Kathryn

I had forgotten your school as an Academy too Chris. It's good that the SEN provision is working well so far, it will be interested to see what happens as time goes on. K x

Hi Fourthdimension It's good that you feel you can be yourself and not put on a sociable act. However it still sounds as though you're unhappy because you would like people to connect with you. The majority of people feel some degree of social anxiety in unfamiliar situations, even those who are so called "NT". Each person will worry about how they are coming across to others and will probably be looking for reassuring signals that the other person is interested in communicating with them - even just a look a "hi" and a small smile can be enough. If you appear tense or defensive and wait for others to take the initiative this may be interpreted as hostility and a desire to be left alone. They might not want to approach you for fear of being snapped at or ignored - because that's embarrassing. Give it time - these situations are always awkward and everyone feels under scrutiny from a roomful of people they don't know. You may find as you spend time with them that you relax more and find common things you can all talk about. K x

It was worth a try. Don't give up hope, things may change. My daughter hated loud noises and would never go near an airshow until a few years ago. Now she loves them, and it's the noisy ones she loves best - the Vulcan is her favourite!

Hi and welcome. My daughter is about to start uni too. How old is O? K x

Do it anyway. It's a reasonable request and they're usually polite and friendly . You aren't asking if they've got your email, you would be asking if your attendance form is on file. If they confirm that it is, you can stop worrying. K x

Why not just phone SEND tomorrow and ask if they've received it? K x

Hi Gorby, Getting a Statement which names a particular school is the only way to guarantee a place at that school. I'm not sure from your post how far you pursued this process: you may want to take advice and consider whether it's worth trying again and going to appeal if necessary, but that's up to you. Withot a statement as other have said, you are subject to the same admission process as every other child and your son will get no special treatment simply because of his SEN. Check carefully the oversubscription criteria for all the possible schools in your area, as these rules will indicate the likelihood of getting a place. Put down as many schools as your LA allows you to and try to ensure that at least one of those is a school he would easily meet the criteria for. This is usually your nearest community school. If you select popular schools which are some distance away, in a different catchment area or have additional faith based criteria which you can't meet, you run the risk of not getting any of them, and being given the school from hell which nobody wants to send their children to. Having said all that, there is one small ray of hope, some schools have in their criteria a category of "exceptional social and medical need", so check this for each of the schools you are considering. If you could present evidence to qualify your son for this category, he woud be placed higher on the priority list than most other children. Usually stringent evidence is needed to convince an admission authority that a child has an exceptional social/medical need for a particular school and very few children will qualify under this rule. Good luck with it all! K x

Not sure where the confusion arises, BD. I wasn't expressing an opinion on whether a child should be wearing a bracelet at school in this instance - just attempting to address the issue the OP actually wanted opinions on: i.e. whether it is a H&S issue and whether the parent could/should be asked to sign a disclaimer by the school. If it is deemed to be a medical bracelet then presumably the risks are the same as for any other child who wears a bracelet for medical reasons e.g. asthma, and therefore the school should apply the same rules. What's wrong with that? Whether there are medical reasons for needing the bracelet, I'm not qualified to judge, neither can I speak for the integrity of all GP's I'm simply supggesting what any sensible person would do where a medical matter is concerned, i.e. to get professional advice. What's wrong with that? The existance of the school's legal duty of care is not a matter of opinion, but fact (although I'm glad you agree). Signing a disclaimer could lead to legal muddy waters as far as responsibility is concerned, therefore I advised Pinky to check it out before she does it, as anyone would when signing any sort of contract. What's wrong with that? For what it's worth I do agree with what you said in the last paragraph, parents need to be able to trust schools to do their job and one would hope a school would not need a bracelet to remind them that a child has additional need for supervision. Once outside the gates a bracelet isn't really going to be much help anyway - therefore the school need to find a way to stop him opening the gates - and any other 4/5 year old escapologist, for that matter! The best way forward in my opinion is to work with the school to find an acceptable compromise to the current situation and a way to work towards a point where her son has some awareness of risk and is able to communicate his needs to others. These are the things that will increase his safety. K x

Having a "trial run" last year definitely helped: she found the UCAS process very stressful first time around and she was better prepared this time. The university have been extremely good so far and have offered lots of support: whether she takes it up is a different matter but there seems to be a lot of help available. Hope your own course goes well, dekra. Thanks, that's good advice. Ideally she needs to find paid work if she can, as money will be tight, although I realise that's very difficult at the moment so any experience would be good. Thanks all for the good wishes and Mumble for the many practical tips. One week to go now. K x

There are school staff from hell and there are parents from hell, and in the work I do I've seen plenty of examples of both. Rarely is malice intended on either side, but an initial breakdown in communication can easily slide into a situation where both sides become entrenched and defensive. This helps no one, least of all the child. However this is probably a discussion for another thread. Looking at the OP specifically there are a couple of issues here, I think. Is this a medical bracelet or not? If so, it should be treated the same way as any other medic alert bracelet worn within the school: not to do so would be discriminatory. It is surely not for the school to judge whether or not he needs one, if he is wearing it on medical advice, can you get a supporting letter to say he needs to wear it at all times? This might help if the school don't believe he needs one and are regarding it in the same way as they would regard jewellery. Regarding the disclaimer: schools have a legal duty of care to all children during school hours and I'm not sure whether they have the right to opt out of specific aspects of this. Take advice before signing a disclaimer, and be fully aware of the implications if you do so, e.g. if your child's bracelet caused injury to another child, requiring medical treatment would you be liable? Normally school insurance covers accidents on school premises, whoever is responsible, but I don't know if this would change if you signed anything. Your council contact would probably be able to advise. I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask for a risk assessment and to phone up the council for additional information in a situation like this. However the softly softly approach is best, especially at this stage in your son's education and I would advise that you try and keep the lines of communication open so that you and the school can share your concerns honestly and work out something that is acceptable to both sides, after all, you all have your son's well being at heart. K x

So far so good Chris, hope all continues to go well. Selsey, good to hear of an Academy doing things right by a child with SEN. K x

Hi Nombie and welcome to the forum It's do - able, LA's do fund places in independent schools but be prepared for a battle. Your first task is to show that the LA school, and any other maintained secondary school, can't meet his needs. So the more evidence to show that he would have difficulty coping with a large, busy school which is not particularly geared towards ASD, the better. If other professionals, eg an Ed psych, can back you up on this, it will help. Then you have to demonstrate that the independent school is the only school that can meet his needs. This could be tricky as it's not an ASD specific school. That you believe it is the "perfect" school won't be enough if it can be shown that there is adequate provision in the maintained sector. (The LA is not duty bound to provide a "Rolls Royce" education, as one judge memorably put it). To support your case, gather evidence which shows that your son needs what can only be provided in this school: eg small classes, max size 8, and any other support which will be available to him. It may help to show that there is ASD expertise in the school: do any of the teachers have particular qualifications and/or experience? Part 3 of the statement may need to be tweaked so that it describes what the independent school provides and isn't just a general "one size fits all" description of what might be available in any secondary school. So look at the statement carefully to see if any amendments need to be made, to part 2 as well as part 3 as they should fit together. If you have to appeal, it's best to appeal the whole statement. If you can't prove the case above, and it's decided that both schools can meet his needs equally well,the battle usually comes down to the difference in costs and the stumbling block is normally the higher cost of the independent school and whether this amounts to "unreasonable public expenditure". If you can show that "your" school is cheaper overall, including transport, you may be in with a good chance. You should do some research into the exact costs of both schools including what exactly the LA would hve to fund if he went to the maintained school, to show clearly that the cost of the independent school would be less. The LA may try to argue that the maintained school already gets delegated SEN funding and therefore the cost of your son's support would not be extra, but this would not stand up in tribunal. The Tribunal also have to take your wishes into account and can also look at the wider benefits "your" school might give to your son, not just how they will meet his SEN. For example if he had an aptitude for music and the school had particularly good music facilities, this would be one of the additional benefits. hope that helps K x

This is about the right time to post an update to the above. L eventually got 5 offers out of 5 - which is absolutely amazing, especially as she had completely given up on York where she had a gruelling and stressful interview. It has boosted her self confidence so much. So she had the luxury of being able to reject 4 good universities (including York!) before going for her first choice. (Pm me if you want to know what it is). She managed to complete the Access course and meet the requirements despite little tutor support and the college's incompetence, but I don't think she really believed she was actally going until she saw "unconditional offer" pop up on her UCAS account. She will be doing English literature and language on a course which normally requires three A's at A level. I'm very proud of her. She's done this all on her own mostly and with minimal help from the system - all school ever did was hinder her desire and ability to learn. So academically she'll be fine: I just hope she can hold it together emotionally and socially during the next 3 years. Thanks- yet again- to friends old and new and some who aren't even here any more (I hope you're reading this) for all the support over the years right from when I first joined the forum in a very different desperate situation. It has kept me going. 25th September is the day we deposit her in her flat with all her stuff - life will be a bit hectic over the next week! K x

This kind of thing happens in the best of workplaces unfortunately and it only takes one person to turn the whole atmosphere sour. Ignoring it, if you can, is a good strategy but do get some help from management if it all gets too much and doesn't blow over soon. K x

A tough situation to be in and I'm not sure I would have coped with it as well as you seem to have done. As Suze says, you appear to have tried all the obvious solutions: give yourself credit that some things have improved a bit, but there is obviously a long way to go and there is a limit to what you can cope with. I don't think it would do too much harm to lose your temper, I think it's important for your son to see the natural consequence of his behaviour and how difficult it is for you. If your son really has no control over this behaviour and consequences aren't working, as Suze says, this may be the time to seek further help through referral to Camhs or another professional such as a clinical psychologist. It's important that your son gets help and you get the help to support him before your morale and your own health suffer. K x

I agree with you Tally. People say shocking and hurtful things on the internet because they can do so so anonymously and without fear of consequence. It's the cyber equivalent of scrawling on the toilet wall. This case shows that people can be brought to account, but if every internet troll is to be jailed for their actions the prisons will soon be full to overflowing. It's also giving this sad individual a chance to learn how to become a real criminal - a real danger if he has no moral code and a need to be accepted. It's a shame that once again, AS has been dragged into this as a potential excuse and I hope this plea was not taken seriously. It does all the other law abiding individuals with AS no favours at all, and as a reason for this behaviour it just doesn't stand scrutiny. People do things like this precisely because of the maximum shock value and the pleasure they get out of imagining people's reactions. This man's attacks were creative, personalised and carefully executed. He may be working out some anger and feelings of powerlessness and that may well stem from issues arising from AS but it was not AS which made him do this. Besides, he had been cautioned for a similar offence two years ago so was presumably fully aware that this was wrong. I agree with the parent quoted in the article that social networking sites need to take some responsibility. Open and unregulated access makes this kind of attack a constant danger. Measures such as restricted access and premoderation help to guard against it and it's a shame that the owners of Facebook and YouTube are not also held to account when something like this happens. I think teenagers in particular need to be constantly educated about the internet - it is not a private space unless you make it so, and not everybody who lurks on it is your "friend" but people unthinkingly treat it as such. A certain amount of distrust is always a sensible idea. Just as you wouldn't leave your front door unlocked when you go out, you shouldn't leave yourself open to attack by putting sensitive information where everyone can see it. So I think people who set up these "memorial" pages or sites where anyone can post, must take some responsibility too. K x

Hi Jo I think you were here from the forum's first beginnings - long before I joined! Welcome back to an old "Krismite" <'> You were one of the people who gave me lots of support and advice when I first came on the forum needing lots of help. Good to hear your son is doing OK, and hope you negotiate the next phase smoothly - lots of challenges ahead, no doubt. Time goes fast doesn't it - my daughter is off to uni next week. K x

Hi Kate, Welcome to the forum. You're right that NVLD is little known in the UK, it's much more of an American label with little pockets of awareness in other countries, eg. Holland. When she was 11 my daughter was privately assessed by an Educational psychologist who noticed issues with non verbal tasks and communication, but didn't mention Aspergers or the Autistic spectrum at all, so this didn't occur to us as a possible diagnosis. Instead over the next few years we researched and acquired a lot of information about NVLD and were amazed to se how clearly she appeared to fit that profile - it seemed the perfect explanation for all the issues she had had over the years. We printed off and gave her form tutor lots of information on NVLD and my daughter herself enthusiastically embraced the label herself at first. However we found that this little known label was not helpful when it came to getting extra support. It was only when she she got the diagnosis of AS at 15 that the lights of recognition went on and everyone, i.e. health and education professionals, knew what they were dealing with. From what I remember of my reading (and correct me if I'm wrong) people with NVLD have all the communication, sensory and organisational difficulties you would expect in someone with AS, however they are apparently seen as too socially oriented and able to qualify for a diagnosis of AS. At first I agreed with this, because of my limited understanding of Asgerger Syndrome and ASD - and my reluctance to believe she had anything associated with autism (she wasn't like the couple of autistic children I had met!) Now I believe NVLD is just a different facet of AS, perhaps at the highest of the "high functioning" end of the spectrum and not a separate condition at all. Those are my thoughts, for what they're worth. To answer your question above, although private diagnoses are helpful (my daughter had 2 independent ed psych assessments) an NHS diagnosis is usually necessary as well if you want any help from the health and/or education sysytem, now or in the future. Unfortunately there still lurks a certain amount of (usually unjustified) prejudice around privately commissioned reports which stems from the belief that people will say anything if you pay them to, so an NHS dx can carry more weight in certain situations e.g. when applying for an SEN statement. I would be inclined to mention the private report on Friday although the consultant may not endorse the NVLD label and will want to do their own assessment, s/he will hopefully take on board what has been said about your son's difficulties by the previous consultant and of course yourself before deciding which, if any, label fits your son. K x

Hope the appointment goes OK: let us know what happens. K x

Hi Kerrie, welcome to the forum. K x

The moderating team have received the request below. Please contact Philip directly if you are interested. I am a producer for Channel 4 News and am working on a report which is examining the use of antipsychotics in children and young people including those with autism spectrum disorder. I'm interested in understanding as wide a range of views as possible on the use of antipsychotic treatment in such cases and I would like people directly affected by these issues to get in touch with me. With thanks, Philip 07783-712-227

Hi Jade Is this forthcoming assessment the official medical assessment for the Statutory Assessment? If so, it's really just an overview of his health. It may be that the LA medical officer just goes through a list of questions related to your son's health and medical history. That's what happened at my daughter's medical assessment anyway. She would not take any part in it and I had to answer all the questions so I don't know if it's normal to involve the child more directly. K x

Sorry that your cat has died. I remember feeling really upset too when my own cat died about three years ago. You'll always miss her but in time it won't hurt so much as it does now. I hope telling us about it has helped a little bit. K x

Good luck - and enjoy it! K x

<'> >< She sounds like the complete opposite of what a friend should be - have nothing more to do with her. Hope you feel better soon. K x