jlp

I don't know whether to mention this as we have a child and family appointment coming up this week but having some mild ponderings about G who's 6. It came to my notice a while ago that he doesn't seem to recognise people - in reception he came home really confused one day on an own clothes day as he didn't 'know anyone' in their own clothes. He's just started a new school and one of the things highlighted on a recent report was that he's having problems knowing the childen's names, even children who he has played with quite frequently - they're dealing with this by putting the childrens names next to their photos that are already in class. But it also reminded me of times when he has thought someone was someone else who he plays with frequently because they had a clippered haircut as does the child he plays with. Not explaining very well as having the life harrassed out of me trying to type this but will I look really neurotic if I mention this? Could he just not be very good with faces?

Thank you - forgot to say he's just turned 6 and it started on his 5th birthday! Will give that number a ring later.

Some good advice there - I haven't anything useful myself by wanted to send a <'> as it sounds so stressful. Mine fight too and ds#1 recently made ds#2s nose bleed, followed by ds#2 throwing something in retaliation and blacking ds#1s eye - all you can do is your best.

Not too worry - thanks anyway <'>

I requested these from G's school about a week before Christmas, changed schools due to a bit of a crisis and he started a new school in January. Do the old school still have to comply with my written request for records? They're being as awkward as possible. Or will I have to request them again from the new school? Would prefer them from the old one as I've already upset them

Hi I'm in sunny Gateshead

I know it's a real long shot and don't expect to get it, but as he's getting bigger it's hard (actually impossible) to carry him far kicking and screaming. Quite often I've resorted to having him in the buggy on the way home from school as a manic 1 (now 2) yr old is easier to manage! Not so easy now as he's changed schools and busier roads so can't let the littlie walk. It's just imo he meets the criteria but I do realise that hardly anyone gets the higher rate, just kinda hoping if I keep objecting they may get sick of me (dream on I know!)

Sorry if this is in the wrong forum - I did look but couldn't see a DLA one? I'm tired though so it could be glaringly obvious! Just a quickie - we recently reapplied and our DLA has continued at a high care rate and low mobility. I asked for the decision to be reviewed in hope of high mobility too but it was kept at the original award so now I'm trying an appeal, I know it's a long shot. The decision in writing was 'we accept that G has challenging behaviour, difficulties in school interaction and arrested brain development but there is no evidence of significant learning difficulties. Overall there is not enough to qualify for a higher rate of benefit.' I have only until the 4th Feburary to appeal (delayed even starting due to poorly children) and can't think of anything else. I've explained the problems we have out an about and given examples of incidents that have happened. My main query is it doesn't say they need to have learning difficulties to get higher rate? We get care at high rate, they accept he has challenging behaviour and for severe metal impariment 'the person must be suffering from arrested development or incomplete physical development of the brain which results in severe impairment of intelligence and social functioning' - I've used the 'useful intelligence' argument but it obviously hasn't had an impact. Any new ideas / input would be gratefully recieved?

Hi Zemanski I'm interested in prosopagnosia - how did you discover you son had this - it interests me as I've read a little bit and it came to mind when my son went to school on own clothes day and didn't recognise any of his class! Also it could just be him getting used to things but he started a new school a week ago but only knows one name. Might have to go and google now!

That would possibly set my son off, I think it's a routine thing too. It's reminded me of G watching old videos the other day of his 4th birthday, he's 6 now - he saw his gifts (which he was ok with if not madly interested in the video) and went into a major meltdown as he 'didn't ask for those presents' when he was 4. Hugs it's alway the unexpected that catches me out too - usually followed by an 'oh no!' realisation before the meltdown.

Sorry I'm not a regular poster here - more of a reader. Having major school worries with ds#1 atm and have been tossing and turning and going over options and I've had to get up out of bed. Hopefully if I write it all down I can maybe get to sleep (although chances are one of my boys will then wake ) and KarenT I think I've bored you senseless via email so please donn't feel obliged to read this! Right to summarise: G is 6 (as of tuesday) and has AS, very bright and in a mainstream school (my old school which is actually irrelevant) where he's been since just turned 3. He had quite severe problems in nursery which resulted in him being sent home on some occasions for violence and verbal aggression - lovely teacher however. Diagnosed at just turned 5 by which time he had settled fairly painlessly into reception class although I did have some concerns that school basically didn't understand autism (comments on his report about not listening etc) Requested meeting with Y1 class teacher before G went into Y1 to discuss this and asked to bring along our autism support worker to basically give a crash course on AS - refused by head, slightly gobsmacked. Y1 has gone steadily downhill, with G's behaviour worsening at home (stammering, bedwetting anxieties and fears increasing, fear of being alone anywhere - I can't even nip upstairs to the loo without taking him, significant increase in violence towards me, many more meltdowns) and at school. Given support from LEA autism teacher for 2 afternoons. He was excluded for one day last week for kicking his teacher. Review on friday, they want to go for a statement so do I, great - thinking 100% 1-1 support. Ed psych also mentions special asd units. As the review was held at 4 days notice the autism teacher from LEA wasn't able to be there and they refused to change the meeting for her so she was highly annoyed, understandably as she's the schools 'expert' Also turns out that school have had no training on autism, suspect this has been offered but turned down. Parent partnership lady came and I met with her yesterday - apparently she had been given ear-bashing for being at the meeting (bit awkward that one as our barnardoes support worker had invited her and was going to explain her but she was late due to traffic) although nothing said to us. Rang LEA autism teacher to let her know how review went, she says G will definately not get a statement as she will be asked if she feels that school have done everything they can to help G and she can't say they have. She believes that there is very much a 'blame' thing going on with himrather than finding out how to help him and is not happy with how things have escalated with the exculsion. Basically not at all happy with school's attitude (and I suppose she goes into lots of schools) and recommended 2 schools to us. She does not believe G can continue in his school for the 6+ months a statement would take and thinks he would be fine in mainstream in a 'sympathetic' environment. Also says G's class is noisy and chaotic which confuses me as surely all Y1 classes are noisy to some degree. Rang school 1 which sounded good, 15 pupils in Y1, school fully trained and coping with asd pupils - it's full. Am going to ring school 2 tomorrow. But my worries are - what if this school isn't suitable or doesn't want G? And moving schools will be a massive thing for G, we will have a mega reaction to this (shudders at the memory of the summer respite scheme - and that was excellent 8 children to 6 staff), if it doesn't work we'll have to do all this again and I think it's so important to be right the first time. We've been told if this doesn't work we have excellent grounds for a statement. There is a mainstream school with an asd unit quite a way away which sounds ideal and is highly spoken of by mums at an as group I go to. LEA autism teacher thinks G isn't severe enough for unit, wouldn't get into unit without statement and certainly wouldn't get transport without being in the unit and having a statement, making it impossible for me to get him there when dp is working (he works shifts) Even the local school which I'm going to ring tomorrow is going to be a significant walk (40mins there, 40 mins back and same at hometime). Getting G to his current school (20mins walk) can take over an hour on a bad day and at times I've wondered how to get him there / back at all - he tried to push me into busy traffic during a major meltdown 2 weeks ago and clung to every door knob and lamp post we passed. Feeling very confused at all these options, except when I think things through there's not many options at all. All is harder as the LEA teachers concerns are in confidence so can't confront school openly. Really if I had the choice I'd have him in the special unit - but he needs a statement and leaving him somewhere where he's so unhappy for 6mths isn't good and also all the professionals have advised looking for another school. If you've got this far thanks for reading. If you've got this far without becoming hopelessly confused then you've acheived more than I have! I'm going to be so tired tomorrow and both boys are ill. Please let me get some sleep!

Not remotely organised here! I have the boys pressies but have been concentrating on a review we had on Friday (quite a biggie as ds#1 has gone really downhill behaviourwise and was exclused from school this week also, then ds#1s first ever birthday party today (which passed off without major incident). Also have a DLA appeal due in by Christmas Eve whic I haven't even started writing up and really need to do some shopping. Stressed? Me?

We have a 5yr old perfectionist too. I cringe if he makes a mistake in his homework as I know not long after it'll be getting thrown. He's been taught presumably at school to rub mistakes out but I didn't know this until the night I let him write with pen. Huge upset as it wouldn't rub out! We now have stockpiles of pencils, sharpeners and rubbers and make sure he always writes in pencil. I still never dare tell him if he's written something backwards or got something wrong though as I know that'll be IT and things will be thrown

We pay about �5 now he'll finally have his hair cut! Before then it was daddy with the clippers and me shoving sweets in Both my boys have been refused haircuts at the local barbers - they said it wasn't safe after seeing the boys reactions at the first snip.

My son loves cuddles - off me or close family only. However if I do something like put a jumper on him without telling him 'just going to put a jumper over your head' he gets angry.

Poor poor woman

<'> to both of you, it's so hard waiting for results and a diagnosis. Take care of yourselves when you do get them too as it can be a particularly difficult time emotionally even if you hear what you were expecting to iykwim.

It's a hard one - the anxieties are taking over our lives but he's only 5 Still they might come back and say he's too young anyway saving us from making tthe decision.

Thank you to all the really helpful replies I had to my last post about bedtime and school. Sorry it's taken me so long to thank you but home's hellish atm so not much pc time. We've been to the child and family unit where they think G is extremely anxious and said if he was older they would be considering medication for anxiety - they are going to discuss G at the next team meeting regarding this medication and if he's currently too young but even if if was possible does anyone know much about it? I'm concerned about side effects - short and long term, but then again leaving him this stressed and afraid of everything feels cruel too if there is a medication that can help? Any advice or experience gratefully received - he's 6 next month.

Btw have the clocks gone back?

I'm about to ring Alison while they both are running around the room on tip toe flapping screaming and bouncing on the furniture.

And hi Nikki and Karen!

G is in Y1 and is struggling after an okish reception yr. I'm not convinced school 'get it' and wonder about a special school. However it's likely G is 'not bad enough' and also he is really very bright so I wonder. I think he needs a special school for his social skills and to be taught by staff who understand him but still needs a challenging curriclum - would this be possible in a special school?! I don't know (have no experience of special schools). We've been told unless his violence (not too bad but he shouts at people) increases he's likely to be in mainstream throughout his education.

Hi I've posted this elsewhere on a more general parenting site but was hoping for some advice or even to hear anyone else has similar problems! I haven't been online for ages due to pc problems but this is really getting me down. Right where to start? G (5 with AS) used to go to bed alone and awake, we tucked him in gave him a kiss, no problems... The he watched Thomas and the Magic Railway, got frightened of 'grabbers' and was frightened to go to bed alone, easily distracted by us putting a DVD (non scary - Little Red Tractor or other v tame one) on and then going downstairs. This worked for a bit then he beacme frightened at being alone even with a DVD. He was ok if ds#2 was in the bottom bunk but this can't be relied on as ds#2 is another story and doesn't sleep either! So then if ds#2 was awake he either stays downstairs with daddy or if daddy is on nights he came up with me and we read quietly in dps and my bedroom. Dp decided that since we were staying upstairs anyway and the DVD was only to distract him from being alone that ds had the choice of a DVD or mammy / daddy staying upstairs (not a real choice as he was always going to pick mammy / daddy over the DVD - but we felt that the dvd was keeping him awake longer and not helping with the whole getting to sleep problem) NOW ds is frightened being alone in his room even with me / daddy in the other room so needs me on the bottom bunk. Where do we go from here? If dp isn't at work then he could be with one ds and me with the other but when he's at work how can I do this? Trying to keep ds#2 quiet and in the same room as ds#1 so ds#1 can go to sleep is going to be impossible. It seems like when ever we find a solution to the problem the problem gets worse. He is genuinely frightened and hysterical so it's not just a matter of putting our feet down - I've tried 10p rewards and he sobs he doesn't want 10p (he'll usually do anything for a small cash reward - he saves up for trains!) just me to be in the bottom bunk. I had a surprise call from the autistic teacher on Thursday asking if she could come out - she'd been into school for a routine meeting and had been asked into a meeting about G - his behaviour has been a lot worse in Y1 (just started Y1 in Sep) after a good reception year. She has put some things into place including a visual timetable, G not to go alone to the toilet (he's scared to be alone even at school and just doesn't go to the toilet if no one else is going), behaviour cards, not forcing eye contact and a masking taped area for the carpet (?) so he knows where to sit at carpet time. I don't really get that as imo opinion telling him he has to sit on the carpet for 'a story' should be clear enough for him, he's v bright and should be able to understand that but nevermind. He's also going to get 1 to 1 for 2 half days a week at school and the class has a temp classroom assistant in then are getting a student teacher (last yr his class had an assistant, this year it's 1 teacher to 30 children). I had no indication from school that it wasn't going well but his behaviour at home has declined so much since September. He's started wetting the bed every single night after being dry for nearly a year, more tantrums, more fears (now scared of the bath and of having the bed covers on him even though he cries that he'll get cold), a need to be in control and more rigid and easily upset than usual. Don't know what to do but things really do seem to be getting worse and worse. I suppose a start would be trying to get ds#2 into a sleep time routine (not sure how as he's another one who doesn't need much sleep) so I can concentrate on ds#1 when the little one's asleep. One last question / observation - why when the one thing we used to give thanks for was that ds#1 was always a good sleeper has he stopped being able to get to sleep? Apart from the other fuss he can't get off to sleep easily and wakes a lot during the night. He's on melatonin now but no one seemed very interested in why he suddenly needed it - he used to be on vallergan as he has severe eczema but only for 6mths before he stopped sleeping. The Dr said this masked the sleep problem but before the vallergan (given to make his sleep deeper so he scratched less) he didn't have a sleep problem, so it feels more like the vallergan caused the sleep problem - G came off it very slowly as instructed and had a good clear period with no medication to try and get his body back used to having no medication at night before we were desperate enough to try melatonin. The melatonin worked v well at first but not so well now and I know they can up the dose (he's only on 2mg) but where will we be when his body gets used to that? Sorry for the ramble - I just have so much spinning around my head and no one to turn to for advice on how to sort this Bedtime is probably an extension of this school stress I know. Even his stammer has started to come back and he's flapping too which he didn't do much at all and it's really upsetting me to see him so upset. I'm wondering if we've picked the right school or if we'd have problems no matter what school. Sorry for the essay!

They take you by surprise don't they? My ds is enjoying these holidays but after complaining for the last few months of term that he hated school, tears every morning, he wants to go back now! The last easter holidays though he absolutely regressed - developed a stammer that meant he was barely intelligable and his behaviour was awful. No reason that we could think of either. We've also had a major freak out at a dinosaur exhibition we though he'd enjoy when he was almost 4. Hope things improve for you before it's time to go back to school!