llisa32

You're not mad and I'm having exactly the same sort of convs with my nearly 8 year old at the moment. He gets covered in bruises and finds it hard (impossible) to tell the difference between kids taking full advantage (bullyling) and 'playing'. Only last week before they broke up for half term both myself and the teachers have struggled to get him to understand that it's not acceptable and that he needs to tell a teacher when it happens. Unfortunately for him school rules RULE, and the one about 'telling tales' has stuck with him at moment! I'm glad it away this is not the first time for us cos this time at least the teachers are noticing that J is almost completly incapable of telling the diff between playing and being picked on. They are now keeping a close eye as a result. J just says 'if i think of something else why they do it it doesn't hurt!

Hiya, I've had the same problem with J and 'activities'...he really wanted to do Karate at one of the large sports centres about a year and half ago...he went a couple of times and then no amount of persuasion of the fact we'd just paid out in advance plus bought uniform etc was gonna get him back there. I think for that one it was the class size and he founf it quite difficult to pick up the words/instrcutions being used. It was a shame cos he didn't stop showing us his 'moves' at home so he obs wanted to learn it. School started offering it as an 'extra' last year and they fit it into one of the free periods on a friday, this seems to suit him much better..the class size is smaller, it's not after school cos try as i might I can't entice him into any after school club, even when his classmates are in them. We still have the odd week of him saying he doesn't want to go but horrible as it may sound I remind him we've paid in advance, and we'll review at the end of term - then quickly change the subject! I know he enjoys it, although he gets really cross if anyone distracts him when he's concentrating. The karate teacher is contactable by email which is useful for me to get updates. For a boy a recomend karate if u can find the right class size/environment, it seems to be something that they feel puts them on even keel with their peers and he's now dead chuffed that he's ready for a grading.

Thanks all for your comments it's good to know i'm not alone...today was truely a cringing moment...Esp as I was supposed to be on a conf call for work at the precise moment he decided to walk off down the drive leaving me with his mates! It has however given me the kick up the bum I needed. I've had a letter from the local family services dept for a week now inviting me to make an appt for an initial chat about my concerns re possible aspergers and to progress with specialist etc. I've sat on the letter all week..just waiting for me to gather strength for what feels like a whole can of worms. My mums pretty poorly at the mo and works manic and I just needed to convince myself that I was not going to cause more stress etc for nothing (still doubting myself I know!..but....NOT ANYMORE Enough now...episode this pm clinched it for me and I rang them half an hour after things had settled and J was at his nans. He's slept up his nans tonigh now and I've spent all nite feeling sorry for him...he was soo looking forward to playing with them and it was totally his instigation to play today. they were out when he knocked for them this morning and he was going to sit at the bottom of our drive to wait for them to get back until i convinced him it would be better to just put a note thru the door so they can come knock for him when back. It's just such a shame....he really does not underdstand the mechanics of it...even when the lad was trying to tell him they had the same quilt cover j carried on his train of convs with the younger sister and completly blanked him. Bless the other boy.....he commented on our cats being the same, beds the same...likeing same toys etc etc..he was nine, my boy will be 8 in oct. I'm quite uneasy about how this will all pan out, because now they 'know' each other J see's nothing wrong in just taking himself into their back garden to look thru back door and see if in etc etc , plus if he see's/hears them playing outside he will be stariught round there or bringing them here. As he's so naive I really don't like him just too-ing and fro-ing between the houses cos I can't see at house level where he's got to, and i really can't trust him not to wander off from the group of 3. An older mentor/friend would be perfect!! - my thinking cap is on!

So....last week we find out that new people next door have 3 kids!, 1 age 6, 1 age 9 and 1 age 10. With help from the mum we have them in and out of house last weekend...but then Monday I had to send them all home cos J was getting really hyper and def needed an early night. So today he put a note thru their door this morning saying they could come to ours this pm. They came over, he completely talked over all of them and went off doing his own thing. I looked round and couldn't find him...saw him walking off down the driveway with his bike on his own!!! Went running off after him said where u going on yr own? - he said 'ive told them where i'm going' ..I freaked a little and said 1. you're not allowed on yr own on yr bike...a nd no.2 your friends all inside the houise!! - he completly did not get it. The eldest girl then came out and said she'd cycle with him. They came back 15 mins later and he dumped his bike and stomped off up the road to his nans!. Wouldn't even come back to say bye...just said 'I didn't want to play what they were playing' and he completely did not get that he shouldn't leave his friends in our house on their tod! I then had to send kids home and explain to mummy next door what had happened - sortof! Mega embarassing!! Then i felt bad for telling him off cos he really didn't get what he'd done wrong! Me thinks I should give this lark up - although it's difficult cos he does want to play with people but very much on his own terms only.

Hiya, J is driving us and himself nuts with his constant early wake ups! It's always been the same but as he's now a bit older and far more active he gets way more tired. No matter what time he goes to bed he'll get up at the crack of dawn. Once he's awake he just cannot/willnot go back to sleep. If it's after 5am I have no chance at all of persuading him he should go back. He's now sussed that if he goes into the lounge quietly enough we won't notice he's up...so it's only when we then get up around 6.45 we find out he's been up an hour or more before us. Is this a common theme and what have others done...I'm starting to despair cos when he gets tired he's really short tempered and ratty.

AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH So...this morning I find a teacher and J stands with me..I say that in my opinion 'other boy' is picking on J and we give the examples and I tell the teacher that I've explained once more to J what 'picking on him' means, and that he needs to tell the teacher at the time etc. Teacher says 'yes J, make sure you tell who's on break duty' and tells me she'll keep them apart during classes. Then starts saying to me 'but he's doing really well you know..he's playing at breaktimes, and all the other kids don't mind being his partner in work etc etc - like I've at some point questioned his popularity or his brain!! it then turns into one of those convs ONCE AGAIN insinuating that cos I only have the one child I have no comparison child and therefore I must be imagining things or neurotic!!!!! I pointed out at this point that he may be fine at school (in their opinion) but play dates at home turn him into little hitler, she said ahh yess, but you don't know what he's like at other peoples houses!!. To be fair...yes reports from others peoples houses have been fine, but not many other parents are going to particularly pay much attention to the play date they'll just leave them to get on with it and manners whise he's fine. Plus many mums won't tell u if your kids been a little bit of a pest! I've had to explain several times this morning what being a bully is (again!), J says but it's ok...if I think of something elsze it doesn't hurt!!! - I am so ranting I have no idea how I'm gonna work this morning!"!!! From reading many of the threads on here I know that quite of few of you have children that do fine (apprently) at school but then save all the more quirky stuff for home and I'm starting to think thats why he's always so tired after school. I'll scream once more cos it might help :)aaarrrgggghhhhhh

Thanks! they do make me feel like I'm either bonkers or imagining things. They have told me several times now that J is 'playing' with the other kids fine in the playground..so therefore socialising. However....I know that just because he's seen with a group of kids does not mean he is actively taking part in proper conversation/play and I know from the many play dates we've now done at home that he definately has not read 'how to win friends and influence them!' Last year in year one I noticed over a week he'd got more and more bruises all over his legs, I asked how he was getting so many and he said that a few of the boys in the yer above had been jumping on him at playtime and it was a 'game' I told him that if kids do stuff to him that hurts or that he doesn't like he needs to tell the teacher but it's firmly in his head that you shouldn't tell tales about stuff from breaktime so they've obviously all had a lecture about that. However...I told the teacher and the main boy involved was reprimanded and it didn't happen again. But...tonight he starts telling me about another boy in his class today kicking him at breaktime and it seems pushing and shoving etc whenever he can get away with it. Again J didn't say nothing to teacher cos he said they wouldn't believe him and asked me to tell the boys mum. I'm going to bypass the mum and make it more than clear to the teacher that it most definately does not constitute playing and that J cannot tell when people are picking on him - whats more annoying is that J is the biggest and strongest in the whole class so if he actually did hit back at anyone I'm pretty sure they wouldn't do it again.

Hi there.....As you've probably guessed we're still waiting for our appt re the specialist for suspected aspergers....In the meantime I once again tried to lead the teachers into a discussion of what I see as slightly 'diff from the norm' behaviour. I pointed out last week that my son looked really uncomfortable the entire way through his year groups play - he did his lines etc but spent the entire 40 mins squinting cos of the lights and looking like he'd rather be anywhere but there. The teacher said 'ah, that was J concentrating! - thats why he looked so fed up! Then they usually add ''but he's lovely!'...and use that to close the convs..it's almost like they think I'm trying to imply he's not lovely by thinking he may have aspergers! - it's really really exasperating! Last night he said 'mummy....come here I have something to tell you...I need to talk to you'' I went over to him thinking he must have just done something 'naughty' and was about to fess up (always does), but instead he said 'I'm not a 'normal' child' I thought 'oh my god...whats he gonna tell me!...then he says ' I'm not normal cos it takes me ages rto get to sleep and then i always wake up early and i'm never tired! - ie whatever time he eventually goes off to sleep he will always be up at first light. Unfortunately he does get very easily tired and we suffer with temper tantrums because of that. Anyway...back to main point..have many of you been in this situation where the school doesn't seem to either see/ or want to see a potential issue...how have you got round it?. At the moment I am just seeing the specialist without school knowledge but using reports from the LSU re Dyslexia and I'm keeping a diary of J's behaviour.

Hiya...thanks very much ...running round like a maniac at the moment trying to get packed cos we're off to france for a couple of days without kiddie!. Might get the chance to sit still Hope you all have a goodweekend too...and I'll be back browsing away on Tuesday I'm hoping to go away feeling 50 and come back more like 37!

Hi...I can kinda relate to what you're going through with your brother, I too had one that managed to totally manipulate me for many years..unfortunately you love them so you go with it. I think for your peace of mind you need to decide which actions you can live with and if this means taking the least confrontational route then so be it. Regards your badge it should be easy enough to ring and say you're not sure which relie's car you left it in and as no ones found it yet you need a new one. Text your bro..tell him you had to order a new one for obvious reasons. Regards the money...I'd prob guess that you're right and that you'll have to write it off..but..you need to find someway of making sure you don't get sucked in again in the future...I know how hard it can be when they claim to be desperate etc but you need to look out for yourself and your own immediate family and Bro's gotta start standing on own 2 feet. Are there any relatives he might listen to? I do feel for you...it's a horrible situation to be in and you end up loving them and hating them at the same time Take care

Thanks all for the comments and suggestions...good to know I'm not the only one. And yes....I do seem to be more bothered about the outcome of these playdates than J - It's a shame as he does ask me to have friends over but once they've been here a short while he really can't be bothered with them ....almost like too much effort. He said the best thing about yesterday was going to the playground. Unfortunately today I got the end result of him getting too tired...major tantrum this afternoon..he hasn't had one of these for a couple of months..complete paddy over nothing. He put himself in his bedroom and trashed it...luckily nothing breakable in there but complete tip - he then baracaded me out by putting all the duvets/blankets and soft doors behind the door.. Came out after out an hour...still in a huff..then was going to run away from home! - he put his trainers on so I locked the front and back doors and hid the keys..so much for reading the papers .. Waited some time and then managed to entice him with a game of who could cut the chicken up into the smallest pieces before throwing into the frying pan. Lovin it! Pearl...side note to you..Perhaps your son might make son friends once he starts his job. My ex (suspect Asp) has been lucky in that he's known the same circle of friends via work for a long time now. One in particular he shares a passion for watching football with , another american football. They all acknowledge his 'has his ways' but it's just been accepted..even when he choses not to speak to them for a couple of weeks !. So I'm hopeful for your son and mine...same as with husbands I think we all find the right friend/s eventually

I can see I need to conserve all the energy I can get Thats exactly what happened yesterday...I had to call hubby in to help the friend on the Xbox as J got completly fed up cos his friend didn't know what he was going on about and expected him to know the story back to front and just 'keep up' like he did Hubby ended up playing xbox with the friend whilst I had another 'chat' with J I think I'll tell the teachers where they can out this idea soon....I've been perservering cos they kept insinuating that cos he's an only child he don't mix enough etc and that play dates were the answer! - so hence I've now got it into my head that I need to be able to say 'actually...we've done loads of playdates etc now' plus he's with a class full of kids all day and nothings changed ! - bah humbug to the teachers! They also said thats why he uses grown up and long words....cos he's an only child! - I'm as cockney as you like so we def don't speak like that at home

Hiya...Playdate was not great and I have to confess to being very glad when it was all over! I'm starting to feel like I'm conducting science experiments J completely ignored any wishes of his friend all afternoon but because he'd let him use his toys/xbox etc he merrily thinks he's been sharing etc. At one point J went off into another room in a huff cos the boy was not playing a game how he had 'told' him it should be done - basically his friend ended up pretty confused... I was really surprised how dictating my son was and completely demanding...same as he is with us. even when we went to the playground it was all 'follow me' 'do it this way' 'look at me' 'go round it this way' ! I had to have several quiet words with him yesterday to remind him that with friends you need to do a bit of give and take etc...but bless after a second he was oblivious again! The last few play dates have been with more 'passive' boys, but unfortunatly because they won't pass the football to him in breaktimes he's now not speaking to them Much. Apparently they do not stick to the 'rules', but even yesterday him and his friend had a little kick around with my hubby and the boy wouldn't pass to my son then even... I've asked J about it and he says he sometimes passes to the wrong team at school cos they were going to 'charge' him - so hence why they keep not letting him play that one.. It's all very frustrating both for me and J...esp as we're currently in limbo land waiting for specialist referral

Wow!! - I am sortof lost for words....yes my son J had a huge head when he was born and was one of the reasons why we had such an awful labour! Gosh....we too had specialist check whilst he was till a baby to make sure there were no issues with having such a large head and to this day have struggled to get hats to fit him - although it is slowing now and more in line with rest of him (7.5yrs at mo) Seems all the time whilst I'm waiting for the specialist appt now more and more stuff fits

Phew.......I can see why J's behaviour may be 'standing him out' in the playground. His classmate came over at 2pm today and I've already cringed about 10 times! Friend starts telling him about new lego guy he got...J said 'which one, my tooth fell out' all in one breath They are struggling to find anything to play with indoors as J is dictating everything..For damage limitation I'm going to take them out to the adventure playground in 10 mins time and then onto Macdonalds for some tea He's been counting down the minutes from this morning till he came so we started at 300 minutes! - but now he's here he's acting like a little egomaniac!.... Ahh, well hopefully it will improve when we get to playground ....

Just found this thread and it did make me laugh.. J has really struggled with sarcasm but we've made a pretty concerted effort to help him get to grips with it as we're all frequent users However....instead of retorting something back he will stand there with his arms folded and in a very reprimanding way say ''I know you're using sarcasm!.....aren't you?' - you sort of start to feel like a naughty kid

I too am ever envious of parents whose children seem to stay 'put' or are actually bothered about losing sight of their mum or dad! One shopping trip when he was about 5 I was in a clothes shop with my mum and J, one sec we spoke to him the next gone - i ran around like a looney (pretty puffed and red faced one - not too fit ...we were both calling him name and nuthin.... I'd just alerted a security guard and they were about to close the exits down when out he came from behind some clothes...he'd been on the floor picking up all those little plastic size tab things you get on clothes hangers. I was soo stresseed (and puffed!) I couldn't even speak let alone tell him off He runs off everywhere and has never been bothered once about losing sight of us - as much as possible I don't take him shopping now unless I know it's just me and him and we're gonna be very quickly in and out for a couple of things

I read the same blog today....it's all been a real eye opener.. I have nothing but admiration for all of you guys currently battling...I hope I can be as strong as all of you cos it looks like you need to be. I can't believe this is all going on, and too be honest...it's all so in the background as it were. Ie unless you're in the situation that you need to get involved you remain blissfully ignorant...(although it seems those LEA guys fall into that box!

Hi all, Before I ramble I'd just like to say how helpful I've found this forum and thanks for being so welcoming Many of you seem to be having a really tough time at the mo and I relly appreciate you sparing some time for my worries. I've had a semi good day today....Still reading up like a maniac, but...My son's godfather called for a chat today, I haven't spoken with him for a few months and have never mentioned to him my suspicions re aspergers before either. However....I needed to chat and it dawned on me that he's also my son's dad's best mate...therefore knows both of them! As soon as I broached the topic and mentioned some traits he completely agreed! I mentioned social interaction is a particular issue for J and he told me all about a couple of times J has been at his house with his dad and they've had other adults with kids round and how's j's behaved - ie, to be found in the corner with a couple of the younger kids and no way hose outside with everyone else He actually had to be brought home from there once as a woman had shouted at him to 'stop!' cos she thought he was about to dive headfirst into the pond. He got really upset, wouldn't sepak to anyone and had to come home But...least I know now that somethings are obvious to other people close to us outside of family. When I mentioned some of J's dads behaviour to his best mate he couldn't believe they were all traits! - esp when I told him that having a 'gait' is also one...he said...ah blimey! - we've been taking the mickey out of that walk with him for years! , but dad's obviously gotten used to it and gives back far worse than he gets We're having a playdate tomorrow afternoon...I'm systematically working my way through the class , but least then i can see more closely for my self re the interaction etc Fingers crossed

Hiya, I've got round this one by getting him a little chair that he can move instead:) It's like a disc shaped one that he can sit crossed legged in - and theres room for blankets etc - mine was a tenner at asda's. Might hep Rgds Lisa

Hiya, Well.....last week I was pretty pleased with myself...After speaking with you guys I got my list of things together, took them to the GP and he agreed a referral to a specialist for aspergers was warrented. Then I had a little rant about my son's school on here cos the LSU hadn't discussed his reading abilities etc with his head teacher, and then i found out he was very unco-ordinated in sports and 'needed to grow into his limbs' I got into a right paddy on Tuesday as the 'grow into limbs' along with last years 'he'll grow out of his quirky ways' just really got me mad So....sorted out the school in terms of speaking to LSU and re-instating support for Sept onwards re Dyslexia...but now I'm reading...doubting....reading...doubting. In fact I'm driving myself mad! On Tuesday night I met with my sons dad (who we strongly suspect to have aspergers), I discussed all with him and gave him the tony attwood book to read - he's just gone away for a week so I told him take the book with him That all went quite well....and he was happy that the GP agreed (for him he deals with facts only, and the GP agreement meant to him not just my imgaination) Problem I have I guess is that because my son's behaviour differs depending on who he's with I still keep doubting myself . Lots of the behaviour is the same, but stuff like eating...Some meals he will only eat at school...if we try and make the same 'it doesn't taste right'. Some stuff he will only eat at daddies and some stuff only at mine. That said it's all pretty limited and usually just soft stuff everywhere but school. He couldn't decide what to eat for 3 hours the other night.....in the end I did the worst thing and shouted! - instantly regretted it as he then just stuck his hands over his ears, curled up and refused to speak. Then when I thought he'd finally gone to sleep seems he was just crying cos got out of bed 1.5 hours later ready for a cuddle, with huge puffy eyes and runny nose saying 'I'm still hungrey I think...but I can't decide We went for cold tin of spaghetti numbers and 5 mins playing and then bed again! Anyways.....don't know what to do with myself at the moment - any suggestions much appreciated

Hiya.....I have several times resorted to saying ' I have my weekly chat with the headmaster tomorrow' - 'yes,,,we have those every week (not! I'm lucky that J see's the headmaster as being very in charge and if I mention that I'm duty bound to inform him of bad behaviour at home sometimes it works! Don't know if they give out tokens/stickers for good behaviour at your son's school...but maybe thats worth giving a go at home? - weeks worth = treat at weekend etc Thats also been pretty good for me Hope that helps

Just a thought....Quite often with my son when I'm trying to get a good idea of birthday/xmas pressies etc I'll log onto Ebay with him next to me and just let him keep scrolling through the games.consoles etc. You can type anything in the search field (ours are usually power Rangers/Pokemon/DS/Xbox ) I've taught him how to click the 'watch' button...so then I can just scroll through all the things he's put in there and get an idea. Thankfully he hasn't quite figured out how to bid yet!

My vote also goes to the DS - has been a life saver when waiting in restaurants and when traveling If you search on Ebay you can get some pretty good deals on the games Definately go for the age 3+ games so that he can pick them up and get used to playing My son's been bought a couple that were in the next age group (he's 7) and although they should have been fine there were too many rules etc within the game and he got easily frustrated. Hope this helps Lisa

Hiya, Keep practising 'playing' skills with J so tonight....... I get assigned my power rangers, told which 'powers' they have, told how to use the powers..... I then deviated and suggested my ones could do something else cos to be honest I wasa kinda losing the plot a little about how I was supposed to be even holding mine let alone making the right noises (apparently I did those wrong too) In the end I burst out laughing as I thought we musta looked so ridiculus! - he asked why I was laughing, I said cos I'm confused and it's getting pretty complicated. He showed me again....I got it wrong....again.... J said 'Ahh man, now you're getting me confused!