Tally

This is a difficult one. It's nice you've made 2 more friends, but I can understand why this is also difficult to cope with. A group of 2 is much easier to deal with than a group of 4. I don't know any solutions I'm afraid, I think I would have exactly the same difficulty. Since your tutors have expressed concern about you, maybe you could explain the situation and see if they can suggest anything.

You might be needed for last-minute organising, but people can get hold of you by mobile if need be. Trouble is that Autscape have a habit of picking venues with poor mobile phone signal. But you could still seek out a spot and check for messages from time to time. If you're fretting about the wedding it might spoil your enjoyment of Autscape. On the other hand, Autscape might keep you busy and keep your mind off your nerves. It's in East Anglia, so it might be reasonable for you to travel there for just 1-2 days maybe. I'd love to see you again, but I think you have a very good excuse if you decide against it!

Autscape have asked me to let you know about a scheme that is offering discounts on fees for this year's event. Autscape 2012 is Monday 23rd July to Thursday 26th July in Ditchingham, East Anglia. You can find out more about Autscape here: http://www.autscape.org/ You can view the fees here: http://www.autscape.org/registration Note that Autscape already offers a £20 discount to people on a low income, but if this is still too expensive for you, then the discount scheme might be able to help you out. You can apply up until 15th April, and should hear by 30th April so that you have time to book transport. You can only apply for a discount if you haven't already booked for Autscape. This scheme is completely separate from Autscape, and Autscape won't be able to answer any questions about it. You can read more about the discount scheme here, and there is also a link to the application form: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/68319144/flyer.pdf

Yes, I do think there are varying degrees, and also people who have different difficulties more severely than others. Asperger's is called a syndrome, which means it is a collection of symptoms or traits. Someone might have some of the traits, but they don't get a diagnosis unless they have enough of the traits in enough severity to meet the diagnostic criteria. But within people who do meet the criteria, you will get a range of people who have just enough traits, just strong enough to meet the diagnostic criteria, and other people who have lots of traits very severely. And you also get a lot of variety with people having some traits very severely, and others having them only mildly. When I first started reading about Asperger's, I didn't think I could have it because some of it didn't relate to me at all. But I definitely have it, I have a piece of paper that says so, I just don't have every symptom in the book. When I first started meeting other people with Asperger's, I thought I must be really high-functioning because many were not able to work and I do have a job. But then I got to know some people better and found that some of the people who can't hold down jobs have really active social lives and are able to do things like make a complaint in a shop. I realised I wasn't more high-functioning, I just had different abilities and was lower-functioning in some areas than some of the people who couldn't get jobs. Having a job seems to be some kind of benchmark that gets you judged as not really having much of a problem, and people assume that if you are able to get a job then you must live a normal life, even if you claim you can't. Seeing other people with Asperger's doing things I can't has helped me to acknowledge that my difficulties are genuine and disabling, even if other people fail to recognise that at times.

Many businesses use the word "client" without being confused with prostitutes, I don't think this is the reason the NHS has stopped using it. It's probably more to do with people thinking that customers have rights, whereas service users are not paying customers and theNHS would like us to be grateful for whatever we get.

That's very high praise indeed, Kathryn. I have heard a rumour that daughters tend not to volunteer this kind of information, so I reckon that if your daughter did, it's got to be true.

Really pleased you have some answers shas It's really good to have proof of why you are the way you are, but do prepare yourself for some mixed emotions when you get to see the full report. Mine highlighted issues I wasn't aware of, which did make me feel a bit upset as well as pleased to have answers. But the positives will win out in the end and you will end up just feeling pleased to have it confirmed.

I gave her the flowers and she liked them. We went to see my aunt and uncle for the day, and when we got back several of David's friends had left flowers too. Separately, it seems, as they were all in different places, some by the back door and some by the front door. That was really nice of them, and we all had a little cry over it.

Glad you had a nice time and Glen was so relaxed and happy.

Hi Liz, I definitely think your son should apply for ESA. He shouldn't be pressured to keep applying for jobs if it's causing him so much stress, and if he's very restricted to what kind of job he could manage (to the point where he can't find anything suitable) then his disability really does make him incapable of working for the moment. I agree with the suggestion to see the CAB, they should help yoru son make a strong application for ESA.

Good news that you will be able to move. Good luck with it all! Do you have anyone who can help you budget?

When you know you have social difficulties, it's easy to fall into the trap of assuming that everything that goes wrong is your own fault. This woman sounds very odd. It's extremely unusual for a woman to discuss her menstrual cycle early on in a friendship, and to use it as an excuse for lateness simply does not make sense. I don't think you are the one causing the problem here, and she seems to be the one reacting and starting rows in public. I would just remain cool with her, you don't need to explain yourself to her, and just try to keep calm in public - let her blow up if shd wants, her behaviour is not your problem. I'm sorry this friendship has not worked out. That's always upsetting because you get your hopes up and that only makes it more of a disappointment. But holding your head up and not blowing up in public is the best way to show people you're not the unreasonable one and give you the best chance of making somd new friends.

I don't think I'd ever request to see my notes as it would be too upsetting. They are allowed to deny you access to medical records if they believe it would be harmful for you to see them, which I expect would be the response if I made such a request. I didn't actually request to see any notes, I asked my GP to write a letter addressed to the DSA people to confirm my diagnoses of depression, anxiety and ME. He chose to give me these records instead and allow me to see them. But maybe my records aren't as bad as what I think anyway, since what I was told verbally is very different to what has been recorded on paper. Either way, I'm not going to chance it!

There are some great mums here on the forum, and you all deserve to be treated like queens tomorrow, but I have to say that mine is even better than any of you! I got very lucky to get a mum like mine and I don't deserve her at all. She has dreams all the time that make her sad, but she still gets up in the morning and goes to work. She phones me and makes sure I am OK, and talks to me when I am not, until I am. She cycled 400km across the mountains of Sri Lanka with a bunch of 20-year-olds and kept up with them. In a couple of weeks' time she will be cycling the Coast-to-Coast with David's girlfriend and her uni friends. She won't have any trouble keeping up with them either. In April she will be cheering on some of David's friends in the Paris marathon (OK, so she's not actually running herself, but that's not the point). She's got us all looking forward to celebrating my cousin's wedding next Friday, and has been very supportive of my cousin's wedding plans while my cousin's own mother has turned into a bit of a jibbering wreck. She is always thinking of other people. She does more for me than I can ever do for her in return, and never makes me feel bad about it. She never complains that she doesn't deserve this. She just accepts that things are how they are, and carries on, and shows us all how to make the best of what's left. Because of her, I know that I'm going to be OK in the end. Last year for mothers day, David and I took her to Richmond Park and we had a walk and a picnic, and David climbed a tree, as usual. It was pouring with rain, but we pulled up some logs under a tree and ate our picnic in our raincoats. Afterwards we drove around the perimeter of the park and saw some deer, and David told me about his medical dictionary having some funny jokes in, and he told me one of them, only it turned out he'd misunderstood it and it wasn't a joke at all, and that was an even better joke! I wish I could remember what it was about now. I have no clue what to do for the best this year. I've got her some flowers and I've made a card, but I don't know what to write in it that won't make her burst into tears. Whatever I write, it won't take away from the fact that she deserves to get cards from both her children this year.

Do you know what you are feeling insecure about? If you can work that out, you may be able to seek reassurance. It's never that simple though, and many of us have a lot of difficulty telling what our feelings are. Other than that, the tip to try exercise is a very good one for a general mood-booster.

That's a relief for you, well done

Someone who actually has OCD cannot just pull themselves together like that. It's not a helpful stereotype to perpetuate, and if you had real OCD then it wouldn't just go away because you decided to stop being anxious. OCD is defined as an illness, not a bad decision, so it's not as simple as changing your mind and it goes away overnight. This is the best explanation I can give.

I am utterly speechless. I don't even know what to say.

That sounds like a really nice weekend. I hope Glen is relaxed and enjoys his time with you.

I just think you're going to turn a lot of people off your message by pressuring them to attain greatness when a lot of us are having difficulty just getting by. It's not wrong to encourage and motivate people, and help them think more positively. I just think that the way you are going about it is a bit grandiose and is likely to have the opposite effect. I just thought, "I can't ever achieve any of this, so what's the point in trying?" I do not have photographic memory. I think I would have realised if I did. This is not low self-esteem speaking, you are just plain wrong about this. It sounds like you've overcome a lot to get where you are now. But it also sounds like you've managed this despite your Asperger's, rather than because of it. Getting a job in a bar, given your difficulties, is impressive. But if Asperger's gives us the special advantage you say it does, this is not a good example. I never thought I could cope with university, but now I have a place to start in September. I'm proud of that, even if you don't think it's enough.

I just feel like I've spent a lot of effort trying to explain how bad things are, and just get told I'm wrong about my own experiences. It's nice to know that I was listened to and my difficulties acknowledged in at least this case, even if I didn't realise it at the time. And I just thought it was interesting that he picked up on the Asperger's even though he's not in this field. But maybe he has some personal experience.

A-S warrior, I think that your message is going to get lost in the way it's coming across. It feels like you're saying I am living my life wrong and should be as successful as Michael Jackson. Which I don't think is true. And it just turns me off listening to the rest of what you have to say. I don't have the remarkable abilities you say I should have, so it's difficult to know how I am supposed to achieve greatness like you think I should be doing. What remarkable feats have you achieved and how did your Asperger's help you do it?

I've just picked up some copies of medical notes that my GP gave me to support my application for Disabled Students Allowance. I've been in and out of the mental health system for all of my adult life and for most of that I've felt totally unlistened to and blamed for creating all my problems. When I first discussed the possibility of Asperger's with my counsellor I was advised that I was just making up excuses not to work on my recovery by blaming all my problems on an incurable condition. More recently, since getting a formal diagnosis, a counsellor told me he did not think I had Asperger's, and that the reason for my many social difficulties was because strangers could pick up on my vulnerability and exploit that to make me feel bad. (Talk about paranoid-making!) When I started complaining of feeling tired all the time I was told I was just lazy, needed to do more exercise, and was sleeping to avoid facing my problems. And by several people, not just one person. I was advised that researching how Asperger's affects me was detrimental to my mental health, and after the psychiatrist suggested CFS, not to research that either. So I went on believing I was just lazy when I could have spent time learning how to manage my life better instead of carrying on making myself worse by trying to do so much. A couple of years ago I saw the consultant in charge of the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome team at the hospital. I came out of the appointment feeling totally unlistened to, I felt like he had disregarded the severity of my illness (which I feel is minor, but most definitely present), and I thought he blamed my illness on low self-esteem. The write-up of this appointment is one of the letters my GP has given me. In it the consultant states that I have "moderate" CFS, "significantly disabling fatigue," and he also notes that elements of Asperger Syndrome were present during the appointment which should be investigated further by a suitably qualified professional. This was never followed up with me, but perhaps my GP did look into it and realise I already had a diagnosis of AS. He also suggests I research as much as possible about CFS so I can manage the illness better. It was interesting to read that my CFS was most definitely not down-played by this consultant, even though I felt it had been, and that my Asperger's was apparent to someone not an expert in the field, when those who should have spotted it denied it so vehemently. I obviously got totally the wrong end of the stick about what this particular doctor was telling me. What if I am misinterpreting everyone else in a similar way? But counsellors especially should be good at communicating clearly, so it doesn't seem likely. Anyway, I do feel rather vindicated by reading this.

I hope you have a good weekend. What do you have planned?

Looks amazing