has MD so I'm sure you know ways and methods of doing something that will involve everyone, whatever that may be). You started the healing process straight away believe it or not, as soon as you left the doctors. Going to get your hair cut or translated - giving yourself a boost - is something you can do to feel better. I also know when I need to get my hair cut because I start looking in the mirror and start having a go at myself for looking like an idiot and something just doesn't seem right and my hair "won't go" right and it doesn't seem healthy etc etc. A haircut does wonders and I start feeling confident about myself again and looking in the mirror ain't all that bad. I know this stuff sounds silly and simple but it really works, honest. The same applies to wearing make-up/shaving legs/buying a new jumper/making an effort to flirt with hubby again/spicing things up in the bedroom/going to see a picture/listening to a good cd yada yada yada. I know the bedroom thing might seem weird but it makes a lot of people very happy indeed and more downtime with the hubby could make you feel more positive and happy and sexy and confident and YOU again. It's all about remembering that you are a human just like your kids and partner and you need to feel good as well. Since I started making an effort to look decent when I leave the house it has made wonders of difference to how I feel. Before I would look at other people and think "oh god, I look like such a mess! Why can't I look like that!!" But now, a flick of eyeliner and lashings of mascara and foundation gives me that little bit more confidence and pride in myself and so boosts my mood. I know it's all very materialistic but if it makes me feel better who is anyone to say it isn't right. Give these things a go or think of your own but try and slowly add these things into your routine. I know it must be hectic enough but if they make you feel better then you might feel better at coping with your day to day life, if that makes sense. I really am sorry for the length of the post. I know it must be geting a bit tedious by now wading through all the waffle but I'm only trying to help and I can't seem to do it in a few short sentences. It's taken me nearly an hour to write this and I do put a lot of effort into it because I really do want to help you feel better because I've been there and I'm climbing back up. I'm not preaching and I'm not perfect by a million miles, I can't even hold down a job, but I'm starting to feel happier again and that's the main thing. So sorry again for the length but it's better than nothing I guess (Feel free to disagree ) Emily xxx

I know where Newcastle is! (I think ) Never been myself before but I know that my bro and his missus will be able to tell me lots about going and you're right it's not too far away from Seaham at all. If we trecked up to their house on the Friday night and stayed over and came to meet everyone on the Saturday then we could drive back home on the Saturday evening or even stay another day if I was alright. I'm not very good in other peoples' houses and they have a rabbit (soon to be two) and it sets my skin itching like crazy, as does their washing powder. But I think I can solve that problem by just taking some sheets and my quilt with me. It sounds like a pain in the bum but if it means I don't spend all night sitting up in their living room unable to sleep before deciding in the early hours that I had to go home then it's worth the extra effort/weird factor Anyway like I said I'm easy (steady now...) in regards to location but the first thing we need to decide is before or after Crimbo? I'm happy either way, after christmas gives me a little bit more time to lose some weight but as if that's ever going to happen anyway so it might as well be before As long as Bob agrees to drive so I can have a drink to settle my nerves (or 2 or 3) then I only really care what I look like for the first 10 minutes then I start smudging my mascara and spilling stuff down me and generally undo 2 hours of hard graft to get me looking human. My nickname, btw, means a bum that wobbles without much effort to wobble it or something like that. I actually got the name from a child and didn't know what it meant until I looked it up. Trouble is, I've never been able to figure out how said child knew of the word in the first place. That's one early learner Anyway, my bum is mahoosive so in that respect I resemble my name. I do not however just resemble a bottom, I do have arms and legs and a head still and all that other fluff so be not afraid! My real name, as you all now know, is Emily so take that as you will. Most people seem to think I will be girly and sweet but as I've said before I look like Johnny Vegas' sister and talk like him too thanks to the suspected hormone inbalance. I've also got a lip piercing and a tattoo... Nah I'm not a rock chick really, I would probably like to be but I'm too much of a nerd Sorry dudes, I started yacking again didn't I Emily xxx

I have no idea about Rachel from Chris Moyles, TNT, but she probably sounds like me if they are taking the mickey! Scotland you say, eh, doesn't ring a bell!! I only really know Manchester cos of the MEN Arena. I only really know all of the places I know cos of going to see bands there. (Apart from Seaham obv, my bro cannot hold a note!). Therefore I could easily drive you around Covent Garden in London but I have no chuffing idea where Leeds is in relation to Seaham or Manchester. (Yes, I know, I'm female and I can drive around the middle of London without getting into an accident. It's because I have a male Aspie brain I'm sure ) Anyway any clues on driving distances and all that malarky would be appreciated. I would ask my dad but he would just laugh at me and I know you lot will probably laugh at me as well but I won't be able to hear you I could just look at a map as well I know, but it is rather dangerous as usually I end up having a tantrum because places aren't where I think they are in my head. Hence Walsall is no longer north of me, neither is Nottingham. It's my parents fault, they're always saying "we'll just nip up to Walsall for an hour". People say it all the time, why won't you think of the Aspies!!!! Hence I grew up thinking that most places around me are either just North or South. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that some are East and West! Mindblowing.

Yoooohoooooooooo I'm in!! I am totally prepared to travel! What's 4 hours in the car eh? Oh. No seriously I don't mind driving and I can combine it with a trip up to see the bro and his missus either calling in for a night on the way to/way from the meet up. NOBODY wants to go to Birmingham. Not even me and I only live 40mins away! But if I make the trek oooop-noooorth for you lot there is to be no mickey taking out of my accent! I sound worse than a Brummie because I've got the Black Country accent mixed up in it. So I sound like Jasper Carrot, Lenny Henry and Cat Deeley all rolled into one. It does not sound pleasant and my geordie future-sister-in-law loves nothing more than to immitate me whenever she comes down to visit. It is not funny and not clever! So there! As I said in the other thread where this is being discussed, February and March are pretty packed for me at a weekend so I don't know if you wanna make it before or after crimbo? I've got no problem with kids as long as we know how many in advance so I can prepare my ears! Also it determines where we are going to meet up as we have to find somewhere kid friendly whereas up until now I've just envisaged myself sat up the corner in a pub getting sloshed (That's only cos I'm a secret alki though!) As I don't know where anywhere is up north apart from Seaham and Manchester you lot decide and let me know. Manchester is less than 2 hours from me so that is ok to drive home from and anywhere within an two hours of Seaham should also be ok. You can just all buy me a drink/cake to make up for the cost of the petrol Emily xxx Also can we know if we are bringing partners or not because I think I might need my Bob to push me through the door to meet everyone

Nice one dude, hope Thursday goes ok. Try and take a big deep breath before you go inside and also it might help to take some information with you about AS. You might not even mention it though I would if I were you, if you do though having a print off or something with you could help if you need to get across what AS is. Good luck either way, I hope it goes well for you! RE the meet up, it doesn't have to be in February, that's just when the hen party was arranged for. In fact, it's probably better if it's not in February at all because I'm kinda busy most weekends. Also the end of March is a no go because that's the actual wedding then. The weekend of the 10th of Feb I'm going to see Bloc Party play in Birmingham on the Saturday so that's a no-no, the weekend after is the hen party so that's a no-no cos I don't want to restrict my involvement in the meet up to 30mins or something. The weekend after Bob's away on another stag do (why do things all fall at the same time? My bro is going to Prague for his stag do and then the next week the other stag do is in Poland! Crazy!). I'm not sure if I would be able to make it to the meet up without Bob (I hope this would be ok) because I'm not very brave He's ever so charming though, the exact opposite of us Aspies socially so he would probably get everyone talking Anyway, the weekend after that (beginning of March I think) I'm seeing Nine Inch Nails in Birmingham and then it's only a couple of weeks till the wedding! Phew! What about meeting up somewhere just before/after christmas? We could all agree to wear Santa hats and then we would be able to recognise each other Emily xxx

I can sympathise fully! But I kinda have bad and good news. I'm 23 and I still go into selective mutism whenever I'm in this situation. I dunno what it is, extreme shyness or just an inability to let go and talk but it's like something takes over me and words just wont come out. However there are a couple of things you could try which I now use to get me into the whole talking thing. If you can have a word with the therapist in advance and ask her to look at you when talking this might help. Sometimes I think it's the eyes boring into me waiting for me to speak that I can't deal with. Also I tend to just look at my mum and make her go first through doors and things like that cos I hate new situations so that it becomes apparent straight away to the other person that they should address my mum and not me. It helps a lot. I write things down, in advance, of things I would like to talk about or what I think the person should know so that when I do get in there and clam up my mum can hand over the paper or read from it herself. From there a discussion seems to flow between the doctor and my mum and I eventually come around and get involved. Usually because one of them says something I disagree with and I can't keep schtum any longer Another way is that I turn and face my mum completely and try to talk then, sometimes it can come out as a whisper or mumble and more often than not my mum is able to translate and turn to the doctor and say what I'm trying to say. Again eventually I might make small steps to turn around or look at the doctor and usually end up talking. I have been seeing my psychiatrist for over a year now and it's the only health professional that I've had repeated contact with so I'm going on this experience. I can now talk to them ok and mostly get my point across. Sometimes I can make sustained eye contact as well. It gets easier each time. Another trick to try is try and make sure she is as comfortable as possible before you go out. Make sure she's wearing her favourite clothes and has showered and been ready well in advance. Make your daughter her favourite breakfast or lunch or put her music on in the car and make sure she is hydrated and feeling ok. Being ready and on time and not stressed about what you look like or where you're going is 100 times easier than not being ready and getting there late. You will have to plan her routine or make sure she gets ready ok though because she might drag her feet or get in a grump if she doesn't want to go. I certainly do Oh and, this might just be something that works for me as well as the rest of the advice above, but I mostly wear a hat when I go to these places. It's the eye contact thing again, I can pull it down over my face so they almost can't see me and it stops them being able to stare at me! I don't know why it helps but it does, massively. Anyway, apologies as usual for my rambling! Emily xxx

Haha! I never thought about the Crimewatch profile (note to self: remember you are a psycho killer) let's hope none of them watched the programme. To be honest....I'm regretting saying yes. I thought it might give me an opportunity to meet some of the bride's friends and family before the big day so that I wouldn't feel so apprehensive and I am going with my mum and sister but I just keep forgetting about the whole fake murder thing. I wish I had been to one before but I haven't so I have absolutely no idea what to expect. My mum has assured me that I will know 100% that they are faking and that she will look after me but I'm going to be in my own room at the hotel and thats scary enough without worrying about every little thing that goes bump in the night! If we're gonna have a proper meet up we can't do it on that weekend. I could probably sneak off for an hour or so for a cuppa but if there are a few like minded Aspies around I might never go back to the hotel I would be up for meeting another time though, don't know how many others would be, but I'd like to put a face to some of the people on here and after TNT's revelation earlier, be able to picture ALL of you wearing clothes cos quite frankly the whole boxer thing is freaking me out!!! I have no clue where when and how but try to remember that I live near Birmingham! My brother and his fiance live in Seaham and to highlight my rubbish geographical skills, I have no idea where that is in terms of closeness to Harrogate but I presume it's near (?) because of the hen party being held there. Though thinking about it now that could just be cos she found a wicked hotel and might not actually be anywhere near Seaham Ok my brain hurts lol. Anyway if we can make it within driving distance of Seaham so I have somewhere to run off to if you lot freak me out it would be much appreciated Emily xxx

It's good to find you in a better mood! I know what you mean about the Guinea Pigs, we had some while we were younger and were always waking up to baby pigs. I mean, we looked at the diagrams in the Guinea Pig book and everything and tried to match them to the real things but one of the bachelors turned out to be a wannabe and out popped the bachelorettes I had to stop in the end though cos one died on my birthday and it kinda screwed me up for a bit. I did try Goldfish but Wayne, Garth and Cassandra one by one went to fishy heaven and I couldn't cope lol. Now I just have Bob who is part monkey anyway so all is good! The charity cd/dvd thingymebob sounds wicked cos although it's a shop you're hardly going to have to deal with Chav 1 and 2 trying to get the new 50Cent cd or all the grandparents shopping for christmas presents going "I need the cd by that band, you know them, The Arctic Penguins" "you mean monkeys?" "Monkeys? In the Arctic, don't be silly!!"....and on it goes. What I'm waffling on about I dunno, but you won't have to deal with the typical crowd is what I'm trying to say. With regards to the gym you are not paying money to use the weights, duh, you're using it as a way to meet people. I dunno about this one, I was going on what a lot of people tend to say "oh join a gym!" but when I go to the gym (which isn't very often) on goes the ipod and out comes the scowl saying "I'm hot and fat and walking to fast on the machine and I don't know how to slow it down so don't touch me!" so I don't find it all that useful for meeting people. But then I don't want to so maybe it works differently if you act friendly. I know you weren't putting the virtual world down, I realise that seeing people in the flesh is different, they don't have conversations sat in their pyjamas for a start! Nah I'm just kidding, I was just trying to say that step away from the comp and people are still real people so it's still useful. Anyway, I'm talking far too much again. I'm sorry for the monster post earlier I really should learn to shut up! Get back to work!!! Emily xxx

Hiya Gerrard, I'm 23 and an Aspie, diagnosed last December! This forum has been a great help, hope it is for you too, Emily xxx

Anita, <'> <'> I kinda know this situation as well. When me and the Bob first got together over 4 years ago everything was smashing or so it seemed. I was still depressed then and was an un-diagnosed Aspie then and things have slowly gotten worse and worse and worse until last December when I was diagnosed. Things got better then the more I learnt about myself and things have made big improvements since I came off the anti-depressants and since I've been taking a tablet which forces me to have a period every month because I might have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (I find out this Thursday btw what the scan results are, fingers crossed). Anyway something causes me to have irregular periods and often the longer I go without one the more and more depressed I get in the run up to having a period. As you can imagine this has dire effects on my sex life. However I now can pin-point exactly the two things that have an affect on my SL. 1. The anti-depressants. They are a killer and have an affect on you that at the time you just can't see. The problem is that even when you stop taking them your body has been duped into thinking that you don't want any kind of interaction with your partner. I have had to actively tell myself that I do want interaction with Bob and that I do find him attractive and all that. I'm not deluding myself because he is the best boyfriend in the world and I wouldn't want to be with him if it wasn't right. It is right, my brain has just got used to thinking that it's not right and that's what I've had to try and change. It's also hard while you're on the tablets because you think they're having no effect and you also seem to forget that they could be a cause and so start looking at everything else, even your partner to see what's wrong. 2. My sensory issues. My senses, because of being Aspergic, are all heightened and fragile. Smells, sights, sounds and touch....all these things can change how receptive I am to Bob's advances. A dog barking outside is enough to aggrevate me to the point where I am too irritable to continue. Something Bob has eaten can also cause massive problems lol. Little things all have huge effects and it is a massive battle trying to not only identify what these things are but also getting Bob to understand them. "Ignore the bloke mowing the lawn, just look at me" is easier said than done!! So anyway, my suggestion is to plan in advance. I know this is entirely unsexy and you would think could be a killer but once you get into a routine it's not all that bad. Plus we're hardly the most spontaneous of people, it's just something you gotta learn to accept. Make sure that you change your sheets regularly so nothing can bother your skin, the same applies to your room being tidy/dusted. The number of times I have called time out because my skin is itching like crazy, it's not worth it. Put music on that you like and turn it up so that outside noises can't be a distraction. Dim the lighting or buy some fairy lights and weave them around your curtains/curtain pole so that it creates a romantic atmosphere. I have one of those net curtain things that are on a ring that hangs down over the headboard, like a princess lol (�4 from Ikea!), and I have draped my fairy lights over it so it looks all pretty and it certainly helps! The last thing is something that we've always done, but only in the last year figured out how much of a positive impact it makes each time, is starting everything off in the shower. (I'm sorry if this is a bit rude for some people!) Being a clean freak, starting in the shower is just the answer to everything lol. Anyway, don't know if you are on any meds so that might not help. But the sensory things could work for you also. Try not to beat yourself up about it, it will only make things worse as you will start to dread thinking about it and then start to dread doing it. Getting a complex about something can be a very powerful and destructive thing because you become convinced that you are thinking correctly. Look at all the people with anorexia, they are absolutely convinced that they are fat when everyone knows they aren't! The same can happen with attitudes towards things. You might have totally convinced yourself that you don't want sex but the reality might be different so some Cognitive Behaviour Therapy might be helpful, as well as maybe talking to a therapist with your boyfriend. If he is the right person for you these things will seem minor sacrifices to make. But you never know you might just not have found the right guy yet, it is a possibility. One thing you can start to try and think about straight away is that you don't have to feel like having sex 24 hours a day. Neurotypical blokes are different, mostly, I can't speak for them all. But most fellas rarely think about anything else apart from football and food and all that other stuff. Girls are different, NT or not. We can't just walk in from a trip round the supermarket and drop the bags and get down to it. We've got too much to think about and for us sex is more linked with emotion than blokes. So we gotta feel like it. That's why it's important to give yourself a break and don't feel like you have to switch it on, on demand. We're just not built like that. There is nothing wrong with making yourself feel more in the mood, it's only natural and at the end of the day if it works and you're happy, who is to say any different. I know this topic can make others feel uncomfortable and I am sorry if any of what I said embarrases anyone or if they feel it's a bit too much for this forum. But, I think Anita is very brave for posting this on here as really, who else have we to ask? Us Aspies don't have many friends and not many of us want to sit down and ask our mums for advice. A doctor, whilst offering a refferral for guidance, is not exactly going to be a shoulder to cry on and sometimes you need someone other than your boyfriend to talk things through with, especially if they are finding it hard to understand. I agree that an adult topic should be flagged to this topic and that the term "mojo" could be a little misleading but not everyone is going to read this topic and I certainly wouldn't have entitled it "can't have sex, help". Have a little heart guys, it's a tough topic and whatever way you approach it it's hard to get it right. I know younger children/teens might be reading on here also but teens become adults all too quickly and they're getting sex ed in much more graphic detail anyway from the age of 9 and 10. I know because my mom is a primary school teacher and has to watch the sex ed tapes for her year, year 6, to ensure that they meet the guidelines and I sometimes watch them with her because to an adult they're quite funny. But sometimes I'm also like, really! This is ok for year 6? But ya know there comes a point when you have to stop pretending to your kids that sex is just for making babies. You'd be surprised how much kids actually know, think about when you were younger lol. I'm not having a go, or preaching or telling anyone they're wrong, I can see where you're coming from, but I also know how you feel Anita and I wanted to reply and see if I could help. Emily xxx

TNT <'> <'> Ok, first of all "chin up" dude, I know it sucks right now and I know it looks like there won't be a way out but try to remember that life does move and change when you think it won't. Look at the ex, a year ago would you have said you would be living on your own now? If someone said that to me about my relationship I would certainly think it was possible but would never think in a million years it would happen, you just never know. I would seriously advise against the job at Waterstones though, or any retail outlet for that matter. Having just given up on being a student I know too well the perils of trying to hold down a part time job. Working in retail/service industry are really the only jobs you can do whilst being a full time student and I've had a fair few cracks at the whip over the past few years. The thing is on a Tuesday afternoon when you get one or two people milling about in the shop it's not so bad. But come Saturday afternoon and any shop becomes like a mad house. Think of all the sounds, sights and smells you would have to endure and that's just the customers, you would also have to deal with the other members of staff. I used to think that just working a weekend would mean that I wouldn't have to deal with other staff but you can't stay on the shop floor the whole time because the customers would do your head in. It's coming up to Christmas now and could you really deal with yet another customer asking where Kerry Katona's book is despite you standing next to a huge display advertising it? It's not worth it, besides, you would only get taxed more anyway and would probably lose the money you earn to tax and would actually lose out due to getting lunch/travelling to work on a Saturday and Sunday. However, voluntary work would be a good idea. If you like organising things what about a Library? Volunteer to go and sort the books on a weekend or hunt around for a job. I know I just said about the money but if you enjoy it and it makes you happy then it's not so bad. Working in a hellish environment and losing money is just daft. Anyway you have to be quiet in Libraries and whilst you might still get stupid requests for where books are in a Library you might be able to get some human contact in whilst showing them to the books they want. Also staff wise you're not really going to have to put up with the usual mobs that work in retail (no offence to people on this forum who work in retail but I'm on about the people you work with, you know the types, not you yourselves!!). Hunt through the local papers and see if there are any advertisements for groups and things in there. My mom sings in a choir and my dad plays golf so they both have extended their networks through these activities. I think joining a gym is also a good idea as some gyms still offer running groups as well as the normal classes and gym equipment. The Canons gym I'm a member at also organises social evenings as well. You don't have to go through the normal hobbies rigmoral either, my boyfriend is in a band and my sister runs a Mini Club so there is a whole host of things you could do. Also you could try www.meetup.com or something like that. I tried this when I first got my diagnosis as I wanted to meet other Aspies but there isn't a group in my area and I'm too much of a chicken to start one as I keep thinking I will attract a serial killer and that will be the end of me!!! But don't let that put you off that's just my paranoia kicking in! If you're really up for a challenge you could try breeding Guinea Pigs?!?! You might meet some people when they come to adopt from you then. You could also try Friendsreunited or something like that, but that all depends on if you want to find any old friends/aquaintances. I dunno dude, I am the least social person evah so I'm probably not the best person to give advice. I know you didn't ask for it but I'm too nosey not to try! The general consensus seems to be to just do something anyway, don't be afraid to dip your feet in and try something and don't be afraid of it going wrong because it probably won't be the end of the world. Also, don't give up on the virtual world as often this can lead to human contact. Try looking up the things that you like, there has to be groups and websites of people out there who like the same 'puter stuff as you. And I know it can take time to make friends online before the subject of meeting up is broached but it's not like you're going to go into town and start talking to someone straight away and instantly start hanging out anyway is it? Every relationship, be it just friendship or more, starts out as talking on the phone or texting or emailing or whatever. Also I joined the NAS recently because I wanted to get the AS magazine that they do. You could try and get involved in the mag or with voluntering for something to do with AS. I know going through the NAS or AS groups limits your social scope somewhat but at least you don't have to deal with explaining AS to people all the time. In fact, if I had my own way, I would only deal with people who have an ASD or people who know someone with an ASD. I know we are nothing but virtual but we are all here for ya if you get bored or want to chit chat a bit. I will sling my email addy your way if you want so we can chat about our next crime spree in private! I'm not brilliant at the whole friends thing but I can argue about who is the best band in the world or who is the best actor etc etc if that kind of stuff is your bag. Or we can just chat about AS stuff or whatever. If you don't wanna that's fine but the offer is there and I hope it doesn't come across as stalkey or sumfink You also know that you need to stop with EX-Mrs TN. I don't care how much you wanna talk to someone you are doing yourself no favours by going down that road. So slap on the wrists don't do it again and start acting more like an Aspie and listen to your head, not your heart on this occassion!! If she suggests a meet up or something again, or rings you even, don't leave the house and put the phone down and post on here what has just happened. All the responses should be enough to convince you not to ring back or go and meet her. And yes, I am telling you off so just....deal with it Emily xxx p.s. if you can hang on till the middle of Feb I am actually up in Harrogate for my future-sister-in-law's hen party thing. It's a murder mystery weekend in a hotel spa type place and god knows why I agreed to go. Lots of skinny minnies urging me to get in the jacuzzi so they can make themselves feel better watching the whale go swimming and then lots of people dying around me on the night time. God knows I've got to prepare for it cos I will actually think they're dying I know I will. So anyway, I might need to escape the spa bit on the Saturday avo so you can take me for a cup of coffee if you want It's just an idea, but you will probably be too busy with all your new friends by then

You know if you really wanted to teach them a lesson you could go and sit in his office and start telling him all about one of your obsessions! It would be all "hiya I just popped in for a quick chat!" and then 30 minutes later his ears will actually have exploded and in future you'll be able to insult him all you like! Emily xxx