Kathryn

You've done brilliantly Sally and I know from everything you've posted over a long period of time that this has been a HUGE project for you. You should not have had to do it - it's no doubt taken up time which should be spent just enjoying being with your son. And how many parents have the ability to put together a case as you have done? By the way I think your pm inbox is full as I tried to send you a pm just now and failed. K x

Good luck! Hope it goes well. K x

Hi bb1976 I've edited this post to remove the personal information, which could easily identify you, such as your son's name and date of birth, and the names and location of professionals you've been involved with. First names and initials are generally OK to use. I don't know why Camhs have responded in this way. Have you told them all the information you've given us here about how increasingly stressed your son is? K x

I've had good and bad experiences with our local Camhs so I think I get where both of you are coming from, Bid and BB. My daughter was referred to a Camhs team at age 15 when she had mental health problems- they didn't get AS and it was very frustrating - the child psychotherapist was clearly out of her depth and incapable of supporting us - in fact she used to end up in tears. Then we were referred to the specialist adolescent outreach team and the consultant psychiatrist was fantastic, she would come to our house and spend as long as we needed just talking through stuff - she would persist with my very angry daughter when everyone else gave up, she wrote endless reports for us and she was my life line really. So it depends who you get. BB I'm sorry you're having such a bad experience at the moment. K x

I find mine disappear from view when I put clothes on. K x

That's brilliant Justine!! K x

Hi Suzanne, Welcome to the forum It's a long time since I had 22 month old so I don't know if what you're describing is significantly outside "normal" range of development or not. Hopefully others with younger children will share experiences and views. Try not to blame yourself, if your son is healthy and contented and gets attention from you, you're doing OK as a mum and as Suze said you're doing all the right things to get him checked out by professionals. If there are real concerns, the sooner they are identified the sooner he can start to get any help he needs. It may help to keep a notebook of your own observations so that you can share these with the doctor who does the assessment. K x

Well done! I had thought you would need an adjournment but not having to haggle over parts 2 and 3 must have helped to shorten the time considerably. Did you prepare your closing statement beforehand or did you make it up as you went along? Who can say which way it will go, but it sounds as though you had strong arguments on both the suitability and costs issue, and normally if you win the suitability argument outright the panel wouldn't even look at costs. I think it takes a long time these days to get the Decision out, and if it's a complex one it usually takes longer anyway, so try to relax and forget about it as far as you can. Hope you have some nice distracting things planned! K x

Glad to hear that there are some good things happening for your son. Helpful professionals make all the difference. I know we've had a discussion in a previous thread about whether teachers deliberately lie - but whether or not that was the case here, it's always difficult to recapture these off the record remarks when you really need them. Get everything in writing, I always say, having learned to my cost, what happens when you don't. K x

Hi aceartist Welcome to the forum. For most people who are diagnosed as adults, the process seems to begin with a growing feeling that they are different, and this in turn leads them to approach professionals with a view to getting a diagnosis. What led to yours? K x

Good luck for the meeting. I think it's important to decide what you want to happen after the meeting, and to go armed with a few suggestions, otherwise the risk is that you may get vague promises with nothing specific put in place. There are things the school should be doing, in line with their legal duty of care, to keep both your son and Fred safe and happy in school, and these steps should be set out in their behaviour or anti - bullying policy. Get a copy of it before the meeting if you can: it should reassure you that the school will take this seriously. Take along a summary of incidents that have happened with Fred, in and out of the classroom, as far back as you can remember, including who you spoke to at school about it, and what action was agreed. This helps to show that this situation that has gone on over a period of time and hasn't been resolved. You can give a copy to the head afterwards. Ask the school what they are doing to stop it happening. You might want to suggest a number of things: that the boys are kept apart at playtime and in class, one of them moves to another class permanently,that the school applies consequences, such as loss of playtime or other privileges etc. where necessary. Can the 1-1 support be redeployed so that a closer eye is kept on your son at certain times, e.g. playtime? Do one or both boys need more support in learning social skills, which could include encouragement to join in more with other children so they are not always together? All this of course depends on what the school have been doing already. Thank them for any efforts they have made, even if it hasn't worked! It helps to keep them on side. It's important as well to stress the effect this situation is having on your son. Before you leave the meeting, clarify what the school have agreed to do and set a date for a future meeting to see if things have improved. It's always a good idea to write down your own understanding of what happened at the meeting, including a summary of the steps the school and you have agreed to take, and send it into the school shortly afterwards. I hope it goes well tomorrow and that this is soon resolved so that you can enjoy the last few weeks of your pregnancy in peace! K x

Great thread Amberzak! Neither I or my husband have AS so I can't really contribute to this thread. We have been married 25 years though, and together for 29. I hope everyone on this thread gets to that stage - and beyond. K x

Hi Pjsmum, Sorry I missed this topic when you first posted it. I'm afraid I don't know much about the tests but just wanted to say that my own daughter took an alternative route to university after getting no GCSE's or A levels. This was because things went badly wrong at school and she was unable to continue beyond year 10. To cut a long story short (it's posted eleswhere on this forum) she did an Access to Higher Education course at the local college. She was worried she wouldn't get any offers as she had no educational history for universities to go on. She actually got 5 offers out of 5 and if this doesn't sound too snobbish, they were all good universities. The course she got into would have required 3 A's at A level. The fact that 5 universities conditionally accepted her shows that uni's do consider people who are capable but have slightly unconventional backgrounds. All of them sent information about additional support as well. It took her a long time to be ready to take this step (she's now 22 and just starting her degree) but she has got there in the end and not too far behind her peers. So if A levels don't work out, an Access course might suit your daughter, if there's a local FE college which offers it. Happy to answer any questions you may have about it. K x

Yes, you've ensured that you will be forever immortalised here as the starter of the longest thread ever! Welcome back and congratulations on your marriage. K x

Hi Jade, Welcome to the forum - and to your mum as well if she's reading this. Not much to add to the great advice already given. If your mum prefers to talk to someone on the phone about your brother's problems at school, give her the numbers of the helplines on the link below. An adviser can then talk her through what she needs to do next, how to approach the school, etc. http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/Index.php?/topic/20381-special-educational-needs-advice/ You might also want to print this sheet out and give it to your mum. It has some good advice about what to do if the school aren't taking your concerns seriously. Although the scenario is slightly different, the steps are the same and you can adapt it to your brother's situation. http://www.ipsea.org.uk/AssetLibrary/How%20we%20can%20help/Taking%20Action/Case03.pdf I hope that helps but do keep asking questions here as there are many people on this forum who have experienced similar situations. K x

It's at the Business Design Centre in Islington on 14 and 15 October (next Friday and Saturday). I think it's aimed mainly at professionals but entrance is free (apart from the seminars which cost £12) and there are a lot of exhibitors so it should be interesting. I'll be there on the IPSEA stand early on Saturday so come and say hello if you're going. More details via the link below: http://www.ipsea.org.uk/news/hot-topics/special-needs-london-.aspx.aspx K x

<'> <'> You've done amazingly well, Tally, in focusing on what you want to do with your life and getting on with it. It's hard enough losing someone close but to lose them in a different country and in such circumstances must make it even more tough. I expect going to the US will not be easy, on the other hand it will give you a chance to say exactly what you feel. I hope the process of bringing this person to justice carries on smoothly and with the right outcome at the end, and I hope it doesn't cause you and your family more disruption than it has to. Do you want to post a link to David's charity here then people can donate if they want to? K x

I'm sure your as well prepared as it's possible to be, Sally. The very best of luck. Go for it! K x

My daughter's school encouraged pupils to find their own placement if possible, but they would allocate local placements to those who weren't able to do this. We couldn't find anywhere appropriate for her to go, so the school assigned her to a local graphic design company as she had expressed a vague interest in this field. However she got more and more anxious as the time approached and we were worried about how she would cope - at the time she wasn't coping too well with school as it was. I can't remember if we expressed our concerns to the school or if they picked up on it themselves, but in the end they allowed her to do her work experience in the school office instead. This was much more manageable for her: in fact she enjoyed it, especially the fact that it wasn't like normal school and there were no other y10's around! I'm not sure what she actually achieved but she enjoyed pottering around on the computer. I hope you resolve this one: do let the teachers know your concerns as early as possible so they are fully aware of what they need to do to support your son. It should be an enjoyable and stimulating experience, so if you can find him something he is really interested in, half the battle will be won, I think! K x

Difficult one, isn't it. I'm usually all for compliance with the Statement: it is, after all, a legal document and not much point in having them if they're not adhered to. I can see why you'd want to insist on this provision if you had to fight to get it in there in the first place! On the other hand you don't want to make a fetish of it. What's the ultimate goal here? Your son isn't going to win Olympic gold, but if he is able to participate in school PE at a level where he's comfortable and accepted by his peers, maybe that is the best outcome? If he does need further intensive work on his physical skills maybe this can be done at a different time so he isn't missing out on group lessons where, as you say, a lot of social stuff is happening as well. Maybe the "wait and see" relaxed approach would be best for the moment if your son is happy. Then raise the issue at the next annual review when you have a clearer idea of how it's going. Have you talked to your son? What does he feel about it? K x

Hi Feather Here are the threads in which I described our experience. It was a while ago. Sorry, they're a bit rant-y, especially the first one. I'm much calmer nowadays!! Actually I stayed calm in my actual dealings with the LA, it was just good to let off steam sometimes! http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/Index.php?/topic/13989-unscrupulous-lying-cheating-devious-lea/page__hl__%2Bcollege+%2Btransport+%2Bpolicy http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/Index.php?/topic/15250-k-vs-lea-the-rematch-begins/page__p__182292__hl__%2Brematch+%2Bbegins__fromsearch__1#entry182292 Not quite the same situation as your son is already getting transport, but hope you find it useful. I think it's becoming harder to challenge transport decisions so even if you do succeed in getting the LA to look at his needs again, you'll have to have strong (preferably independent) evidence that due to his disability he cannot wait for an hour and/or that he cannot share a taxi. K x

Hi Feather, In this age of budget cuts , LA's are going to be looking for ways to make savings and transport to schools and colleges has been one of the casualties. I agree that it's reasonable to expect students to share taxis where the journeys are the same: there is no automatic right to a particular kind of transport. However, it should be appropriate transport, and if you have evidence to show that this is difficult for your son, you should appeal to the LA about this decision. It's an internal process so ask the LA for details on how to lodge a transport appeal. Also get hold of their post 16 transport policy to see if they are following it. If they are not following their own procedures properly you may have a case for an Ombudsman investigation or Judicial Review. You may have a strong case if you can show that they are not taking his needs into account. We have been in a similar situation. Via Judicial Review I challenged my LA's decision to suddenly withdraw college transport from my daughter. Our case was that they had not followed their own policy in not conducting an assessment of her individual transport needs but had instead applied a blanket policy of witholding transport from particular groups of students. We were successful and did not have to take it all the way to court. I'll dig up the threads where I described what happened, if you're interested. Whatever you do, start by getting evidence to show that your son gets stressed whilst waiting around. This could be your own diary of observations and from the college tutors, Connexions worker, or anyone else involved with your son. Many young people might be expected to be able to wait for an hour: you need to show why your son is unable to cope with this. K x

Thanks for the good wishes and sorry I haven't posted an update - the last week has been hectic and I came down with a bit of a flu bug at the beginning of the week as well. She survived Freshers week and the registration process: found it a bit boring as everyone just seems to want to go out clubbing, and it's very daunting when you don't know anyone. But she's signed up for a few societies and has made an effort to go out and meet people. We went to see her yesterday to take her a few things and took her out to lunch. Lectures start this week so she won't have time to be lonely - I hope. It's difficult sitting here wondering if she's coping and eating OK and getting up on time etc.. But apart from that,I miss her lots. K x

Dirty washing doesn't exactly smell like roses, does it, but for the last week or so I have been vaguely thinking that ours smelt a little more rank than it ought to do. I was unable to find the source of the odour until I emptied it completely this morning and found at the bottom... a dead mouse. :sick: Now I'm hoping a really hot wash will be enough to purge the smell of decaying rodent from our clothes. I don't even want to think about how it got in there. We have a cat. K x

Hi and welcome to the forum. Justine has been in a similar situation and given you excellent advice as have others. As it's been said, your son is not excluded at the moment and so you do not need to worry about keeping him indoors during school hours. Technically, what the school is doing now amounts to an illegal exclusion, and could also be a disability discrimination issue. Your son should have been allowed back into school the day after the exclusion ended. The government guidance is very clear on this and specifically states tht children with conditions such as Autism/ADHD should not be kept at home for that reason. You could ask for the attendance record to see how they are recording his absence - particular codes have to be used for each absence category. Part time timetables can be helpful where children need to be grdually integrated into school, but they should be put in place for the educational benefit of the child, not, as often happens, for the convenience of the school. I can see where the school are coming from, (they are probably tearing their hair out trying to make the SEN budget stretch) but if more funding is urgently needed to support your son, they should be talking to the local authority and not relying on you in the meantime to look after him during school hours because they don't have the resources. Your son is entitled to a full time education. This includes lunchtimes as well (to answer your question 3) and asking you to take him home at lunchtime is an illegal exclusion in itself. For a child your son's age, a lot of valuable learning goes on during lunchtime and your son has a right to be there: if he needs extra support to help him, so be it. You could complain to the school about the informal exclusion and copy in the local authority. Obviously you want to maintain good relations with the school so you need to be careful about the tone, but you could state your concern that your son is missing out on his education. If you do agree a part time timetable, it should be time limited and kept under review so that everyone is clear when and how the hours are to be increased and what the school will do to support your son in working towards a full day. It would be wise to get any agreement in writing and to set dates for future meetings. As Justine and Suze say, the exclusions both official and unofficial, are useful evidence for your appeal as they show clearly that the schiool are struggling to support your son with the resources they have. Try and get the school to state in writing that your son cannot attend school at the moment, and to say why he needs to be on a part time timetable. Look at the school and LA SEN policies to see what resources woud normally be available at SA+ If you find the school aren't doing everything they could be, for example, calling on outside behaviour support, ask them to do so. If you can show that the school have used the maximum support available, it will help your case for a statutory assessment. Have a look at IPSEA's support sheet on SEN and informal exclusion: there's a lot of very useful guidance in it for you. http://www.ipsea.org.uk/AssetLibrary/Exclusion%20sheets/ExclusionSupportSheet15.pdf Hope that helps K x