Mr Salvador

I guess is the A-hole im describing with this post

you're right there is condriction in my thoughts regarding this. I think that is something that troubles me a lot as I am trying to work out what is right and wrong. for if they are wrong I will stick to my guns and not change for anyone, but if I am wrong then I must see the error in my ways and be better. This is not meaning that I feel I 'should' hide myself, its just because as you've said before its become the socially accepted norm, trying to be this has caused me great upset feeling forced to do I don't like discrimination of any kind, I know it exists but cannot see the logic behind it. I stand by what I said about searching for acceptance, its painful having to lie about things and pretend to be 'normal' but we should not hide “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, concerned citizens can change world. Indeed it is the only thing that ever has.” – Margaret Mead

I totally agree with livelife here, you are young still and seem to have parents that you cant turn to, this is relate to. There are always more questions than answers when it comes to matters like this, but the solution, or at least part of it, is to come here and share your experiences before the stress sets in. its harsh to read about parents who are complaining that you're not at work. if they had a car crash would they go into work the next day? does this make them lazy? no it doesn't. an illness or injury is 'same same but different' as they say in Thailand. one needs time to recover or at least time to convalesce so that when we return to work we are 100% or as near to it as the world allows. I guess if you have nobody else to turn to we are always here, however if at least one of your parents can at least try to understand then I can see your troubles melting away slowly but surely. ive been waiting a long time for diagnosis, but have learnt these things take time, especially with autism as it isn't so clearly defined as one might hope. I call it 'the art of waiting without waiting' whilst practicing this art I have come to my own conclusions prior to officla doctors notes etc, I know myself and its justa matter of time before they recognise it as I have, along with my sister and gf. ( ai am also dyslexic, incase you haven't noticed). I have come to my own conclusions and asked the doctor for all the relevant meds to control my mood and anxiety issues. I take the meds prescribed for aspie's because there are logical reason for doing this without the need for diagnosis. im often anxious and worry about things, and am prone to mood swings and/or stress attacks, so I take my amyltriptiline to enhance my mood. I have propranolol to avoid stress in busy situations like town or social events I cant get away with skipping. and I have supply of diazepam for when its gone past the point where positive mental attitude can help me. last resort. o feel ive taken reasonable steps and am persuing diagnosis but do not rely on it. as I said I know myself and Asperger describes me better than anyone or anything else has. you have taken the first steps now, waiting without waiting, you've asked for some meds to help calm your mood, you're doing all that you can. im sure others will agree that impatience is a part of anxiety which often arises from ASD's so you are NOT alone. the CBt people will talk to about noticing triggers to anxiety, working out coping strategies you can endulge in when you're feeling it coming on (I take my meds and put my strategy war game on my pc and get lost in it for a couple of hours and often helps, you will have yours too). my last session involved 'thinking errors', apparently this is when we have positive emoptions we have positive thoughts and when we have negative emotions we can make negative thoughts into thinking errors. my therapist said my mind is like a naughty puppy and often wonders off to places where it shouldn't be and doesn't need to be, this is often a trigger point to my anxiety. I guess the motto there is try to be positive. I am also new to this, it was brought to my attention in 2007 but I was in denial, obviously linking autism with a negaitive feeling leading to my thinking error ( I might start a topic on this) so I guess what you've done is wrongly deduce the possible outcomes of the assessment and your parents reactions to what you haven't yet properly discussed with them. Try to instead recognise that we are all here and have same or similar issues and try to find some kind of comfort knowing that at least we will listen sometimes the cogs (in the NT world) turn slow, but they do turn many of us seek acceptance, you're not alone on that one either. just try to think deeply and calmly about what I mean about 'waiting without waiting'

i'll second this motion

a perfect example of how people can be discriminated against. so much attention is given to ethnic minorities, homosexuals and the like... if someone were to be discmissed from work for being gay or black there would be uproar! such a shame we are made to fel that we have to conform. the major cause of the stress I have had in my life, and also one of the reasons why I regress from society I know you have posted about issues surrounding honesty about autism, but I feel that it is the right way to go, so that we can help to pave the way for other in the future to have good life and not suffer discrimination as we have. it was only 10-15 years ago that being gay was 'wrong' now look at them go on their rainbow marches. it was only 30-50 years ago that being black meant 2nd class now look at at the American president. we got to push for equality and understanding so that we don't get branded 'aggressive' just because we've got frustrated not understanding they way something has been explained. I have always asked a lot of questions trying to understand things, my parents for example took this for being disruptive and naughty which led to my frustration which led to punishment which I thought was cruel and un necessary, as contrary to their beleief, this was NOT my fault. and as for your rant, please feel free, I have had plenty on here and haven't had bad feedback yet

chin up, therapy comes a lot quicker when you've booked it. waiting is better than lingering hope this wellbeing centre has experience with autistic traits. I too have tried to speed up the process by chasing for other places that do diagnosis and advice about how to cope in the outside world I can identify with having low periods, however I do not identify with clinical depression which can surround any issues I guess. I feel like my low moods are more associated with frustration and confusion with being 'different'. I wouldn't say I was stupid by any means, especially regarding my special interests. I excel in some situations and get confused about how stupid I can feel in others, like when my 3 yr old shows me up in town shouting hello to everyone and not being able to make conversation if they stop to chat to her. I see situations in my mind one way and NT's seem to see the opposite. I have a major mind dilemma about who is right. am I right or wrong ? and often get low periods surrounding the frustration of this dilemma, and often feel either im losing my mind or lost it long ago not knowing if im totally right or totally wrong about how I perceive the world around me. e.g. how I can see such an easy ending to war in the world, but 6 billion other people in the world seem to think this in unachieveable and is quite frankly a joke! WHY??? so yes depressive periods do exist with autism/Asperger, but I see the low moods as an effect of the anxiety to do with my Asperger, not from simple clinical depression. I think you need to explore more inside your mind and discuss openly with others here the things you experience so together we can all make sense of this confusing world we seem to exist in... 'living' is not a term I often relate to, as NT 'life' is quite different to mine stay strong, try to learn that patience is the art of 'waiting without waiting'

I also am very forgetful with day to day things that my brain has not interest in. my gf looks after me and remembers things for me, I cook and clean and fix things around the house and also feel like a pet or unpaid staff sometimes. it is or at least can be, somewhat humiliating at times, but I like to think that I look after her as much as she looks after me. she is required to remind me of things that surround 'time' and helps me with my paperwork reading and writing letters as I often misread things and write unrelated responses that don't make sense (to NT's) and often offend people. so I also let me gf talk to strangers when we are out. its good that your husband is supportive and understanding, my gf is learning bless her I also find myself learning social chit chat from my 3 year old daughter who loves to show off to me what she has learnt when I see her every fortnight. shes amazing and so clever and amazingly social im so proud of her but also somewhat humility about the fact that she knows more about about being social than I do. I just hope I don't let her down not joining in when there are social events. she loves partys and says hello to everyone we meet. I seem to be confident enough to go to town when im with her, even though I cant communicate to strangers like she does. as for languages I seem to be currently interested in Chinese Mandarin, although I used to learn catonese, I also have interest in Spanish and french

I hit my head still sometimes out of frustration and as discussed, to show an emotion that im not quite fully understanding or can communicate effectively. I used to do this so much more when I was young regarding propranolol, I take this and helps with the frustration cycle that surrounds elevated heart rhtyem, but doesn't seem to work when the stress comes from mental stresses. I have diazepam for when I gets really bad. I am aware of controversy surrounding diazepam, but for my loved ones I take it so I don't get aggressive, its a last resort I also take amyltrptiline which seems to help reduce my obsessive thoughts which often leads to anxiety attacks

Brava! together we are better! national sounds better, emails even Skype maybe at some point concerning your regards to money, I have experience in business and suggest that we could start a 'not for profit' organisation not for profit oganisations approach large companies for charitable donations for the cause. these businesses often prefer to give to charity as they receive 'tax relief'. money that they donate is not taxable and they therefore then only pay the lower amount of tax based on the reduced amount of 'gross profit' due to their donations. if I can be of help let me know, ive always been on a mission to fight for 'the little guy' always feeling different, now that I know that im on the spectrum I can finally identify with 'people like me' as im sure you're by now aware I can be highly opinionated at times and feel I might be able to share my two-penneth if asked to do so

Thanks guys! Im not perfect by any means, I try to remind myself of the positives as much as possible so I don't get consumed by the neg's. sometimes my thoughts spiral out of control and I use thoughts like these to get a grip on my mind again

I too am like this, you are not alone. I have good times and bad times and the bad times take over my life too. they seem to consume my thoughts and these thoughts get more troubled when anxiety goes up, then it spirals out of control and leads to rows in the house and then it all turns out to my fault. I too associate with feeling highly sensitive, I also feel like this is my little refuge, people here understand and make you understand it might not be normal but its definitely typical of our kind. I don't appear to exibit emotions, however I do feel. im not sure exactly how to interperate my felings but I know I have them. I guess mostly I understand love and frustration, and I guess everything else is in the grey area. apparently even then I still don't 'show it on my face' so others just think im a robot with either no emotion or FULL ON. horrible when parents hold you back, mine just beat me for 'being naughty' and would also tell me that I would fail at things. I have only just this last year found someone who I can discuss autism with, she thinks I can be very funny with the way I see things, but before that I had nobody to talk to and ended up in major denial. I hope you don't do this in an effort to fit in, or hide from your family. its hard I know but I feel like ive wasted a lot of my life hiding from myself and others. I often get headaches when my anxiety has built up to the point where I just stare. seems the longer im starring the worse the headache. after a bad episode I may also struggle with cognitive thoughts and feel dumb and distant. not sure if ive been any help but as long as you know you're not the only one

wow yes definitely sounds like a female dog, one of those nasty damp smelling dogs that nobody wants to hug, shes probably going on about being a strong independent woman because shes realised that nobody wants her! Autistic people may take things literally and not get the jokes, but what you describe is not funny, at least autistic people have hearts and strong minds and know the difference between right and wrong when it comes to behaviour like that. my behavioural issues are not deliberate and I do not mean any offense to people. as I said above, they seem to think that their behaviour is somehow justified??!! I do feel for you in this situation. when I went to college is seemed to naturally find other housemates who were all deemed 'weird' by normski's for different reasons. hippies, homosexuals and flambouyant artists. some of the nicest people I could have asked for as housemates to be honest as they also knew how it felt to be different. nobody knew about my autism then and just thought I was weird moody and unsocial. Even at times from them still I was singled out and treated differently. I eneded up homeless again after this and got stabbed repeatedly and ended up at the mercy of people who took advantage of me and my apparent naivity regarding social interactions. people, I guess I mean NT people as ive not yet met a nasty ASD, can be so evil sometimes, im not sure why as its not in my nature to be nasty, but all I can say is that to some extend the others are right sying that we need to learn to develop thick skin, even though we shouldn't have to, and try to not even listen to what they say nevermind let it sink into our minds for it o bounce around for hours in anxiety rage. I know first hand how thinking positively and spreading positive vibes doesn't always work, and sometimes feel hopeless. I am trying to believe that there is a purpose for the way our minds work and trying to find peace in the fact that one day we might well be sought after as 'gifted' as we can be relentless when a topic (of work say) interests us and we excel without hinderence of chit chat. As for 'Frenemies', this is something I have been trying very hard to notice. I can often be gullable and don't often notice when someones pretending to be nice to take advantage of me. Im not sure exactly how but im trying to work out how to spot the difference so I can avoid the situations you describe. currently the one's in this category include my partners children aged 13 and 12. shocking but true. when my partners away they do all their teenage things and make me feel like because im not able to work at the moment. Trying to work out how to cope with stuff like this is difficult but im trying to also be 'titanium', waiting for the moment when its my time to shine good luck! oh and as for facebook, I wouldn't bother. since I started on here ive not had any interest in facebook. nobody talks to me there and so many people here talk to me I find it hard to keep up! ive never had so many notifications or mail since joining this and if all I have is the people here to reply on for support then so be it. everyone else now bar my gf and sisters and my daughter and nieces are now classified as frenemies until proven otherwise

This is exactly the sort of evil that happens everyday. im not sure why NT people can be so ignorant and so hurtful. people think I upset them being unaware of my directness at times, and how it can upset people, however this is not deliberate and they somehow think that being deliberately hurtful in return is somehow justified

Wow I've got all this to come. I was made aware of my differences in 2007 bit didn't get round to talking to the doctor until 2 months ago. Been trying to push the speed of things by directly contacting the tuke centre. Fingers crossed eh

I am in York, I am interested in meeting but still new to all this and finding my feet. PM me if you want to talk more before considering it

I too relate to this, I appear to not exibit much emotion but I do feel it. ok so im not great at understanding my emotions, even less the emotions of others, but I do feel

Aspie's not aspire, stupid phone

Thankyou. I'm still exploring what people mean by special skills. I've spent 35 years just being 'different' im still working out what I can do that others can't. I know I have a lot to offer employers or friends, I just don't seem to choose the right words when im talking to NT's. I get frustrated that they don't understand what im saying, and when I try to use words they might understand I just end up looking like a stressed out know it all. I'm hoping that proper diagnosis and talk on here and other places with other aspire, that I will understand both myself better, and understand the 'differences' in me so I can both adapt to NT interactions and to 'sell the benefits' to them better at interview. Good luck to us all

Sorry to hear about your experiences. I have all this to come. Shocking to need doctors note for work, as if being socially disfuncionate means you can't manage your diabetes?! So what if we don't get jokes and chit chat? You know if you need to test, and know what the numbers mean! I'm sure you could probably explain the details of both conditions to them and they simply wouldn't understand. How is this our disability? See my signiature comments. Their intelligence is not high enough to comprehend the situation, they just imagine those amoung us who are most troubled and think the worst. Surely there are people who claim to be equal opportunities employers? Even though we are comfortable about the term 'autistic spectrum' NT's seem to have a narrow minded view of the term autism. Do they not realise that asperger means high intelligence low social skill? Does that not make us worthwhile staff?? New ideas, excellent logic and mental processing skills and no time wasted chit chatting?! Surely that makes us prime? There are services to get austistic people into work no? I have a link somewhere...

Excactly confusedtraveller! Now you're on the right track. We don't need fixing, what we need is understanding and acceptance so we don't feel the need to pretend to be normal. I'm trying to learn how to embrace asperger so one day I can be 'better' than normski's

Yes they do see me as a threat. My problem is that senior management are the ones worrying for their position so im really up against it when it comes to employment. I need an employer who is excited about offering me limitless potential so I can shine

Its ok Florence, don't feel guilty. I do too sometimes but I make it up to my gf in other ways. She looks after me and I look after her. Swings and roundabouts I guess. Not having family support is rubbish, but at least your sister is on side. Just love her and help her where you can. As for holidays, they can be amazing!!! What I do is google the hotel and beach etc and find all the pics you can of the place so you can build your mental image. This greatly reduces my anxiety of the unknown

I agree with you livelife. This is what im looking for with official diagnosis. Understanding of myself and a black and white answer for people around me. I am hoping afterwards to make the most of help available so I can get back into work with understanding and accepting employers

Don't worry confused traveller, nobody here is prejudice. Its not about the name or the face its about what's in your mind and your heart. I think the most important thing to remember about both points is be true to yourself. See my post 'aspie NT symbiosis' it contains the motivational thoughts I've colated to keep me going whilst struggling for adult diagnosis Hope it helps

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