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<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Lots of these for you and your daughter. My friends daughter has this condition and sepnt a great deal of time in and out of hospital and I know how much it used to upset her Mum Her daughter is now 26 and a qualified Nursery Nurse with a blooming good job Which does not help you one jot but she did come through it all and out the otherside in the end. As for your son sorry I do not think that this is funny one bit. Your son as part of his disability relies heavily on you to do his planning and packing. You have a great deal on your mind at the moment which is never taken into account in schools but flamming well should be. If he is anything like my son then everything that happened would be 'your' fault and not his and that would impact on the way he was with me. Life is so tough I really hope it goes well next week for you all. Are you going to write a letter to the school telling them that Mum has other things which she must attend to this week? I think maybe I would then if it all goes pear shaped you can have a good old and get rid of some of your pent up emotions Oracle

I know an adult with AS and Type 1 Diabetes he actually runs the autism uk mailing list. He is a great guy I am almost certain that there are some parents on other groups who have children with Type 1 Diabetes and ASD. I would be quite happy to cross post your original post on to these groups for you and feed any responses back to you if you would like me to? Oracle

A simple urine test should have been enough to ring alarms bells here. I would be furious if I were you. As I said we have lots of families members with Type 1 Diabetes and your posts rang bells in my head because your daughters symptoms were so similar to theirs before their dx. I really hope that they have this under control soon. My Cousin still plays rugby and does everything he always did. His daughter is now a forensic experts. So it has not stopped them from living their lives in any way. <'> for both of you. Carole

Yes we have had this and on occasion I have felt as if they were talking about my kids as if they are exhibit A and that makes me I now always ask for Matthew to be able to leave the room if the discussion is going to be about him rather than including him. My sons are autistic not stupid and I will not have them talked about as if they are not there. Oracle

You are allowed to feel wallowy <'> <'> <'> When you feel better post again about what you feel re these parenting classes being given by someone who has not got a clue Sounds like someone who thinks that with that little bit extra input from someone who knows better than us they can sort out the ASD so that we realise it's not such a problem after all. Oracle

My own two have lots more going on than just their ASD. For example do I chose not to tell David that he may well need a double cornea transplant in the future just because he already has autism, multiple allergies, some of which are very serious and acute asthma. Matthew also has Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome which can make him very ill needing hospital attention as well as eczema which is at the moment so raw that he is bleeding all over the place. No one can ever tell anyone else what to do and nor should they try I can only say it from my own POV, so apologies if it sound like I am trying to tell anyone how to do things. I guess I just have a BIG Mouth Oracle

Personally I don't think that the understanding is important. If the words are floating in the air around them then nothing has been hidden. It does not have to be a sit down and this is what you have talk. Of course there are some things that I discuss in private and away from the boys but mostly we talk openly to one and other about their autism. But that is us and we are all different and that is what I have explained to both of mine. I actually used my poor eldest sons best mate as my example. He has bright red hair. That makes him different but we are all different. Never have I sold their ASD as a negative. A friend of Matthew's was finally told by his parents last year he was 9 years old. Matthew had known about his friends autism and because I told him not to mentioned it to his friend he did not. Although the little lad took it well at first when he found out that everyone in the family, his teachers and even Matthew knew before him he was most unhappy. Oracle

Sorry for hijacking this thread Bagpus <'> It just touched a very raw nerve. My commons sense says ignore it but the mother in me says how can an aunt treat a brother and sister so differently, and why does it not matter to their father that she does It would not be so bad but every time my Stepdaughter is in my house we have to listen to the many virtues of her Aunty. Aunty gave me this and Aunty gave me that and I just do not want her mentioned in my house I really have to bite my lip but it's getting harder to do. My own Aunts are all in their 80's and they never discriminate between the lads. What one had the other gets it's as simple as that. I guess maybe I actually need counseling on this to get it out of my system once and for all because I just can?t let it go and it's making my hubby quite angry. Oracle

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> To both of you Oracle

Frangipani you are right and I know you are but here it is only September and I am alrady working myself up about the festive season. It's not really the SIL anymore that makes me feel it's the fact that hubby does not care. I can't write and say don't send gifts to Terry's daughter - she is my stepdaughter so it's none my business. But it is her dads and he just does not understand why it upsets me so much. Also his daughter is now an adult herself 22 actually do I don't really think that there is anything that anyone can say or do. But he could tell her to stick her card and also that he was just a tad upset that his son is not good enough to be included into the fold. Were it me then sister or not she would be history. He even sends her a card in return My MIL who is now 84 includes all of us and always has. She even still sends a gift and an Easter Egg for David and he is 19 now But SIL and Stepdaughter just leave our names off. Infact looking At Bid's posts my card is always made out in my old name I often wonder how hubby would like it if my family excluded him on all of the cards? Oracle

Bagpus you just pushed my most sensitive button. My SIL stopped sending cards and gifts to our son 3 years ago now although she still sends them and gifts to his sister, who is not my daughter. This is a HUGE bone of contention in our house and something that really upsets me although hubby thinks that I am over reacting SIL lives about 150 miles from us and has only seen Matthew once and hubby thinks that that makes it OK to ignore his Birthday and Christmas. It really hurts me when come Christmas Day his daughter is showing off her wonderful gifts from Aunty while Matthew has nothing . Hubby does get a card at Christmas but none of us are ever included on the card it?s just made out to him. Have I upset SIL? Well I too have only seen her once at Matthew?s Christening when I arranged for her and her husband to come as a surprise for hubby. Maybe I am just being over sensitive but it still makes me Oracle

I 100% agree with you badonkadonk and I have just asked my 9 year old son Matthew how he would feel if I had waited to tell him that he is autistic until now. Matthew was 3 when we got the diagnosis with HFA and he has been aware of this for as long as we have. Matthew (yes OK he should be in bed but isn't) says he would not be happy if I had kept it from him. OK so at 3 how much did he understand? Very little to be honest with you but him understanding was not the point, the point was we were not hiding anything from him because I never want him to feel that he has something that needs to be hidden Matthew has grown up with his diagnosis and we have learnt together. Now aged 9 he has a pretty good understanding of what makes him tic. How can we expect our children to understand others while they do not understand themselves? I actually have two sons with ASD and my eldest now 19 was not diagnosed until he was 13. Although I knew that David needed answers as he was asking so many questions himself, not only that he was working his way through a medical dictionary, I did worry about how he would take it. To me it was no different than waiting to tell a 13 year old that they had been adopted - why keep it a secret? For David it was the begining of a journey of acceptance about who he was and what he was. He like you does not feel any guilt over the way he feels and acts Why should he? David tells me he always knew that he was different and carried that feeling around with him from being 4 years old Now he is happy in his skin most of the time although he does have some bad times. Matthew is still learning but he can now tell me when I am stressed and why and he is usually correct so maybe he will make a good psycologist or shrink I don't really care so long as he knows that who ever or whatever Matthew turn out to be will be just fine with us Oracle

Hope it's over now and went well. <'> <'> <'> to both of you. Oracle

David 19 can still get very angry with games but not nearly so bad as he used to. Matthew is also getting that way to David sort of grew out of it so maybe it's a maturity thing - which I hope does not sound awful. But maybe your son is just going through a stage now that David did a couple of years ago. ASD is after all a developmental delay. David is 19 going on 12. When David was at his worst I just stopped him from playing - you can imagine how that went down But it got to the point that I had to. I also depends on how much they can understand and take on board. David understood that I would not let him play while he continued to trash his room or use something as a punch bag. We had to find something that took the place of the aggression - he found heavy metal music worked - oh joy - for him mind you not us. But I did run with it because it was me saying find something to do that is acceptable. With David it came down to Zero tolerance which sounds really harsh but he was ruling the house and we were all terified of upseting him. So I bit the bullet. It had to be me as he took no notice at all of anyone else. It was hard - very much so but eventually we turned the corner. Carole

If you have read the links then you will know that Webster Stratton is a BIG issue with me. However more and more Authorities are taking this on as a one size fits all parenting class. I have even heard that Wales - yes the whole of - is going to pay lots of money to make this their intervention programme for families It's not designed specifically for families living with ASD although they do say that everyone will gain something from this. They also say that just meeting other families in the same position as yours help - find a local support group it has the same affect! The problem is that many Authorities are now marking it down that the families are moaning but not willing to try and put things right. This really worries me because it's a way of putting the blame onto the parents. The last time I checked there was only the bog standard WS course operating in the UK with no one trained to deliver this to ASD families. I am busy bashing NAS's ear about this but we could do with about another 3000 parents doing likewise Oracle

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This is why we have to fight em Jo no matter how knackered we are <'> Oracle

Throwing money at this problem is not going to solve it - certainly not if they are throwing it at Mainstream Schools. It needs to be accepted that many of our children require specialist provision and nothing else will do the job. It's strange that no one has mentioned today that the National Autsim Plan for Children was screaming out for specialist traning for teachers especially while they were training. That plan came out 3/4 years ago now and how far down the road are we to training teachers being trained in ASD? The bricks and motar of what needs to be done are there but no one ever starts to build with them However I also worry that there is now a HUGE lobby for the ABA style of specialist provision Treehouse being one such provision, and while I know that there are many parents who want this kind of provision there are also many who do not. We need a menu of provision because children and adults with autism are more indivdual than individuals if that makes sense. Oracle

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Lorraine I did wonder if this little girl could be going cold turkey because I do know when parents begin the GCF diet this can often happen. If you take away the foods that are giving them a high all at once then the withdrawl can be very distressing and It's very difficult when I child can not tell you how they are feeling. Oracle

I can tell you to go with your gut and if your gut is telling you that there is something wrong then don't be fobbed off by anyone. There are lots of reasons why she could be losing weight not all are sinister but they need to be looked into. Are there any other symptoms eg drinking more than she used to. This happened with my cousins daughter and she is diabetic. We have loads of diabetics in our family and weight lose and drowsiness can be symptoms. I am however not a doctor but I just wanted you to be aware that you can lose weight for many reasons. The only other things that jumped out at me was this Is there a reason for this? Could it be the change that has brought this about? Have you thought to put them back into her diet and see what happens. If it were me I would - but you probably already have. My son lives on Crisps and Kit Kats but because he is not over weight and is otherwise fit and healthy I leave well alone - because I do have parents in our group who have removed these foods and ended up with children who stop eating. You know your daughter best so you go with what you feel needs to be done here. Oracle

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